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Whatever 9.23

Your daily dose of WHATEVER!

 

The Emmys:  Tina Fey Had a Nip-Slip and Kerry Washington Did Not Make African-American History 

One of the most noteworthy moments at last night’s Emmys was a TINA FEY NIP SLIP.  Also, MICHAEL DOUGLAS thanked CATHERINE ZETA-JONES even though they’re separated . . . and KERRY WASHINGTON did NOT become the first African-American to win Best Actress in a Drama series.

MICHAEL DOUGLAS won Best Actor in a TV Miniseries or Movie for the LIBERACE movie “Behind the Candelabra”.  His acceptance speech included some GAY INNUENDO aimed at his onscreen lover MATT DAMON, who was in the audience.

MERRITT WEVER from “Nurse Jackie” won Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy and gave the following speech . . . quote, “Thanks so much.  Thank you so much.  I gotta go.  Bye.”  And then she just walked offstage.

Here are all the Emmy winners you care about . . .

 

 

Best Drama Series:  “Breaking Bad”  (AMC)

 

Best Comedy Series:  “Modern Family”  (ABC)

 

Best Actor (Drama Series):  Jeff Daniels,  “The Newsroom”  (HBO)

 

Best Actress (Drama Series):  Claire Danes,  “Homeland”  (Showtime)

 

Best Supporting Actor (Drama Series):  Bobby Cannavale,  “Boardwalk Empire”  (HBO)

 

Best Supporting Actress (Drama Series):  Anna Gunn, “Breaking Bad”  (AMC)

 

Best Actor (Comedy Series):  Jim Parsons,  “The Big Bang Theory”  (CBS)

 

Best Actress (Comedy Series):  Julia Louis-Dreyfus,  “Veep”  (HBO)

 

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy Series):  Tony Hale,  “Veep” (HBO)

 

Best Supporting Actress  (Comedy Series):  Merritt Wever,  “Nurse Jackie”  (Showtime)

 

Best Miniseries or Movie:  HBO’s “Behind the Candelabra” . . . and Michael Douglas won Best Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie for his role as Liberace.

 

Best Reality-Competition Program:  “The Voice”  (NBC)

 

Best Variety Series:  “The Colbert Report”  (Comedy Central)

Mick Jagger is Going to Be Great-Grandfather 

The next time you see MICK JAGGER rocking out on stage, remember this:  He’s about to become a GREAT-GRANDFATHER.

 

 

Mick is 70 years old, and he has a 21-year-old granddaughter named Assisi Jackson, who is now pregnant.  Assisi’s mother is 41-year-old Jade Jagger, the daughter of Mick and his first wife Bianca.

Miley Cyrus Wore a See-Through Mini-Dress and Pasties at the iHeart Radio Music Festival 

During a performance at a music festival this weekend, MILEY CYRUS wore almost nothing, slapped a little person’s butt, twerked, sang into a banana microphone and cried while singing “Wrecking Ball”.  You know, the usual.

Jon Gosselin Pulled a Gun on a Photographer and Fired a Warning Shot . . . But They Were on His Property, So It Was Probably Legal 

JON GOSSELIN pulled a gun and fired a warning shot when a female photographer followed him to his cabin in the woods in rural Pennsylvania.  Since she was trespassing, it was probably legal . . . which is why the woman didn’t pursue charges.  Jon says, quote, “The message that I take my family’s privacy seriously was sent loud and clear.  I trust that she will respect that in the future.”

Oprah Winfrey Had a Nervous Breakdown Over Her OWN Network 

OPRAH WINFREY is admitting that she had a nervous breakdown last year, over her struggling network OWN.  She says, quote, “I wasn’t ready to go run naked in the streets.  Let’s make that very clear.  But I had reached a point where I just couldn’t take in anymore stimulation.  Ok?  That’s what I meant by that.”

Hugh Jackman’s “Prisoners” Topped the Box Office

 

 

The HUGH JACKMAN movie “Prisoners” easily topped the box office this weekend with $21.4 million . . . while the CHRIS BROWN break-dancing movie “Battle of the Year” made $5 million in 5th place.

 

 

And the IMAX 3D version of “The Wizard of Oz” had a strong showing in limited release, earning $3 million despite only being shown on about 300 screens.  Here are this week’s Top 10 movies:

 

 

1.  (NEW)  “Prisoners”, $21.4 million. 

 

2.  “Insidious Chapter 2″, $14.5 million.  Up to $60.9 million in its 2nd week.

 

3.  “The Family”, $7 million.  Up to $25.6 million in its 2nd week.

 

4.  “Instructions Not Included”, $5.7 million.  Up to $34.3 million in its 4th week.

 

5.  (NEW)  “Battle of the Year”, $5 million.

 

6.  “We’re the Millers”, $4.7 million.  Up to $138 million in its 7th week. 

 

7.  “Lee Daniels’ The Butler”, $4.3 million.  Up to $106 million in its 6th week.  

 

8.  “Riddick”, $3.7 million.  Up to $37.2 million in its 3rd week.

 

9.  (NEW)  “The Wizard of Oz in IMAX 3D”, $3 million.

 

10.  “Planes”, $2.9 million.  Up to $86.5 million in its 7th week.

 

Monday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Monday Night Football” . . . 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on ESPN.  The Denver Broncos host the Oakland Raiders at Sports Authority Field in Colorado.

 

 

“The Voice” [5th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.  Cee-Lo and Christina Aguilera return to coach alongside Adam Levine and Blake Shelton.

 

 

“How I Met Your Mother” [9th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

 

 

“2 Broke Girls” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on CBS.

 

 

“Mom” [Series Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.  Anna Faris plays a newly sober single mom who reconnects with her absentee mother, played by “West Wing” Amazon Allison Janney.

 

 

“Black Ink Crew” [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on VH1.

 

 

“Castle” [6th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.

“Hostages” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS.  Toni Collette stars as a thoracic surgeon whose family is taken hostage by a rogue FBI agent . . . played by Dylan McDermott . . . who wants her to kill the president during surgery.

 

 

“The Blacklist” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.  James Spader plays a criminal on the FBI’s Most Wanted list, who turns himself in and blackmails them into assigning a female FBI profiler to help him stop terrorists.

 

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Wendi McLendon-Covey (“The Goldbergs”) and Ellen Pompeo (“Grey’s Anatomy”).

 

 

“Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on FXX.  Jeffrey Wright (“The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete”) guests.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show”James Spader (“The Blacklist”), the cast of “Days of Our Lives”, plus Emmy winners and fashion.  Music Guest:  Cher.

 

“Good Morning America”Wendi McLendon-Covey (“The Goldbergs”), Suzanne Somers for her book “I’m Too Young for This!: The Natural Hormone Solution to Enjoy Perimenopause”, plus Emmy highlights.

 

“CBS This Morning”Toni Collette (CBS’ “Hostages”) and “Entertainment Tonight” minx Nancy O’Dell.

 

 

 

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Scarlett Johansson (“Don Jon”) and James Spader (“The Blacklist”).

 

“The View”Ellen Pompeo (“Grey’s Anatomy”) and Wendi McLendon-Covey (“The Goldbergs”).  Music Guest:  Jodi Benson.  Harry Connick Jr. co-hosts.

 

“Rachael Ray”Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle (E!’s Married to Jonas).  Music Guest:  Five for Fighting.  Comedian Bill Bellamy co-hosts.

 

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Jim Carrey for his children’s book “How Roland Rolls”, viral video star Christina Bianco, and Ellie Kemper guest DJ’s.  Music Guest:  Nick Cannon.

 

“The Talk”Anna Faris and Allison Janney (for their CBS sitcom “Mom”), plus pastry chef Gesine Bullock-Prado.

 

“Katie Couric”“Law & Order: SVU” star Mariska Hargitay and her husband, Peter Hermann, who you may remember as attorney Trevor Langan on the show.

 

“Steve Harvey”Steve’s First-Ever All-Female Town Hall Sounds Off On His 90-Day Rule With A Pledge To Wait 90 Days!”.

 

“Dr. Phil”Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys, pimping his book “Facing the Music and Living To Talk About It”.

 

“Dr. Oz Show” – Comedienne Loni Love . . . plus three seemingly small pains that should never be ignored.

 

“Wendy Williams”Zachary Levi (Broadway’s “First Date”) and Carson Kressley with an Emmy fashion review.

 

“Bethenny”Lance Bass; Rich Wakile (“Real Housewives of New Jersey”), and comedian Sherrod Small.

 

“Queen Latifah Show”Dr. Phil.  Music Guest:  Thompson Square.

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Bill Clinton.  Music Guest:  Tired Pony.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Patrick Dempsey (“Grey’s Anatomy”).  Music Guest:  Paul McCartney.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Paula Patton (“Baggage Claim”) and Justin Timberlake (“Runner Runner”).  Music Guest:  Justin Timberlake.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Ricky Gervais (“Derek”) and Michael Shannon (“Boardwalk Empire”).  Music Guest:  MGMT.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Carson Daly”Hannah Simone (“New Girl”) and comedian Kurt Braunohler.  Music Guest:  Local Natives.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Arsenio”Nick Cannon (“America’s Got Talent”) and Steven Van Zandt (“Lilyhammer”).  Music Guest:  2 Chainz.

 

 

“Conan”The cast of “Breaking Bad”.  Music Guest:  Los Cuates de Sinaloa.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Taylor Schilling (“Orange Is the New Black”) and Jesse Tyler Ferguson (“Modern Family”).

 

 

“Chelsea Lately” – Music Guest:  Drake.

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Jake Gyllenhaal (“Prisoners”).  (REPEAT)

 

 

“The Colbert Report”U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan.  (REPEAT)

A Mom Catches Her Daughter and Friends Lying to Hang Out With Older Guys . . . So She’s Selling Their One Direction Concert Tickets on eBay

:  In Australia, a mother caught her teenage daughter and friends lying about sleepovers so they could hang out with older guys.  So the mom is punishing them by selling their ONE DIRECTION concert tickets on eBay.  Unfortunately, once the story got out, people started making ridiculous bids on the tickets, so the auction has been temporarily pulled down.

.  (Gawker) 

Walmart Is Selling a “Naughty Leopard” Costume . . . for Toddlers

Apparently, Walmart is selling a costume for toddler girls called the NAUGHTY LEOPARD.  At least that’s what it says on the packaging.  There’s nothing remotely inappropriate about the costume, and yeah, “naughty” can mean disobedient, but still.  Walmart hasn’t commented on the costume, but on their website they just call it the “Leopard Child Halloween Costume.”

(Consumerist) 

A 10-Year-Old Girl Is Shot in the Buttocks By a Stray Bullet . . . And Her Family Doesn’t Call 911 Because They Think It’s Her First Period

:  Early Thursday, a 10-year-old girl in California was asleep when a STRAY BULLET from a shootout went through her wall and hit her in the buttocks.  She woke up bleeding and in pain, but when her parents saw it, they thought she’d started her first period.  They didn’t figure out she’d been shot for another FIVE HOURS.  She was hospitalized and treated.

(CBS 13 – Sacramento)

 

Athletes and Hipsters Are Most Likely to Have Beards

A new survey has found the two groups of men who are most likely to have beards are . . . pro athletes and hipsters.  Over 80% of both of those groups have had a beard or stubble in the past year.  Business executives and professional writers are least likely to have beards.  Overall, 56% of men are regularly clean shaven and 44% have stubble or a beard.

(Daily Mail)

You Can Unlock Your New iPhone With Your Toe . . . or Your Nipple

 

You can unlock your new iPhone 5S using your fingerprint.  But people have been testing what OTHER body parts you can use to unlock your phone . . . and, so far, we’ve seen proof you can unlock your phone with your TOE or your NIPPLE.  It’s not practical, but it’s doable.

(Kotaku)

A Man Hires 80 Homeless People to Wait in the iPhone Line for Him . . . But They Turn on Him When Things Go Wrong

Last week, a guy in California hired 80 HOMELESS PEOPLE to stand in line for him outside an Apple Store to buy iPhones.  He promised $40 each.  But the store caught on, and stopped selling the homeless people phones.  So the guy told the homeless people he wouldn’t pay after all . . . and they TURNED on him, and the cops had to escort him to safety.

(Los Angeles Times)

Two Armed Men Rob a Bunch of People Waiting in Line Overnight to Buy iPhones

On Thursday night, about 10 people were lined up outside an AT&T store in Houston to get new iPhones when it opened.  Around 5:00 A.M., two ARMED ROBBERS took advantage of the situation by robbing everyone in line at gunpoint.  Police are still trying to track down the robbers.

 

(CBS 11 – Houston)

A Couple Was Arrested After Stealing a Copy of “Grand Theft Auto” From a Mentally Handicapped Man

Last week, after “Grand Theft Auto Five” came out, a couple in Florida went to a GameStop to try to STEAL a copy from someone.  And they ended up stealing it from a 21-year-old mentally handicapped man who’d been saving up to buy a copy.  Police used surveillance footage to track them down and arrest them.

(The Smoking Gun)

Shyla Stylez – 31  (Blonde mattress actress who’s starred in 373 fine films, including “Accidental Hooker”, “Booby Patrol”, and “Black Where You Belong”.)

 

 

Anthony Mackie – 34  (Papa Doc in “8 Mile”, Tupac in “Notorious”, Sergeant Sanborn in “The Hurt Locker”, and Abe Lincoln’s sidekick in “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”.)

 

 

Jermaine Dupri – 41  (Young urban mogul AND the man who discovered Kris Kross.  He used to nail Janet Jackson any time he wanted to . . . but he let that slip away.)

 

 

Ani Difranco – 43  (Talented, yet un-showered, minx.)

 

 

Sydnee Steele – 45  (Mattress actress who has starred in 341 fine films, including . . . “Midsummer Night’s Cream”, “Once You Go Black”, “Nymphomercials”, “Spankenstein” and “Snatch Adams”.)

 

 

LisaRaye – 47  (Gorgeous star of “All of Us”, the TV series produced by Will Smith.  Now she’s starring in “Single Ladies”, produced by Queen Latifah.)

 

 

Chi McBride – 52  (Nubian chubby who played Principal Harper on “Boston Public” . . . AND the “wise” dishwasher in “Waiting”.  He was most recently on “Human Target”.)

 

 

Jason Alexander – 54  (George Costanza on “Seinfeld” and he WAS “Bob Patterson”.)

Bruce Springsteen – 64

 

 

Julio Iglesias – 70  (Master Spanish Swordsman and Enrique Iglesias’s father.)

 

 

Mickey Rooney – 93  (Your kids probably only know him as one of the retiring guards in “Night at the Museum”, the trainer in “The Black Stallion”, or the voice of Santa in “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” and “The Year Without a Santa Claus”.)

 

 

RAY CHARLES – Would have been 83  (1930 – 2004)  (“THE GENIUS”)  (Only the creator of soul music.  He died of liver failure.)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

“The Voice” returns tonight

• 1 day to “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

• 4 days to Native American Day

• 23 days until Boss’s Day

• 38 days until Halloween

• 1,215 days left of “Hope and Change”

371 years ago . . . in 1642 – HARVARD held its first commencement ceremony.

 

 

234 years ago . . . in 1779 – The American warship, “Bonhomme Richard”, commanded by JOHN PAUL JONES, defeated the “HMS Serapis” during the Revolutionary War.  During the battle Jones said his famous quote:  “I have NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT!” 

 

 

(He later learned how to play bass guitar and joined a band called Led Zeppelin.)

 

 

134 years ago . . . in 1879 – Richard Rhodes of River Park, Illinois, patented THE FIRST HEARING AID.  The device looked like a fan, and it was held against the TEETH.

 

 

105 years ago . . . in 1908 – The term “BONEHEAD” was first used . . . to describe New York Giants baseball player Fred Merkle, who failed to touch first base after his teammate scored the game-winning run on his hit.  The slip-up cost the Giants the pennant and became known as “Merkle’s Boner.”

 

 

75 years ago . . . in 1938 – A TIME CAPSULE, TO BE OPENED IN THE YEAR 6939, was buried on the grounds of the World’s Fair in New York City!

 

 

44 years ago . . . in 1969 – “The London Daily Mirror” started the “PAUL MCCARTNEY IS DEAD” rumor.  DON’T TAKE DRUGS! 

21 years ago . . . in 1992 – MANON RHEAUME became the first woman to play in a major professional team sport.  As goalie for the TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING, she gave up 2 goals in 20 minutes, and Tampa Bay lost to St. Louis 6-4 in an NHL exhibition game.

 

19 years ago . . . in 1994 – “The Shawshank Redemption” was released.  You now see it on TNT nightly.

 

 

16 years ago . . . in 1997 – The Senate Finance Committee opened hearings into reports of alleged ABUSES BY THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE!

 

 

2 years ago . . . in 2011 - The final episode of “ALL MY CHILDREN” aired on ABC.  The soap opera was on the air for 41 years.

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