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Charlie Sheen Is Not Living With Three New “Goddesses”

TMZ posted some pictures of CHARLIE SHEEN vacationing in Hawaii with three topless porn stars, and suggested that they were his new live-in GODDESSES.  But Charlie says it’s not true.

Jerry O’Connell Has Gone From Being the “Fat Guy” in “Stand By Me” to the “Speedo Guy” on His New Sitcom

Looking at JERRY O’CONNELL now, it’s hard to believe he was the FAT KID in the 1986 movie “Stand By Me”.  Especially since he spends a lot of the time on his upcoming CBS sitcom “We Are Men” in a SPEEDO.

He says, quote, “We’re a couple episodes in and I’m in the Speedo continually . . . I was known as the fat guy from ‘Stand By Me’ . . . I guess I’ll be known as Speedo guy.”

Check Out Disney Princesses In Depressingly Real-Life Situations 

A photographer created a photo gallery called “Fallen Princesses”, featuring Disney princesses and other female fairy tale characters in depressingly real-life situations.  Like Rapunzel losing her hair to cancer and the Little Mermaid stuck in an aquarium.

Snow White babysitting a bunch of little kids while her prince sits lazily in his living room chair.

Cinderella drinking alone at a bar.

Rapunzel BALD on a hospital bed, presumably battling cancer.

The Little Mermaid in an aquarium.

Belle from “Beauty and the Beast” getting plastic surgery.

Jasmine from “Aladdin” engaged in desert warfare.

(Some of these are incredibly effective.  Check out all the pics here.)  (DinaGoldstein.com)

It’s On!  Between Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis . . . Meaning Bruce Is Out of “Expendables 3″ and Harrison Ford Is In 

SYLVESTER STALLONE and BRUCE WILLIS had some kind of falling out, and Willis is now OUT of “The Expendables 3″.  But HARRISON FORD is IN.  Stallone Tweeted the following about Bruce . . . quote, “GREEDY AND LAZY …… A SURE FORMULA FOR CAREER FAILURE.”

 

Usher’s Son is In Intensive Care After Almost Drowning 

USHER’S 5-year-old son USHER RAYMOND THE FIFTH is in intensive care at an Atlanta hospital, after almost drowning on Monday.  Usher the Fifth was at the bottom of his pool trying to get a toy out of the drain when his arm got stuck.  When he was finally rescued, he was given CPR and rushed to a nearby hospital.  Doctors say he’s going to be okay.

Dustin Hoffman Was Successfully Treated for Cancer 

DUSTIN HOFFMAN’S rep announced yesterday that he has been successfully treated for cancer.  She said, quote, “It was detected early and he has been surgically cured.  Dustin is feeling great and is in good health.”

There’s no word what kind of cancer Dustin had, but his rep said he’ll continue to undergo preventative treatments so it doesn’t come back.  Dustin is 75 years old.

Showbiz Video of the Day:  Peyton and Eli Manning Rap About Watching Football On Your Phone

PEYTON and ELI MANNING did a music video for DirecTV and NFL Sunday Ticket about watching football on your phone.  And even though it’s shameless corporate shilling, it’s pretty hilarious.

They try to pull it off like one of those “digital shorts” ANDY SAMBERG used to make for “Saturday Night Live” . . . and it WORKS.  (Check it out here.)

Mark Wahlberg’s Advice to Justin Bieber:  “Stop Smoking Weed, You Little Bastard” 

MARK WAHLBERG had some advice for JUSTIN BIEBER during an interview with a British newspaper.  He said, quote, “Justin, are you listening?  Don’t be so naughty, yeah?

“Percy Jackson” and “We Are the Millers” Hit Theaters Today

1.  Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters  (PG)  Trailer

Logan Lerman returns as Percy Jackson, the mortal son of the god Poseidon.  In this one, he and his friends undertake a mission to go into the Bermuda Triangle to find the Golden Fleece . . . which they need to save their home, Camp HalfBlood.

Anthony Head from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” takes over as the centaur Chiron, which was played by Pierce Brosnan in the first movie.  And “Castle’s” Nathan Fillion also makes an appearance as Hermes, the messenger of the gods.

2.  We’re the Millers  (R)  Trailer and the Red Band Trailer

Jason Sudeikis plays a small-time drug dealer who gets his stash stolen.  His supplier, Ed Helms, tells him that in order to set things right, he’ll have to personally smuggle their latest shipment across the border from Mexico. 

Jason doesn’t want to get caught so he gets a stripper, a runaway, and a horny virgin to pose as his family while he makes the trip.  Jennifer Aniston is his stripper “wife”, Emma Roberts is his runaway “daughter”, and Will Poulter from the Narnia movie “Voyage of the Dawn Treader” is the kid posing as their son.

Check Out the First Teaser for the New Muppet Movie

A teaser for the new Muppet movie, “Muppets Most Wanted”, hit the web yesterday.  And for some reason, DIDDY is in it.  (You can see him at the 45-second mark.  Here’s the clip.)

The movie hits theaters next March.  The human stars include RICKY GERVAIS, TINA FEY and TY BURRELL.

Al Roker Overslept and Missed His Own Weather Channel Show “Wake Up with Al” 

For the first time in 39 years, AL ROKER overslept and missed a show.  It wasn’t the “Today” show.  It was Al’s even earlier Weather Channel show, “Wake Up with Al”.  He made the “Today” show on-time, where they had some fun with Al’s over-sleeping in a “breaking news” segment.

The NFL Hall of Fame Game Placed Third in the TV Ratings

Sunday’s Hall of Fame game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Miami Dolphins was watched by over 10 million football fans.  The Cowboys won it, 24-20, thanks in part to a 75-yard interception return by rookie Devonte Holloman.

The game came in third in the TV ratings, coming in behind “Under The Dome” and “America’s Got Talent”.  Here are last week’s Top 10 shows . . .

1.  “Under the Dome”, CBS, 11.4 million viewers

 

2.  Wednesday’s “America’s Got Talent”, NBC, 10.3 million viewers

 

3.  “Preseason Football: Hall of Fame Game”, NBC, 10.1 million viewers.  The Dallas Cowboys beat the Miami Dolphins with a score of 24-20.

 

4.  Tuesday’s “America’s Got Talent”, NBC, 9.8 million viewers

 

5.  “NFL Hall of Fall Game: Pre-Game Show”, NBC, 8.9 million viewers

 

6.  “60 Minutes”, CBS, 8.2 million viewers

 

7.  “The Big Bang Theory”, CBS, 8 million viewers

 

8.  “The Bachelorette”, ABC, 7.9 million viewers

 

9.  “NCIS”, CBS, 7.7 million viewers

 

10.  Thursday’s “Big Brother”, CBS, 7.1 million viewers

• TNT’s “Rizzoli & Isles” was the top show on cable again, with 5.3 million viewers.

 

• Discovery’s “Megalodon: Monster Shark” attracted 4.8 million angry shark lovers.

 

• The 3rd season finale of TNT’s “Falling Skies” had 3.7 million viewers.

 

• The 9th season finale of “Deadliest Catch” had 2.9 million viewers.

 

• The series premiere of “Hatfields & McCoys: White Lightning” drew 2.2 million viewers for the History Channel.

 

(That’s a far cry from the 14 million last year’s miniseries averaged.  But then again it’s hard to recreate lightning in a bottle . . . and this was less about the feud and more about going into business together to make moonshine.)

 

• NBC’s airing of April’s “Wrestlemania 29″ attracted 1.9 million wresting fans.

 

• The series finale of Anthony Edwards’ “Zero Hour” went out with 1.9 million viewers.

 

• The 20th season premiere of “America’s Next Top Model” had 1.6 million viewers.

 

• The 3rd season finale of AMC’s “The Killing” was watched by 1.5 million people.

Wednesday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Big Brother 15″ [Power of Veto competition] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.

 

 

“America’s Got Talent” [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.  Music Guest:  Jason Derulo.

 

 

“Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles” [6th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bravo.

 

 

“Hot in Cleveland” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land.  Highlights and bloopers from season four are recounted with a special surprise guest star.

 

 

“Top Chef Masters” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo.  The cast of “Days of Our Lives” pays a visit for the soap opera themed challenge.

 

 

“Deal With It” . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on TBS.  This week guest celebrities are Heidi Klum, Josh Gad and Howie Mandel.

 

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  “Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles” stars Josh Altman, Josh Flagg and Madison Hildebrand.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show” – Inspirational kids and the art of wearing a white shirt.

 

“Good Morning America”Jennifer Aniston (“We’re the Millers”), Lily Collins (“The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones”), “America’s Next Top Model” judge Kelly Cutrone, and chef Emeril Lagasse.

 

“CBS This Morning” – No guests listed yet.  Check your local listings.

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Amanda Seyfried (“Lovelace”) and “Glee’s” Chris Colfer for his book “The Land of Stories: The Enchantress Returns”.  Sportscaster Erin Andrews co-hosts with Michael.

 

“The View”Lake Bell (“In a World…”).  Music Guests:  Cee-Lo Green and the Goodie Mob.

 

“Rachael Ray”Sarah Hyland (“Modern Family”), Jason O’Mara (“Vegas”), and Buddy Valastro (“Cake Boss”).  (REPEAT)

 

“Kris”Joan Rivers (“Fashion Police”) co-hosts.

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“The Real”Morris Chestnut (“Kick-Ass 2″).

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Salma Hayek and Kellan Lutz.  Music Guest:  Luke Bryan.  (REPEAT)

 

“The Talk”Jennifer Aniston (“We’re the Millers”) and interior designer Martyn Lawrence Bullard.  Marie Osmond co-hosts.

 

“Katie Couric”Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora and Bon Jovi keyboardist David Bryan.  (REPEAT)

 

“Steve Harvey”Tyra Banks and Rob Evans (“America’s Next Top Model”), plus chef Rocco DiSpirito.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Phil” – “My Son Picked the Wrong Fiancée” . . . a woman who disapproves of her son’s fiancée, before having even met her.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Oz Show” – “The #1 Way to Fight Fatigue!”  Dr. Oz share tips for fighting fatigue.  (REPEAT)

 

“Wendy Williams”Donald and Ivanka Trump (“All-Star Celebrity Apprentice”).  (REPEAT)

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Lindsay Lohan and comedian Pete Lee.  Music Guest:  Gary Clark Jr.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Jason Sudeikis (“We’re the Millers”) and Amber Heard (“Paranoia”).  Music Guest:  Mayer Hawthorne.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Anna Faris (“I Give It a Year”) and Matt Damon (“Elysium”).  Music Guest:  Parachute.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Jeff Goldblum.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Amanda Seyfried (“Lovelace”) and author Fran Lebowitz (“Tales from A Broad: An Unreliable Memoir”).  Music Guest:  Brett Eldredge.

 

 

“Carson Daly”Jake Bugg and The Trouble with Templeton.  Music Guests:  Angel Haze and Maximum Hedrum.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Conan”Sharon Stone (“Lovelace”), Anthony Jeselnik (“The Jeselnik Offensive”), and Julian McCullough (“Love You, Mean It with Whitney Cummings”).

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Lake Bell (“In a World…”).  John Oliver guest hosts.

 

 

“The Colbert Report”Ashton Kutcher (“Jobs”).

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Alexandra Daddario (“Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters”).  Ross Mathews guest hosts.

 

Chris Brown Threatens to Retire from Music . . . Because America Hates Him So Much  

CHRIS BROWN is threatening to RETIRE after his next album because America HATES HIM SO MUCH.  Yesterday, he Tweeted, quote, “Don’t worry mainstream America.  After this ‘X’ album, it’ll probably be my last album.”  He later deleted the Tweet, so maybe he’s had a change of heart?

Stupid News

Men Are Twice as Likely to Get Distracted When They’re Driving . . . Especially If They See Someone Attractive Walking Down the Street

According to a new survey, men are TWICE as likely as women to get distracted when they drive.  The top two distractions are landmarks, and someone CHANGING THE RADIO STATION.  And men are 25 times more likely to be distracted when they see someone good-looking walking down the street.

(Daily Mail)

The Most Embarrassing Car Accessory Is Headlight Eyelashes, and the Most Embarrassing Car Color Is Purple

What are the most EMBARRASSING car brands, colors, and accessories?  The most embarrassing cars are SMART cars and the Nissan Cube . . . the most embarrassing colors are purple and orange . . . and the most embarrassing accessories are headlight eyelashes and bumper stickers for a candidate who lost.

(CarInsurance.com) 

The Five Most Annoying Double Standards in Relationships

Here’s a list of the five most common double standards in relationships that drive people CRAZY . . .

1.  When you’re driving, they have no problem being a backseat driver or telling you what you’re doing wrong . . . but when they’re driving, you can’t say anything.

 

 

2.  When you say something mean, you’re a bad person.  When they say something mean, you’re a bad person for pointing it out, which makes them feel bad.

 

 

3.  They hate being interrupted . . . but have no problem constantly interrupting you.

 

 

4.  They get mad when you don’t want to hang with their friends . . . but they never want to hang out with your friends.

 

 

5.  When they spend money on something, somehow there’s always a valid reason . . . but when you spend money, no reason seems valid enough.  (Reddit)

 

Only 4% of Americans Want to Live to 120

 

If medical advances let you live until you were 120 years old . . . would you want to?  According to a new survey, almost EVERYONE says . . . no.  Only 4% of Americans say their ideal lifespan is 120 years old and up.  69% of people say their ideal lifespan is 79 to 100 years old.

.  (USA Today / Pew Research Center)

69% of People Believe There’ll Be a Cure for Cancer in the Next 40 Years

 

According to a new survey, Americans have a LOT of faith in where science will go by the year 2050.  71% think there will be artificial limbs that perform BETTER than real limbs . . . 50% think scientists will bring back extinct species through cloning . . . and 69% believe there will be a cure for cancer.

(Pew Research Center)

The Majority of Salespeople Lie . . . and 40% Do It on a Daily Basis

Two out of three people in retail sales admit that they regularly lie to customers . . . and more than 40% do it EVERY SINGLE DAY.  But they AREN’T always lying just to get you to buy stuff.  Sometimes it’s to cover up their lack of knowledge about what they’re selling.

(Daily Mail)

The Most Meaningful Jobs Are Dermatologist and FBI Agent . . . the Least Meaningful Job Is Gas Station Attendant

A new study just ranked different jobs on how MEANINGFUL they are . . . based on how much you think you’re helping people and how happy you are in the job.  Dermatologist, FBI agent, and senior construction manager finished on top.  Gas station attendant, graphic artist, and gambling dealer were on the bottom.

(Yahoo Finance / Payscale) 

A Man Rescues His Dog From a Sinking Yacht . . . Then Swims Back to Rescue His Wife

On Sunday, a husband and wife from South Africa were on a sailing trip with their dog when they hit rough water and CAPSIZED.  And as the husband swam to safety, he decided to save . . . THE DOG.  Then, after the dog was safe, he swam back and helped his wife.  All three were rescued and are okay.

(News24 / Gawker / Independent Online)

A Guy from Florida Just Survived a Shark Attack . . . and Has Been Struck by Lightning, Bitten by a Rattlesnake, and Attacked by Monkeys

A guy from Florida named Erik Norrie survived a shark attack last Monday in the Bahamas . . . after his father-in-law got BETWEEN Erik and the shark.  And Erik might be the luckiest guy in the country . . . or unluckiest.  Because he’s also survived being struck by lightning, bitten by a rattlesnake, and attacked by monkeys . . . TWICE.

(MyFoxTampaBay.com / Daily Mail) 

Celebrity Birthdays

Liam James – 17  (Jack Linden on “The Killing”.)

 

 

Mike Trout – 22  (Angels outfielder who may have had one of the best rookie seasons in baseball history.)

 

 

Samantha Ronson – 36  (DJ who’s best known for clambaking with Lindsay Lohan.  She also picked a fight recently with Paris Hilton for her weak attempts at DJ-ing.)

 

CHARLIZE THERON – 38  (Perfect-looking GODDESS from “Hancock”, “Aeon Flux”, “The Italian Job”, “The Cider House Rules”, “2 Days in the Valley”, “Prometheus” and, most notably, “Children of the Corn 3:  Urban Harvest”.)

Michael Shannon – 39  (Obsessive prohibition officer Nelson Van Alden on “Boardwalk Empire”.  He’s also General Zod in “Man of Steel”.)

Raul Malo – 48  (Lead singer of The Mavericks.)

 

 

Harold Perrineau – 50  (Michael on “Lost” . . . AND Link in “The Matrix Reloaded” and “The Matrix Revolutions”.)

 

 

Ramon Estevez – 50  (Older brother of Charlie Sheen, younger brother of Emilio Estevez and star of “The Dead Zone”, in which he WAS “Teenage Boy With Camera”.  Ramon’s daddy Martin Sheen was one of the stars of the movie.)

 

 

David Duchovny – 53  (He got to be a philandering sex addict and yet STILL nail his wife Téa Leoni ANYTIME HE WANTS TO.)

Bruce Dickinson – 55  (Lead singer for Iron Maiden.)  (NOT “super-producer Bruce Dickinson”, as played by CHRISTOPHER WALKEN in the “More Cowbell” sketch on “Saturday Night Live”.)

Wayne Knight – 58  (Jerry’s chubby arch-enemy, Newman, on “Seinfeld”.)

 

 

Rodney Crowell – 63  (Country singer.  He had FIVE straight #1 hits back in 1988-89.  Remember the ’80s???  Rodney Crowell does.)

 

 

B.J. Thomas – 71  (“Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head”)

 

 

Verna Bloom – 74  (Mary, Mother of Jesus in “The Last Temptation Of Christ” AND the dean’s wife in “Animal House” that lucky frat boy Eric Stratton nails.)

 

 

Carl “Alfalfa” Switzer – (1927 – 1959)  (Fell victim to The Curse of the Little Rascals when he was FATALLY SHOT IN THE GROIN after pulling a switchblade on a guy over a $50 debt in Van Nuys, California.  The shooting was ruled a justifiable homicide.  Alfalfa was 31.)

 

 

Billie Burke – (1884 – 1970)  (Glenda, The Good Witch in “The Wizard Of Oz”.)

 

 

Mata Hari – (1876 – 1917)  (Seductive female spy.  The filthy Frenchies shot her.)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 23days until Labor Day Weekend

• 32 days until Grandparents Day

• 43 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 70 days until Boss’s Day

• 1,262 days left of “Hope and Change”

Back in the day…

231 years ago . . . in 1782 – GEORGE WASHINGTON created the Order of the PURPLE HEART, which is given exclusively to servicemen wounded in combat.

 

 

It’s the oldest military decoration in the world still in use, and the first award made available to the “common soldier”.

 

 

 

56 years ago . . . in 1957 - The world lost the comedic genius of OLIVER HARDY . . . better known as the chubby half of LAUREL & HARDY . . . to a blood clot in the brain.  He was 65.  STAN LAUREL lived until 1965.

 

 

 

42 years ago . . . in 1971 - THE BEE GEES got their first of seven #1 records in America.  It was “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?”

18 years ago . . . in 1995 – Ten days before he was scheduled to be executed for the murder of a police officer, black activist and radio reporter MUMIA ABU-JAMAL won a reprieve from the original trial judge in Philadelphia.

17 years ago . . . in 1996 - NASA scientists announced that there was POSSIBLE LIFE ON MARS . . . 3.6 BILLION years ago.

 

 

 

16 years ago . . . in 1997 – GARTH BROOKS put on a free concert in New York’s Central Park that drew between 250,000 and 750,000 fans.  (???)  The police estimated the crowd at 250,000 . . . the promoters put it three times higher.

 

 

 

14 years ago . . . in 1999 – PRESIDENT CLINTON, during a visit to his home state of Arkansas, promised to devote the rest of his presidency to ERASING POVERTY.  And IT WORKED.  (???)

 

 

 

8 years ago . . . in 2005 – “ABC News” anchor PETER JENNINGS died of lung cancer.  He was 67 years old.

 

 

 

8 years ago . . . in 2005 – MARC COHN . . . he of the huge hit song “Walking in Memphis” . . . was SHOT IN THE HEAD by a guy trying to carjack his van in downtown Denver.

 

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