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“Dirty Dancing” Remake? Well, That Sounds Terrible

I’m about to say something that I’m sure most of my peers could never truthfully say. I’ve never seen “Dirty Dancing”. It’s true. Somehow that movie slipped under the radar for me when I was in my “watch all of the popular 80’s movies” phase in college. I’m almost 30, and I’ve never seen “Dirty Dancing”. Many of my friends are completely dumbfounded by this fact. I’m alright with it. I mean, I’ve lived without it for this long. I could probably go the entire rest of my life without ever seeing it.

But, it looks like “Dirty Dancing” is making a comeback! That’s right, there’s a remake of this 80’s classic in the works. Of course, it can’t have the original stars in it. Patrick Swayze is, you know, dead. And the other characters would be far too old at this point to pull it off.

This remake will no doubt irritate everyone who thinks that there’s nothing wrong with the one that already exists, causing them to say things like “You can’t replace the Swayze!” They might even make t-shirts with the slogan on it if we’re lucky.

Hopefully, this version will have zombies in it.

Here’s the kicker: it’s exactly the same as the old movie, only with some new songs.

And wait! There’s more! The film’s original choreographer, Kenny Ortega, will direct the remake, to make it more exactly the same as the original.

Ortega also directed Michael Jackson’s tour movie “This Is It.” I could make a joke about “Ghost” in here (with both Patrick Swayze and Michael Jackson being dead and all), but that would just be bad form.

There are already rumors circulating about who will be cast in the remake. It’s been rumored that Lea Michele from “Glee” may take on the role of Frances “Baby” Houseman. But, who should replace Patrick Swayze and play the roll of Johnny Castle? I swear, if they pick Justin Bieber, I’m going to lose it.

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