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Whatever 3.13

Your daily dose of Whatever!

Would you buy Paul Walker’s sunglasses from the day he lost his life? TMZ has the photos from the auction.

36 Famous Guys Lindsay Lohan Supposedly Nailed . . . Including James Franco, Zac Efron, Heath Ledger, and Adam Levine 

We don’t know if this is legit, but LINDSAY LOHAN supposedly made a handwritten list of 36 famous guys she’s nailed, to impress some friends last year.  And “In Touch Weekly” just posted it.  It includes Justin Timberlake, Adam Levine, James Franco, Zac Efron, Heath Ledger, Colin Farrell, and Joaquin Phoenix.

Joan Rivers Claims She Nailed Johnny Carson . . . And He Was Indeed Huge 

JOAN RIVERS claims she had a “one night bounce” with JOHNNY CARSON, so she can confirm the rumor that Johnny is SERIOUSLY PACKIN’.  She says, quote, “I had no idea the man could stand and sit at the same time.”

(Here’s video of Joan’s comments.)

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  No matter what you think about KIM KARDASHIAN, her cleavage remains one of the allegedly natural wonders of the world.  (Check out some great shots of it here and here.)

2.  “SI Swimsuit” cover model CHRISSY TEIGEN got NAKED on Instagram.

 

 

 

3.  MARIAH CAREY is looking good in some new bikini shots.

 

 

 

4.  LEBRON JAMES posed for a picture with a guy with a really elaborate LeBron back tattoo.

 

 

 

5.  SELENA GOMEZ crying is your new meme.

6.  So LENA DUNHAM is into “cupping“.

 

 

 

7.  CHARLIZE THERON and SEAN PENN made out on the beach in Malibu.

 

 

 

8.  Sexy Video:  Here’s BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH Photobombing U2 at the Oscars, set to the “Jaws” theme.

 

 

 

9.  “Breaking Bad” stars BRYAN CRANSTON and AARON PAUL met up at the premiere of Aaron’s new movie. 

 

 

 

10.  IRELAND BALDWIN posted a selfie . . . in a Leatherface mask.

 

Susan Sarandon Doesn’t Want Her Grandchildren to Call Her “Grandma” . . . She Wants Them to Call Her “Honey” 

For some reason, SUSAN SARANDON doesn’t want her future grandchildren to call her “grandma,” she wants them to call her “Honey.”  She says, quote, “I borrowed [it] from a very dear friend of mine who’s from the South.  His grandma was ‘Honey.’” 

Did Floyd Mayweather Have Two Men Brutally Beaten Because He Thought They Stole From Him? 

TMZ is reporting that boxing champ FLOYD MAYWEATHER had two men brutally beaten because he thought they stole from him.  Floyd’s men pulverized them with clubs and other weapons.  Both men suffered broken arms and legs and were hospitalized for several days.  They’ve retained a lawyer, and Floyd could be looking at charges as serious as attempted murder and kidnapping.

Thursday TV Reminders:

“Hell’s Kitchen” [12th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.  They gave it “American Idol’s” usual slot in a shameless ratings ploy.

“American Idol” [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.  “Idol” judge Harry Connick Jr. performs his new single “One Fine Thing”.  And of course, the Top 10 will be revealed with tonight’s elimination.

 

(Check out this video where the clueless contestants playing a game where they’re given a song title and have to guess which judge sang it.)

 

“Community” . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on NBC.  “Breaking Bad” creator Vince Gilligan guest stars.

 

 

“Hollywood Game Night” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.  Mark Paul Gosselaar and Breckin Meyer from “Franklin & Bash”, Taraji P. Henson from “Person of Interest”, Angela Kinsey from “The Office”, Fred Willard from “Modern Family”, and “Biggest Loser” host Alison Sweeney are this week’s celebrities.

 

 

“Breaking Boston” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E.  A reality show about four working class women in Boston trying to build a better life for themselves.  Mark Wahlberg is the executive producer.

 

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon”Julianna Margulies, Patton Oswalt, and Nate Bargatze.

 

 

“Late Night with Seth Meyers”Tilda Swinton, Warren Buffett, Carrie Brownstein, and Lo-Fang.

 

 

“Letterman”Bryan Cranston, and Melissa Rauch from “The Big Bang Theory”.  Music Guest:  Le1f.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Lady Gaga, and Darby Stanchfield from “Scandal”.  Music Guest:  The Preatures.

 

 

“Carson Daly”Night Terrors of 1927, comedienne Katie Crown, and a look at CNN’s “Chicagoland”.

 

 

“Arsenio”Omar Epps from “Resurrection”, reality contestants Alison Teal & Jonathan Klay from Discovery’s “Naked and Afraid”, and ballerina Misty Copeland.

 

 

“Conan”Ben Stiller, Evangeline Lilly, and the Wild Feathers.  (Repeat)

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Kristen Bell, actor Michael McMillian, and comic Adam Ray.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Tyler Perry.

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Anita Hill.

 

 

“The Colbert Report”Simon Schama, author of “The Story of the Jews”.

Five Random Facts For Thursday

1.  No one knows for sure when the fire hydrant was invented . . . because the patent was lost in a fire at the U.S. patent office in 1836.

 

 

2.  World War One was known as the “First World War” as early as 1920 . . . a full 19 years before there was a second world war.

 

 

3.  Until 1936, Lichtenstein and Haiti had the same flag . . . without realizing it.  It was a simple flag . . . the top half was blue, the bottom half was red.  After they found out at the 1936 Olympics, Lichtenstein added a yellow crown.

 

 

4.  Until kale salads became trendy last year, the biggest buyer of kale in the U.S. was . . . Pizza Hut.  Not to feed to people, but to use as decoration on their salad bars.

 

 

5.  In Tajikistan, unibrows are considered ATTRACTIVE . . . on both men and women.

 

 

(Huffington Post / Wikipedia / World History Blog / Medium / Wikipedia)

Seven Stats For St. Patrick’s Day

1.  The average person will spend $35.

 

2.  41% of us will be going to a party or a bar, and 30% will celebrate with family.

 

3.  20% plan on going to a St. Patrick’s Day parade.

 

4.  Only 5% will be going to a St. Patrick’s Day office party.

 

5.  50% of people say they’ll be drinking beer, 19% will be drinking hard liquor, and 9% said they’ll drink BOTH.

 

6.  Guinness is the most popular beer on St. Patrick’s Day, followed by Budweiser, Miller Light, Coors Light, Sam Adams, and Heineken.  And 49% plan to drink GREEN beer.

 

7.  One-third of people say they’ll annoyingly attempt a lame Irish accent. 

 

 

(PR Newswire)

Your Fifth Sexual Partner Is the One You Should Marry

According to a new study, people are most likely to wind up marrying their FIFTH sexual partner.  At five sexual partners, you have a good amount of experience . . . but not SO much that it can have a negative effect on your relationship.

(Daily Mail)

 

What Was the Most Ridiculous Sex Myth You Believed as a Kid?

1.  Green M&M’s make you horny.

 

 

2.  You can’t get pregnant in a hot tub.

 

 

3.  Mountain Dew reduces your sperm count and shrinks your testes.

 

 

4.  You can get pregnant from a toilet seat.

 

 

5.  Jumping up and down after sex stops you from getting pregnant.

 

 

6.  Wearing two condoms is better than one. 

 

 

(FemaleFirst)

An Underwear Company Is Offering a $50,000 Insurance Policy in Case Your Junk is Cut Off

An underwear company out of Montreal is offering men a new kind of insurance for their MANHOOD.  If you buy three pairs of their underwear, you get a $50,000 insurance policy to cover your junk . . . if it ever gets CUT OFF.

 

(Huffington Post / UPI)

Five Ways People Use Their Phone to Hide an Affair

If you think the person you’re with is CHEATING on you, here are the five ways they might be using their phone to hide an affair:  They put a lock code on it . . . they have a second, secret SIM card . . . they secretly have a second PHONE . . . they save the person they’re cheating with as a fake name . . . or they delete their texts.

 

(Female First)

The State That Watches the Most Gay Porn Is . . . Mississippi?

According to new data from Pornhub.com, gay porn is basically just as popular in states where gay marriage is illegal as it is in states where gay marriage is legal.  And in the South, gay porn is MORE popular than in states where gay marriage is legal.  Mississippi has the highest percentage of porn users watching gay porn, at 5.58%.

(Buzzfeed) 

An 80-Year-Old Dies and Surprises His Family With His Own Sarcastic Obituary

 

An 80-year-old man in Delaware passed away on Sunday, and his family found he’d written his own sarcastic obituary.  He talks about how his wife can finally buy the mink coat she always wanted, and there won’t be a viewing since his wife won’t stand him up in the corner of the room holding a glass of Jack Daniel’s.

(USA Today / Cape Gazette)  (Here’s a photo of Walt, and the obituary.)

A New Study Says the Five-Second Rule Is Not a Myth

Good news:  A new study out of England has found the “five-second rule” is NOT a myth.  Researchers found that as long as you pick your food up off the ground in roughly five or six seconds, it’ll probably be safe to eat.

(Aston.ac.uk / Gizmodo)

A Woman Finds a Severed Lizard Head in Her Salad . . . and Almost Eats It Because It Looks Like Asparagus

On Tuesday afternoon, a 31-year-old woman in New York ordered a salad from a restaurant . . . and noticed something strange on her fork as she was eating it.  At first she thought it was asparagus . . . except that it had EYES and an ARM, and turned out to be a SEVERED LIZARD HEAD.  The restaurant gave her a refund, and she’s not planning on suing.

(New York Post) 

Kids Get a Day Off School . . . After Three Deer and Two Dogs Have a Bloody Fight to the Death Inside

Around 4:00 A.M. on Monday, three deer broke through the glass door of a middle school in Maryland . . . and two dogs chased them inside.  Then all five had a FIGHT TO THE DEATH.  The dogs won, and animal control ended up capturing them.  But school had to be canceled the next day to clean up all the blood in the school.

.  (Washington Post)

 

Emile Hirsch is 29.  Speed in the live-action “Speed Racer” nobody wanted to see.  But you’d know him best as the naughty neighbor who shared his fun stuff with Elisha Cuthbert in “The Girl Next Door”.  He was also in “Alpha Dog” and “Into the Wild”.

 

 

Noel Fisher is 30.  Deliciously gay Mickey on Showtime’s “Shameless”.

 

 

Toccara Jones is 33.  Cocolicious “America’s Next Top Model” minx.  She was also on Celebrity Fit Club”.

 

 

Danny Masterson is 38.  Steven Hyde, the kid with the honky-fro, on “That ’70s Show”.  He’s now on the TBS sitcom “Men At Work”.  His brother is Chris Masterson, a.k.a. Francis on “Malcolm in the Middle”.

 

 

Common is 42.  Vegetarian rapper who displayed his acting chops in “Smokin’ Aces”, “Wanted” and “Terminator:  Salvation”.

 

 

Tracy Wells is 43.  Heather Owens on “Mr. Belvedere”!

 

 

Adam Clayton is 54.  U2 bassist who was once interracially engaged to Naomi Campbell and is now just along for the ride as Bono tries to save all of Africa.

 

 

Dana Delany is 58.  She’s starring on ABC’s “Body of Proof”. You may also remember her from “Desperate Housewives”, “China Beach”, “Presidio Med” and as the sexy voice of Lois Lane in the animated “Batman/Superman Adventures”.

 

See her succulent breasts AND her magnificent curlies in “Exit to Eden”!

 

 

Robin Duke is 60.  “SNL” alumnus.  Perhaps you remember her as Velvet Jones’ ho.

William H. Macy is 64.  Brilliant character actor who was one of the original cast members on “ER” and was in that motorcycle flick “Wild Hogs”.  He was also in “Mystery Men”, “The Cooler”, “Pleasantville”, “Fargo”, “Magnolia” . . .

 

. . . “Mr. Holland’s Opus” and he played LITTLE BILL IN “BOOGIE NIGHTS”!  Now he’s on that Showtime series, “Shameless”.  Felicity Huffman gets to nail him ANYTIME SHE WANTS TO.

 

 

Donald “Donny” York from Sha Na Na is 65.

L. Ron Hubbard  (1911 – 1986)  Church of Scientology founder.  Author of “Dianetics” and the greatest science-fiction book ever written, “Battlefield Earth”.

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 4 days to St. Patrick’s Day

• 4 days to Dancing with the Stars

• 19 days to April Fool’s Day

• 22 days to “Captain America 2″

• 24 days to “Game of Thrones”

• 1,044 days left of “Hope and Change”

233 years ago . . . In 1781, William Herschel DISCOVERED URANUS, the seventh planet from the sun.  It was the first planet to be discovered with the aid of a telescope.

 

 

162 years ago . . . In 1852, a tall, skinny old white guy, wearing a beard and ugly red, white and blue clothes, made his debut as a cartoon character in the “New York Lantern”.  “UNCLE SAM” later became the symbol of the U.S.

 

 

141 years ago . . . In 1873, Teenage genius Chester Greenwood received a patent for EARMUFFS.

 

 

60 years ago . . . In 1954, Milwaukee Braves outfielder BOBBY THOMSON broke his ankle and was replaced by a young rookie named HANK AARON.

 

Three years earlier, while with the New York Giants, Thomson switched positions to make room for another rookie, a kid named WILLIE MAYS.

 

 

53 years ago . . . In 1961, 79-year-old artist PABLO PICASSO married his 37-year-old nude model Jacqueline Rocque.  Picasso once said the two most perfectly designed creations on Earth were . . . (CAREFUL!) . . . the vagina and the bagel.   (True!)

 

 

39 years ago . . . In 1975, TAMMY WYNETTE (“Stand by Your Man”) divorced her third husband, GEORGE JONES.  She married two more times . . . and finally stood by her fifth husband for the next 20 years, until she died in 1998.

 

 

38 years ago . . . In 1976, THE FOUR SEASONS FINALLY RETURNED TO THE TOP OF THE CHARTS WITH THE SUPER-SMASH HIT “DECEMBER 1963 (OH, WHAT A NIGHT)”!

35 years ago . . . In 1979, “The Ropers”, starring NORMAN FELL and AUDRA LINDLEY, debuted on ABC.  It was a spin-off of “Three’s Company”.  It died a quick death.

 

 

34 years ago . . . In 1980, a jury in Winamac, Indiana, found the Ford Motor Company innocent of reckless homicide after the fiery deaths of three young women riding in a PINTO.

 

 

32 years ago . . . In 1982, “T.J. Hooker”, starring William “THE SHAT” Shatner, Heather Locklear and ADRIAN ZMED, debuted on ABC!

 

 

27 years ago . . . In 1987, the BRYAN ADAMS hit “Heat Of The Night” was released as a cassette single, the first “CASSINGLE”!

 

 

26 years ago . . . In 1988, pornographic legend JOHN HOLMES, who once estimated he’d “given the business” to over 10,000 women, died of an AIDS-related illness.  SHOCKING!

 

 

22 years ago . . . In 1992, MARTINA NAVRATILOVA and Judy Nelson settled their “galimony” suit.

 

 

21 years ago . . . In 1993, “INFORMER” BY THE HONKY CANADIAN RAP SUPERSTAR, SNOW, HIT #1 ON THE SINGLES CHART!  A-LICKY BOOM BOOM DOWN!

 

 

19 years ago . . . In 1995, at the 9th Sooooooul Train Music Awards, QUEEN LATIFAH was named Entertainer of the Year . . . BRANDY won Best New Artist . . . and Best Rap Album went to SNOOP DOGG for “Doggy Style”.

 

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