Your daily dose of whatever includes:
- Selena in rehab
- Thursday fact list
- You’ll spend a BUTT LOAD on Valentine’s Day…
(NC-17) Miley Cyrus Topless . . . Plus, She Quit Smoking Cigarettes
MILEY CYRUS has finally gone totally topless. If the image that popped up on the web yesterday is legit . . . and it seems to be.
It’s a black-and-white outtake from her recent “W” magazine shoot, and she’s lying on a bed with her breasts FULLY EXPOSED. (WARNING! Much nippliciousness awaits you.)
Meanwhile . . . Miley has quit smoking. The LEGAL stuff, anyway. Earlier this week she Tweeted, quote, “2 months no cigs. #proudofmyself”
CrotchGate! Did David Beckham Stuff His Drawers for His Super Bowl Ad?
When DAVID BECKHAM runs around in his skivvies, we all win. Am I right, ladies? Well, maybe not. Because David is being accused of STUFFING HIS DRAWERS in that H&M underwear ad he did for the Super Bowl.
A supposed “stylist” who worked on the commercial says, quote, “David is definitely ‘enhanced’ for [the ad]. In order to make the bulge look so pronounced in the photos, his underwear has to be carefully stuffed and padded to create the illusion.”
But Beckham’s rep says, quote, “It’s all natural.”
Did Bill Clinton Nail Liz Hurley?
TOM SIZEMORE said last month that BILL CLINTON once asked him for ELIZABETH HURLEY’S number, then flew her to the White House for four days of PRESIDENTIAL RELATIONS. But now he says he was ON DRUGS when he said it.
Elizabeth immediately DENIED the story, Tweeting, quote, “Ludicrously silly stories about me & Bill Clinton. Totally untrue. In the hands of my lawyers. Yawn.”
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. LEANN RIMES might be showing too much crotch . . . if there IS such a thing.
2. PARIS HILTON showed some serious cleavage during her DJ gig Sunday night.
3. EDDIE MURPHY has two beautiful daughters who are 19 and 24. They’re both aspiring models, and they look incredibly good in lingerie.
4. Here’s one of those things you can’t unsee: RICHARD SIMMONS dressed as Rosemary from “Rosemary’s Baby”. (Rosemary was played by MIA FARROW, by the way, so it’s a timely reference.)
5. Russian model IRINA SHAYK has a bikini top that might get you psyched for the Olympics.
6. So there was that time that MARILYN MANSON, JOHNNY DEPP and Johnny’s POT PIPE hung out.
A Saxophonist for David Bowie, Mick Jagger and Amy Winehouse Was Arrested in the Philip Seymour Hoffman Heroin Bust
One of the men arrested in the PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN heroin bust was reportedly a saxophonist who’s done session work for David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Blondie and Amy Winehouse, to name a few. Meanwhile, there are allegations that Hoffman was in a gay relationship with the man who found his body on Sunday.
Selena Gomez Spent Two Weeks in Rehab Last Month . . . Was It Justin Bieber’s Fault?
SELENA GOMEZ spent two weeks in rehab last month. Her rep says she went voluntarily, but “not for substance abuse.” There’s no word what she DID go for . . . but there’s talk that JUSTIN BIEBER was a bad influence, and that she was, quote, “partying very hard” with alcohol and prescription drugs.
In addition to drug and alcohol abuse, The Meadows’ website says they treat: “Sexual addiction, codependency, depression, bipolar disorder, love addiction, panic and anxiety disorders, eating disorders, gambling addiction, and trauma.”
And Now, Justin Bieber Was “Extremely Abusive” to a Private Flight Crew
JUSTIN BIEBER was a jerk on a private flight recently, when he harassed a flight attendant . . . was “extremely abusive verbally” . . . and wouldn’t quit smoking pot, to the point where the pilots had to put on OXYGEN MASKS so they wouldn’t breathe-in the thick cloud of marijuana in the air.
Leonard Nimoy Quit Smoking 30 Years Ago . . . But He Still Got COPD
There’s not a better reason to quit smoking NOW than this: “Star Trek” legend LEONARD NIMOY hasn’t smoked in three decades, but he STILL got chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
Nimoy . . . who’s 82 now . . . Tweeted, quote, “I quit smoking 30 years ago. Not soon enough. I have COPD. Grandpa says, quit now!! LLAP”
“LLAP” stands for “Live Long and Prosper”, which is the catchphrase of his “Star Trek” character, Mr. Spock. But Nimoy may not prosper for too much longer. COPD can be FATAL. (Check out pics of Nimoy looking pretty frail here.)
Former Red Sox Pitcher Curt Schilling Has Cancer
Former Boston Red Sox pitcher CURT SCHILLING announced yesterday that he has cancer. He didn’t say what kind.
But he vowed to fight it “head on”, adding, quote, “My father left me with a saying that I’ve carried my entire life and tried to pass on to our kids: ‘Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.’”
Schilling played ball from 1988 to 2007 and was a three-time World Series champ . . . once with the Arizona Diamondbacks and twice with the Sox. He also played for the Orioles, the Astros and the Phillies. Now he’s a baseball analyst for ESPN.
Seven Movies You Should Never Watch With Your Parents
There are certain movies that you just can’t watch with your parents because certain scenes turn it into a very uncomfortable experience. Like the hair gel scene in “There’s Something About Mary”, or the insanely graphic puppet sex scene in “Team America: World Police”.
“Superbad” (2007): The characters rarely cease talking about sex . . . but the REALLY uncomfortable moment would have to be when JONAH HILL dances with a girl and gets her MENSTRUAL BLOOD on his jeans.
“A Clockwork Orange” (1971): A classic in every sense of the word . . . but there’s that one fast-motion three-way with MALCOLM MCDOWELL and the two girls he meets at the record store.
“Team America: World Police” (2004): The sex scene in this one is LEGENDARY. If this wasn’t a puppet movie, we’d be talking TRIPLE-X. There’s even play involving human waste . . . liquid AND solid.
“Borat” (2006): The EXTENDED nude fight scene between SACHA BARON COHEN and his overweight assistant is HILARIOUS in certain company.
“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (2008): How many times can you look at JASON SEGEL’S penis while sharing a bowl of popcorn with your mom? It might help a little bit if it wasn’t so IMPRESSIVE, but still.
“There’s Something About Mary” (1998): How can you laugh at the hair gel scene without your mom wondering if it’s a laugh of familiarity?
“The 40-Year-Old Virgin” (2005): There’s not a word of dialog in this movie that you can listen to while looking your parents in the eye.
Plus, porn plays on a TV in the background of one scene, while in another, ELIZABETH BANKS makes herself happy with a showerhead. (Buzzfeed)
Former “American Idol” Runner-Up Clay Aiken Is Running for Congress
Former “American Idol” star CLAY AIKEN is running for a North Carolina seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. But the incumbent, Republican Renee Ellmers, isn’t worried. She joked, quote, “As we know, he doesn’t always fare all that well. He was [the] runner-up.”
In a video on ClayAiken.com, Clay referenced his run on “Idol”. He explained, quote, “For most Americans, there are no golden tickets, at least not like the kind you see on TV. More families are struggling today than at any time in our history.”
Thursday TV Reminders:
• “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” . . . Howard Stern is featured in the next episode, which is available online at Noon Eastern. (Trailer)
• “Olympics Coverage” . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. This year’s Olympics get off to an early start with qualification rounds for snowboarding and alpine skiing . . . plus the first-ever figure skating team events.
Only the 10 highest ranked nations compete in team figure skating, and the teams are made up of skaters from the men’s, women’s, pairs, and ice dancing categories.
The official opening ceremonies will air tomorrow night.
• “American Idol” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. The Hollywood round begins.
• “The Big Bang Theory” . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on CBS. Tania Raymonde, who “Lost” fans would recognize as Rousseau’s daughter Alex, guest stars as a veterinarian treating Raj’s dog after it eats a box of Valentine’s Day chocolate.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “Letterman” – Michael Keaton and the Flaming Lips with Sean Lennon.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Matt Damon, George Clooney, Bill Murray, and Cate Blanchett.
• “The Tonight Show” – Billy Crystal and Garth Brooks are Jay’s final guests. This is his last episode as host of “The Tonight Show”. Jimmy Fallon takes over on the 17th.
Related Comedy: The Top Things Jay Leno is Thinking Right Now
• “Jimmy Fallon” – Colin Farrell, Chris Pratt, and 2 Chainz.
• “Carson Daly” – Preempted for early Olympics coverage.
• “Arsenio” - Zoey Deutch (“Vampire Academy”), Will.I.Am, and Jason Derulo.
• “Conan” – The cast of “The Walking Dead”. . . including Andrew Lincoln, Norman Reedus, and Lauren Cohan. Music Guest: White Denim.
• “Craig Ferguson” – John Goodman (“The Monuments Men”) and Imogen Poots (“That Awkward Moment”).
• “Chelsea Lately” – “Charlie’s Angels” director McG pimps his movie “3 Days to Kill”.
• “Jon Stewart” – Robyn Doolittle, author of “Crazy Town: The Rob Ford Story”.
• “The Colbert Report” -Charlie Crist, coauthor of “The Party’s Over: How the Extreme Right Hijacked the GOP and I Became a Democrat”.
Five Random Facts For Thursday
1. Up to ONE BILLION BIRDS die in the U.S. every year by crashing into windows. That means windows kill 10% of the bird population every year . . . although cats kill even more, a minimum of 1.3 billion.
2. 4:12 P.M. is the time you’re most likely to break a diet . . . it’s a mix of being hungry, bored at work, and surrounded by unhealthy foods.
3. Think the French are so much more SOPHISTICATED when it comes to eating? One out of every two sandwiches sold in France last year was a HAMBURGER. And 67% of those were at fast food chains.
4. Speaking English is a BAD THING in high-level Scrabble. Some of the world’s best players are Thai and just memorize words without knowing what they mean . . . which makes them more likely to use the obscure words English speakers forget about.
5. An only child has never been elected president . . . although four presidents only had half-siblings. FDR and Bill Clinton had younger half-brothers, Gerald Ford had six half-siblings, and President Obama has two half-sisters and three half-brothers.
Men Are More Likely to Think About Marriage on a First Date Than Women . . . And Five Other Results From a New Match.com Study
Here are a few findings from a huge new Match.com study on being single. Men are more likely to think about marriage on a first date than women . . . women with red hair climax more often . . . and 10:00 P.M. is the ideal time for sex.
1. MEN are more likely to think about marriage on a first date than women. 56% of men picture what it would be like to be married to the other person on a first date, compared to 48% of women.
2. Women with RED HAIR climax more often. Blondes came in second. And for whatever reason, women with Android phones climax more often than women with iPhones.
3. 62% of single people want to have more sex this year than they did last year.
4. 10:00 P.M. was voted the most ideal time for sex.
5. The average single person spends $62 a month on dating. Considering that includes everything from the dates themselves to clothes and online dating sites . . . that seems low. Do dates these days consist of eating Arby’s then watching Netflix?
Can You Ever Really Be Friends With an Ex?
Can you ever really be friends with an ex? In a new survey, 51% of people say NO . . . but 49% of people say yes. The survey also found 7% of people check an ex’s Facebook page DAILY . . . and 18% of people are still having SEX with their ex.
What Bothers You About Your Significant Other, But You Can’t Tell Them?
What’s something that bothers you about your significant other . . . but you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling them? A few of the best ones we’ve heard are, “You’re a really bad kisser” . . . “you need to stop getting your parents’ approval to do things” . . . “you’ve gained weight” . . . and “stop talking in baby talk.”
1. “You’re a really bad kisser. Kissing you is like fighting with a seal over a grape.”
2. “I wish you’d surprise me just once, with anything. Show up at my office unexpected, a random surprise gift, even a quick kiss when I’m off guard.”
3. “You’ve got to cut the cord with your parents. You’re 30 and you talk to them multiple times a day and you need their approval to do things . . . even things like riding roller coasters. It’s time to grow up.”
4. “You’ve gained a lot of weight and you don’t bother even taking off sweatpants or combing your hair before we go out in public. I still take care of my appearance and I wish you did too.”
5. “Stop texting in baby talk. I don’t read your texts in your cute baby voice, it seems like they were written by a Russian immigrant.” (Reddit)
You’re Expected to Spend at Least $130 on Valentine’s Day This Year
If you can’t talk your way out of celebrating Valentine’s Day this year, it’s gonna cost you. Last year, the average person spent $131 on Valentine’s Day, and men spent almost twice as much as women.
21% of Marriage Proposals Leave the Woman Disappointed . . . Here Are the Five Reasons Why
According to a new poll, 21% of women who’ve been engaged say they were DISAPPOINTED by the proposal. And the top five reasons are: He didn’t make it “special” . . . he didn’t get down on one knee . . . he didn’t get her parents’ blessing . . . the ring didn’t fit . . . and he proposed WITHOUT a ring.
A New Facebook App Lets You Borrow Money from Friends . . . And Legally, You Don’t Have to Pay Them Back
There’s a new Facebook app called “Agree It” that lets you request LOANS from your friends at a lower interest rate than banks offer. The problem is, you’re not legally required to pay them BACK. So if you loan someone money to pay bills, or give them seed money to start a business, they could end up NEVER paying you back . . . and all you’ll be able to do is unfriend them.
Americans Lost $119 Billion in Gambling Last Year . . . the Most in the World
Last year, Americans lost $119 BILLION gambling . . . which is the most in the world BY FAR. It’s especially impressive since we’re one of the only countries where online gambling is illegal and tough to do. The average American lost almost $500 gambling last year, and 80% of Americans gamble at least once a year.
CVS Will Stop Selling Cigarettes by October
CVS announced yesterday that they’re going to stop selling all tobacco products by October 1st, at all 7,600 of their stores. That makes them the first major drug store chain to ban tobacco sales, and it’ll cost them $2 billion a year in lost sales.
Dane DeHaan – 27 Metallica’s heroic roadie in “Metallica: Through the Never” and Andrew in the very underrated sci-fi flick “Chronicle”. He’ll also be playing Harry Osborn in “The Amazing Spider-Man 2″ this May.
Kris Humphries is 29. Can you believe Kim Kardashian let him slip away? Neither can I. But in the words of Snoop Dogg, “You can’t make a ho a housewife.”
Crystal Reed is 29. Allison Argent on MTV’s “Teen Wolf”.
Daisy Marie is 30. Hispanic mattress actress who has starred in 400 fine films, including . . . “Lay’s Anatomy”, “Burrithos”, and “Big Trouble In Little Vagina”.
Alice Eve is 32. The hot blonde from “She’s Out of My League”, “Star Trek: Into Darkness”, and John Cusack’s Edgar Allan Poe movie “The Raven”.
Kitty Yung is 44. Asiatic mattress actress whose 144 fine films include “Clockwork Orgy”, “What’s Butt Got To Do With It”, “Fortune Nookie”, and “Egg Foo Kitty Yung”.
RICK ASTLEY! He’s 48 today. Without him there would be no RICKROLLING, the fad where you send someone a bogus Internet link, and tell them it’s to something really cool . . . but it really takes them to Rick’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” video!
(Don’t remember that video? You can check it out at the following link . . . which is the LEGIT link. I won’t Rickroll you, because we’re tight.)
Axl Rose is 52. Guns ‘N Roses. Average ding-a-ling . . . GARGANTUAN GONADS.
Richie McDonald is 52. Lead singer of Lonestar.
Barry Miller is 56. Bobby C. in “Saturday Night Fever” and Raul Garcia in “Fame”!
Kathy Najimy is 57. Chubby on “Veronica’s Closet” and the voice of Peggy Hill on “King of the Hill”.
She’s married to the lead singer of The Dan Band . . . who you may recall from their CLASSIC rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” in “Old School”, and their performance at the wedding at the end of “The Hangover”.
Jon Walmsley is 58. Jason Walton on “The Waltons”.
Natalie Cole is 64.
Michael Tucker is 69. The short lawyer, Stuart Markowitz, on “L.A. Law”. He used to nail his much taller co-star and real-life wife Jill Eikenberry. He probably doesn’t anymore, because he’s been married to her since 1973.
Fabian is 71. Teen idol from the ’50s and ’60s. Real ethnic name that he’s ashamed of: Fabiano Anthony Forte Bonaparte.
Tom Brokaw is 74.
Mike Farrell is 75. Captain B.J. Hunnicut on “M*A*S*H”.
RIP TORN! He’s 83 today. Patches the Coach in “Dodgeball”, Agent Zed in “Men In Black” and the incredible Arty on “The Larry Sanders Show” . . . he’s also Sissy Spacek’s cousin AND a loveable drunk in real life! You know, unless you happen to work at a bank. Enjoy his mugshot again here.
Patrick Macnee is 92. John Steed, the suave bowler-wearing star of the British spy series “The Avengers” from the late 1960s. God I miss Emma Peel.
Zsa Zsa Gabor is 97. Fabulous Hungarian chubby. She lost her right leg after a deep gash . . . on her leg . . . became infected. They amputated it above the knee.
Ronald Reagan (1911 – 2004) Beloved 40th U.S. president. He’s the guy every Republican presidential candidate claims to love more than every other Republican presidential candidate.
Bob Marley (1945 – 1981) The father of ELEVEN CHILDREN . . . two are adopted . . . and SEVEN are illegitimate! Cause of Death: Sexual Exhaustion . . . and cancer.
His son Rohan nails Lauryn Hill and his son Ziggy is named after a cute little white cartoon character.
Babe Ruth (1895 – 1948) The Bambino. The Sultan of Swat. The Caliph of Clout. He was the Home Run King until April 8th, 1974, when he was dethroned by the mighty Hank Aaron. Neither of them needed steroids. Screw you, Barry Bonds!
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 1 day to the Winter Olympics
• 3 days to “The Walking Dead”
• 8 days to Valentine’s Day
• 18 days until “The Voice” returns
• 24 days to the Oscars
• 1,079 days left of “Hope and Change”
194 years ago . . . in 1820 – The first organized emigration of blacks BACK TO AFRICA occurred. The African emigrants were transported from New York to Sierra Leone. DAMN WHITEY! KILL THE WHITE MAN! KILL THE WHITE MAN!
79 years ago . . . in 1935 – “MONOPOLY” went on sale for the first time. Interesting facts: Over SIX BILLION little green houses have been constructed since Monopoly was introduced . . . and the longest Monopoly game recorded was 1,680 hours long . . . or 70 straight days.
71 years ago . . . in 1943 – A Los Angeles jury acquitted very well-endowed actor ERROL FLYNN on three counts of statutory rape.
Errol Flynn’s ding-a-ling was said to rival the mammoth member of MILTON BERLE . . . who only PULLED OUT ENOUGH TO WIN in contests of length and girth!
43 years ago . . . in 1971 – For some reason, astronaut ALAN SHEPARD hit the FIRST GOLF BALL ON THE MOON. He used a six-iron, and the ball flew about 300 yards . . . not “miles and miles”.
27 years ago . . . in 1987 - SONNY BONO declared his candidacy for mayor of Palm Springs, California. Then, he skied into a tree and died on January 5th, 1998.
26 years ago . . . in 1988 - During the NBA All-Star game Slam Dunk Competition, MICHAEL JORDAN beat DOMINIQUE WILKINS by dunking from the free-throw line.
21 years ago . . . in 1993 – The great ARTHUR ASHE died of complications from AIDS at age 49. Arthur Ashe got AIDS from a bad blood transfusion, not from having sex with Magic Johnson.
16 years ago . . . in 1998 – FALCO, the ’80s techno-pop superstar best known for the monster-jam “ROCK ME AMADEUS”, died in a terrible traffic accident in the Dominican Republic.
He was only 40. The Austrian-born superstar singer/songwriter suffered a severe head injury when his SUV collided with a bus as he was pulling onto the highway. The name on Falco’s tombstone reads JOHANN HOLZEL.
16 years ago . . . in 1998 – It’s also the day that CARL WILSON of THE BEACH BOYS died. He had lung cancer. He was only 51.
14 years ago . . . in 2000 – HILLARY CLINTON and her ample cankles launched their successful candidacy for the U.S. Senate. Then she became Secretary of State. Next Stop: The Oval Office?
9 years ago . . . in 2005 – The New England Patriots defeated the Philadelphia Eagles 24-21 to win their third Super Bowl in four years.
8 years ago . . . in 2006 – BRITNEY SPEARS was photographed driving around Malibu with her infant son, Sean Preston, SITTING IN HER LAP while she was driving. (Sometimes I yearn for those innocent days of yore.)