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Whatever 9.26

Your daily dose of WHATEVER!!

Robert Pattinson Is Either Nailing Sean Penn’s Daughter or His Personal Trainer 

There are reports that ROBERT PATTINSON is seeing 22-year-old Dylan Penn . . . the daughter of SEAN PENN and ROBIN WRIGHT.  But there are also reports that Rob is dating his personal trainer.

Madonna and Sean Penn Reunited at the Premiere of Her New Short Film 

MADONNA and SEAN PENN reunited Tuesday in New York City, at the premiere of her “Secret Project Revolution” . . . a short movie about protecting freedom of expression.  They even took a picture together.  So-called “sources” say their chemistry was, quote, “off the charts.”

Is Richard Gere Getting Divorced? 

The “New York Post” says that RICHARD GERE and actress Carey Lowell are getting divorced after 11 years of marriage.

They haven’t been photographed together since last year, and a so-called “source” says they’ve been, quote, “spending time apart for quite some time.”

He’s 64, she’s 52, and they have a 13-year-old son with the unfortunate name Homer James Jigme Gere.

Do Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively Rent Motel Rooms By the Hour? 

This sounds like an awesome way to keep the passion alive in a marriage:  The “Star” tabloid claims that BLAKE LIVELY and RYAN REYNOLDS rent motel rooms by the hour just to GET IT ON.

A source says, quote, “They maintain their intense chemistry by engaging in role play, secret romps in ‘rent by the hour’ motels and naked yoga at home.”

They also want to join the Mile-High Club . . . and Ryan plans to rent a private jet to make it happen.

Lindsay Lohan’s Half-Sister Had $25,000 Worth of Surgery to Look Like Her 

MICHAEL LOHAN’S 18-year-old love child ASHLEY HORN got $25,000 worth of plastic surgery to look like her half-sister LINDSAY.  She says, quote, “My goal was to look like Lindsay in her good days, when she was around 18, 19 years old . . . . I’m hotter than Lindsay!  I have no problem saying that.”

O.J. Simpson Got Caught Stealing Cookies 

We all know O.J. SIMPSON is evil, and this just proves it:  The “National Enquirer” says he was caught STEALING OATMEAL COOKIES from the prison cafeteria.  Guards noticed a bulge in his prison clothes and shook him down.

A source says, quote, “He just stood there with a goofy grin on his face as the guard kept digging inside his shirt and throwing the cookies on the floor.”

Lamar Odom May Not Have Written That Tweet Trashing His Dad 

The plot thickens:  Sources say LAMAR ODOM did NOT write that angry Tweet in which he ripped into his father and defended and praised the Kardashians.

Supposedly, wherever Lamar is, he doesn’t even have Internet access, because that’s the way he wants it.  And it’s possible that he doesn’t even know that his father did that interview where he blamed the Kardashians for his son’s problems.

Melissa Joan Hart Experimented With Drugs and Made Out With Jerry O’Connell and Nick Carter 

 In a new tell-all book coming out next month, MELISSA JOAN HART talks about taking Ecstasy at the Playboy Mansion and making out with a girl . . . makeout sessions with JERRY O’CONNELL and NICK CARTER . . . turning down cocaine from PARIS HILTON . . . and not getting along with ASHTON KUTCHER.

If You Didn’t Get Miley Cyrus’ “VMA” Performance, Then You Weren’t Meant To 

MILEY CYRUS has a message for everyone who didn’t enjoy her “VMA” performance . . . quote, “For the people that don’t get it, you weren’t meant to.”  She also called her performance “a breath of fresh air,” saying, quote, “I feel like music is really stale right now.  I could have guessed what a lot of artists would have done that night.”

Part of Last Sunday’s “Breaking Bad” Was Inspired By a 16-Year-Old Fan, Who Died of Cancer 

An element of last Sunday’s episode of “Breaking Bad” was inspired by a 16-year-old fan, who died of cancer.  The show’s creator visited him a while back, and asked him what the show was missing.  The kid wanted more of Gretchen and Elliott . . . and that’s why they came up again in last week’s episode.

“Hoarders” Has Been Canceled 

A&E has officially canceled “Hoarders”.  The show finished its sixth season in February, and there aren’t any more episodes on the way.  So the show is DONE.

Thursday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Thursday Night Football” . . . 8:25 to 11:25 P.M. Eastern on NFL Network.  The St Louis Rams host the San Francisco 49ers at Edward Jones Dome in Saint Louis.

 

 

“The X Factor” [Auditions] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.

 

 

“The Big Bang Theory” [7th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS

 

 

“Parks & Recreation” [6th Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC.

 

 

“Glee” [5th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.  The kids perform songs from The Beatles.

 

 

“The Crazy Ones” [Series Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on CBS.  Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar star as father-and-daughter advertising executives who try to get guest star Kelly Clarkson to record a jingle for a client.

 

 

“Two And A Half Men” [11th Season Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.  Amber Tamblyn joins the cast as Charlie’s 25-year-old daughter Jenny, who wants to learn more about her late father and his family.

 

 

“Grey’s Anatomy” [10th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.

 

“The Michael J. Fox Show” [Series Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.  Michael J. Fox plays a popular TV news anchor who reconsiders his choice to retire due to his Parkinson’s disease.

 

 

“Elementary” [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS.

 

 

“Parenthood” [5th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.

 

 

“Airplane Repo” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Discovery.

 

 

“Sueprmarket Superstar” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:30 to 11:30 P.M. on Lifetime.

 

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Lizzy Caplan (“Masters of Sex”) and Tony Danza (“Don Jon”) are guests.

 

 

“Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on FXX.  Big Freedia guests.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show”Taye Diggs (“Baggage Claim”) and Peter Krause (“Parenthood”).

 

“Good Morning America”Hannah Ware and Stuart Townsend (ABC’s “Betrayal”), plus fashion designer Catherine Malandrino.  Music Guest:  Earth Wind & Fire.

 

“CBS This Morning” – Former first lady Laura Bush and Robin Williams (“The Crazy Ones”).

 

 

 

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Robin Williams (“The Crazy Ones”) and Peter Krause (“Parenthood”).

 

“The View”Olivia Wilde (“Rush”), Hannah Ware and Stuart Townsend (ABC’s “Betrayal”).  Former “The View” host Debbie Matenopoulos co-hosts.

 

“Rachael Ray”Jill Scott (“Baggage Claim”), Vanessa Lachey (with tips for fixing frizzy hair) and Buddy Valastro (“Cake Boss”).

 

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Zooey Deschanel (“New Girl”).  Music Guest:  Ricky Martin.

 

“The Talk”Sarah Michelle Gellar and Robin Williams (“The Crazy Ones”), plus teen chef Reed Alexander (who you know as Nevel from “iCarly”).

 

“Katie Couric”Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“Don Jon”) and Stephen Merchant (“Hello Ladies”).

 

“Steve Harvey” – The founder of the Smart Dating Academy, dating coach Bela Gandhi, discusses the latest digital dating trends.

 

“Dr. Phil”A woman who’s struggling with her finances after getting a divorce.  And an unemployed 28-year-old who’s still living on his parents’ dime.

 

“Dr. Oz Show”Alternative-health solutions such as acupuncture, deep breathing, and neti pots.

 

“Wendy Williams”Tami Roman (“Basketball Wives”), “VH1 Morning Buzz” host Carrie Keagan, and Billboard’s Joe Levy.  Music Guest:  Big Sean.

 

“Bethenny”Tamar Braxton (“Tamar and Vince”).

 

“Queen Latifah Show”Jill Scott (“Baggage Claim”) and Chris Noth (“The Good Wife”).  Plus Queen Latifah thanks Sister Mary Scullion for her dedication to feeding, sheltering and educating homeless people.

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Johnny Galecki (“The Big Bang Theory”) and Bono for One.org.  Music Guest:  Kings of Leon.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Rebel Wilson (“Super Fun Night”) and Anthony Bourdain (“Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown”).  Music Guest:  Avril Lavigne.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Julia Louis-Dreyfus (“Enough Said”) and Congressman Ron Paul.  Music Guest:  Little Big Town.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Tina Fey.  Music Guest:  Goldfrapp.

 

 

“Carson Daly”Singer Davey Havok and The Exquisite Corpse Project.  Music Guest:  Kitten.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Arsenio”Orlando Jones (“Sleepy Hollow”) and the voice of iPhone’s Siri Karen Jacobsen.  Music Guest:  Mayer Hawthorne.

 

 

“Conan”Andy Samberg (“Brooklyn Nine-Nine”).  Music Guest:  Slash.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“Don Jon”) and Maggie Grace (“Californication” and “Susanna”).

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”“Iron Chef’s” Cat Cora.

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Robin Williams (“The Crazy Ones”).

 

 

“The Colbert Report”Shark wrangler Chris Fischer.

The 10 Dumbest Reasons Why Men and Women Have Dumped Someone

 

We found a great list of the dumbest reasons people got dumped.  Women said guys have dumped them for beating them on Xbox, having too many sex toys, and for leaving the toilet seat down.  And guys said women have dumped them for breathing too heavy, showering twice a day, and wearing aftershave.

Here are the ten dumbest excuses GUYS have given for breaking up with someone . . .

 

 

1.  “You have too many sex toys, which is intimidating.”

 

2.  “You ignored all my requests to leave the toilet seat UP, which slows me down.”

 

3.  “Your grandmother keeps giving me the eye and it creeps me out.”

 

4.  “I had to play football in a dirty uniform because you didn’t wash it in time.”

 

5.  “My friends keep telling me you’re not attractive and I can’t take it.”

 

6.  “You claimed to be a fan of DOSTOYEVSKY but couldn’t name Raskolnikov’s sister in ‘Crime and Punishment’, so I think you’re a fraud.”

 

7.  “You said you’d seen BLINK 182 here, but they’ve never played here, which means you aren’t trustworthy.”

 

8.  “You beat me all the time on Xbox and I can’t take it.”

 

9.  “Your cooking isn’t as good as my mom’s and I don’t think it’s going to improve.”

 

10.  “You wouldn’t pick me up after a night out, so I had to pay $24 for a taxi.”

And here are the ten dumbest excuses WOMEN have given for breaking up with someone . . .

 

 

1.  “The way you pronounce words bothers me.”

 

2.  “I don’t like your aftershave, so this isn’t going to work.”

 

3.  “You never flush the toilet.”

 

4.  “You don’t cut your fingernails often enough.”

 

5.  “Your breathing is too heavy.”

 

6.  “I don’t like the newspaper you read.”

 

7.  “You’re too close to your mother.”

 

8.  “Our TV shows just aren’t compatible.”

 

9.  “You’re TOO CLEAN . . . and you shower twice a day, which is too much.”

 

10.  “You won’t put on the heat when it’s cold and tell me to wear a sweater, but my sweater is too tight and I don’t want to wear it.” 

(FemaleFirst)

What Does Your Favorite Beer Say About Your Sex Life?

The dating site Zoosk just did a survey for Oktoberfest, to see what your favorite type of BEER says about your SEX LIFE.  Apparently, domestic beer drinkers are looking for marriage . . . microbrew fans enjoy one-night stands . . . and people who always order imports are more likely to be VIRGINS.

1.  Domestic beer drinkers are more likely to be looking for someone to MARRY.  They also tend to be traditional, and don’t like public displays of affection.

 

 

2.  Microbrew fans have had more ONE-NIGHT STANDS than any other type of beer drinker.  74% said they’ve had at least one of them.  And 54% said that in a perfect world, they’d have sex EVERY DAY.

 

 

3.  People who prefer imported beer are more likely to still be VIRGINS.  But it’s just 4% of them, so it’s not a crazy high number.  They’re also more likely to be introverted, which goes along with the virgin thing.

 

 

4.  92% of LIGHT beer drinkers are willing to date someone with kids.

 

 

5.  People who opt for LOW-CALORIE beers are the most prone to LONG-TERM relationships.  75% have been in at least one of them.  (PR Newswire)

A Safari Park Bans People From Wearing Animal Prints . . . So Animals Don’t Get Confused and Try to Hump or Kill Them

 

A Safari park in England has banned visitors from wearing ANIMAL PRINT clothing . . . so the animals don’t get confused and try to HUMP THEM.  Or even KILL them.  The park says animals have been getting confused, quote, “when they see what looks like zebras and giraffes driving in a truck” . . . but didn’t say if there were any humping incidents so far.

(Daily Mail)

Almost Half of People Say They’re Currently “Living the Dream” at Work?

Are people REALLY this happy at work?  According to a new survey, 47% of people say they’re currently, quote, “LIVING THE DREAM” at their job.  That’s almost half of people who are working at their dream job.  65% of people say they look forward to going into the office each day.

65% of people say they look forward to going into the office each day.  70% say they’re valued at work.

Now, this WAS a Canadian survey, and maybe jobs taste-testing maple syrup or driving Zambonis are more satisfying than our jobs.  But we figured Canadians are similar enough to us that the survey would also apply down here.

The survey DID find that even though about half of people say they’re working at their dream jobs, 64% of people say they’d quit immediately if they won the lottery. 

(Calgary Herald)

The Average American Goes Out to Lunch Twice a Week and Spends About $1,000 on Lunch Per Year

Go out to lunch as much as you want, no matter WHAT the rest of America is doing.  If gorging on a $50 steak by yourself every afternoon makes it easier for you to get through the work day, then go for it.

According to a new survey by Visa, the average American goes out to lunch approximately two times a week and spends an average of $10 each time.  That works out to about $1,000 a year.  (NRN)

Candy Bars and McDonald’s Are the Best Things to Eat When You’re Driving . . . Soup and Spaghetti Are the Worst

A new survey ranked the best and worst things to eat while you’re driving.  Candy bars, French fries, and potato chips are the three best . . . soup, spaghetti, and ribs are the three worst.

(New York Daily News)

The Five Most Popular Unisex Names in U.S. History

If you want to pick a baby name before you know whether it’s a boy or a girl . . . AND you just love following the crowd . . . listen up.  A website just figured out the five most popular UNISEX names in U.S. history.

Or, at least since 1930, when we started keeping track of names.

They’re names that go to no more than 60% of one gender . . . and are sometimes close to a 50-50 split.  The top five in order are:  Jesse, Marion, Jackie, Alva, and Ollie.  Now you know.  (io9)

Celebrity Birthdays

SERENA WILLIAMS! – 32  (Angry yet super-sexy superstar tennis minx.)

 

 

Christina Milian – 32  (Singer who’s dancing with Mark Ballas on this season’s “Dancing with the Stars” and still holding down her gig as Social Media Correspondent on “The Voice”.  She’s also got a part in a new movie called “Baggage Claim”.)

 

 

Kaylynn – 36  (Mattress actress who has starred in 352 fine films, including . . . “Charlie’s Porn Family”, “Fast Times At Deep Crack High 3″, “Girls Who Like It In The Doo Doo Hole”, AND “Say Aloha to My A-hola”.)

 

 

Shawn Stockman – 41  (Boyz II Men.)

 

 

Sheri Moon Zombie – 43  (Rob Zombie’s sexy but annoying wife who’s starred in all of his movies: “House of 1000 Corpses”, “The Devil’s Rejects”, the two “Halloween” movies, his ANIMATED flick, “The Haunted World of El Superbeasto”, and his latest “film”, “Lords of Salem”.)

 

Jim Caviezel – 45  (“Person of Interest” star who was Jesus in Mel Gibson’s “Passion of the Christ”, and also starred in “The Count of Monte Cristo”, but not as Jesus.)

 

MELISSA SUE ANDERSON! – 51  (Mary on “Little House On The Prairie” . . . and Ginny in the 1981 slasher classic “Happy Birthday to Me”.  Check out the super-creepy and very ’80s ending credits song here.)

 

 

Linda Hamilton – 57  (Marine Corps ball date and star of “Terminator 1 & 2″.  James Cameron used to nail her good.)

Carlene Carter – 58  (Country singer.  She’s June Carter’s daughter and Johnny Cash’s stepdaughter.  Remember the #3 smashes “I Fell In Love”, “Come On Back” and “Every Little Thing”?  Me neither.)

 

 

Cesar Rosas – 59  (The chubby Mexican in Los Lobos.  Okay, the chubby Mexican in Los Lobos . . . with a soul patch.  Odelay!)

 

 

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN! – 65  (Her boyfriend faked his death by disappearing at sea during an overnight fishing trip.  Genius . . . but why?  I’d STILL nail her.  She’s married to some other guy now.)

 

 

Bryan Ferry – 68  (Roxy Music)

 

 

Anne Robinson – 69  (Over.  She WAS “The Weakest Link”.)

Kent McCord – 71  (Officer Jim Reed on “Adam 12″.)

 

 

Jonathan Goldsmith – 75  (“The Most Interesting Man In the World” in the Dos Equis beer commercials.)

 

 

Donna Douglas – 80  (Delicious Elly May Clampett of “The Beverly Hillbillies”.)

 

 

Jack LaLanne – Would have been 99 – (1914 – 2011)

Marty Robbins – (1925 – 1982)  (Country legend.  “El Paso” RULES.)

 

 

Shannon Hoon – (1967 – 1995) 

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 1 day to Native American Day

• 17 days to “The Walking Dead”

• 20 days until Boss’s Day

• 35 days until Halloween

• 38 days until Daylight Savings Ends

• 1,212 days left of “Hope and Change”

Back in the day…

53 years ago . . . in 1960 - The FIRST TELEVISED PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE took place in Chicago, between JOHN F. KENNEDY and a sweaty RICHARD NIXON.

 

 

51 years ago . . . in 1962 - “The Beverly Hillbillies” debuted on CBS.  It was the #1 show on TV during its first two seasons.  (Granny and Jed are both dead, but Jethro and Elly May are still around.  Donna “Elly May” Douglas is 79 . . . and Max “Jethro” Baer is 74.)

 

 

49 years ago . . . in 1964 - “Gilligan’s Island” debuted on CBS.  (Only three of the seven original castaways are still with us:  Russell “The Professor” Johnson, Tina “Ginger” Louise and Dawn “Mary Ann” Wells.  Dawn’s 74 . . . Tina’s 79 . . . and the Professor is 88.)

 

 

49 years ago . . . in 1964 – THE KINKS released the smash “You Really Got Me”.

 

 

45 years ago . . . in 1968 - “Hawaii Five-O” debuted on CBS.  The original, obviously, not the one with Scott Caan and the Asian guy from “Lost”.

 

 

44 years ago . . . in 1969 - “The Brady Bunch” debuted on ABC.

 

 

43 years ago . . . in 1970 – “Rubber Duckie”, by Ernie from “Sesame Street”, peaked at #16 on the pop singles chart.

 

 

38 years ago . . . in 1975 – “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”opened in theaters.

32 years ago . . . in 1981 – The albums “Private Eyes” by HALL & OATES and “Beauty & The Beat” by the very sexy GO-GO’S both entered the chart.

 

 

31 years ago . . . in 1982 - “Knight Rider”, starring DAVID HASSELHOFF, debuted on NBC. 

 

 

28 years ago . . . in 1985 – SHAMU was born at Sea World in Orlando, Florida . . . becoming the first “killer whale” to survive being born in captivity.

27 years ago . . . in 1986 - BOBBY EWING returned from the dead on “Dallas” . . . because all the events from the previous season were a big dream.

 

 

27 years ago . . . in 1986 – “Crocodile Dundee” was released, starring the still-relevant master thespian PAUL HOGAN!

 

 

23 years ago . . . in 1990 – The Motion Picture Association of America announced the debut of the NC-17 rating to replace the naughty-sounding X ratings.

 

 

18 years ago . . . in 1995 – Shirtless Rollerblader (slash) Future Bad Pilot JOHN-JOHN KENNEDY officially added Publisher to his many titles, as his “George” magazine first hit newsstands.

 

 

15 years ago . . . in 1998 - “Martial Law”, with Jackie Chan’s Kung-Fu buddy SAMMO HUNG, premiered on CBS.

14 years ago . . . in 1999 – Formerly naughty Miss America VANESSA WILLIAMS married her second husband, L.A. Lakers star RICK FOX.  They’re divorced . . . but Rick got to nail her again . . . on “Ugly Betty”.  (In real life, Rick now gives it interracially to the very sexy Eliza Dushku.)

 

 

13 years ago . . . in 2000 - RICHARD MULLIGAN (brilliant Burt on “Soap” and Dr. Harry Weston on “Empty Nest”) died of cancer at the age of 67.

 

 

10 years ago . . . in 2003 – ROBERT PALMER died of a heart attack in Paris, France.  He was only 54.

 

 

8 years ago . . . in 2005 - A jury found BEANIE SIGEL NOT GUILTY of attempted murder.  He was accused of shooting a man outside of a strip club in Philadelphia in 2003.  (His first trial for this attempted murder charge ended in a MISTRIAL, when the jury deadlocked.)

 

 

8 years ago . . . in 2005 – LYNNDIE ENGLAND was convicted of one count of conspiracy, four counts of maltreating detainees and one count of committing an indecent act for her role in the ABU GHRAIB prisoner abuse.  She was later sentenced to three years in prison.

 

 

4 years ago . . . in 2009 – ROMAN POLANSKI was arrested in Switzerland on a warrant related to charges of having sex with a minor in the 1970′s.

10 Year Flashback:  “Monday Night Football” Adds a Singing Competition to be More Like “American Idol” . . . and Flash-Forward to Football Surpassing “Idol” Over the Next Decade

 

 

Our Flashback section features a story we were talking about on The Complete Sheet 10 years ago to this day.  We’ve also added some modern perspective to give these stories some context today.

 

 

Flashback to 2003:  “Monday Night Football” Adds a Singing Competition to be More Like “American Idol”

 

 

“Monday Night Football” ratings are down from last year. . . which must be why ABC has decided to turn the show into kind of a sports version of “American Idol”.

Beginning this coming Monday, halftime will become “Monday Night at the Mic”. . . in which football players team up with musicians to either sing, play an instrument or act as a DJ.  (???)

 

 

Two players will go head-to-head each week, and viewers will be able to vote on which one is better. 

 

Today’s Perspective . . . Football No Longer Worries About “American Idol”

We forgot all about the very, VERY strange “Monday Night Football” brief, one-season experiment of hosting a singing competition.

Even though “Monday Night Football” is now on ESPN, the NFL really doesn’t need to worry about trying to be more like “American Idol” or any other show.

Football has become just about the ONLY thing that’s guaranteed huge ratings . . . no bad gimmicks needed.

 

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