Your daily dose of whatever includes:
- Olympic Randoms
- Is there a revolt against Miley for hooking up with the Bieb?
- This trick will make your cell batter charge QUICKER!
Olympic Medals . . . The Russian Hockey Team Was Eliminated, and the U.S. Now Leads Everyone in Overall Medals
The U.S. took the lead in overall medals yesterday. We won the gold in men’s giant slalom, plus the silver and bronze in women’s bobsled to bring our total to 23 medals. American bobsledder Lauryn Williams also became just the fifth athlete to medal in the summer AND winter games. And the Russian hockey team was eliminated in the playoffs and will NOT win a medal this year.
1. The United States with 23 medals . . . with 7 gold, 5 silver, and 11 bronze.
2. Russia with 22 medals
3. The Netherlands with 22 medals
4. Norway with 20 medals
5. Canada with 18 medals
Three Olympic Randoms
1. A Canadian bobsledder named Heather Moyse wanted to take a salt bath after her run . . . but found that none of the bathrooms in Sochi had BATHTUBS.
2. Wondering which Winter Olympic sport burns the most calories? No? Well, we know anyway. It’s . . . hardcore cross-country skiing. If you cross-country race at over eight miles-per-hour, you can burn around 1,600 calories an hour.
Curling burns the fewest calories, although not as few as you think . . . all that sweeping is real work. It burns around 400 calories an hour. (LiveScience) (Check out the calorie burn for all of the winter sports here.)
3. We live in an “everybody gets a trophy” world, so this shouldn’t be a surprise . . . but WAY more people and way more different countries leave the Olympics with medals today than they used to.
The 2014 Winter Olympics feature 98 events with a total of 294 medals. Back in 1988 in Calgary, there were only 138 medals. At the first Winter Olympics, in 1924 in Chamonix, France, there were only 16 events with 48 medals. (BusinessWeek)
Correction: Barbara Walters Does Not Own a Vibrator
I feel so cheated. All that talk about BARBARA WALTERS’ vibrator was a LIE! Yesterday on “The View”, she said, quote, “We were joking. Joking! I don’t have a vibrator! I don’t even put my cell phone on vibrate!
“Can I say it again? I do not have a vibrator!” (Here’s video.)
Kim Kardashian Doesn’t Want to Be Butt-Shamed Anymore
These days there’s more speculation, gossip and criticism of KIM KARDASHIAN’S butt than ever. Mainly because it’s reached HISTORIC proportions.
The tabloids can’t seem to decide if Kim is PURPOSELY pumping it up with fat injections, or if she’s just FAILING to control its expansion since giving birth. Either way, they can’t stop talking about it.
And Kim wishes they would. She says, quote, “Making fun of me pregnant & making fun of me trying to lose weight now shame on you. I’m not perfect but I will never conform to your skinny standards sorry! Not me.”
(Read her full message here.)
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. (NC-17) There’s a naked selfie making the rounds that people claim is EMMA STONE. It does look like her, but it’s probably not. (WARNING!!! Nudity ahead.)
2. Olympic skater ASHLEY WAGNER pulled another face. It’s not nearly as exaggerated as her first one, but still . . . she might want to start working on her poker face for 2018.
3. JASON SUDEIKIS and his pregnant fiancée OLIVIA WILDE kissed at an L.A. Clippers game.
4. MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ and CARA DELEVINGNE got into a limo together. Michelle was wearing pants. When they got out, Michelle was wearing her bodyguard’s jacket and NO PANTS. Cara then got out of the limo . . . HOLDING THE PANTS.
5. CINDY CRAWFORD didn’t wear a bra to a dinner date with a friend. I guess she wanted to be known for her BIG TIPS.
6. HEIDI KLUM wears a bikini in the “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit issue that includes pictures of her first “SI” cover on one of the boobs. Heidi’s 40 now.
Are Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato Joining Forces to Go After Miley Cyrus for Hooking Up with Justin Bieber?
“Life & Style” magazine claims SELENA GOMEZ, TAYLOR SWIFT, and DEMI LOVATO have JOINED FORCES to go after MILEY CYRUS for hooking up with JUSTIN BIEBER while he was still dating Selena. Among other things, the girls are supposedly “trash-talking” Miley in Hollywood.
An “insider” says the girls are “freezing” Miley out of “lucrative appearances” . . . whatever that means . . . and they’re, quote, “trash-talking” Miley to “everyone in Hollywood.”
It’s hard to believe that’s the best they could come up with . . . since all of them, particularly Taylor, could write a song about what scumbags Miley and Justin are.
Regardless, Miley is concerned. The source adds that she’s avoiding the girls . . . and, quote, “She checks in with club owners and event planners to make sure those girls won’t be around.”
Is Justin Bieber Spending His Way to Bankruptcy?
Word has it JUSTIN BIEBER is BURNING through his money at a crazy rate. “Star” magazine claims he’s, quote, “blowing $1 million a month on private jets, shopping sprees and strippers.”
Now, Justin is definitely pumping his money back into the economy, but the “Star” is also suggesting that he’s GOING BROKE . . . and could be bankrupt within three years. But that’s virtually impossible.
It’s hard for ANYONE to spend $1 million a month. Plus, he’s actually earning MORE than that. According to CelebrityNetWorth.com, Justin has a $160 million fortune . . . and makes somewhere between $50 million and $70 million a year.
Is 21-Year-Old Miley Cyrus Dating 42-Year-Old Jared Leto?
“Us” magazine claims MILEY CYRUS and JARED LETO are “hooking up.” For what it’s worth, Jared is TWICE Miley’s age. He’s 42, and she’s 21.
But apparently, they’ve known each other for a while, and have similar interests. A “source” says, quote, “They like to have a good time, they love to talk about art and music . . . and they’re both comfortable with nudity!” (???)
As we’ve heard, the current issue of “Star” magazine is claiming that Jared is hooking up with 30-year-old “12 Years a Slave” star LUPITA NYONG’O. “Star” says they were spotted, quote, “looking loved up” while having dinner together.
Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Will Says His Kids Should Be Raised in Manhattan, Chicago or San Francisco
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN specified in his will that he wanted his son to be raised in either Manhattan, Chicago or San Francisco. And if Manhattan was the boy’s home, he wanted him to VISIT Chicago and San Francisco twice a year. Hoffman also had two daughters, but the will was written before they were born. We assume he’d have wanted the same for all three.
The will was written in 2004, and back then his only child was a son named Cooper. But he and his longtime girlfriend Mimi O’Donnell had two other kids after that, so we assume he’d have wanted the same for all of them.
Violent Movie Scenes Set to “The Pina Colada Song” Are Somehow Even Better
Someone is making videos that combine violent, ugly movie scenes with “The Pina Colada Song”. They’ve already done it with scenes from movies like “Silence of the Lambs”, “The Departed”, “Seven” and even “The Lion King”. The results are pretty great.
The other movies that have been Pina Collided so far are “The Lion King”, “Lord of the Rings”, “Seven”, “Saving Private Ryan”, “The Hitcher”, “The Untouchables”, “300” and “Jaws”.
The genius who invented this insanity has all the videos on a Tumblr page. Let’s hope this keeps going. (WARNING!!! Some of the clips contain foul language.)
Cee Lo Has Quit “The Voice”
The sixth season of “The Voice” premieres on Monday. And for the second time CEE LO GREEN and CHRISTINA AGUILERA are being subbed out for SHAKIRA and USHER.
But this time, Cee Lo is not planning on coming back . . . EVER.
On yesterday’s “Ellen”, he surprised her by saying, quote, “I’m going to miss ‘The Voice’. I’m not coming back at all.”
Cee Lo says it’s time for him to focus on his own music. Quote: “I don’t want to wear out my welcome there . . . but I have so many other things I want to do. I haven’t released an album in four years.”
He’s starting by going to tour together with LIONEL RICHIE. Cee Lo also has a development deal with NBC, and wants to pursue other, “talk show opportunities.”
(Here’s video. The part about “The Voice” begins at the 2:50 mark.)
“The Walking Dead” Was Last Week’s Most-Watched Show after the Olympics . . . Which Took the Top Seven Spots in the Ratings
1. Tuesday’s primetime Olympics coverage, NBC, 23.7 million viewers.
2. Thursday’s primetime Olympics coverage, NBC, 22.9 million viewers.
3. Monday’s primetime Olympics coverage, NBC, 22.4 million viewers.
4. Sunday’s primetime Olympics coverage, NBC, 21.3 million viewers.
5. Wednesday’s primetime Olympics coverage, NBC, 20.8 million viewers.
6. Friday’s primetime Olympics coverage, NBC, 19.1 million viewers
7. Saturday’s primetime Olympics coverage, NBC, 17.1 million viewers
8. “The Walking Dead”, AMC, 13.3 million viewers.
9. A “Big Bang Theory” repeat, CBS, 11.8 million viewers.
10. Last Wednesday’s “American Idol”, Fox, 11.7 million viewers.
Last Thursday’s “Idol” was right behind that with 10.2 million viewers.
And if you’re a basketball fan, the “NBA All Star Game” on TNT scored 7.5 million viewers. It was the second most-watched show on cable, behind “The Walking Dead”.
Thursday TV Reminders:
• “Primetime Olympics Coverage” . . . from 8:00 to 11:30 P.M. on NBC. Thursday’s includes the figure skating gold medal . . . plus Maddie Bowman and Devin Logan in halfpipe skiing. To try to catch some results in real time, here are the schedules.
Thursday Event Schedule:
1. Figure Skating: The ladies Free Skating starts at 10:00 a.m. Eastern.
2. Curling: The women’s Bronze Medal Game starts at 3:30 a.m. Eastern.
3. Curling: The women’s Gold Medal Game starts at 8:30 a.m. Eastern.
4. Ice Hockey: The women’s Bronze Medal Game starts at 7:00 a.m. Eastern.
5. Ice Hockey: The women’s Gold Medal Game starts at Noon Eastern.
6. Freestyle Skiing: The men’s Ski Cross finals start at 5:41 a.m. Eastern.
7. Freestyle Skiing: The ladies’ Ski Halfpipe final starts at 12:30 p.m. Eastern.
8. Nordic Combined: Team Gundersen Cross-Country starts at 6:00 a.m. Eastern.
• “American Idol” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox. The Top 10 fan-voted favorites are revealed. And the judges add their three wild card picks to make it a Top 13.
• “Inside the Actor’s Studio” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Bravo. Matthew McConaughey talks about “Dallas Buyer’s Club” and “True Detective”.
• “Killer Karaoke” [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TruTV. Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray takes over as host of this show where people attempt to perform karaoke under extreme conditions for a chance at winning $10,000.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show” – Jimmy’s guests are Michelle Obama, Will Ferrell, and Arcade Fire.
• “Letterman” – Slopestyle Skiers Joss Christensen, Gus Kenworthy, and Nicholas Goepper. . . . the three Americans who made a clean sweep of their Olympic event.
Dave’s other guests are Keri Russell and ventriloquist Terry Fator.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Jonah Hill, “Duck Dynasty’s” Willie & Korie Robertson, and a performance from Jetta.
• “Carson Daly” – Pre-empted for the Olympics.
• “Arsenio” – Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje from “Pompeii”. Plus: Ru Paul and a performance from Sage the Gemini.
• “Conan” – Olympic snowboarder Sage Kotsenburg, “NCIS Los Angeles” star Chris O’Donnell and a performance from Needtobreathe.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Lisa Vanderpump.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Kurt Russell.
• “Jon Stewart” – Ronan Farrow.
• “The Colbert Report” – General Stanley McChrystal.
People in New Mexico Last Longest in Bed, People in Alaska Finish Fastest
According to a new study, people in New Mexico last the longest in bed . . . an average of seven minutes and one second. People in Alaska finish fastest . . . sex in Alaska lasts an average of just one minute and 21 seconds.
The Ten Most Annoying Things Men Do, According to Women
1. Never admitting you’re wrong.
2. Hogging the remote.
3. Passing gas in public . . . out loud.
4. Refusing to multitask.
6. Never doing nice things to surprise her.
7. Not listening.
8. Never doing housework.
9. Staring at other women.
10. Constantly watching sports.
Women Are Way Faster at Breaking Up Than Men
A new study just found women are WAY FASTER at breaking up with someone than men. Women only take SIX DAYS of thinking things over before they pull the trigger and end a relationship. Men take a FULL MONTH of thinking about it, changing their minds, and building up the courage before they end things
A Woman Had $42,000 in Plastic Surgery to Look Like Barbie . . . Now She’s Having Treatments to Become Dumb Like Barbie?
: There’s a 38-year-old woman in California who’s spent $42,000 on plastic surgery to look like BARBIE. And now she’s taking it even further . . . and having HYPNOTHERAPY sessions to become DUMBER like Barbie. She says after 20 sessions that it’s working, and she feels, quote, “ditzy and confused all the time.”
Your Phone Will Charge Faster in Airplane Mode . . . and Four Other Random Facts For Thursday
Here are a few random facts for you. Redheads have fewer strands of hair on their heads than other people, but their hair is thicker. If you switch to airplane mode, your phone will charge faster. And it’s technically illegal to mispronounce the word “Arkansas” in Arkansas.
1. The “DC” in DC Comics originally stood for Detective Comics. They dropped that . . . so the full name of their company is technically Detective Comics Comics.
2. Redheads have less hair on their heads than other people. The average redhead has 90,000 strands of hair . . . versus 110,000 strands for blonds and 140,000 strands for brunettes. But red hair is THICKER than the other two.
3. The day HEATH LEDGER died in 2008, “Heath Ledger” was the number one term searched on Google. The number two most-searched term? “Keith Ledger.”
4. If you switch to airplane mode before you charge your phone, it won’t search for a signal . . . so it’ll charge much faster.
5. It’s technically illegal to mispronounce the word “Arkansas” in Arkansas. You probably won’t get arrested for calling it Ar-kan-zis . . . but they won’t be happy.
Arguments in the Car Go Way Up During Winter . . . and Two Other New Things to Worry About
Here are a few new things to worry about. A study found you’re basically done making memories . . . our most important and lasting memories are formed by age 25. Arguments in the car go WAY UP during the winter. And PENILE CANCER cases have gone up 21% since 1979.
What’s the Most “TMI” Thing a Coworker’s Ever Said to You?
What’s the most “TMI” thing a coworker has ever said to you? A few of our favorites are a guy whose coworker said he had retractable testicles, then showed the guy to prove it . . . and a teenager whose 50-year-old coworker told her she was having a herpes outbreak.
1. “I had a coworker who told me he had retractable testicles . . . he could basically pull them up into his body. I didn’t believe him. He showed me.”
2. “A coworker told me all the details about how she had to WIPE her husband for months, after he blew off his arm with a firework and was learning to wipe himself with the other arm.”
3. “A coworker and I look very similar from behind. One day I was working at a different desk, someone came up behind me and said, ‘I’m going to eff you later.’ I turned around to see my boss. Turns out she was getting-it-on with my coworker.”
4. “When I was 16 and working at a grocery store, a 50-year-old cashier told me she was having a herpes outbreak.”
5. “A coworker was telling a funny story about his ex-wife, then out of nowhere he ended it with, ‘Well, she was responsible for my child’s death.’ He didn’t elaborate and no one asked.” (Reddit)
The Most Influential Candy Bars of All Time
“Time” magazine just put out a list of the most influential CANDY BARS of all time. Kit Kat came in first because it encouraged sharing and was the first candy bar that became popular worldwide. Hershey’s Milk Chocolate came in second, Toblerone is third, Nestle Milk Chocolate is fourth, and Snickers is fifth.
1. Kit Kat. Quote, “Beyond being the first candy bar to be marketed around sharing, which helped turn chocolate into a social snack, Kit Kat was also the first to gain a global following.”
2. Hershey’s Milk Chocolate. Quote, “Nestle may’ve invented milk chocolate, but Hershey’s made it mainstream. By building its factory right in the middle of dairy land . . . [they] powered an unparalleled distribution network.”
3. Toblerone. Quote, “Debuted in 1908 [as] the first bar to debut with a filling.”
4. Nestle Milk Chocolate. Quote, “Prior to this bar’s introduction in 1875, bar-form cocoa was bitter, chewy, and dark.”
5. Snickers. Quote, “More than 80 years after its launch, this is the world’s best-selling [candy bar]. Although it may not have revolutionized candy bar taste or distribution, it’s unparalleled at selling itself.” (Time) (Check out the top 13 here.)
Rihanna is 26. Fine young urban minx from Barbados with horrible taste in men.
Miles Teller is 27. Lovable and high-larious Willard in the “Footloose” remake. He’s in theaters now as Zac Efron’s roommate in “That Awkward Moment”, and he’s got a few other movies coming this year . . . including “Divergent”.
Justin Verlander is 31. THE LUCKY S.O.B. WHO GETS TO GET SMOOTH UP IN KATE UPTON ANY TIME HE WANTS TO!!! Less importantly, he’s also a former American League Cy Young and MVP winning pitcher for Detroit Tigers.
Chris Thile is 33. The mandolin virtuoso in Nickel Creek and Punch Brothers.
Jay Hernandez is 36. En Fuego Latino actor who got his start opposite Kirsten Dunst in “Crazy / Beautiful”. He also appeared in “Friday Night Lights”, “Hostel” and “World Trade Center”. Arrato.
Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys is 39.
K-OS is 42. Rapper whose name is an acronym for Knowledge of Self, but is pronounced chaos.
Lili Taylor is 47. You might know her from films like “High Fidelity” and “Say Anything”. She was also one of the kidnappers in the Mel Gibson movie “Ransom”.
Apparently, Michael Rapaport pled guilty to HARASSING her . . . and was ordered to stay away from her AND get counseling for a year. (True!)
Ron Eldard is 49. Colt Rhodes on “Justified”.
CINDY CRAWFORD is 48.
French Stewart is 50. “3rd Rock from the Sun” clown-ass.
CHARLES BARKLEY is 51. SIR CUMFERENCE. Loves the HUM HUM, and WILL run a stop sign to acquire it.
Patty Hearst is 60. She’s been kidnapped, brainwashed AND, eventually, pardoned by Bill Clinton. What have YOU done with YOUR life?
Walter Becker is 64. Bassist / cofounder of Steely Dan.
Ivana Trump is 65.
SANDY DUNCAN and her one good eye are 68.
There is/was a punk/alternative band called Sandy Duncan’s Eye . . . but, despite rumors, Sandy Duncan does NOT have a glass eye.
She lost sight in her left eye due to a tumor that damaged the optic nerve. She still has the eye, but no vision. Also, she used to pimp Wheat Thins. They’re delicious.
JOHN “JEROME” GEILS is 68. Leader of the J. Geils Band. “(My Angel Is A) Centerfold”. I do! Vividly. (Video)
SIDNEY POITIER is 87.
Kurt Cobain would’ve been 47. . . if he hadn’t been chewing on the end of a shotgun barrel while playing with the trigger back in 1994.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 4 days until “The Voice” returns
• 10 days to the Oscars
• 17 days to Daylight Savings
• 25 days to St. Patrick’s Day
• 40 days to April Fool’s Day
• 1,065 days left of “Hope and Change”
289 years ago . . . in 1725 – The first SCALPING of white men by angry red men all hopped up on the firewater was reported in New Hampshire. (Native Americans no longer scalp the white man. They FLEECE him at their many casinos.)
222 years ago . . . in 1792 – For some reason, President George Washington created the U.S. POST OFFICE.
175 years ago . . . in 1839 – Congress PROHIBITED DUELING in the District of Columbia. (ATTICA! Bring back the duel. If you’re beefing with another homie, choose your weapon, take ten steps and draw. Drive-bys are WEAK.)
52 years ago . . . in 1962 – Astronaut JOHN GLENN became the first American to orbit the Earth, flying aboard Friendship 7.
45 years ago . . . in 1969 – THE BLOCKBUSTER HIT “CANDY” PREMIERED, FEATURING RINGO STARR AS A MEXICAN GARDENER. (Odelay! Bonzai!)
40 years ago . . . in 1974 – CHER filed for separation from SONNY BONO after 10 years of marriage. Sonny was devastated by the news, so, 24 years later, he skied into a tree and died. (Cher believes Sonny’s ghost still hangs out at her house . . . even though we must assume he’s free to haunt way younger and hotter chicks.)
32 years ago . . . in 1982 – PAT BENATAR and her guitarist, Neil Geraldo, were married on Maui. Pat Benatar is “tainted goods” . . . this was her second trip to the altar. Today is their 31st Anniversary. Love is a battlefield, ya know.
29 years ago . . . in 1985 – THE VOICE OF DONALD DUCK, Clarence Nash, died of leukemia at age 80.
28 years ago . . . in 1986 – MIKE TYSON sexually propositioned a sales clerk in an Albany, New York, shopping mall and became violent and abusive when she rejected him. Later the same night, he was ejected from a movie theater following a similar incident.
24 years ago . . . in 1990 – The SCORPIONS album “Best Of Rockers ‘N’ Ballads“, featuring “ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE”, “Big City Nights” AND “NO ONE LIKE YOU”, was certified GOLD.
22 years ago . . . in 1992 – DICK YORK (the first Darrin on “BEWITCHED”) died of emphysema at 63.
18 years ago . . . in 1996 – The Recording Industry Association of America sued the mighty AMWAY Corporation for using the music of about 50 artists including GLORIA ESTEFAN, THE BEATLES and MICHAEL JACKSON without permission on motivational tapes!
(Amway is, of course, no longer called “Amway”. Now it’s called QUIXTAR. Whatever the name . . . it’ll always be a pyramid scheme to me.)
18 years ago . . . in 1996 – SNOOP DOGGY DOGG and his bodyguard were found not guilty of first-degree murder. The jury deadlocked on voluntary manslaughter charges and a mistrial was declared. Now Snoop is your kid’s football coach.
17 years ago . . . in 1997 – BEN & JERRY’S introduced a new flavor . . . PHISH FOOD . . . named after the rock group Phish. Phish Food contains chocolate ice cream, marshmallows, caramel and fish-shaped fudge.
16 years ago . . . in 1998 – Tiny TARA LIPINSKI became the youngest Olympic champion EVER when she beat MICHELLE KWAN to win the gold medal in women’s figure skating. Tara Lipinski was just 15 years old . . .
15 years ago . . . in 1999 – GENE SISKEL, of Siskel & Ebert, died of brain cancer at the age of 53.
11 years ago . . . in 2003 – 17-year-old JESICA SANTILLAN received her SECOND set of transplant organs after a blood type mismatch had caused her body to reject the first set of heart and lungs she’d received. Sadly, it was too little too late and she died two days later.
Nine years ago . . . in 2005 – The contents of PARIS HILTON’S hacked T-Mobile Sidekick hit the Internet.