Your daily dose of Whatever!!
Nicki Minaj Hasn’t Sampled Enough Man-Meat to Know if Size Matters?
The new NICKI MINAJ song “Anaconda” is a celebration of men who are PACKING. But in real life, Nicki isn’t experienced enough to know if size matters. She says, quote, “I don’t have a lot of people to compare it to, [but] with whatever I’ve experienced, yeah, I think that’s a dope thing to have.”
Kim and Kanye Have Officially Outlasted Kim and Kris Humphries
KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST have passed an important milestone: They’ve lasted 72 days as man and wife. That means their marriage is officially more successful than Kim’s last marriage, to NBA star KRIS HUMPHRIES.
Kim and Kanye were married on May 24th . . . so yesterday was Day 72. Unless you count the 24th itself, then Sunday was the big day.
Of course, this could all be shot to hell with a sudden announcement that Kim and Kanye are divorcing, and had already split prior to Sunday or Monday . . . so don’t send them any gifts just yet.
Ashley Olsen is Dating a 47-Year-Old Guy
ASHLEY OLSEN is taking a page out of her sister’s book and dating a guy who’s old enough to be her dad. She’s nailing BENNETT MILLER, who directed “Capote” and “Moneyball”, as well as the upcoming movie “Foxcatcher”.
He’s 47 . . . she’s 28. (Here’s a picture.)
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. Didn’t one of these things kill the Crocodile Hunter? DEMI LOVATO posted a picture of herself kissing a sting ray.
She also posted a funny video of herself being “sucked away by the current” while swimming in the water under her vacation bungalow. Bonus: She’s in a bikini.
2. ROBIN THICKE canceled a show at the Indiana State Fair this past Friday due to a “schedule change” . . . but he spent the day camping with his son. Shirtless, of course.
There was a woman with them, but it was just the nanny. As far as we know, he’s not hitting that. But then again, the lines between employer and employee could be blurred.
3. (NC-17-ish) LIAM PAYNE from ONE DIRECTION gave his girlfriend a pretty insane bikini wedgie.
4. OPRAH WINFREY got all dolled up for the “makeover issue” of her “O” magazine.
5. Sexy Video: KEVIN BACON and his brothers did an acoustic version of “Footloose” at a Ronald McDonald House in North Carolina.
6. Try as she might, poor LINDSAY LOHAN just can’t seem to find a bikini that fits. Not that I’m complaining.
7. Here’s MADONNA’S 17-year-old daughter LOURDES SMOKING during a vacation in France.
8. Yesterday was PRESIDENT OBAMA’S birthday. Check out some pictures of how much he’s aged since he first took office.
Sandra Bullock Is the Highest Paid Actress in Hollywood
SANDRA BULLOCK is #1 on Forbes.com’s annual list of The Highest Paid Actresses in Hollywood. She reportedly raked in $51 million over the past 12 months. JENNIFER LAWRENCE is second with an estimated take of $34 million.
1. Sandra Bullock, $51 million
2. Jennifer Lawrence, $34 million
3. Jennifer Aniston, $31 million
4. Gwyneth Paltrow, $19 million
5. A tie between Angelina Jolie and Cameron Diaz, with $18 million apiece. Angelina was #1 last year, with $33 million.
7. Scarlett Johansson, $17 million
8. A tie between Amy Adams and Natalie Portman, with $13 million apiece
10. Kristen Stewart, $12 million
Gwyneth Paltrow Pays $5,240 for a Procedure That Feels Like Having Your Face Smacked with an Electrified Rubber Band
GWYNETH PALTROW has never had plastic surgery, but she keeps her skin looking great with an expensive, $5,240 procedure referred to as FACE-IRONING. And if that sounds painful . . . it is. She explains, quote, “It’s like having your face smacked with a rubber band that has an electric shock in it.”
Showbiz Photo of the Day: A Baby That Looks Just Like Jay Z
This is so creepy, it might be Photoshop . . . but if it’s real, it’s uncanny: There’s a picture floating around the web of a baby that looks just like JAY Z. And I mean JUST LIKE Jay Z.
We have no idea who this child is or where he came from. And I don’t want to start any rumors. But if this kid ISN’T Jay Z’s biological son, then he must be a CLONE.
(Check him out here. And scroll down for the side-by-side comparison. Somebody also mentioned in the comments section that the other kid in the picture looks like TIGER WOODS. And he actually kind of does.)
Joan Rivers Tears Into Justin Bieber on “Fashion Police”
JOAN RIVERS ripped into JUSTIN BIEBER on “Fashion Police”. They showed him wearing a really loud sweatshirt, a hat, a thick gold chain and baggy leather pants with some kind of apron-thing in the front.
Joan said, quote, “That little [B-word] just gets on my nerves . . . Someone needs to sit him down and say, ‘You are not a big black thug. You are just like your shoes: ordinary and completely white.'”
Then she dropped a RAP. She said, quote, “Well they call him Biebs and he’s a big Dweeb who drinks from a sippy cup / Bieber couldn’t be meaner to his fans and Selena, and now his 15 minutes are up.” (Here’s video.)
Five Movies Michael Keaton Passed On
MICHAEL KEATON has been in some CLASSIC movies, but he’s also passed on some big ones, too. For instance, he could have played the lead in “Police Academy” and “Kingpin”. And he says he was offered either the Tom Hanks or the John Candy role in “Splash”. Just to name a few.
The Stars of “The Big Bang Theory” Are Now Insanely Rich
“Big Bang Theory” stars JIM PARSONS, JOHNNY GALECKI and KALEY CUOCO have ended their contract hold-outs, by agreeing to new three-year deals, which will pay them $1 million per episode EACH. Ultimately, the deals are expected to be worth $90 to $100 million apiece.
JIM PARSONS, JOHNNY GALECKI and KALEY CUOCO signed three-year contracts, which will pay them $1 million per episode EACH. That triples their previous salaries, which were in the $325,000 to $350,000 range.
Seasons eight through 10 are expected to include a total of 72 episodes, which means they’ll rake in $72 million over the next three years. But that’s not all.
They’re also getting a cut of the show’s profits, which could make their new deals worth anywhere from $90 to $100 million apiece.
It’s hard to imagine a show can stay afloat while cutting paychecks like these, but Deadline.com says that with all the advertising and syndication, it’s still expected to generate $1 BILLION in profits.
Nickelodeon Is Doing a “School of Rock” TV Show
Nickelodeon is developing a show based on the JACK BLACK movie, “School of Rock”, which came out in 2003.
In the movie, Jack is a struggling rock star, who poses as a substitute teacher at a prestigious prep school. He and his fifth grade students form a band in order to win a Battle of the Bands competition, so he can pay off his rent.
No casting has been announced, but the movie’s director Richard Linklater is onboard as an executive producer. The show will premiere sometime next spring.
Tuesday TV Reminders:
• “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. Little Big Town host. The performers include Carrie Underwood, Brad Paisley, Keith Urban, Miranda Lambert, the Band Perry, and Rascal Flatts.
• “America’s Got Talent” . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. 12 of the Top 48 perform at Radio City Music Hall.
• “Drunk History” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Comedy Central.
Nancy Reagan urges her husband to get into politics . . . an unknown animator helps Walt Disney create Mickey Mouse . . . and Orson Welles upsets William Randolph Hearst with the movie “Citizen Kane”.
• “The Wil Wheaton Project” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Syfy. Wil vs. Hedorah.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Clive Owen, Nina Dobrev, and the Head & the Heart.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Daniel Radcliffe, comedian Neal Brennan, and Morgan Spurlock.
• “Letterman” – Colin Firth, comedian Tommy Johnagin, and St. Vincent. (Repeat)
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Ted Danson, Eva Green, and Jake Owen.
• “Carson Daly” – J.B. Smoove, Warm Soda, and Andrew Santino. (Repeat)
• “Conan” – Ethan Hawke, Mary Lynn Rajskub, and British singer Jamie Scott.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Diane Kruger and comedian Brad Trackman.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Jake Owen.
• “Jon Stewart” – Helen Thorpe, author of “Soldier Girls“.
• “The Colbert Report” – James Cameron.
“Divergent” is Out on DVD and the Final Season of “The Killing” is on Netflix
Here’s what’s new on DVD today:
• “Divergent“ stars Shailene Woodley as Tris, Theo James as Four, and Kate Winslet as the villain . . . whose attempt to seize power includes hunting down and killing anyone who can think and react outside of the five easily-controlled factions.
• “Oculus“ is a supernatural horror flick about a brother and sister trying to destroy an evil mirror that was responsible for their parents’ deaths when they were kids. It stars “Doctor Who” minx Karen Gillan and Brenton Thwaites, who was Prince Phillip in “Maleficent”. Their parents are Katee Sackhoff and “CSI: Miami’s” Rory Cochrane.
• “God’s Not Dead“ stars Kevin Sorbo as a philosophy professor who challenges a student to prove God’s existence, when he’s the only one in class who refuses to write “God is dead.” Dean Cain and “Duck Dynasty’s” Willie Robertson are also in it. (Trailer)
Five Random Facts For Tuesday
1. When JACK NICHOLSON was 37, he found out the woman he thought was his sister was really his MOTHER.
2. The word dilemma originally meant a choice between two tough options. Three options was a trilemma, four options was a quadrilemma, and so on.
3. The most money someone could make on an episode of “Jeopardy!” is $566,400. But that would require getting the Daily Doubles as the last question or questions in both rounds, and doubling up with them every time.
4. In the movie “The Mask”, CAMERON DIAZ’S role almost went to ANNA NICOLE SMITH.
5. There’s enough energy in one gallon of gas to charge your iPhone once a day for almost 19 years.
The Average Person Has 64 Friends . . . and a Lot of Them Come From Work
A new study found the average adult has 64 friends . . . here’s how they break down: 17 from work . . . 14 from school or college . . . 14 from social activities or clubs . . . 13 from social media . . . and six from other connections, like meeting through mutual friends.
The 10 Jobs We’d Do If We Could Quit Our Real Jobs
A new survey found the jobs people would do if they could quit their REAL job. The top five are: Starting a restaurant, running a bed and breakfast in another country, writing a novel, owning a bar, and being a chocolate taster.
A New Alarm Clock Wakes You Up By Brewing a Fresh Cup of Coffee
There’s a new alarm clock that wakes you up by brewing you a cup of fresh coffee . . . so you wake up to the smell of the coffee instead of a horrible alarm. It kind of looks like an alarm clock with a chemistry set on top . . . and when they go on sale, they’ll start around $250.
A Hotel in New York Fines Wedding Couples $500 For Every Guest Who Leaves a Bad Yelp Review?
A hotel in New York had a wedding policy where they’d fine the bride and groom $500 for every wedding guest who left a bad review. But when people started talking about it online . . . they got more negative publicity than they ever could’ve imagined. They say the policy was just a joke.
A Guy Left a Great Amazon Review For a Wi-Fi Thermostat . . . Because He Changes the Temperature Remotely While His Wife Cheats on Him
A guy from Ohio left a five-star Amazon review for a Wi-Fi thermostat . . . which lets you control the temperature remotely, from your phone. He says it’s great because his wife cheated on him and kicked him out of the house . . . but he can still remotely mess with the temperature while she and her new guy get-it-on.
A Five-Year-Old Mayor in Minnesota Just Lost His Re-Election Bid
Five-year-old Bobby Tufts was elected the MAYOR of Dorset, Minnesota two years ago. There are only 25 people in town, and their elections are decided by drawing a name out of a hat . . . but he won two years ago AND last year. Unfortunately, he lost his re-election bid this year to a 16-year-old.
Columbus, Georgia Gets the Most Enemas of Any U.S. City
Groupon just released a bunch of data on cities that buy the most beauty and health treatments. Green Bay, Wisconsin buys the most overall . . . Daytona Beach, Florida has the most spider vein removals . . . Denver buys the most weight loss programs . . . and Columbus, Georgia gets the most enemas.
Scrabble Just Added a Bunch of New Words Like “Yuzu” To Help You Score More Points
Scrabble just added a bunch of new words under the guise that they’re modern . . . but really, they just use a bunch of letters like Z, X, and Q to help you score more points. The worst addition is “qajaq,” which means kayak.
Jesse Williams is 33. Dr. Jackson Avery on “Grey’s Anatomy”.
Asiatic mattress actress Kaylani Lei is 34. She’s starred in 186 films, including . . . “White on Rice”, “China Vagina”, “Missionary Impossible”, and “XXX Avengers”.
Mattress actress Jewel De’Nyle is 38. She tugged at our heart strings in 274 films, including . . . “Shagnet”, “Four Finger Club”, “Amish Daughters” and “The Sopornos 2″.
Terri Clark is 46. BBW [slash] country minx.
Jonathan Silverman is 48. “The Single Guy”. Also, THE star of “Weekend at Bernie’s”, “Weekend at Bernie’s 2″ and “Beethoven’s Big Break”.
Adam Yauch from the Beastie Boys would have been 50. (1964 – 2012)
“I Used To Be” Patrick Ewing is 52. And still an NBA legend. He also had a cameo in “Exorcist 3″ . . . as an angel. (???)
Tawny Kitaen is 53. Psychotic minx with “the fire down below”.
Pat Smear is 55. Ex-Foo Fighter and ex-guitarist for Nirvana.
Maureen McCormick is 58. Marcia on “The Brady Bunch”. She lost a succulent 34 pounds on “Celebrity Fit Club”.
Rick Derringer is 67. “Rock & Roll Hoochie Koo” . . . AND the subject of the Steely Dan smash “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number”.
Loni Anderson is 69. Minx.
Ja’net DuBois is 69. The incredibly sexy Willona Woods on “Good Times”, Grandma Ellington on “The Wayans Brothers”, AND Ma Bell in “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”.
Neil Armstrong (1930 – 2012) First Man on the Moon.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 2 days to Chicago Boot Camp
• 24 days to Labor Day Weekend
• 33 days to Grandparents Day
• 34 days to International Literacy Day
• 37 days to September 11th
• 899 days left of “Hope and Change”
153 years ago . . . In 1861, ABRAHAM LINCOLN signed the FIRST FEDERAL INCOME TAX into law. The 3% TAX was applied to all incomes over $800. (SOCIALIST!!!)
100 years ago . . . In 1914, the FIRST ELECTRIC TRAFFIC LIGHTS were installed . . . in Cleveland.
57 years ago . . . In 1957, DICK CLARK’S “American Bandstand” made its debut in Philadelphia. “That’ll Be The Day”, by BUDDY HOLLY, was the first record played.
52 years ago . . . In 1962, MARILYN MONROE’S housekeeper discovered Marilyn’s beautiful nude body in the bedroom of her Los Angeles home. Her death was ruled a “possible suicide” from an overdose of barbiturates.
31 years ago . . . In 1983, “Risky Business” was released . . . starring TOM CRUISE and a beautiful bulge in the crotchal area of his very sexy tighty-whiteys.
31 years ago . . . In 1983, DAVID CROSBY was sentenced to eight years in prison for drug and firearms possession after he SLEPT THROUGH MOST OF THE TRIAL. He was paroled in 1986.
22 years ago . . . In 1992, JEFF PORCARO, the amazing drummer from TOTO, dropped dead in his front yard while spraying insecticide. (At first, everyone thought an allergic reaction from the insecticide triggered a heart attack . . .
But the autopsy revealed that his arteries were all hardened from copious amounts of the Bolivian Marching Powder, most likely snorted during Toto’s long reign of glory at the top of the charts, when the band was constantly cranking out giant hits like “Africa”, “Rosanna”, and uh . . . “Africa”. Oh . . . AND “Rosanna”!!! (???)
14 years ago . . . In 2000, Obi-Wan Kenobi died! SIR ALEC GUINNESS, the original Obi-Wan, died of the liver cancer in a southern England hospital at the age of 86. When doctors came to check on him, all they found was his hospital gown in a heap on the floor.
12 years ago . . . In 2002, Legendary Lakers announcer CHICK HEARN passed away four days after falling and hitting his head at home. He was 85.
Four years ago . . . In 2010, thirty-three Chilean miners were trapped 2,300 feet below ground when the area where they were working caved in on them. They were trapped underground for 69 days.
Three years ago . . . In 2011, Standard & Poor’s lowered the United States’ AAA credit rating one level to AA-plus.