Your daily dose of WHATEVER!
Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones Have Separated
MICHAEL DOUGLAS and CATHERINE ZETA-JONES are separated. Their rep says they’re, quote, “taking some time apart to evaluate and work on their marriage.” They’ve been married 13 years, and have a 13-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter.
Katie Holmes . . . Is Jamie Foxx Hittin’ That?
JAMIE FOXX and KATIE HOLMES were seen getting cozy at a benefit in New York over the weekend, leading to speculation that they’re DOING IT. One source says they’re just old friends, but another claims they’ve been seeing each other for a few months.
Is Ryan Gosling Having Trouble Satisfying Eva Mendes’ “Insatiable Sexual Appetite”?
The not-always-reliable “Star” tabloid claims that Ryan is having trouble keeping up with his girlfriend EVA MENDES and her, quote, “insatiable sexual appetite.” A source says, quote, “Eva wants Ryan all the time. But he works day and night, so he’s always tired. He can’t keep up with her.” And, of course, this is putting a strain on the relationship.
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
JOHN STAMOS celebrated his 50th birthday with some “Full House” co-stars . . . including ASHLEY OLSEN. (Check out some pics.)
For absolutely no reason, here’s a picture of BILL MURRAY being a regular guy and lighting another man’s cigarette on the set of a movie.
. KATE UPTON got a golf lesson from legendary iced tea pitchman ARNOLD PALMER. (Here’s a photo.)
And now . . . DANIEL CRAIG give the paparazzi the finger. (Here’s a pic.)
Justin Bieber Was Pulled Over for Running a Stop Sign and Ticketed for Not Having a Valid License
JUSTIN BIEBER was pulled over yesterday for running a stop sign . . . and ended up being ticketed for not having a valid California driver’s license.
The incident occurred near Justin’s home in Calabasas. Justin had to let his passenger drive the rest of the way home.
Did Charlie Sheen Fly to Alaska to Find a Shape-Shifting “Otter Man”?
CHARLIE SHEEN claims he went to Alaska to search for a creature called the Kushtaka. He describes it like this . . . quote, “It’s a shape-shifting trickster who is half man, half otter. It lures one away from the campsite with the mimicked sounds of a crying baby, then kills you, takes on YOUR form, and returns to the scene for more suckers or prey.” He didn’t find it.
Matt Damon Thinks Ben Affleck Will Be “Terrific” As Batman
MATT DAMON has no problem with BEN AFFLECK playing Batman. He says, quote, “I think it will be great. It will be terrific. I know there are a lot of people grousing on the internet. I just think it’s kind of funny. You know, he’s not playing King Lear. It’s Batman! [That’s] certainly within his skill set.”
The Latest “Dancing with the Stars” Rumors Include 74-Year-Old Valerie Harper, Who Has Terminal Brain Cancer
VALERIE HARPER has terminal brain cancer, and was given THREE MONTHS to live back in March. But she just turned 74, and now there’s talk that she’s doing “Dancing with the Stars” this season. Other rumored cast members include: Snooki, Elizabeth Berkley and Amber Riley from “Glee”.
Thursday TV Reminders:
• “Motive” [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.
• “Big Brother 15″ [Eviction Night] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.
• “Project Runway” . . . 9:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Lifetime. “The Big Bang Theory’s” Kaley Cuoco and “Marie Claire” magazine editor Anne Fulenwider are guest judges.
• “Pawn Star$” [7th Season Finale] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on History.
• “Hollywood Game Night” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. This week’s six celebrity stars are “Grimm’s” David Giuntoli, Jerry Ferrara, Hoda Kotb, “Once Upon a Time’s” Emilie de Ravin, Terry Crews and Tom Arnold.
• “Ridiculousness” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on MTV. Chanel and Sterling IV from MTV’s “Fantasy Factory” are guests.
• “Fight Master: Bellator MMA” [1st Season Finale] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on Spike TV.
Early Morning Show Guests:
• “The Today Show” – Pharrell is profiled.
• “Good Morning America” – Chef Emeril Lagasse. Music Guest: Mandisa.
• “CBS This Morning” – No guests listed yet. Check your local listings.
Mid-Morning Show Guests:
• “Live! With Kelly and Michael” – Ryan Reynolds (“R.I.P.D.”) and Shaquille O’Neal (“Grown Ups 2″). (REPEAT)
• “The View” – Ethan Hawke and John Walsh (“America’s Most Wanted”). Lauren Sanchez co-hosts. (REPEAT)
• “Rachael Ray” – Stylist Brad Goreski, chef Marc Murphy (“Chopped”), and diet expert Dr. Ian Smith. (REPEAT)
This Afternoon On TV:
• “Ellen DeGeneres” – Emily VanCamp (“Revenge”) and Steve Carell. (REPEAT)
• “The Talk” – Jordana Brewster (“Dallas”), Scott Foley (“The Goodwin Games”) and celebrity fitness trainer Jackie Warner. (REPEAT)
• “Katie Couric” – Chelsea Handler (“Chelsea Lately”), Kathy Najimy and Larry King. (REPEAT)
• “Steve Harvey” – Mixed martial arts referee Michelle Drake-Browning, and a wife who claims her husband is a “mama’s boy”. (REPEAT)
• “Dr. Phil” – Parents whose teenage daughter is verbally and physically abusive. (REPEAT)
• “Dr. Oz Show” – Gwyneth Paltrow (“Iron Man 3″). (REPEAT)
• “Wendy Williams” – Angela “Big Ang” Raiola (“Mob Wives: The Sit Down”). (REPEAT)
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “Letterman” – Bill Murray. Music Guests: Gladys Knight and Lenny Kravitz.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Naya Rivera (“Glee”) and Larry David (“Clear History”). Music Guest: Backstreet Boys. (REPEAT)
• “The Tonight Show” – Animal handler Julie Scardina. Music Guest: Rod Stewart.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Jes Macallan (“Mistresses”) and Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”). (REPEAT)
• “Jimmy Fallon” – Jennifer Aniston (“We’re the Millers”) and Lenny Kravitz (“Lee Daniel’s The Butler”). Music Guest: Goodie Mob. (REPEAT)
• “Carson Daly” – Michelle Rodriguez (“Fast & Furious 6″) and Palestinian singer Hanni El Khatib. Music Guest: The Men. (REPEAT)
• “Conan” – Jonah Hill (“This Is the End”), plus Coco and Ice-T (“Ice Loves Coco”). Music Guest: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. (REPEAT)
• “Jon Stewart” – Pre-empted for the Roast of Flavor Flav.
• “The Colbert Report” – Pre-empted for the Roast of Flavor Flav.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Music Guest: Kendrick Lamar.
Men Prefer Women in Pajamas Over Women in Lingerie?
According to a new survey, men actually prefer women who sleep in PAJAMAS over women who sleep in lingerie. 37% of men like a woman sleeping in pajamas the most . . . 32% like when she sleeps in lingerie . . . and 16% like when she sleeps naked. As for women, 35% say they like it best when a man sleeps in boxers.
The Five Most Popular Beers For Men Who Cheat
According to a new survey, Guinness is the most popular beer with men who are HAVING AFFAIRS. The rest of the top five beers for cheaters are Corona, Peroni, San Miguel, and Budweiser.
According to a new survey, Guinness is the most popular beer with men who are HAVING AFFAIRS. Here are the top five beers for cheaters:
4. San Miguel.
The survey did find that men who are having affairs drink LESS ALCOHOL than men who aren’t cheating. The theory here is that drinking too much can lead to being SLOPPY . . . and possibly getting caught. (Illicit Encounters)
Five Jobs That Sound Awesome, But Aren’t
Here are a few jobs that SOUND cool, but actually aren’t. Strip club bouncers, because they have to focus on drunk guys, not naked women . . . people who work with animals, because they see a lot of feces and death . . . and Girls Gone Wild cameramen, who get paid poorly, have to be complete predators, AND can’t tell their moms what they do.
Here are five jobs that SOUND cool, but aren’t that great in reality.
1. Commercial airline pilot. You start with a lot of debt, and it used to be that you eventually made a ton, with the freedom to fly wherever you want, whenever you want. But now both the pay and the flexibility have gone down.
2. Strip club bouncer. You’re not paid to be around naked women . . . you’re paid to watch drunk, dirtbag guys try to grope those naked women.
3. Video game tester. It’s not just sitting around all day playing video games . . . it’s trying to find tiny bugs in games and playing them so much and looking at them so clinically that you get sick of ALL video games.
4. Anything with animals, from vet to zookeeper to researcher. Don’t get in it for the cute animals . . . because there’s a lot of picking up poop, doing paperwork, dealing with animals with diseases, and, sadly, watching animals get sick and pass away.
5. Girls Gone Wild cameraman. You’re always traveling to tiny towns, working long hours, and having to be VERY predatory and creepy. Plus you’re working for very little money for JOE FRANCIS and can’t tell your mom what you do. (Reddit)
They’re Serving Deep Fried Nutella at the Texas State Fair This Year
The Texas State Fair always has the NEWEST in deep fried genius. This year, one of the new foods there is . . . deep fried NUTELLA. That’s Nutella chocolate sauce mixed with cream cheese, spread on dough, and fried.
Website of the Day: Selfies at Serious Places
We see evidence every single day that the current generation of teenagers refuses to use even a modicum of common sense when it comes to taking photos. And there’s a new website that pays tribute to that.
It’s called “Selfies at Serious Places” and it hunts for people who take Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram photos of themselves in COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE scenarios . . . then posts them together online
They’ve got people taking selfies at Auschwitz . . . Holocaust Memorials . . . the Vietnam Memorial . . . Pearl Harbor . . . the 9/11 memorial . . . house fires . . . car accidents . . . and more.
There’s even a kid in front of an OPEN CASKET . . . although he says it was an accident, and he didn’t REALIZE it was in the background. But my man still took a selfie at a visitation
The Ten Best Cities to Live In If You’re Cheap
According to Kiplinger.com, the best city to live in if you’re CHEAP is . . . Omaha, Nebraska. The cost of living there is 12.3% below the national average. The rest of the top five are Ogden, Utah . . . Des Moines, Iowa . . . Columbus, Ohio . . . and Raleigh, North Carolina.
1. Omaha, Nebraska.
2. Ogden, Utah.
3. Des Moines, Iowa.
4. Columbus, Ohio.
5. Raleigh, North Carolina.
6. Cincinnati, Ohio.
7. Salt Lake City, Utah.
8. Austin, Texas.
9. St. Louis, Missouri.
10. Cedar Rapids, Iowa. (Kiplinger.com)
MICHAEL JACKSON – Would’ve been 55 – (1958 – 2009) (Nothing much has changed since Michael died. He still makes the most money in his family, and everyone else is still begging for a piece of it.)
John McCain – 77 (Do you think he’ll vote for Sarah Palin in 2016?)
Lea Michele – 27 (THE star of “Glee”. She plays the brunette minx Rachel.)
Courtney Stodden – 19 (Teenage fame whore who married a guy in his 50s.)
Lanny Barbie – 32 (Mattress actress who has starred in 121 fine films, including . . . “Rear Ended”, “Analgeddon 2″ and “Bra Bustin and Deep Thrustin'”.)
Mikayla – 33 (Mattress actress who’s starred in 186 fine films, including “Spunk’d: The Movie”, “The Accidental Hooker” and “Getting It Up with the Kardassians”.)
Carla Gugino – 42 (The MILF from “Spy Kids” . . . and later, Vincent Chase’s sexy agent on “Entourage”, after Ari was fired. She also played Sally Jupiter in “Watchmen”.)
Me’Shelle N’degeocello – 45 (pronounced “n-day-gay-o-CHEL-lo”) (Bitter Nubian singer best known for her work with Johnny “The Cougar” Mellencamp on the remake of Van Morrison’s “Wild Night”. She prefers the touch of a woman to that of a man.)
Rebecca De Mornay – 54 (Embarrassed daughter of crazy TV talk show host Wally George. She changed her last name so she wouldn’t be connected to him.)
Dan Truman – 57 (Diamond Rio’s piano player.)
Robin Leach – 72 (“Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous”)
Joel Schumacher – 74 (Director of “Batman & Robin” starring George Clooney, “Batman Forever” starring Val Kilmer, “St. Elmo’s Fire”, “The Lost Boys”, “Flatliners”, “Falling Down”, “A Time to Kill” and one of the greatest comedies of all time, “D.C. CAB” STARRING MR.-FREAKIN’-T!)
Elliott Gould – 75 (Ross and Monica’s dad on “Friends”. He used to nail Barbra Streisand. They have a gay son named Jason Gould.)
Richard Attenborough – 90 (The rich old man who made the dinosaurs in the “Jurassic Park” movies. He also directed “Gandhi”.)
ISABEL SANFORD! – (1917 – 2004) (Weezy on “The Jeffersons”. George recently MOVED ON UP to be with her in Heaven.)
Ingrid Bergman – (1915 – 1982) (The chick from “Casablanca”. She was also Isabella Rossellini’s mom and one of the few people to die on their own birthday.)
Charlie Parker – (1920 – 1955) (Black jazz legend. Hooked on the black tar H. LOVED WHITE WOMEN.) (True.)
Wendell Scott – (1921 – 1990) (The first black NASCAR driver . . . and still the only black driver to EVER win a Winston Cup race, which he did in 1963.)
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 1 days until Labor Day Weekend
• 10 days until Grandparents Day
• 21 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day
• 48 days until Boss’s Day
• 63 days until Halloween
• 1,240 days left of “Hope and Change”
BACK IN THE DAY
117 years ago . . . in 1896 – CHOP SUEY was made for the first time, by the chef of Li Hang-Chung, China’s ambassador to the United States.
55 years ago . . . in 1958 – JOHN LENNON and PAUL MCCARTNEY, of the little Liverpool band called the Quarrymen, welcomed young GEORGE HARRISON to the group.
51 years ago . . . in 1962 – ELVIS’S “Kid Galahad” was released, starring the King as a boxer in really tight trunks.
49 years ago . . . in 1964 – BIG DICK CHENEY married luscious LYNNE VINCENT. Through Biblically-acceptable marital relations, they spawned a delicious lesbian by the name of MARY CHENEY. Today is their 49th Anniversary.
47 years ago . . . in 1966 – THE BEATLES played their last public concert, at Candlestick Park in San Francisco.
43 years ago . . . in 1970 – THE KINKS smash single “Lola” was released. It’s about a TASTY TRANNY, you know. (True.)
43 years ago . . . in 1970 – “WAR”, BY EDWIN STARR, HIT #1 ON THE POP SINGLES CHART. “WAR . . . (GOOD GOD, Y’ALL) . . . WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? (ABSOLUTELY NUTHIN’).”
36 years ago . . . in 1977 – Three people were arrested in Memphis, Tennessee, after trying to STEAL ELVIS’ BODY. As a result of that incident, the King’s huge, bloated corpse was moved to Graceland.
26 years ago . . . in 1987 – An American liquor company reported a 200% sales increase of its Brass Monkey Cocktail Mix, thanks to the BEASTIE BOYS hit “Brass Monkey”.
26 years ago . . . in 1987 – LOS LOBOS’ chubby Mexican remake of RITCHIE VALENS’ 1959 classic “La Bamba” hit #1 on the pop singles chart.
23 years ago . . . in 1990 – ELTON JOHN checked into a rehab center in Chicago for drinking, drugs and BULIMIA.
17 years ago . . . in 1996 – ISAAC HAYES, who co-wrote the R&B classic “Soul Man”, sent a letter to presidential candidate BOB DOLE asking Dole to stop using the song, which his supporters had changed to “I’m A Dole Man”.
(Bob Dole is still alive. Isaac Hayes is not. Bob Dole wins.)
10 years ago . . . in 2003 – WILL ARNETT (Gob on “Arrested Development”) married “SNL” minx AMY POEHLER. They are now separated.
8 years ago . . . in 2005 – HURRICANE KATRINA hit the Gulf Coast (Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama), killing at least 1,800 people and flooding New Orleans after the levees broke.
5 years ago . . . in 2008 – JOHN MCCAIN guaranteed himself a loss by selecting SARAH PALIN as his presidential running mate.
One year ago . . . in 2012 – The United States Anti-Doping Agency stripped LANCE ARMSTRONG of his seven Tour de France titles.
10 Year Flashback: Madonna, Britney, and Christina Made Out on Stage At the VMAs . . . and Flash-Forward to Today’s Perspective on That Kiss
Our Flashback section features a story we were talking about on The Complete Sheet 10 years ago to this day. We’ve also added some modern perspective to give these stories some context today.
Flashback to 2003: Madonna, Britney, and Christina Made Out on Stage At the VMAs
Last night, during the opening performance at the MTV’s Video Music Awards, MTV got their big, “buzzworthy” moment.
MADONNA, CHRISTINA AGUILERA, and BRITNEY SPEARS were all performing together when Madonna and Britney MADE OUT . . . then Madonna and Christina MADE OUT.
Contrived? Definitely. Are people talking about it today? DEFINITELY.
Today’s Perspective . . . The Kiss Seems Even More Contrived In Retrospect
That kiss seems even MORE like it was contrived edginess when we look back at it in retrospect . . . and when we look at MTV’s sheer DESPERATION to have things happen at the VMAs that get people talking.
Also worth noting: Madonna was 44 at the time, which is WAY too old to be doing stunts like that, even for her. Britney was 21 and Christina was 22.