Your daily dose of Whatever!
(PG-13) For Just Under $1,000, You Can Grope Miley Cyrus’ Boobs . . . Just Like This Guy
MILEY CYRUS gives fans their money’s worth when they pay $995 for meet-and-greets before her concerts. There’s a picture online of one guy cupping Miley’s boobs, and she’s totally going along with it. She also pretended to make out with him.
(Check out the pics here.)
Dakota Johnson Won’t Let Her Mom Melanie Griffith See Her in “Fifty Shades of Grey”
DAKOTA JOHNSON does NOT want her mom MELANIE GRIFFITH seeing her get SEXUALLY DOMINATED in “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Melanie says, quote, “[Dakota] was like, ‘You guys cannot come. There’s no way.’ So we’re not going.” But she adds, quote, “I did see the Room of Pain . . . I did go in there and check it out.”
Chrissy Teigen Poses in a Bikini and Says Funny Stuff
Swimsuit cover model CHRISSY TEIGEN did a sexy photo shoot for “Esquire”, and also gave them some great quotes. One of the strangest was when she shared just how much she loves John Goodman . . . quote, “I feel like part of me will die when John Goodman dies.” She also revealed that, quote, “American cheese is the most underrated cheese.”
Is Barbra Streisand Going to Divorce James Brolin . . . for Staring at Kim Kardashian?
We’re always hearing divorce rumors about BARBRA STREISAND and JAMES BROLIN. But this is the first time they’ve involved KIM KARDASHIAN.
The not-always-reliable “National Enquirer” says Barbra is FURIOUS after finding out James was staring at Kim at a party in the Hamptons. To make matters worse, he and Barbara were in the Hamptons to celebrate their 16th anniversary.
Barbra and James got married on July 1st, 1998.
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. BRITNEY SPEARS showed some skin on Instagram. I’d love to not be cynical and say I don’t believe any Photoshopping was done to this picture, but damn . . . she looks like she weighs less than she did when she was 15.
2. Somehow, I’m sure KRISTEN STEWART thinks it’s rebellious to pose fully-clothed in a supermarket. (And frankly, it kind of is. And while I applaud her for it, I wouldn’t mind if she put on a friggin’ bikini already.)
3. The Bradley County Sheriff’s Office in Tennessee Photoshopped a picture of KIM KARDASHIAN to show what she’d look like with METH FACE. Although it actually just looks like she has blood on her face. And they already took the picture off their website anyway.
4. LADY GAGA had to be hospitalized Wednesday night after a show in Denver due to “altitude sickness”. And of course, she posted a picture.
5. And here’s STEVEN TYLER with his hair tied around his chin.
6. Sexy Video: FLOYD MAYWEATHER posted a video of himself being BATHED by a woman. He captioned it, “This is how I get my day started, everyday.”
7. KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN posted a naked pregnant pic, alongside an old one of her mom KRIS JENNER.
8. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY went WAY back for Throwback Thursday.
9. And here’s a random picture of JEFF BRIDGES sitting on WILL ARNETT’S lap.
10. RACHEL BILSON showed off her baby bump in a tight black dress.
11. Sometimes MADONNA tries her best to be age-defying and sexy . . . and sometimes she just says SCREW IT and goes full-on old lady.
Inspiring Quotes from Young Hollywood Actresses
A list of Inspiring Quotes from Young Hollywood Actresses includes this from Jennifer Lawrence . . . quote, ” I’d rather look a little chubby on camera and look like a person in real life than to look great on screen and look like a scarecrow in real life.”
Jennifer Lawrence: “I’d rather look a little chubby on camera and look like a person in real life than to look great on screen and look like a scarecrow in real life.”
Demi Lovato: “I wish I could tell every young girl with an eating disorder, or who has harmed herself in any way, that she’s worthy of life and that her life has meaning. You can overcome and get through anything.”
Chloe Moretz: “Never choose your friends over your family or a boyfriend or girlfriend over the family. My mom has always taught us that blood is thicker than water. No one will ever understand the dynamic of your family. Ever.”
Shailene Woodley: “As women, we are constantly told that we need to compare ourselves to a girl in school, to our co-workers, to the images in a magazine. . . . How is the world going to advance if we’re always comparing ourselves to others?”
Jay Leno Can Eat a 24-Ounce Burger in Five Minutes . . . and He Has a Certificate to Prove It
If you’ve been wondering what JAY LENO is up to these days . . . here’s your answer: He’s been working on his competitive eating skills. (???)
The Fatburger chain has something called the “XXX Challenge,” and in order to conquer it, you need to throw down one of their three-patty, 24-ounce burgers . . . loaded with the works.
Apparently, Jay had no problem with that . . . because he scarfed it down in just FIVE MINUTES . . . and received a certificate for his achievement.
The “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” Reboot Hits Theaters This Weekend
It’s a reboot with Megan Fox as April O’Neill, a reporter who discovers the turtles and gets caught up in their fight against an army of bad guys. Will Arnett is her cameraman, and Whoopi Goldberg is their disbelieving editor.
There were some rumors online that the turtles would be ALIENS this time . . . but it’s not true. They have the same basic back story, where they were created in a lab experiment.
Johnny Knoxville is the voice of Leonardo, but someone else wore the motion capture suit. The guys playing the other turtles aren’t as famous, but at least they did their own stunts. Alan Ritchson is Raphael. He was Goss in “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”.
Noel Fisher from “Shameless” is Michelangelo . . . and a guy named Jeremy Howard is Donatello. Tony Shalhoub is the voice of Splinter . . . the giant rat who mentors the turtles.
Here’s a little trivia for you: Leonardo is the leader . . . he wears a blue mask and carries Japanese swords called katanas. Michelangelo wears orange and fights with nunchucks, and Raphael wears red and wields a pair of sai.
Donatello is the one in the purple mask with the bo staff. And obviously all four turtles are named after famous artists.
Weekend TV Reminders:
• Friday: The ninth season premiere of “Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team” . . . from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CMT.
• Friday: The series premiere of “The Knick” . . . from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Cinemax. Clive Owen plays the drug-addicted Chief of Surgery at a New York hospital in 1900. The entire first season is directed by Steven Soderbergh.
• Friday: “Funniest Wins” . . . from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TBS. The comedians create an animated short, and also write a commercial parody for Jamie Kennedy.
• Friday: The series premiere of “Jonah from Tonga” . . . from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on HBO. Australian comedian Chris Lilley plays a rebellious teenage boy. You may remember from his cross-dressing comedy “Ja’ime Private School Girl”.
• Saturday: The series premiere of “Outlander” . . . from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Starz. A married combat nurse time travels from World War Two to 1743 and is forced to marry a young Scottish warrior. She’s played by Irish model Caitriona Balfe.
• “Saturday Night Live” . . . from 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. Edward Norton hosts and Janelle Monae performs.
• Sunday: “The Teen Choice Awards” . . . from 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. Sarah Hyland from “Modern Family” co-hosts with “Teen Wolf” star Tyler Posey. The nominees were released in three “waves”. (You’ll find all three lists here.)
• Sunday: “Rising Star” . . . from 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. The live quarterfinals.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Jeff Bridges, Ali Larter, and comedian Andy Woodhull.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Chris Pratt, and transgender “Orange is the New Black” minx Laverne Cox. (Repeat)
• “Letterman” – Joan Rivers, Keith Olbermann, and Capital Cities. (Repeat)
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Kerry Washington and Tom Petty. (Repeat)
• “Carson Daly” – Wil Wheaton, the Birds of Satan, and Courtney Kemp Agboh, creator of the Starz series “Power”. (Repeat)
• “Craig Ferguson” – Daniel Radcliffe and comedian Cathy Ladman.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Chris Pratt. (Repeat)
Five Random Facts For Friday
1. The average American eats more than half their meals alone. We’re most likely to eat breakfast alone, and least likely to eat dinner alone.
2. MICHAEL KEATON’S real name is Michael Douglas. He picked “Keaton” as a stage name because obviously there was ALREADY an actor named Michael Douglas . . . and he liked the way DIANE KEATON’S name sounded.
But Keaton was a stage name for Diane Keaton too. Her real name is Diane Hall . . . Keaton was her mother’s maiden name. Also, her nickname is ‘Annie’ . . . which is where Woody Allen got the title for “Annie Hall”. Now you know.
3. Scientists can use one circumcised foreskin . . . which is about the size of a stamp . . . to grow almost four ACRES of skin that can be transplanted onto burn victims.
4. Two years ago, for some idiotic reason, people in Los Angeles voted for a new law requiring condoms in porn. Since then, porn shoots in L.A. County are down 90% . . . only 40 permits were issued last year and only 20 so far this year.
We Spend More Time on Facebook and YouTube Than We Do Sleeping
A new study found the average person now spends more time messing with their phone, tablet, and computer than they do sleeping. We spend eight hours and 41 minutes using technology . . . and eight hours and 21 minutes sleeping.
The Top 10 Mistakes People Make During Sex
A new survey found 81% of people have made a HUGE mistake during sex. The top five are: “Misdirected thrusting” . . . calling out the wrong name . . . falling off the bed . . . saying something stupid during dirty talk . . . and getting caught.
You’re Most Likely to Sext on a Tuesday Morning
A new survey found that people are most likely to SEXT on Tuesday mornings, between 10:00 A.M. and noon. The best theory for why is that Tuedays are so boring that people need something exciting to help them power through.
The Most Important Personality Trait in Dating is . . . a Good Sense of Humor
According to a new survey, men and women both say the most important trait they look for when they’re dating is . . . a good sense of humor. Being good with money is the second most important trait, according to WOMEN. And being GOOD LOOKING ranked second for men.
58% of Employers Have Caught a Lie on a Resume . . . Here Are the Seven Most Common Lies
58% of employers say they’ve caught someone lying on a resume. And the most common lies people tell are embellishing their skill set . . . exaggerating their responsibilities . . . and fudging their employment dates.
Are Parents Choosing Baby Names Based on Whether the Domain Name Is Available?
There’s a new website that lets you figure out a name for your baby by whether you can get their name as a DOT-COM. You type in your last name and it spits out potential names you could give your baby that are available as domain names. Like, if your last name is Rhodes, it tells you LucasRhodes.com, ArielleRhodes.com, and ScarlettRhodes.com are all available.
A Woman Tracks Down Her Biological Mother . . . and Finds Out She Married Her Own Brother
A 39-year-old woman in Brazil just tracked down her birth mother, and found out she also had a brother, who’d been given away for adoption too. Problem is, she was now MARRIED to him. They had no idea they were brother and sister, they have a kid together . . . and they say they plan on staying together.
Photo of the Day: Is Steve Jobs Alive and Hiding in Brazil?
Is STEVE JOBS secretly alive and hiding out in Brazil? Some guy posted a selfie online this week with a guy who looks like Steve Jobs in the background. He’s in a wheelchair . . . although he’s wearing a long sleeve floral print shirt underneath a black t-shirt, and it’s hard to imagine Steve Jobs wearing that.
Katie Leung is 27. Asiatic minx Cho Chang in the “Harry Potter” movies.
Roger Federer is 33. Dashing Swiss tennis superstar.
Meagan Good is 33. Cocolicious minx from “You Got Served” and “Waist Deep”. Five or six of you may’ve seen her in “The Love Guru” and five or six of you from a very different demographic than that might’ve seen her in “Jumping the Broom”.
J.C. Chasez is 38. ‘N Sync member who foolishly let EVA LONGORIA get away.
Drew Lachey is 38. “Dancing with the Stars” KING and the shortest stud in 98 Degrees. He’s 5-foot-6 and 148 pounds of hairless man-boy.
Scott Stapp is 41. Creed singer whose ego forced the rest of the band to kill Creed and form their own band, called Alter Bridge. They’ve since put their differences aside and reformed Creed. Do you care?
Rena Mero is 47. She WAS Sable in the WWF . . . until her ego got so big that Vince McMahon was forced to fire her . . . despite her fan-friendly voluptuousness.
Kool Moe Dee is 52. Rap legend and college graduate [from the State University of New York]. Kool Moe Dee did the original “Wild Wild West” AND the hip-hop classic “I Go To Work”.
Rikki Rockett is 53. Poison’s drummer. The groupies say he packs OVER EIGHT INCHES, and is not only good in bed, but treats the ladies with respect. Oh, and also . . . he hates zoos.
The Edge is 53. U2. According to Bono, he is, quote, “the most influential guitarist since the great composers Jimmy Page, Pete Townshend [and] Neil Young.”
Deborah Norville is 56. “Inside Edition” minx.
DONNY MOST! is 61. RALPH MALPH ON “HAPPY DAYS”! Inventor of one of the greatest put-downs of all time: “You’re such a Potsie!” Classic!!! (???)
Larry Wilcox is 67. Ponch’s honky partner Jon on “CHiPs”.
He’s now resting comfortably under the Rock of Obscurity with Larry Holmes, Larry Csonka AND Larry Poons. Isn’t it about time he show up in one of those Syfy shark movies?
Connie Stevens is 76. And still a minx.
Dustin Hoffman is 77.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 21 days to Labor Day Weekend
• 30 days to Grandparents Day
• 31 days to International Literacy Day
• 34 days to September 11th
• 42 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day
• 896 days left of “Hope and Change”
199 years ago . . . In 1815, NAPOLEON BONAPARTE and his lonely testicle set sail for St. Helena to spend the remainder of their tiny days in exile.
138 years ago . . . In 1876, THOMAS EDISON received a patent for his mimeograph. (Today’s spoiled brats don’t remember getting mimeographed homework assignments (we called ’em “dittos”), the ones with the purple ink that you usually couldn’t read. But they smelled like HEAVEN.
51 years ago . . . In 1963, the classic movie “The Great Escape”, starring STEVE MCQUEEN, JAMES GARNER and CHARLES BRONSON, was released.
40 years ago . . . In 1974, PRESIDENT TRICKY DICK NIXON announced he would resign following new damaging revelations in the Watergate scandal.
28 years ago . . . In 1986, crack-head DAVID CROSBY was released from prison after serving eight months for drug and weapons possession.
28 years ago . . . In 1986, STEPHEN KING’S “Stand By Me” was released. It starred RIVER “Dead Junkie” PHOENIX . . . COREY “Recovering Has-Been” FELDMAN . . . “Star Trek: The Next Generation’s” WIL WHEATON . . . and JERRY “I Get to Nail Rebecca Romijn” O’CONNELL.
22 years ago . . . In 1992, METALLICA singer JAMES HETFIELD was badly burned by a pyro explosion at a Montreal concert. At the same show, AXL ROSE claimed he “lost his voice” and cut GUNS ‘N ROSES’ set short. Fans were pissed. They rioted, and caused $300,000 in damage.
10 years ago . . . In 2004, FAY WRAY, star of the original “King Kong”, died at the tender young age of 96.
Six years ago . . . In 2008, the SUMMER OLYMPIC GAMES, very impressively, opened in Beijing.