Whatever 9.25
Your daily dose of Whatever!!
Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa Are Divorcing . . . And Nick Cannon Says He Had Nothing to Do With it
After only 14 months of marriage, rapper WIZ KHALIFA and model AMBER ROSE are getting divorced. NICK CANNON became Amber's manager last week, so there were already rumors that they're hooking up. But Nick denies it. Sources say Amber and Wiz are accusing each other of cheating.
Does Kim Kardashian Have a Secret Cell Phone So Kanye West Can't Check Up On Her?
Is there already trouble in paradise? "OK!" magazine says KIM KARDASHIAN is so tired of KANYE WEST snooping on her phone that she got a SECOND phone he doesn't know about. Or, he DIDN'T know about it until now. Sorry, Kim.
A source says, quote, "Kim never thought he'd check it every single night. She insists she's got nothing to hide, but she's just sick of him questioning who she's talking to."
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. Former "Good Morning America" host JOAN LUNDEN, who's battling breast cancer, bravely shows off her BALD HEAD on the cover of "People" magazine.
2. PIPPA MIDDLETON's in a bikini. And . . . I'm spent.
3. SELENA GOMEZ thought we'd like to see this picture of her cleavage. I believe she was correct.
4. We'll be seeing more than enough of DAKOTA JOHNSON when "Fifty Shades of Grey" comes out. But for now, these bikini pics should suffice.
5. RUMER WILLIS is showing some skin.
6. CARA DELEVINGNE is nearly naked in "Allure" magazine.
7. Some people probably think this picture is sexier if KALEY CUOCO is actually doing her business. I worry about those people.
8. I'm pretty sure ORLANDO BLOOM and HARRY STYLES from ONE DIRECTION are the same guy.
9. Here's a publicity shot of ALLISON WILLIAMS as Peter Pan and CHRISTOPHER WALKEN as Captain Hook, from NBC's upcoming musical adaptation.
Tabloid Trash: Does Jennifer Lopez Sacrifice Chickens?
We've heard rumors in the past that JENNIFER LOPEZ has ties to Santeria . . . an African (slash) Caribbean religion that uses rituals and ceremonies including ANIMAL SACRIFICE.
Well, "Life & Style" magazine claims that several of J-Lo's exes are planning to write a tell-all about her . . . and it will include her participation in these rituals.
A so-called "source" says, quote, "J-Lo secretly practices religious rituals of Santeria . . . including sacrificing chickens! That's the last thing her image needs."
Zsa Zsa Gabor is Glad Joan Rivers is Dead
A lot of people were devastated by the death of JOAN RIVERS. ZSA ZSA GABOR was not one of them. Zsa Zsa is 97 and still hanging in there, and she's glad Joan went first.
A source says that when Zsa Zsa heard the news, she said, quote, "She badmouthed us all. She deserved it. She's gone and I'm still here!"
Joan actually used to write jokes for Zsa Zsa back in the '60s. But over the years, Joan took shots at her in her own act, like she did to pretty much everybody. Obviously, Zsa Zsa wasn't amused.
Lindsay Lohan Will Hound Tina Fey Until She Makes a "Mean Girls" Sequel
10 years after "Mean Girls", LINDSAY LOHAN wants to go back. She even has a script idea, and she's already pitched it to TINA FEY.
She says, quote, "People really love the movie: how do you top that? I was with Tina Fey the other day and I said we should do another 'Mean Girls', like an older version where they're all housewives and they're all cheating.
"That would be really funny. I'll harass Tina to write it."
Thursday TV Reminders:
• "Thursday Night Football" . . . 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on CBS. The Washington Redskins host New York Giants.
• The 11th season premiere of "Grey's Anatomy" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC.
• The fourth season premiere of "Scandal" . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.
• The series premiere of "How to Get Away with Murder" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. Viola Davis plays a law professor whose students get involved in a murder plot while competing for four spots at her firm.
It's produced by "Grey's Anatomy" creator Shonda Rhimes . . . which means she's the power behind ALL THREE of the shows on ABC's Thursday night line-up.
•The 10th season premiere of "Bones" . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.
• The sixth season premiere of "Parenthood" . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.
Tonight's Late Night Talk Shows:
• "The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon" - Chris Pratt, and Rosamund Pike.
• "Late Night with Seth Meyers" - Andy Samberg, Emily VanCamp, and comedian Roy Wood Jr.
• "Letterman" - Jerry Seinfeld, and a performance from Cirque du Soleil's "Michael Jackson ONE".
• "Jimmy Kimmel" - Denzel Washington, Darby Stanchfield from "Scandal", and The Script.
• "Carson Daly" - Corey Stoll from "House of Cards" and "The Strain", the prog rock band the Birds of Satan, and the two competing directors from the Starz series "The Chair" . . . Shane Dawson & Anna Martemucci.
• "Conan" - Chelsea Peretti from "Brooklyn Nine-Nine", Bill Hader, and Norah Jones.
• "Craig Ferguson" - Carrie Ann Inaba, and Ben Schwartz.
• "Jon Stewart" - Steven Johnson, author of "How We Got to Now: Six Innovations That Made the Modern World".
• "The Colbert Report" - Walter Mischel, author of "The Marshmallow Effect: Mastering Self Control".
Five Random Facts For Thursday
1. Heroin is cheaper than beer in Pennsylvania. A study just found a small packet of heroin costs between $5 and $10 . . . cheaper than a six-pack of beer.
2. The ancient Egyptians had proctologists. The ancient Egyptian word for a proctologist translates to "shepherd of the anus."
3. We heard that the Philadelphia Eagles are the WHITEST team in the NFL this year . . . they have 25 white players. Well, the Oakland Raiders are the LEAST white team, with nine white players. And the Bears are the most Hispanic team, with three.
4. Technically, the president isn't supposed to salute military officers. Because even though he's the commander-in-chief, he's a civilian. So General Eisenhower actually STOPPED saluting once he became president.
The first president who STARTED saluting was Ronald Reagan. After the controversy yesterday over Obama saluting a Marine with a COFFEE cup in his hand, the Marines reminded that there's no formal etiquette when it comes to the president.
5. Apples can be stored for up to a YEAR before they're sold.
(Reuters / History / Deadspin / View From the Right / CBC)
Gaining Weight Lately? September Is the Second "Fattest" Month of the Year
A new study found September is the second "fattest" month of the year. December comes in first, and we LOSE the most weight in January.
"SkyMall" Is Selling a Watch That Counts Down to Your Death
"SkyMall" magazine is selling a new watch called Tikker . . . that counts down until your DEATH. It figures out your life expectancy using, quote, "statistics and a personal health algorithm" . . . then you literally watch the remaining seconds of your life tick away. It sells for $79.99.
A Chef in London Created Burgers That Supposedly Taste Like Human Flesh
A chef in London has created the first-ever burgers that supposedly taste like HUMAN FLESH. He researched and interviewed every CANNIBAL he could find, then worked on recipes until one matched what they described. It's a mix of veal, chicken livers, bone marrow, and pork.
The 10 Strangest Things People Have Left in Cabs
1. A baby.
2. Fake teeth.
3. Live animals, including a chicken and a duck. (Apparently Joey and Chandler from "Friends" took that cab.)
4. Inflatable animals.
5. STD test results.
6. Underwear.
7. Cremated ashes.
8. A tent.
9. Confidential work files.
10. Cooked crawfish.
Fans Only Catch 8.5% of Home Runs in the Air
The "Wall Street Journal" analyzed 1,000 home runs this baseball season, and figured out only 8.5% of them were caught in the air . . . 29.6% were DROPPED . . . and 3% of home runs caused a fight between fans.
Walmart Accidentally Texts the Wrong Person . . . Which Makes Him Confess to a Murder?
A 55-year-old guy in North Carolina accidentally got a text from Walmart in June, about a prescription being ready for a woman . . . but he thought it was someone messing with him, who knew he'd MURDERED a woman in Arizona in 1997. It wasn't . . . but he confessed anyway.
Michael Douglas is 70.
Catherine Zeta-Jones is 45.
Did Michael get his throat cancer from ZETA'S PITA? He's not saying. But they broke up shortly after he claimed that it was caused by ORAL SEX . . . so there you go. (???)
Donald Glover is 31. He played Troy Barnes on "Community" and raps under the stage name Childish Gambino. He got that name by using a "What would your Wu-Tang Clan name be?" online generator.
(He's also one of the geniuses behind a very funny movie called "Mystery Team". Check out the trailer here.)
Chris Owen is 34. The Shermanator in the "American Pie" movies.
T.I. is 34. That one rapper who can't stay out of jail. You know that guy, right?
Joel Moore is 37. Owen Dittman in "Dodgeball", J.P. in "Grandma's Boy", and Norm Spellman in "Avatar". He also plays Adolf Hitler in "The Diary of Anne Frankenstein" . . . one of the segments on the horror-comedy anthology "Chillerama".
Bridgette Wilson is 41. Veronica Vaughn in "Billy Madison" and the bride who foolishly hires J-Lo in "The Wedding Planner". By the way, tennis star Pete Sampras gets to nail her . . . ANYTIME HE WANTS TO.
Brian Dunkleman is 43. Co-hosted the first season of "American Idol" with Ryan Seacrest, then QUIT. What's he been doing since? Well, there was that one episode of "The Ghost Whisperer" in 2006.
Hal Sparks is 45. HI-larious comedian who used to host "Talk Soup" . . . and was also in those VH1 "I Love The . . ." series.
WILL SMITH is 46. Still fresh . . . but that'll change if he doesn't have another hit movie soon.
Scottie Pippen is 49. Quite possibly the ugliest man in NBA history.
Heather Locklear is 53. The fool who let SCOTT BAIO get away. She traded Chachi for Bon Jovi's Richie Sambora, and we all know how THAT worked out.
Michael Madsen is 57. Character actor who plays a bad-ass in a lot of Quentin Tarantino movies. He was Mr. Blonde, the guy who had the sadistic torture scene, in "Reservoir Dogs" . . . and part of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad in "Kill Bill".
(He also likes to drink and drive . . . and hypocritically beat up his teenage son when the kid tokes a little reefer.)
ANSON WILLIAMS! is 65. Potsie on "Happy Days".
MARK HAMILL! is 63. Luke Skywalker. These days he's doing voices for various animated characters for video games and Cartoon Network. Waiting half a lifetime for George Lucas to throw him a bone has finally paid off. Mark should get a nice payday for appearing in the upcoming "Star Wars 7".
CHERYL TIEGS! is 67. Still incredibly sexy.
Barbara Walters is 85. "The View's" former head BACKSTABBER.
Christopher Reeve would have been 61. (1952 - 2004)
Shel Silverstein (1930 - 1999) Amazing poet and songwriter responsible for "A Boy Named Sue" and "The Cover Of The Rolling Stone". If you have kids and you're not reading them "Where the Sidewalk Ends", you're a bad parent. PERIOD.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 7 days to Int'l Day of Non-Violence
• 10 days to World Teachers Day
• 21 days to World Food Day
• 36 days to Halloween
• 38 days to Daylight Saving Ends
• 848 days left of "Hope and Change"
225 years ago . . . In 1789, Congress adopted 12 Amendments to the Constitution and sent them to the states for ratification. Ten of those Amendments were later ratified into the BILL OF RIGHTS.
126 years ago . . . In 1888, JACK THE RIPPER mailed his first letter to the Central News Agency in England. He promised to cut the ear off the next woman he murdered because he said, quote, "I AM DOWN ON WHORES."
Sure enough, the body of an ear-less trollop was found five days later. An author just apparently figured out the real identity of Jack the Ripper using a DNA test. It was a 23-year-old Polish immigrant.)
124 years ago . . . In 1890, for some reason, Mormon president Wilford Woodruff issued a manifesto BANNING POLYGAMY for randy Mormons. (ATTICA!!!)
88 years ago . . . In 1926, HENRY FORD established the 8-HOUR-A-DAY, 5-DAY WORK WEEK.
44 years ago . . . In 1970, "The Partridge Family" debuted on ABC.
34 years ago . . . In 1980, JOHN BONHAM (the legendary drummer for LED ZEPPELIN) died in bed after a drinking binge in which he downed 40 shots of vodka. Bonham suffocated on his own vomit. He was only 32.
27 years ago . . . In 1987, "The Princess Bride" was released. I miss ANDRE THE GIANT. He WAS the Brute Squad. (???)
24 years ago . . . In 1990, DAVE GROHL joined NIRVANA. Now he's still kicking ass with the awesome FOO FIGHTERS.
19 years ago . . . In 1995, MARIAH CAREY'S single, "Fantasy" debuted at # 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. It was only the second time that had ever been done, and the first time by a female artist.
(The first person to do it was MICHAEL JACKSON, with "You Are Not Alone". And by the way, "Fantasy" is the track featuring OL' DIRTY BASTARD and the classic line, "Me and Mariah go back like babies with pacifiers".) (???)
17 years ago . . . In 1997, GARTH BROOKS was named the CMA Entertainer of the Year . . . for the third time.
17 years ago . . . In 1997, NAUGHTY MARV ALBERT pleaded guilty to assault and battery for biting the luscious back of a not-so-submissive minx.
Nine years ago . . . In 2005, "Get Smart" superstar DON ADAMS passed away at the age of 82. Would you believe . . . lymphoma?
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