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Whatever 9.6

Your daily dose of WHATEVER!

19-Year-Old Dakota Fanning Is Dating a 32-Year-Old Guy 

There are plenty of legitimate love stories involving people with a big age gap between them.  But it’s never going to NOT seem creepy to me when one of them is a teenager.  Especially when the teenager is the girl.

 

 

19-year-old DAKOTA FANNING is dating a 32-year-old guy.  That’s a 13-year difference.  His name is Jamie Strachan, and he’s a model.  They’ve been dating for several months, at least. 

Mila Kunis is Wearing a Ring 

MILA KUNIS was spotted wearing a gold band on her finger in Los Angeles the other day.  And yes, it was THAT finger. 

Does this mean she and ASHTON KUTCHER are engaged?  We have no idea.  What we DO know is that they’re not married . . . because Ashton and DEMI MOORE aren’t officially divorced yet.

A so-called “source” says Ashton has TALKED about proposing . . . quote, “They are clearly very much in love, in tune with each other and so comfortable.  In some ways, it’s like they’re married already.”

Someone in Justin Bieber’s Entourage Dumped Bong Water Out the Window of a Party Van 

A hand was photographed sticking out the window of a party van that JUSTIN BIEBER and his friends were riding in.  And that hand was dumping BONG WATER onto the

street.  There’s no word if it was Justin’s hand, but it WAS white.

Did Lamar Odom Leave Rehab After a Day? 

 

 

There’s been some speculation as to whether LAMAR ODOM really checked into rehab.  Well, “People” magazine says he DID check in on Wednesday . . . but he checked back OUT yesterday.

 

 

RadarOnline says that wherever Lamar is, he’s been keeping the Kardashian clan . . . including his wife KHLOE . . . in the dark about it. 

Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, “Breaking Bad” and “Gangnam Style” Are Now World Record Holders 

Several celebrities are being recognized in the new “Guinness Book of World Records”.  RIHANNA is the Most Liked Person on Facebook, TAYLOR SWIFT has the Fastest Selling Digital Single . . . and even PSY set records with both “Gangnam Style” and “Gentleman”.

“Riddick” and Jennifer Hudson’s “Winnie Mandela” Hit Theaters Today

1.  Riddick  (R)  Trailer and the UNCENSORED Restricted Trailer

 

 

This is the third “Chronicles of Riddick” movie starring Vin Diesel as Riddick . . . the guy from “Pitch Black” who can see in the dark.  He’s left for dead on a planet with alien predators and uses an emergency beacon to call the bounty hunters to him.

 

 

WWE superstar Bautista, and “Battlestar Galactica’s” Katee Sackhoff play mercenaries who turn to him for help surviving the alien threat.  And “Star Trek’s” Karl Urban returns as Vaako, who still wants revenge from the last movie.

2.  Winnie Mandela  (R)  Trailer  (Limited)

 

 

Jennifer Hudson stars as Winnie Mandela and Terrence Howard plays Nelson Mandela in this movie about her struggles during Nelson’s 27 year imprisonment. 

 

 

It also includes the 18 months she spent in solitary confinement for refusing to betray her friends in the anti-apartheid movement.

3.  Touchy Feely  (R)  Trailer  (Limited)

 

Rosemarie DeWitt from “The United States of Tara” is a massage therapist who develops a sudden aversion to physical contact.  Ellen Page plays her niece and Allison Janney is a Reiki healer who unlocks a hidden gift in one of her patients.

 

 

 

4.  Hell Baby  (R)  Trailer and the UNCENSORED Red Band Trailer  (Limited)

 

 

Rob Corrdry and Leslie Bibb star in this horror comedy as a couple who move into a haunted house . . . and Rob’s pregnant wife is then possessed by an evil entity who wants to turn their unborn baby into his demon spawn.

 

 

The guys from “Reno 911!” . . . . Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant . . . wrote and directed it.  They also play an Italian exorcist team sent from the Vatican.  You’d remember them as Lt. Jim Dangle and Deputy Travis Junior on the show.

 

 

 

5.  Dead Before Dawn 3D  (R)  Trailer  (Limited)

 

 

In this horror comedy, a group of teenagers break an urn that unleashes an evil spirit.  And as a result, anyone they make eye contact with KILLS THEMSELF, and comes back as a “zombie demon” that tries to kill THEM.

 

 

It stars Devon Bostick . . . who you know from the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” movies as the wimpy kid’s older brother Roderick . . . and “Back to the Future’s” Christopher Lloyd as the guy who runs the occult store where the curse starts.

Video of the Robertson Family from “Duck Dynasty” Preaching to Their Church’s Congregation 

The ROBERTSONS from “Duck Dynasty” are fairly hardcore Christians.  In fact, various family members, including Willie and Phil, frequently preach to the congregation at their Church in Louisiana.  You can find video of their recent, camo-filled, “Duck Commander Sunday” church event online.

(TMZ has a video with some highlights.  And you can find the entire, 80-minute service . . . including songs and, well, everything at WFRChurch.org.  The first 30 minutes is pretty much all singing.)

Want to Enroll in a Free Online Course on “The Walking Dead”? 

The University of California in Irvine is offering a FREE open enrollment online course on the AMC show, “The Walking Dead”.  It runs from October 14th, the day after the new season premieres, through December 20th.

Friday TV Reminders:

 

 

“U.S. Tennis Open” [Women's Semifinals] . . . 12:30 to 6:00 P.M. ET on CBS.

 

 

“Teach” [Special] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.  Four public school teachers in Denver, Los Angeles, and Idaho are followed through their 2012-2013 school year.

 

 

“Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team” [8th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CMT.

 

 

“20/20″ [36th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.

 

 

“Comedy Bang! Bang!” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on IFC.  Bill Hader guests.

 

 

“Hello Ross” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on E!  “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” intern Ross Mathews scores a talk show for himself.

 

 

“John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Comedy Central.  Comedians Ali Wong, Travon Free and Paul. F. Tompkins perform.

 

 

“Cash Dome Pawn” [1st Season Finale] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on TruTV.

 

 

“Obsessed With The Dress” [1st Season Finale] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on WE.

 

Saturday TV Reminders:

 

 

“U.S. Tennis Open” [Men's Singles Semifinals] . . . 12:00 to 6:00 P.M. ET on CBS.

 

 

“NASCAR: Sprint Cup in Richmond” . . . 7:30 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on ABC.

 

 

“Cupcake Wars” [9th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Food Network.  Jessica Alba is the guest judge.

 

 

“Bellator MMA” [9th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 11:00 A.M. on Spike TV.

 

 

“Austin City Limits” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS.  Esperanza Spalding performs.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“David Tutera: Unveiled” [7th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on WE.  Formerly named “My Fair Wedding: Unveiled” the new season kicks off with a new name but same show.

 

 

“Six Little McGhees” [1st Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on OWN.

 

 

“Saturday Night Live” . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC.  Bruno Mars guest hosts and is also the musical guest.  (REPEAT)

Sunday TV Reminders:

 

 

“U.S. Tennis Open” [Men's Doubles Final] . . . 12:30 to 2:30 P.M. Eastern on ESPN2.

 

 

“U.S. Tennis Open” [Women's Singles Final] . . . 4:30 to 7:00 P.M. Eastern on CBS.

 

 

“Football Night in America” [8th Season Premiere] . . . 7:00 to 8:00 P.M. on NBC.

 

 

“Sunday Night Football” . . . 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on NBC.  The Dallas Cowboys host the New York Giants at AT&T Stadium in Arlington.

 

 

“Rachael vs. Guy: Kids Cook-Off” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Food Network.  Disney’s “A.N.T. Farm” teen star Stefanie Scott is a guest judge.

 

 

“Secret Millionaire” [3rd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

 

 

“Boardwalk Empire” [4th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on HBO.

 

 

“Oprah’s Lifeclass” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on OWN.  Bishop T.D. Jakes guests.

 

 

“Jungle Gold” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Discovery.

 

 

“Miami Monkey” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on VH1.  Angela “Big Ang” Raiola stars in this “Mob Wives” spin off and she’s opening a new bar in Miami called The Drunken Monkey.

 

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Danielle Staub (“The Real Housewives of New Jersey”) guests.

 

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show” – Music Guest:  Sean Kingston.

 

“Good Morning America”Bethenny Frankel (“Bethenny”).  Music Guest:  Katy Perry.

 

“CBS This Morning”“The Talk’s” Julie Chen and Sharon Osbourne, plus Jimmy Connors for his book “The Outsider: A Memoir”.

 

 

 

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Jake Johnson (“New Girl”), “NFL on Fox” sportscasters Jimmy Johnson, Curt Menefee, Jay Glazer, Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long.  Music Guest:  John Legend.

 

“The View” – Four participants from “Extreme Weight Loss” share their stories.  “Extreme Weight Loss” fitness trainer Chris Powell co-hosts.  (REPEAT)

 

“Rachael Ray”Michelle Obama, plus chefs Sunny Anderson and Ryan Scott.  (REPEAT)

 

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Maggie Grace and Jackson Rathbone (“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2″), plus  Miley Cyrus.  (REPEAT)

 

“The Talk” – Pre-empted for U.S. Open Tennis.

 

“Katie Couric”The dangers of sleeplessness, sleep medications, and what your dreams mean.  (REPEAT)

 

“Steve Harvey” – Judge Marilyn Milian (“The People’s Court”) answers legal questions.  And diet expert Dr. Ian Smith challenges 50 people to take part in a fitness challenge.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Phil” – “Last Chance or Divorce?”

 

“Dr. Oz Show”Kirstie Alley discusses her weight loss with Dr. Oz.  (REPEAT)

 

“Wendy Williams”Gabourey Sidibe (“The Big C”) and comedian Colin Quinn (“Colin Quinn Unconstitutional”).  (REPEAT)

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Arsenio Hall and comedian Dan Naturman.  Music Guest:  Laura Mvula.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Jim O’Heir (“Parks and Recreation”) and Celine Dion.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Simon Cowell (“The X Factor”) and Adam Carolla.  Music Guest:  American Authors.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Tom Lennon.  Music Guest:  The Wild Feathers.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Katie Couric (“Katie”) and Patton Oswalt (“The Heart, She Holler”).  Music Guest:  New Politics.

 

 

“Carson Daly”Tracy Spiridakos (Charlie Matheson on “Revolution”) and author Neil Shubin (“The Universe Within: Discovering the Common History of Rocks, Planets, and People”).  Music Guest:  ZZ Ward.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Chelsea Lately” – Music Guest:  Kendrick Lamar.  (REPEAT)

Eight Unethical Tricks That Will Make Your Life Way Easier

Here are a few UNETHICAL little tricks to make your life easier.  Pick the SPANISH option when you call customer service to get a rep in the U.S., who probably speaks better English than someone in India.  Refer to your doctor as “she” when you call in a fake sick day, to seem more believable.  And check StubHub right before a concert to see good seats that will be unoccupied.

1.  When you call a customer service line, choose SPANISH as your language.  Most of those call centers are in the U.S., not India, and the waits are shorter.  Plus most of the reps can also speak English . . . definitely better than someone in India.

 

 

2.  If you want breakfast, you can probably wander into any Holiday Inn Express or Hampton Inn in the morning and get it free.  Especially if you REALLY look like you belong there by carrying a newspaper or dressing up.

 

 

3.  If you want to buy something from Craigslist, email an offensively lowball offer from a fake email.  Then, a few hours later, send your real offer from your real email.  The person will be much more likely to accept it.

4.  Always throw “rock” in rock-paper-scissors with friends so they know you’re a “rock” person.  Then the one time it REALLY matters, throw scissors.  (???)

5.  Buy a cheap ticket to a sporting event or concert.  Then, an hour before it starts, go to StubHub and see which good seats are still unsold.  Then just head to those seats instead of your cheap seats and sit in them.

6.  If you’re calling in a fake sick day to work, say your doctor is a “she.”  That tiny detail makes it seem SO much more legit.

7.  When you go out, announce, “I’m not drinking tonight.”  That’s the fastest way to make sure other people will buy you drinks to try to persuade you to start drinking with them.

8.  At the dentist, take a photo of the barcode, name, and address on a magazine in the waiting room.  Now you’ll have all the details you’ll need to log in to read the online version of that magazine.  It works for most of them. 

(Reddit)

80% of Us Tell Lies to Look More Intelligent . . . Here Are the Top 10 Things We Lie About

According to a new survey, 80% of us LIE to look more intelligent.  Some of the lies include what books we’ve read, what we studied in school, what languages we can speak, and what we know about wine.

 

 

1.  Lying about high-brow BOOKS we’ve read.

 

2.  Changing our appearance to look smarter . . . like wearing glasses.

 

3.  Looking up famous quotes to drop in conversation.

 

4.  Exaggerating our academic achievements.

 

5.  Pretending to be able to speak a foreign language.

 

6.  Exaggerating our job status.

 

7.  Pretending to know about WINE.

 

8.  Calling popular movies GARBAGE even though you secretly love them.

 

9.  Re-tweeting news to seem like we’re up on current events.

 

10.  Frantically researching the news to try to have a few talking points before dinner parties.  (Daily Mail)

 

Would You Be Willing to Give Up Facebook, Sex, or Weekends to Look Younger?

A new survey has found more than three out of four women would be willing to make a big sacrifice to LOOK YOUNGER.  33% would be willing to give up social media for a year, 21% would be willing to give up sex for a year, 19% would be willing to give up their cell phone for a year, and 17% would be willing to work all seven days a week.

 

33% would be willing to give up Facebook and other social media for a year.

 

24% would be willing to get cosmetic surgery.

 

22% would be willing to let their roots grow out.

 

21% would be willing to give up sex for a year.

 

19% would be willing to give up their cell phone for a year.

 

And 17% would be willing to work all seven days a week.

 

 

The survey also found 45% of women say they’re more worried about how they AGE as they get older than they are about saving for retirement as they get older.  (Huffington Post)

91% of Men Are Attracted to a Sweaty Woman . . . Plus More Stats on Picking Someone Up During a Workout

 

According to a new survey about picking someone up at the gym, 91% of men and 62% of women say they get turned on by seeing someone  SWEATY.  The survey also found 53% of people flirt at the gym . . . 46% of women sometimes wear make-up when they work out . . . and about one-in-four women and one-in-seven men have gone out with someone from the gym.

(FemaleFirst)

If You Could Live Anywhere in the Country, Which City or State Would You Pick?

A new survey asked people what state besides their own they most want to live in, and California came in first.  BUT, it also came in first on the list of states people LEAST want to live in.  The same thing happened with cities . . . New York is the city people MOST want to live in and LEAST want to live in.

(Harris Interactive)

The Average Kid Spends 54 Hours a Week on School, Homework, and Activities

According to a new study, the average kid “works” 54 hours every week . . . although we’re putting “work” in quotes.  The average kid has 32-and-a-half hours of school, seven-and-a-half hours of homework, two-and-a-half hours of extracurricular activities or lessons, and 12 hours of reading with or learning from their parents.

FemaleFirst)

A Mom Punishes Her Eight-Year-Old By Making Him Stand in Public With a Sign Saying He’s a Bully

 

:  Last week, an eight-year-old in Oklahoma picked a fight with a kid at school because they both liked the same girl.  He was suspended for three days, but that wasn’t enough punishment for his mom.  So on Wednesday, she made him stand on a street corner holding a sign that said, quote, “I picked a fight because I’m a bully.”

(NBC 4 – Oklahoma City)

 

New Things to Worry About:  Five Girls Were Hospitalized With Second-Degree Burns From Their Lemonade Stand?

Earlier this summer, five young girls in California were all hospitalized with second-degree burns . . . because of their LEMONADE STAND.  They were squeezing some limes, and when the sun hits lime juice, it can cause an allergic reaction called phyto-photo-dermatitis.  All of the girls were hospitalized with giant, painful blisters, and they’re still recovering.

(ABC 30 – Fresno)

A Woman Comforts Her Boyfriend in the Back of an Ambulance for 20 Minutes . . . Then Realizes It’s the Wrong Guy

A 53-year-old man in England recently went to the ER for back pain, and his girlfriend was told he was being transferred because of a massive HEART ATTACK.  But after 20 minutes in the ambulance with him, she heard one of the paramedics call him the WRONG NAME.  It was just a guy with heart problems who LOOKED like her boyfriend, and he was still back in the ER.  Both men survived.

(Daily Mail) 

There’s Now a Beard Trimmer With a Laser Sight

Lasers make everything more BADASS.  And sometimes, they actually serve a purpose.  Philips is about to sell a new beard trimmer . . . and it’s the first one ever with a BUILT-IN LASER.

Unfortunately, you aren’t lasering off your hair.  The laser projects a straight line on your face, right over the edge of the blades, so you can shave your TOTALLY RAD CHINSTRAP BEARD in a perfectly straight line.  It will cost about $100.  (Gizmodo)

 

Pippa Middleton – 30  (Kate Middleton’s sister who would make Sir Mix-a-Lot change his stance on white girls.)

 

 

Cisco Adler – 35  (He gave his business to both Kimberly Stewart AND Mischa Barton.  Oh yeah, and he’s got HUGE berries.)

 

 

Foxy Brown – 37  (Troublemaking young urban minx discovered by LL Cool J.)

 

 

Naomie Harris – 37  (The oddly sexy voodoo chick Tia Dalma in the second and third “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies.)

 

 

Nina Persson – 39  (Very erotic Swede.  She’s the blue-eyed goddess-slash-lead singer for the Cardigans and A Camp.  The band’s bassist gets to nail her anytime he wants to.)

 

 

Anika Noni Rose – 41  (Luscious Lorrell in “Dreamgirls”.  She’s also the voice of Disney’s first black princess in “The Princess and the Frog”.)

 

 

Idris Elba – 41  (Stringer on HBO’s “The Wire”.  He’s gone on to memorable roles in films like “Pacific Rim”, “Takers”, “The Losers” and “28 Weeks Later”, and the Norse god Heimdall in “Thor”.  He’s playing Nelson Mandela in a biopic that comes out in 2014.)

Dolores O’Riordan – 42  (Sexy lead singer of the Cranberries.  She’s been known to perform panty-free.  Let’s hear it for the GIRLS WHO DO.)

 

 

Macy Gray – 46  (Five-foot, 11-and-a-half-inch giantess with the fabulous fro.)

 

 

ROSIE PEREZ – 49  (Puerto Rican with the perfectly normal, soothing, non-obnoxious voice.)

 

 

Betsy Russell – 50  (Jill Tuck in the “Saw” movies.  She and Hoffman had a brutal struggle as to which one of them would be Jigsaw’s successor, but Hoffman got the best of her in the end.)

PAL WAAKTAAR of A-HA is 52

 

 

Perry Bamonte – 53  (Guitarist and keyboardist for The Cure.)

 

 

MICHAEL WINSLOW! – 55  (“Police Academy” noise-making clown-ass.  He’s still doing “comedy” as “The Man Of 10,000 Sound Effects”.)

 

Jeff Foxworthy – 55  (Clown-ass who might be a redneck.)

Jane Curtin – 66  (Ignorant slut from “SNL”, “Kate & Allie” and “3rd Rock From The Sun”.)

 

 

Swoosie Kurtz – 69  (Redheaded minx AND Jake Gyllenhaal’s mom (slash) WILDFIRE in “Bubble Boy”.)

 

 

Roger Waters – 70  (Pink Floyd)

 

 

Jo Anne Worley – 76  (SEXY comedic genius on “Laugh In”.)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 2 days until Grandparents Day

• 13 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 21 days to Native American Day

• 40 days until Boss’s Day

• 55 days until Halloween

• 1,232 days left of “Hope and Change”

104 years ago . . . in 1909 - American explorer ROBERT PEARY sent word that he had reached the North Pole five months earlier.

 

 

74 years ago . . . in 1939 - South Africa, which oppressed blacks, declared war on Germany, which oppressed Jews.  Remember class:  1939. . . not a good time to be Sammy Davis Jr.

 

 

54 years ago . . . in 1959 – The first BARBIE doll was sold by Mattel. . . initially wearing just a naughty black-and-white-striped swimsuit.  Unlike the Barbies of today, she contained NO LEAD.  Interesting Fact:  Barbie’s full name is actually “Barbara Millicent Roberts”.

 

 

44 years ago . . . in 1969 – BOB DYLAN’S “Lay Lady Lay” peaked at #7 on the pop singles chart.

 

 

27 years ago . . . in 1986 – BANANARAMA had the #1 single with “Venus”, a song that originally went #1 for the internationally-beloved Dutch pop group THE SHOCKING BLUE.

 

 

18 years ago . . . in 1995 - L.A.P.D. scumbag MARK FUHRMAN invoked his Fifth Amendment right to save his ass when he was called back to the witness stand at the O.J. SIMPSON trial.

 

 

18 years ago . . . in 1995 – The Senate Ethics Committee voted unanimously to recommend EXPELLING Naughty Senator BOB PACKWOOD, accused of groping, kissing, hitting on, and grabbing 29 WOMEN’S BREASTS.

18 years ago . . . in 1995 – Baltimore Orioles shortstop CAL RIPKEN, JR. broke LOU GEHRIG’S record by playing his 2,131st consecutive game.

 

 

17 years ago . . . in 1996 – Baltimore Orioles designated hitter EDDIE MURRAY hit his 500th home run, joining HANK AARON and WILLIE MAYS as the only players with 3,000 hits AND 500 homers.

 

(Barry Bonds has 2,935 hits and 762 home runs.  But how many of those does HE get the credit for, SANS STEROIDS?)

 

 

13 years ago . . . in 2000 – STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN married DEBRA MCMICHAEL.  They were divorced in 2003.  Austin 3:16 says, “I just beat my wife.”  Coward.

 

 

6 years ago . . . in 2007 – LUCIANO PAVAROTTI died at the age of 71.

 

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