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Is It Okay for a Black Woman to Wear “Whiteface”?  Tyra Banks Thinks So 

TYRA BANKS has a new “art project” in which she’s transforming into other supermodels, like CINDY CRAWFORD, KATE MOSS and CARA DELEVIGNE.  But they’re all WHITE, which means Tyra is wearing WHITE MAKEUP to portray them.  When “blackface” is so taboo, should we be upset about “whiteface”?

And Now . . . Miley Cyrus Rides a Wrecking Ball Naked in Her New Video 

:  MILEY CYRUS released her “Wrecking Ball” video yesterday.  It features her riding a wrecking ball NAKED, French-kissing a sledgehammer and wearing a tight, white wifebeater and no bra.  You know, the usual.

Americans Were 12 Times More Interested In Miley Cyrus Than Syria After Her “VMA” Performance 

After MILEY CYRUS twerked at the “VMAs”, she got more attention from Americans on the Internet than ANY news about our possible military intervention in Syria.  How much more attention?  Try 12 TIMES MORE.

There were more than twice as many stories about Syria . . . but Miley stories got 12 times more reads.

The U.S. isn’t the only guilty party, though.  Miley stories also out-performed Syria stories in Britain, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Australia, India, Singapore and the Philippines.  In Russia and Israel, Syria had a SLIGHT edge.

 

Isn’t This Adorable?  Justin Bieber Is Trying to Grow a Mustache! 

This is just adorable:  JUSTIN BIEBER is trying to grow a mustache!  It’s not much more than a collection of fuzz over his upper lip . . . but it’ll get there.  Pretty soon, Justin will be a BIG BOY just like all his cool friends!

(Check out some pictures of Justin’s best effort here.)

Watch Gwyneth Paltrow Cut Off a School Bus on Her Scooter 

For those of you who love to hate GWYNETH PALTROW, here’s some more ammunition

Last week Gwyneth and her husband CHRIS MARTIN were picking their kids up from school in L.A. on their Vespa scooters . . . and Gwyneth CUT OFF A SCHOOL BUS.  And she had one of the kids on the back of her scooter.

Luckily, the bus driver was able to hit the brakes.  Then Chris darted out with the other kid on HIS scooter while the bus was still stopped.  (Check out video here.)

Did Kristen Stewart Earn $500,000 for Charity By Hanging Out with a Middle Eastern Prince for 15 Minutes? 

KRISTEN STEWART raised $500,000 for the Hurricane Sandy relief effort by hanging out with a Middle Eastern prince . . . for 15 MINUTES.

Movie mogul HARVEY WEINSTEIN says it all happened when the unidentified prince approached organizers of last year’s “12-12-12″ benefit concert and offered cash for Kristen’s time.

Kristen got his offer up to half a million bucks, and once it was paid in advance, she, quote, “sat with the guy for 15 minutes.”

“SNL’s” Upcoming Hosts Include Tina Fey and Miley Cyrus  

“Saturday Night Live” has announced the first guests for its new season, which begins on September 29th.  TINA FEY will host the premiere, while MILEY CYRUS and BRUCE WILLIS will take the reins in the following weeks.  The musical guests include ARCADE FIRE and KATY PERRY.

The Style Network Is Being Rebranded as Esquire, a Network Targeted at “Upscale Men”  

There had been reports that G4 would be re-branded as the “Esquire Network,” which would target “upscale men.”  But that plan has been scrapped . . . and Esquire will instead take over the Style Network.  G4 will remain on the air for now.

Tuesday TV Reminders:

“World Cup Qualifying Soccer” . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on ESPN.  The United States vs. Mexico in Columbus, Ohio.

 

 

“Colin & Brad: Two Man Group” [Special] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW.  “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” comedians Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood perform in this two man improv show.

 

 

“So You Think You Can Dance” [10th Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.  Paula Abdul, producer Adam Shankman and Stephen “tWitch” Boss are your guest judges.

 

 

“Dance Moms” [3rd Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Lifetime.

 

 

“Hero Dogs of 9/11″ [Special Presentation] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Animal Planet.  Working dogs who took part in the rescue and recovery operations during the World Trade Center attacks are profiled.

 

 

“American Masters: Billie Jean King”. . . 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. on PBS.  Billie Jean King is profiled.

 

 

“America’s Got Talent” [Performance Show] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.

 

 

“Who Do You Think You Are?”. . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TLC.  Jim Parsons from “The Big Bang Theory” investigates his ancestry in Louisiana and France.

“Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bravo.

 

 

“20/20: Crazy, Stupid Luck” [Special] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.  Author Carl Hiaasen (“Bad Monkey”), a look at the upcoming series “Lucky 7″ and real groups of co-workers who hit the jackpot together share their stories.

 

 

“Sons of Anarchy” [6th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:30 P.M. on FX.

 

 

“The Vineyard” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC Family.

 

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Bethenny Frankel (“Bethenny”) guests.

 

 

“Property Envy” [1st Season Finale] . . . 11:30 P.M. to Midnight on Bravo.

 

 

“Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on FXX.  Comedians Jamie Kilstein and John Fugelsang are guests.

 

 

“Nick Cannon Presents: Wild ‘N Out” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on MTV2.  Rappers Joe Budden and Big Boi are guests.

 

 

“The Heart, She Holler” . . . 12:30 to 12:45 A.M. on Adult Swim.  Amy Sedaris joins the cast as over-sexed Hurshe Heartshe.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show”Julianne Moore (“Don Jon”), Ricky Gervais and comedienne Vicki Lawrence.  Music Guest:  Keith Urban.

 

“Good Morning America”Sheryl Crow and Florida Georgia Line announce “The 47th Annual CMA Awards” nominees.  The other guest is author Tory Johnson (“The Shift: How I Finally Lost Weight and Discovered a Happier Life”).

 

“CBS This Morning” – Baseball pitcher Jamie Moyer for his book “Just Tell Me I Can’t: How Jamie Moyer Defied the Radar Gun and Defeated Time”.  Music Guests:  Gloria and Emilio Estefan.

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Howie Mandel (“America’s Got Talent”).  Music Guest:  Sean Kingston.

 

“The View”Valerie Harper and her dance partner Tristan MacManus (“Dancing with the Stars”).  Music Guest:  Gloria Estefan.

 

“Rachael Ray” – Chef Emeril Lagasse prepares cola-braised pot roast, and Dr. Ian Smith discusses foods that conflict with medications.

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”“X Factor” judges Kelly Rowland and Simon Cowell, plus 64-year-old swimmer Diana Nyad, first person to swim the 110-mile Florida Strait.

 

“The Talk”Queen Latifah and chef Antonia Lofaso.

 

“Katie Couric”“America’s Most Wanted” host John Walsh discusses human trafficking and Cee Lo Green promotes his book “Everybody’s Brother”.

 

“Steve Harvey” – Steve reveals his most awkward moment, and shares what happens backstage in the control room.

 

“Dr. Phil” – “Tragic Beauty: The Exclusive Story of a Bachelorette’s Suicide”.  “Bachelor” contestant Gia Allemand’s mother discusses her daughter’s recent suicide, plus co-star Jake Pavelka shares an emotional tribute.

 

“Dr. Oz Show”Steven Tyler discuss his battle with addiction and getting sober.

 

“Wendy Williams”Alicia Keys.  (REPEAT)

 

“Bethenny”Dr. Raj Patel answers women’s health questions.  They’ll also take a look into the new fitness craze Kangoo.

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Billy Crystal for his book “Still Foolin’ ‘Em: Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going, and Where the Hell Are My Keys?”.  Music Guest:  Sheryl Crow.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Stacy Keibler (“Supermarket Superstar”) and Simon Cowell (“The X Factor”).  Music Guest:  Gary Clark Jr.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Rose Byrne, Donny Deutsch, and Jennifer Nettles.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Anna Faris (“Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2″) and ocean explorer Jean-Michel Cousteau.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Michelle Pfeiffer (“The Family”) and David Cross (“Hollywood Said No!”).  Music Guest:  Volcano Choir.

 

 

“Carson Daly” – Producer Bryan Fuller (“Hannibal”) and a look at The Iceman, about contract killer Richard Kuklinski.  Music Guest:  Blue Hawaii.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Conan”Simon Pegg and water sommelier Martin Riese (creator of his own water brand Beverly Hills 9OH2O).  Music Guest:  Local Natives.

 

 

“Jon Stewart” – Author Bill Dedman (“Empty Mansions: The Mysterious Life of Huguette Clark and the Spending of a Great American Fortune”).

 

 

“The Colbert Report” – Producer Shane Salerno for his documentary “Salinger”.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately” – Tennis minx Maria Sharapova and chef Cat Cora.

 

 

“Arsenio”Lisa Kudrow (“Web Therapy”), Ice Cube, and Mac Miller.

Today’s CDs Include New Music from Keith Urban, Sheryl Crow, and 2 Chainz

“Fuse”, the eighth album from Keith Urban.  He brought in Miranda Lambert for a duet on the song “We Were Us” . . . and Eric Church joins him for “Raise ‘Em Up”.  The deluxe version of his new album is streaming on iTunes.

 

 

“Feels Like Home”, the eighth album by Sheryl Crow is also her first country album.  Billboard has a track-by-track review, which includes videos for Easy, Callin’ Me When I’m Lonely, and Waterproof Mascara, the song she wrote with Brad Paisley.

 

 

“B.O.A.T.S. II: Me Time”, the second studio album from 2 Chainz . . . He collaborates with Fergie on the track “Netflix”.  His other guests include Pharrell, Drake, Lil Wayne, Crissette Michelle, T-Pain, Lloyd, Mase, and a newcomer named Rich Homie Quan.

 

 

“The Electric Lady”, the second album by R&B minx Janelle Monae.  Her guests include Prince, Erykah Badu, Solange, and Miguel. The album is streaming on VH1.

 

 

“AM”, the fifth album from the indie rock band Arctic Monkeys

 

 

“Still Within the Sound of My Voice”, a collection of duets featuring Jimmy Webb performing with friends . . . including Brian Wilson, Carly Simon, Keith Urban, David Crosby with Graham Nash, Joe Cocker, Kris Kristofferson, and Art Garfunkel.

 

 

“Now, Then & Forever”, 10 brand new songs from Earth, Wind & Fire.  It’s their first album of new material since 2005.  You can listen to the entire album at Yahoo Music.

 

 

“The Standards”, an album of traditional pop songs from Gloria Estefan.  It includes covers of “What a Wonderful World” and “The Way You Look Tonight”.  Plus she also sings some of the other songs in Spanish, Italian, Portuguese and French.

 

 

“Trouble”, the second album from British minx Natalia Kills.  You can check out her UNCENSORED videos for Saturday Night and Problem on her Vevo channel.

“Tales of Us”, the sixth album from British electronic duo Goldfrapp.  Here’s the video for the first singles off the album, Drew, which includes some mild artistic nudity.  All the tracks are one word titles, featuring a different first name for each song.

 

 

“Kiss Land”, the debut studio album by The Weeknd, who’s previously only released mixtapes.  Drake is on the track “Live For”.  Check out it uncensored on SoundCloud.

 

 

“Tookah”, the sixth album from Icelandic minx Emiliana Torrini.  It includes the track, Speed of Dark, which you can check out on YouTube.

 

 

“Nobody Knows”, the second album from soul singer Willis Earl Beal.  It includes a collaboration with Cat Power on the track Coming Through.

 

 

“Privateering”, the seventh solo album by Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits.

 

 

“Atmosphere”, the eighth album of dance music from Kaskade

 

 

“Dethroned & Uncrowned”, the 10th album from the Swedish metal band Katatonia

 

 

“From Beer to Eternity”, the 13th and final album from the metal band Ministry . . . who’ve decided to call it quits after the death of their guitarist Mike Scaccia.

 

 

“Boardwalk Empire Volume 2: Music from the HBO Original Series” . . . including music from Elvis Costello, Liza Minnelli, Neko Case, Karen Elson, and Patti Smith.

 

 

“It Ain’t All Bad”, the latest album from country singer Steve Wariner is his first non-instrumental album in eight years.  Preview the songs on the jukebox at his website.

 

 

“Tell The Ones I Love”, Steep Canyon Rangers . . . who you may know better as the backing band for Steve Martin’s bluegrass music.  I guess you could say this is a solo album.  Steve’s not on it.

Today’s New DVDs Include “Star Trek” and “Homeland”

“Star Trek Into Darkness” . . . Benedict Cumberbatch from “Sherlock” is the villain in this one . . . and the Enterprise has to go into Klingon space to hunt him down.  “Robocop’s” Peter Weller plays the Star Fleet Admiral who sends Kirk after him.

 

 

“Peeples” . . . Craig Robinson crashes Kerry Washington’s annual family reunion in the Hamptons so he can meet her family and ask her dad for her hand in marriage.  David Alan Grier and “Law & Order’s” S. Epatha Merkerson play her parents.

 

 

“Homeland: The Complete Second Season”

 

 

“The Big Bang Theory: The Complete Sixth Season”

 

 

“Castle: The Complete Fifth Season”

 

 

“Blue Bloods: The Third Season”

 

 

“Supernatural: The Complete Eighth Season”

 

 

“Army Wives The Complete Seventh Season”

 

 

“Chicago Fire Season One”

 

 

“Luther: Season 3″ . . . the BBC series starring Idris Elba.

“NHL 14″ Hits Stores Today

 

 

NHL 14 is out on Xbox360 and PS3.  Brawling on the ice has gotten a serious upgrade because this uses the same technology as the “Fight Night” boxing games.  And the bruises you inflict on an opponent stay on their face for the rest of the game.

 

And to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the first “NHL” hockey game, “NHL 14″ includes an Anniversary Mode featuring retro organ music, classic button controls, and NO RULES.  That’s right, no penalties, no offsides, and no icings.

 

It’s rated E10+ for Mild Violence.  (Trailer)

 

 

Puppeteer is a downloadable game for the PS3 where you play as a boy who’s been turned into a puppet.  You get to use different heads, each with their own abilities, to fight the forces of the Moon Bear King.  It’s rated (E10+).  (Trailer) 

 

 

Killzone: Mercenary is a first person shooter on Vita that revisits key events throughout the trilogy.  The nine campaign missions are almost an hour long each with rewards that scale depending on how well you do.  It’s rated (M) for Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, and Language.  (Trailer)

 

 

The Wonderful 101on Wii U.  You play the leader of a team of 101 superheroes who have to fight off an alien invasion.  It’s rated (T) for Teen, and this one won’t hit stores until Saturday, September 15th.  (Trailer)

 

 

The Elder Scrolls Anthology on PC.  All five “Elder Scrolls” games, including the legendary edition of “Skyrim”, are packaged together with five physical maps showing the regions where each game took place.  Most of the later games were rated (M).

 

 

Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix is collection of the first three “Kingdom Hearts” games that have been remastered in HD for PS3.  It’s rated (E10+)  (Trailer)

STUPID NEWS

Women Are More Likely Than Men to Flip Off Other Drivers . . . and Men Are More Likely to Key Someone’s Car?

According to a new survey, WOMEN are more likely than men to curse at other drivers in front of the kids, flip off other drivers, and go out of turn at a four-way stop.  Men are more likely to honk at slow drivers, steal other people’s parking spots, and key someone’s car.

41% of us have honked at someone for driving too slowly.

 

37% have CURSED in front of the kids while driving.

 

29% have flipped someone off while driving.

 

18% have gone out of turn at a four-way stop.

 

12% have cut to the front of a line of cars merging.

 

11% have stolen a parking spot someone was waiting for.

 

8% have dinged another car then driven away.

 

7% have turned on their brights to antagonize another driver.

 

And finally, 5% have keyed someone’s car.  (Yahoo Autos)

Stupid Photo Trend Alert:  Men Wearing Gym Shorts as Dresses

Want to participate in a new Internet photo meme AND deal with your repressed cross-dressing desires?  Your day has finally come.

There’s a new photo trend circulating around where guys wear GYM SHORTS as COCKTAIL DRESSES.  It’s easy.  Put both of your legs into one of the legs of a pair of gym shorts.  Then pull up the other side of the shorts and put one arm through it.

Now the shorts look like a tight, one-shoulder dress.  Take a photo.  Put it on Facebook.  Hope that it doesn’t resurface if you run for political office one day.  (Gawker)

Almost Half of Women Have Accidentally Peed a Little at the Gym

There’s a handful of perverts who are about to start working out a LOT once they hear this.  If you like women accidentally PEEING themselves . . . and you know you do, you filthy deviant . . . get yourself a gym membership.

According to a new study, 46% of women have accidentally peed a little during at least one workout.  That’s almost half of women.

The cause COULD be a bladder issue . . . although, a lot of the time, it’s just from the way your pelvis gets JARRED during exercise.  (PR Newswire)

What Weird Quirk Did It Take You a Long Time to Realize You Had?

Do you have any weird QUIRKS that took you a LONG TIME to realize you had?  We saw a discussion online where people revealed THEIR weirdest quirks, like:  Walking down stairs diagonally . . . talking and singing to your food . . . and mimicking someone’s accent without knowing it.

1.  Walking down stairs diagonally.

 

2.  Inadvertently mimicking the accent of the person you’re talking to.

 

3.  Talking and singing to your food.

 

4.  Responding “What?” whenever someone says something, even though you DID hear them . . . and CAN answer their question.

 

5.  Opening and closing your mouth when you use scissors, timed along with the scissors opening and closing. 

 

6.  Making robot noises when you’re walking or working.

 

7.  Eating hamburgers from top to bottom:  As in, you eat the top bun, then the condiments, then the burger, and then the bottom bun?  (Reddit)

One in Ten Adults Don’t Know How to Ride a Bicycle?

If you’re an adult who never learned how to ride a bicycle when you were a kid . . . well, first of all, we pity you.  Did you grow up in a communist sweatshop?  Second of all . . . I guess it’s never too late to learn?

According to a new survey, about one out of TEN adults doesn’t know how to ride a bike.  The survey also found that of people who DO know how to ride a bike, about 20% never do.  (FemaleFirst)

You Can Now Buy Pumpkin-Flavored M&M’s

I know stores are already displaying their Halloween crap, but this just seems unnatural.  PUMPKIN-FLAVORED M&M’s are now on sale at Target for about $3 for a bag.

According to a few food blogs that have tried them, they’re still chocolate-flavored . . . but have a light hint of pumpkin spice.  One blogger said they taste more like a mix between M&Ms and Cinnamon Red Hots

They’re on sale through Halloween.  (Time / The Impulsive Buy)

McDonald’s Is Testing a Family-Sized Meal in a Box for 15 Bucks

In Kansas City, McDonald’s is testing a family-sized meal in a box.  You get two Quarter Pounders, 20 McNuggets, and two medium fries for $15.  If it goes well there, you could see the idea of family-sized meal boxes go nationwide.

(Burger Business)

Our Love of Using Baby Wipes in the Bathroom Is Clogging Up the Sewer System

Using baby wipes after you do your dirty business could be causing real problems.  A report out of Washington D.C. found the city has seen a 35% jump in clogged pipes over the past few years, all because more and more people are using moist wipes.

(Washington Post)

A Pig Drank 18 Beers, Then Picked a Fight with a Cow?

:  A wild pig ransacked a campsite in Western Australia over the weekend, drank 18 BEERS, ate a bunch of garbage . . . then tried to pick a fight with a much bigger COW.  Campers spotted the pig lying under a tree later on, apparently trying to sleep off the hangover.

(ABC.net.au / The Guardian) 

Celeb Birthdays

Elyse Levesque – 28  (Chloe on “SGU: Stargate Universe”.)

 

 

Joey Votto – 30  (Cincinnati Reds stud first baseman who won the National League MVP in 2010.)

 

 

Ryan Phillippe – 39  (Reese Witherspoon’s hairless ex-husband.)

 

 

Big Daddy Kane – 45  (Legendary rapper.  His name stands for King Asiatic Nobody’s Equal . . . whatever that means.  Hey Big Daddy Kane . . . STFU!)

 

 

Guy Ritchie – 45  (“Sherlock Holmes” director and Madonna’s ex-husband.)

 

Randy Johnson – 50  (THE BIG UNIT and one of the ugliest men who ever played pro sports.)

 

 

Colin Firth – 53  (The lucky man who gets the deliciously chubby Renee Zellweger at the end of “Bridget Jones’ Diary”.  He won an Oscar for “The King’s Speech”.)

 

 

Siobhan Fahey – 55  (Bananarama minx.  She’s currently resting comfortably under the Rock of Obscurity next to Oran Juice Jones AND Peaches & Herb!)

Joe Perry – 63  (Aerosmith)

 

 

Bill O’Reilly – 64

 

 

Jose Feliciano – 68  (Blind en fuego Puerto Rican singer, famous for his cover of “Light My Fire” . . . the theme song to “Chico & The Man” . . . and perhaps most importantly, “Old Turkey Buzzard” from the movie “McKenna’s Gold”!  Don’t know it?  Learn it.  And LOVE it!)

 

 

Danny Hutton – 71  (Three Dog Night vocalist.)

 

 

Arnold Palmer – 84  (Golf god.  Rumor is he’s made of 50% lemonade.)

 

 

Roger Maris – (1934 – 1985)  (He broke Babe Ruth’s single season home run record with 61 home runs in the year 1961 . . . SANS STEROIDS.)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 6 days to “Dancing with the Stars”

• 9 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 17 days to Native American Day

• 36 days until Boss’s Day

• 51 days until Halloween

• 1,228 days left of “Hope and Change”

Back in the day

74 years ago . . . in 1939 – CANADA DECLARED WAR ON GERMANY!!!

 

 

58 years ago . . . in 1955 – “Gunsmoke”made its TV debut . . . where it was a favorite of your Western-loving father-in-law for 20 years.  A few episodes on TVLand is all you need to suck up to the old coot.

 

 

50 years ago . . . in 1963 – 20 BLACK STUDENTS walked into public schools in Birmingham, Mobile and Tuskegee, Alabama, after a standoff between the National Guard and Governor George Wallace.

 

 

36 years ago . . . in 1977 – Convicted murderer Hamida Djandoubi, a Tunisian immigrant in France, became the last person EXECUTED VIA THE GUILLOTINE.

 

 

25 years ago . . . in 1988 – VAN HALEN’S “When It’s Love” hit #5 on the singles chart . . . ROBERT PALMER’S “Simply Irresistible” peaked at #2 . . . and GUNS ‘N ROSES’ “Sweet Child O’ Mine” hit #1.

 

 

24 years ago . . . in 1989 – DEION SANDERS made sports history:  On September 6th, 1989, Deion hit a home run for the New York Yankees.  Then, four days later, on this day (September 10th, 1989) he ran a punt back 68 yards to score a touchdown for the Atlanta Falcons.

 

 

23 years ago . . . in 1990 – WILL SMITH made his TV debut on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”.

18 years ago . . . in 1995 – CYNDI LAUPER won an Emmy for her guest appearance on “Mad About You”.

 

 

17 years ago . . . in 1996 – SHERYL CROW’S self-titled second album was BANNED BY WAL-MART because of the song, “Love Is A Good Thing”.  The tune mentions children killing each other with, quote, “a gun they bought at Wal-Mart discount stores”.

 

 

15 years ago . . . in 1998 – PRESIDENT CLINTON met with members of his Cabinet to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a person . . . after he finally admitted to thrusting his engorged junk at the face and esophagus of MONICA LEWINSKY.

 

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