You Can Keep Your Pumpkin Spice Flavored Everything
If I hear or see on Facebook one more person claiming “OMG! It’s almost FALL! Can’t wait to get my pumpkin spice latte!” I’m going to start some sort of campaign to eradicate pumpkins from the entire planet. America’s obsession with pumpkin spice has gone a little too far, and I’m not okay with it. This isn’t just because I don’t particularly care for whatever flavor “pumpkin spice” actually is (I assume it’s a lot like pumpkin pie, which I also don’t like), it’s also because you can now get pumpkin spice flavored everything, and that’s a problem.
Today marks the first day that Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte is available and everyone on Facebook and Twitter have lost their collective minds over it.
If you say "pumpkin spice latte" in the mirror 3 times, a white girl in yoga pants will appear & tell you all her favorite things about fall
— Not Will Ferrell (@itsWillyFerrell) September 20, 2013
I guess I might appreciate the Pumpkin Spice latte if I actually drank coffee, so I’m going to hold off on completely judging that one. But, there are enough other pumpkin spice products out there for me to try and loathe that I feel like I’m an expert.
Pumpkin Beer: The thing is that I really like beer. I’m not in any way a beer snob, and there are definitely types and styles that I like better than others. But, I really thought that pumpkin spice beer would be good (I don’t know why, just sounded like it would be a flavor that I enjoy). I tried one yesterday. It tasted like a straight up pumpkin. Like I could have gone to the store, bought a pumpkin, cut it up, and ate it and I would have had the same experience (sans the alcohol content). Pumpkin spice beer is now something that I will never be a fan of.
Pumpkin Spice Pringles: Yup, you read that right. Pumpkin Spice Pringles are a real thing that exist. For just $1.79, you can have Pringles that taste like the worst dessert you’ve ever eaten. I’ll stick with original or sour cream and onion, thank you very much.
Pumpkin Pie Vodka: This is one that I can kind of understand. I’m not a fan of pumpkin pie (I mean, I’ll eat it, but it’s not my favorite), but I know that a lot of people are. If your booze can taste like one of your favorite desserts it’s a win-win situation, I suppose. I’m kind of turned off by drinks that taste like food, though. So even if this vodka tasted like a caramel sundae I probably still wouldn’t drink it.
Pumpkin Dog Treats: Even dogs get to get in on the pumpkin madness! Trader Joe’s now sells pumpkin dog treats! (Though I’ve heard that pumpkin is actually really good for dogs, so maybe there’s more science behind it than anything else.)
Pumpkin Spice M&Ms: In theory, these sound good (or sound like they would sound good to someone who likes pumpkin), but the folks from the Huffington Post say otherwise. Their review says that the name of these fall colored (brown, green, orange) candies is deceiving. Turns out that there’s no real pumpkin flavor to them at all, and they mostly taste like cinnamon (which isn’t listed as an ingredient). Cinnamon-flavored chocolate with maybe a small hint of pumpkin? I think I’ll pass.
Pumpkin Spice Oreos: Just stop it. They sound almost as gross as Watermelon Oreos and Carmel Apple Oreos (which are both things).
Like I said earlier, my level of annoyance with all of these pumpkin creations is probably directly related to my dislike of pumpkin flavor in general, but I feel like we’ve gone a little pumpkin crazy these days.