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“I’m Not Drunk, I Just Have Big Boobs!” – Stupid Criminal Of The Day

Martin County Sheriff's Department

I’ve heard people use the phrase “I’m not drunk…” a lot. Usually it’s “I’m not drunk, I can totally have another drink.” or “I’m not drunk, I can totally drive.” (no, you can’t). But, I don’t think I’ve ever heard this one before.

“Why did you fail your field sobriety test, ma’am?” “I’m not drunk, I just have big boobs!”

Yup, a lady down in Port St. Lucie, Florida tried to use her large chest as her reason for not being able to properly balance on one foot, walk a straight line, and touch her fingertips to her nose. 

On January 29, Maureen Raymond of Port St. Lucie was seen speeding and crossing over a double yellow line twice, according to the Martin County Sheriff’s Department.

After being stopped, the cops say that she attempted to exit her vehicle multiple times, despite being told to stay in the car by police officers.

When one of the officers told her that they wanted to perform a field sobriety test, Raymond responded by asking him if he realized how well endowed she was.

“Big breasts don’t balance well,” she told the police when it was explained that she would be asked to complete tasks such as balancing on one foot.

At one point, she also told the officer that she could spin, and proceeded to spin in circles until the officer stopped her.

Police also claim that the woman attempted to take off her clothes multiple times in order to show the officers her large breasts. She also danced in the middle of the “walk a straight line” portion of the sobriety test.

The officers arrested Raymond on probable cause, and when they got her to the jail, told her that they wished to do a breathalyzer test. At that point, things got weirder (you didn’t think that possible, did you?).

She informed the officers that they would have to wait to perform the test, as she was praying, and “God is first”.

Needless to say, she was charged with driving under the influence and was held on $750 bond. She’s due in court on February 16.

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