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Utah Man Makes Some Confessions In An Obituary

Starks Funeral Parlor

Without getting disrespectful, a 59 year-old Utah man name Val Patterson recently passed away from throat cancer, and even though most of the obituary was in a serious manner… he had some things he wanted to get off his chest.

Here is one of the his first confessions according to CBS News… “What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn’t even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters ‘PhD’ even stood for.”

He went on with a few more, saying, “I am the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971.” He didn’t stop there. he also noted a park ranger, saying, ”Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again.”

He finished with, “To Disneyland – you can now throw away that ‘Banned for Life’ file you have on me, I’m not a problem anymore – and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.” This was a man who wanted to go out in style, and I have to say mission accomplished.

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