Your daily dose of whatever includes:
- Golden Globes Recap
- Pam Anderson Got Married…Again
- More Bieber Drama
“American Hustle” and “12 Years a Slave” Won The Two Biggest Golden Globes Last Night
“American Hustle” and “12 Years a Slave” won Golden Globes for Best Comedy or Musical and Best Drama, respectively. Other winners included Leonardo DiCaprio, Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Adams and “Breaking Bad”.
The Golden Globes: All the Interesting Stuff
“Golden Globes” hosts AMY POEHLER and TINA FEY had some good jokes. Like: “‘Gravity’ is nominated for best film. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” Meanwhile, EMMA THOMPSON was DRUNK, and JENNIFER LAWRENCE Photobombed TAYLOR SWIFT.
The Complete Winners List
Best Drama: “12 Years a Slave”
Best Actress, Drama: Cate Blanchett, “Blue Jasmine”
Best Actor, Drama: Matthew McConaughey, “Dallas Buyers Club”
Best Musical or Comedy: “American Hustle”
Best Actress, Musical or Comedy: Amy Adams, “American Hustle”
Best Actor, Musical or Comedy: Leonardo DiCaprio, “The Wolf of Wall Street”
Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, “American Hustle”
Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto, “Dallas Buyers Club”
Best Animated Feature Film: “Frozen”
Best Director: Alfonso Cuarón, “Gravity”
Best Screenplay: “Her” (Written by Spike Jonze)
Best Original Song: “Ordinary Love” by U2 and Danger Mouse from “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom”
Best Original Score: “All Is Lost” . . . Robert Redford’s lost at sea movie.
Best Foreign-Language Film: “The Great Beauty”, Italy
Best Drama Series: “Breaking Bad” (AMC)
Best Actress, Drama: Robin Wright, “House of Cards”
Best Actor, Drama: Bryan Cranston, “Breaking Bad”
Best Musical or Comedy Series: “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” (Fox)
Best Actress, Musical or Comedy Series: Amy Poehler, “Parks and Recreation”
Best Actor, Musical or Comedy Series: Andy Samberg, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”
Best Miniseries or TV Movie: “Behind the Candelabra” (HBO)
Best Actress, Miniseries or TV Movie: Elisabeth Moss, “Top of the Lake”
Best Actor, Miniseries or TV Movie: Michael Douglas, “Behind the Candelabra”
Best Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or TV Movie: Jacqueline Bisset, “Dancing on the Edge”
Best Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or TV Movie: Jon Voight, “Ray Donovan”
Cecil C. DeMille Award: Woody Allen
And Now, A Wise Brother Fashion Report:
Hot: Cate Blanchett LOVED how low her dress was cut in the back.
Super Hot: Reese Smokin’ Witherspoon She was so SMOKIN’ in that aqua dress that I have completely forgotten about her drunken arrest last year. That chin looks like it could do just the right kind of damage . . . if she placed it in just the right crevice.
Made Me Swoon: Jessica Chastain Classy . . . elegant . . . fire . . . down . . . below! She looked like a very naughty and promiscuous princess.
Best Looking Waitress: Julia Roberts Usually when someone approaches me in an outfit like this, she’s calling me “Sugar” and handing me a 10-cent cup of coffee.
Moisture-inducing: Usher Yes, he’s responsible for Justin Bieber. But even that won’t convince your wife or girlfriend to turn on this CHOCOLATY DREAMBOAT.
Best Pasty Flasher: Robin Wright Why did the night’s only wardrobe malfunction have to happen to a 47-year-old woman with too much self-respect to take a chance on flashing nipple? Couldn’t they have found SOMETHING to nominate Miley for?
Most Insane Shoulder Piece: Paula Patton Speaking of Miley, how could ANYBODY think Robin Thicke would be interested in her when he’s got THIS waiting for him at home? I don’t even know what that white blob on her shoulder is supposed to be, and I’d STILL hit it!
Cutest Spinners: Mary Lou Retton, Hayden Panettiere If you don’t know what a “spinner” is, check out the Urban Dictionary. WARNING!!! It’s sexual. And yes, I would STILL do it to Mary Lou, because you KNOW she’s still just as limber as ever!
Would Not Throw Out of Bed: Zoe Saldana I wouldn’t mind trekking into HER darkness.
Would Throw Out of Bed: Lily Rabe
Would Let Him Handle Me in the Restroom Stall: Matthew McConaughey He still looks like he could gain a few pounds, but he fills out that tux nicely anyway. Unfortunately, he thanked his sexy wife during his acceptance speech. I hate him for that.
Would Invite Her Into My Restroom Stall: Kate Mara That’s a sweet valley of cleavage right there.
Would Allow Over the Bra in the Limo, But That’s It: The Derns! I’d let either one of them have me . . . while the other one watched. And filmed. Although I guess Laura would have to be the one filming. Bruce doesn’t look like he has the first idea how to work a smartphone.
Pamela Anderson Has Remarried Rick Salomon . . . The Guy from the Paris Hilton Sex Tape
PAMELA ANDERSON has married RICK SALOMON for the SECOND time. Salomon is probably best known as the male “star” of the PARIS HILTON sex tape.
Pam married him in 2007, but they got an annulment a few months later.
Pam says, quote, “We’re very happy. Our families are very happy and that’s all that matters.” (Check out a picture of them together . . . and a closeup of Pam’s wedding ring . . . here.)
Ladies: Zac Efron Would Respect You If You Let Him Give You the Business on the First Date
Pretty much any guy will have sex on the first date. But a lot of times he loses respect for the woman who let him slide into home so easily. It’s totally hypocritical, but it happens.
Not with ZAC EFRON, though. If you give Zac your most precious gift after just one dinner, you can STILL be his queen. He says, quote, “Sex is a beautiful thing. I don’t object.”
Whitney Houston’s Daughter Married Her Adopted “Brother”
WHITNEY HOUSTON’S daughter BOBBI KRISTINA BROWN married her adopted “brother” NICK GORDON. They announced it on Twitter with a picture of their wedding rings.
Bobbi and Nick aren’t siblings biologically OR legally. Nick was “unofficially” adopted by Whitney as a teenager. Bobbi turns 21 in March.
Charlize Theron Convinced Sean Penn to Get Rid of His Guns . . . In the Continental United States, Anyway
SEAN PENN is getting rid of his guns. During a charity auction for Haiti over the weekend, one of the items up for bids was a sculpture that will be made out of all 65 of the guns Sean owns “in the continental United States.” He credited, quote, “a strong woman . . . from South Africa” for convincing him to ditch them. Obviously, he was referring to his new girlfriend CHARLIZE THERON.
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
2. EMMA WATSON on the beach is worth a look. Even though she looks like she can still shop for bikinis in the children’s section.
3. For some reason, lesbian songwriter LINDA PERRY grabbed STEVEN TYLER’S crotch.
(In related news, do Kim and KANYE WEST want to get married in space? Probably not, but it makes for good gossip fodder.)
Justin Bieber Got Caught Egging His Neighbor’s House
JUSTIN BIEBER egged his neighbor’s house Thursday night, and the neighbor caught some of it on video. All he really got was Justin’s voice, because it was dark . . . but Justin reportedly threw about 20 eggs. Police are investigating.
Shia LaBeouf Says He’s Leaving Public Life . . . And Jim Carrey Made Fun of Him at the Golden Globes
JIM CARREY busted SHIA LABEOUF at the “Golden Globes” last night. He said, quote, “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that. So young, so wise.” Meanwhile, Shia Tweeted Friday that he’s, quote, “retiring from all public life.”
While JIM CARREY was presenting an award, he said, quote, “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that. So young, so wise.”
Two days earlier . . . on Friday . . . Shia Tweeted that he was going UNDERGROUND. He said, quote, “In light of the recent attacks on my artistic integrity, I am retiring from all public life.”
He added, “My love goes out to those who have supported me.” (As of yesterday he was still Tweeting, though.)
Alex Rodriguez’s Full-Season Suspension Has Been Upheld
An arbitrator has upheld Major League Baseball’s suspension of ALEX RODRIGUEZ for juicing. A-Rod will be out for the entire 162-game, 2014 season, and will forfeit his $25 million salary. Plus, last night, the founder of the clinic he went to told “60 Minutes” that he personally injected A-Rod, because, quote, “Alex is scared of needles.”
“Lone Survivor” Is #1 at the Box Office . . . “Hercules” Didn’t Even Crack the Top Three
Mark Wahlberg’s Navy SEAL movie “Lone Survivor” finished first at the box office this weekend with $38.5 million. That’s the second-biggest January opening ever, behind “Cloverfield”, which made $40 million in 2008.
But things weren’t so good for “The Legend of Hercules”, which tanked in a big way. The movie brought in just $8.6 million in its first three days of release, despite costing an estimated $70 million to make. Here are this week’s Top 10 movies:
1. (NEW) “Lone Survivor”, $38.5 million. Up to $38.9 million in its 3rd week, after two weeks of limited release.
2. “Frozen”, $15.1 million. Up to $318 million in its 8th week.
3. “The Wolf of Wall Street”, $9 million. Up to $78.6 million in its 3rd week.
4. (NEW) “The Legend of Hercules”, $8.6 million.
5. “American Hustle”, $8.6 million. Up to $102 million in its 5th week.
6. “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug”, $8 million. Up to $242 million in its 5th week.
7. “August: Osage County”, $7.3 million. Up to $7.9 million in its 3rd week of limited release.
8. “Saving Mr. Banks”, $6.6 million. Up to $68.9 million in its 5th week.
9. “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones”, $6.3 million. Up to $28.5 million in its 2nd week.
10. “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues”, $6.1 million. Up to $119 million in its 4th week.
Tom Hanks Is Your Favorite Actor . . . Denzel Washington Is Second
According to the annual Harris Interactive poll, TOM HANKS is your favorite actor. He’s followed by DENZEL WASHINGTON and JENNIFER LAWRENCE.
1. Tom Hanks
2. Denzel Washington
3. Jennifer Lawrence
4. Julia Roberts
5. Sandra Bullock
6. Johnny Depp
7. John Wayne
8. Clint Eastwood
9. (tie) Brad Pitt and Meryl Streep
How Much Nudity Is There Really on “Girls”? 3%
A lot of people talk about the nudity on the HBO show “Girls” . . . but how much nudity does the show ACTUALLY have? Some guy went through the entire first two seasons, and he found that “only” 3% of the show includes nudity. And 64% of the time, it’s LENA DUNHAM getting naked.
Some guy went through the entire first two seasons to find out . . . and he discovered that “only” 3% of the show includes nudity.
Obviously, 3% IS quite a bit . . . but three minutes of nakedness for every 100 minutes of screen time doesn’t seem like as much as you’d expect, especially for all the talk about the show’s CONSTANT nudity.
Here are some of this guy’s other findings: 74% of the nudity was female, which means a good 26% was MALE nudity. Not surprisingly, Lena’s character Hannah was naked the most . . . she accounted for 64% of the nudity.
Roughly half the nudity came from sex scenes. 39% was during, quote, “fun” . . . 5% was “going to and / or being in bed,” another 5% was bathing, and there were a few other instances that fell under the categories “peeing” and “other.”
(You can browse through all this guy’s data at Buzzfeed.com.)
Monday TV Reminders:
• “Switched at Birth” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC Family.
• “Lost Girl” [4th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Syfy.
• “Being Human” [4th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Syfy.
• “Major Crimes” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TNT.
• “Archer” [5th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on FX.
• “Don’t Trust Andrew Mayne” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on A&E. Magician Andrew Mayne uses illusions to punk unsuspecting people.
• “Chozen” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on FX. “SNL’s” Bobby Moynihan stars in this comedic animated series about a gay white rapper. Method Man is also in it.
• “Bitten” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Syfy. Laura Vandervoort from “V” and “Smallville” plays the only known female werewolf. She’s summoned back to her pack after other werewolves start hunting them.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “Letterman” – Bill Cosby. Music Guest: Sleigh Bells.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Kevin Costner (“Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit”) and Harry Connick Jr. (“American Idol”). Music Guest: Kevin Costner & Modern West.
• “The Tonight Show” – Aaron Eckhart (“I, Frankenstein”) and Jennifer Lopez. Music Guest: Dorian Holley.
• “Jimmy Fallon” – “The Walking Dead’s” Jon Bernthal (“The Wolf of Wall Street”) and Queen Latifah. Music Guest: London Grammar.
• “Carson Daly” – American bobsledders Nick Cunningham and Dallas Robinson. Music Guests: St. Lucia with Madi Diaz.
• “Arsenio” – Tyrese talks about “Fast & Furious 6″, and performs as part of TGT with Ginuwine and Tank.
• “Conan” – Courteney Cox (“Cougar Town”) and John Leguizamo (“Ride Along”). Music Guest: Jamestown Revival.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Kevin Bacon (“The Following”).
• “Chelsea Lately” – Round table guests are Giulia Rozzi, Josh Wolf and Loni Love.
• “Jon Stewart” – “God Loves Uganda” director Roger Ross Williams.
• “The Colbert Report” – “Frontline” executive producer David Fanning.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers Are Joining Bruno Mars for the Super Bowl Halftime Show
THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS are joining BRUNO MARS for the Super Bowl Halftime Show on February 2nd.
There’s no word yet how that’s going to work exactly, or what songs they’ll be doing.
Kesha’s Mom Got PTSD Because Kesha Is in Rehab . . . So She Went to Rehab Too
KESHA entered rehab last week for an eating disorder. Allegedly, her producer, DR. LUKE, called her a “refrigerator”, and she was pressured to lose weight. He denies it, though.
Apparently, the whole thing was just too much for KESHA’S mom to handle, because now she’s now suffering from POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. She said it took over her life, and tore the family apart.
So she’s joining Kesha, in the same clinic, to get some help.
Five Random Facts For Monday
Here are a few random facts for you. Every year in the U.S. there are an estimated 11,000 cases of sudden death during SEX . . . 23 people in the U.S. died last year by getting hit by lightning, which is the lowest number ever . . . and when you stumble drunk, you stumble toward your dominant hand.
1. Every year in the U.S., there are an estimated 11,000 cases of sudden death during SEX.
2. Fewer people died from lightning in the U.S. last year than EVER BEFORE . . . or at least since they started keeping accurate records in 1940. There were 23 deaths last year, the previous low was 26 in 2011.
3. Mountain Dew was originally invented by two brothers in Tennessee . . . who wanted a new mixer for their whisky.
4. THOMAS JEFFERSON’S grave marker mentions that he wrote the Declaration of Independence and founded the University of Virginia . . . but doesn’t mention that he was president.
5. When you stumble drunk, you stumble mostly toward your dominant hand.
Commuting Is So Bad, It Makes 10% of Us Want to Cry
This seems high . . . but according to a new study, one out of 10 people say commuting is so stressful they want to CRY by the time they finally get to work. The study also found that the average person wastes about 18 minutes a day “coming down” from their commute before they can really focus on work.
What’s the Most Unethical Thing You’ve Seen at Work?
What’s the most unethical thing you’ve seen at work? A few good ones we’ve heard are a paramedic whose coworkers used to steal everything out of the ambulances, and only got caught when a guy tried to walk out with a stretcher . . . and a guy who worked at an antique book store and was told to forge authors’ signatures, including CHARLES DARWIN’S.
1. “I worked for an ambulance service once. Many of the paramedics treated it like their own personal medicine cabinets. They only got busted when one genius decided to walk out of the station with a stretcher under his arm.”
2. “I worked at an antique book dealer and my boss had me forge authors’ signatures. I quit when she asked me to sign a copy of ‘The Origin of Species’ pretending I was CHARLES DARWIN.”
3. “My company plays music in the background during calls. It’s because a company once recorded a call with us and cut up our audio to make it sound like we were agreeing to buy something. So, with the music, you can’t rearrange what we’re saying.”
4. “I worked at a diner. The owners hated having to pay credit card fees . . . so they’d make up the fees by docking the staff’s tips.”
5. “I worked at a fast food restaurant. We caught our female boss having sex with a random guy in the parking lot. And then again in the walk-in freezer.” (Reddit)
The Polar Vortex Led to a Big Jump in Internet Porn
How did people spend their unexpected, FREEZING days off work last week? Watching porn. A study found porn viewing during business hours was up 5.2% last week . . . and in states like Maine, Michigan, and Florida it was up over 37%.
A New Study Found the Perfect Online Dating Profiles: Women Who Drink and Aren’t Educated . . . and Men Who Are Rich, Athletic Doctors
The dating website PlentyOfFish.com just ran a study on 81,000 profiles to figure out the “ideal” woman and man for online dating. The ideal man is Christian, has a doctorate, makes six figures, is athletic, and wants a relationship. The ideal woman is Catholic, DOES NOT have a master’s degree, is thin, drinks alcohol three times a week, and has a dog.
The Ten Names That Make the Best Husbands and Wives
A new study has found the names associated with being the best husbands and wives. The best husbands are named David, Andrew, Daniel, Paul, and John . . . the best wives are named Katie, Sophie, Louise, Sarah, and Emily.
A Woman Sues Her Divorce Lawyer For Not Telling Her a Divorce Would End Her Marriage
In England, a woman filed a lawsuit against her divorce lawyers for negligence . . . because they didn’t tell her a divorce meant the end of her MARRIAGE. She says her lawyers should’ve recognized that as a Roman Catholic, she would be against ending her marriage . . . and should’ve steered her toward separation instead. Fortunately, a national appeals judge just dismissed the suit.
A Judge Acquits a Drunk Driver . . . Because He’s Asian
In Sweden, a judge just let a 63-year-old man off on a drunk driving charge because . . . the guy was ASIAN. The guy was busted driving with a blood-alcohol level of .164, which is eight times Sweden’s legal limit. But the judge said he, quote, “read on the Internet” that Asians process alcohol differently, so he wasn’t sure if the guy had drank too much or his body just didn’t process the alcohol right.
A Cockroach Crawled Into a Guy’s Ear While He Was Sleeping . . . And He Tried to Get It Out Using a Vacuum Cleaner?
Last Wednesday, a guy in Australia woke up in the middle of the night and thought a SPIDER had crawled in his ear. So first he tried to suck it out with a VACUUM CLEANER. But when that didn’t work, he went to the hospital where a doctor pulled out a one-inch COCKROACH. Unfortunately there are no photos.
Liam Hemsworth – 24 (The so-so-dreamy male star of “The Last Song” and “The Hunger Games”. Easily the best thing he did last year was ditch Miley Cyrus.)
WILLIAM HUNG! – 31 (Probably has more money in the bank than you.)
ORLANDO BLOOM – 37 (Dashing Will Turner in “Pirates of the Caribbean”, and the handsomely hairless elf Legolas in the “Lord of the Rings” and “Hobbit” movies. He used to nail Miranda Kerr, but they’ve been separated since October.)
Nicole Eggert – 42 (Blonde bimbo from “Baywatch” and “CHARLES IN CHARGE”!!! Scott Baio probably nailed her.)
Shonda Rhimes – 44 (“Grey’s Anatomy” creator.)
Patrick Dempsey – 48 (Dr. Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd on “Grey’s Anatomy”, not to mention THE star of the 1986 cinematic classic, “Meatballs 3: Summer Job”!)
Traci Bingham – 46 (Nubian “Baywatch” babe who was on “The Surreal Life 2″.)
Trace Adkins – 52 (6′ 7″ tall badass who survived being shot in the heart and lungs by his second wife. He’s also the Grammy-winning country singer who gave us “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”.)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – 53 (Big-headed “Seinfeld” minx.) (Julia is also a bona fide HEIRESS. Her family is LOADED. They own a French company called the Louis Dreyfus Group, which is one of the world’s largest commodities trading and merchandising firms. Her father, who ran it until 2006, is a BILLIONAIRE.)
Tasha Voux – 56 (Mattress actress who has starred in 186 fine films, including . . . “Indiana Joan & The Black Hole of Mammoo”, “Romancing the Bone” AND “Silence of the G.A.M.S.”.)
Richard Moll – 71 (Bull on “Night Court”. He also played the Abominable Snowman in Ringo Starr’s classic, 1981 comedy “Caveman”!)
RIP TAYLOR – 79 (Flaming comedian with a purty mustachioed mouth!!! Don’t YOU wish you could just reach into your pocket and throw confetti whenever you felt like it? How cool would that be?)
CHARLES NELSON REILLY – Would have been 83 – (1931 – 2007) (FLAMING “MATCH GAME” PANELIST, WHO WAS IN TOP FORM DURING “MATCH GAME ’73” AND “MATCH GAME ’76”!)
Robert Stack – Would have been 95 – (1919 – 2003) (Old actor. He hosted “Unsolved Mysteries”, starred in “Airplane!” and played Eliot Ness on “The Untouchables” TV series.)
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 7 days to Martin Luther King Day
• 18 days to the Year of the Horse
• 20 days until Super Bowl 48
• 25 days to the Winter Olympics
• 32 days to Valentine’s Day
• 1,103 days left of “Hope and Change”
151 years ago . . . in 1863 – THOMAS CRAPPER unveiled his invention . . . the one-piece pedestal flushing toilet.
85 years ago . . . in 1929 – WYATT “DAMM” EARP died in Los Angeles at the age of 80. He kicked all manner of cowboy ass in the Gunfight at the OK Corral in Tombstone, Arizona.
57 years ago . . . in 1957 – After seeing Yale students toss pie tins from Frisbie’s Pie Company in the air, an executive at Wham-O decided to mass-produce the first FRISBEE.
35 years ago . . . in 1979 – The YMCA filed a libel suit against the VILLAGE PEOPLE for their way gay hit, “In the Navy”. KIDDING!!! It was for the song “YMCA”. The suit . . . and all manner of tight pants . . . were later dropped. (???)
29 years ago . . . in 1985 – On a 130-yard hole at a golf course in Spain, one Otto Butcher became the OLDEST PERSON EVER to hit a hole-in-one . . . at AGE 99.
26 years ago . . . in 1988 – HANK WILLIAMS JR.’S “duet” with his late father, “There’s a Tear in My Beer”, was released.
22 years ago . . . in 1992 – WOODY ALLEN and MIA FARROW ended their 12-year relationship when Mia found naked pictures of her adopted daughter SOON-YI in Woody Allen’s apartment.
She was later awarded custody of their children . . . while Woody was awarded a mid-life crisis full of YOUNG, ASIATIC POON!!! (???)
20 years ago . . . in 1994 – Two of TONYA HARDING’S chubby hoodlum bodyguards were arrested and charged with conspiracy in the clubbing of NANCY KERRIGAN.
15 years ago . . . in 1999 – MICHAEL JORDAN announced his SECOND retirement from the Chicago Bulls.
12 years ago . . . in 2002 – While watching football at the White House, GEORGE W. BUSH choked on a deadly PRETZEL . . . to the point of PASSING OUT.
11 years ago . . . in 2003– PETE TOWNSHEND of THE WHO was arrested for accessing child pornography on the Internet. Luckily for him, the cops bought his excuse about doing “research”.
Four years ago . . . in 2010 – Paralyzed R&B legend TEDDY PENDERGRASS died of respiratory failure at 59. He was a member of Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes, which scored a hit with “If You Don’t Know Me By Now“, and he was also a big solo artist in the ’70s and ’80s.