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Whatever 8.26

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If There Is Justice in the World, Miley Cyrus Killed Her Career At the VMAs Last Night 

MILEY CYRUS made the biggest impression at last night’s “MTV Video Music Awards”, but for all the wrong reasons.  Her performance included twerking, crotch-gesturing and a lot of bad singing.  When she wasn’t sticking her tongue out, that is.

The VMAs:  Everything Else That (Sort Of) Mattered

Aside from MILEY CYRUS’ performance, a few other interesting things happened at the VMAs.  ‘N SYNC reunited for a few minutes to sing “Bye Bye Bye”, cameras caught TAYLOR SWIFT saying “Shut the [Eff] up” when HARRY STYLES was onstage . . . and some people won some awards.

The Complete VMA Winners List 

Video of the Year:  Justin Timberlake, “Mirrors”

 

Best Male Video:  Bruno Mars, “Locked Out of Heaven”

 

Best Female Video:  Taylor Swift, “I Knew You Were Trouble”

 

Best Song of the Summer:  One Direction, “Best Song Ever”

 

Best Hip-Hop Video:  Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, “Can’t Hold Us”

 

Best Pop Video:  Selena Gomez, “Come and Get It”

 

Taco Bell’s Artist to Watch:  Austin Mahone, “What About Love”

 

Best Collaboration:  Pink featuring Nate Ruess, “Just Give Me a Reason”

 

Best Video with a Social Message:  Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, “Same Love”

 

Best Rock Video:  Thirty Seconds to Mars, “Up in the Air”

 

Best Art Direction:  Janelle Monae featuring Erykah Badu, “Q.U.E.E.N.”

 

Best Choreography:  Bruno Mars, “Treasure”

 

Best Cinematography:  Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, “Can’t Hold Us”

 

Best Direction:  Justin Timberlake featuring Jay-Z, “Suit & Tie”

 

Best Editing:  Justin Timberlake, “Mirrors”

 

 

Best Visual Effects:  Capital Cities, “Safe and Sound”

Nicolas Cage Inserted Into Old Movies Is As Funny As You’d Expect 

Someone took video clips of old movies and digitally replaced characters with NICOLAS CAGE.  For instance, he becomes Molly Ringwald in “The Breakfast Club”, Lindsay Lohan in “Mean Girls” and Mel Gibson in “Hamlet”.

Someone took clips from old movies and digitally replaced characters with NICOLAS CAGE.  And it really is a thing of beauty.  It includes Nicolas Cage as:

Molly Ringwald in “The Breakfast Club”

 

Lindsay Lohan in “Mean Girls”

 

Demi Moore in “Ghost”

 

Mel Gibson in “Hamlet”

 

Roy Scheider in “Jaws”

 

A leech on Jerry O’Connell’s neck in “Stand By Me”


And that’s not even all of them.  (Check it out here.  WARNING!!!  This clip contains uncensored profanity.)

Alec Baldwin’s Wife Had Her Baby 

ALEC BALDWIN’S wife HILARIA gave birth to a baby girl on Friday.  They named her Carmen Gabriela. Alec’s 17-year-old Ireland Baldwin, posted some tips for her new sister as she grows up, which included this:  “Don’t be that girl that gets wasted at parties and crawls on bathroom floors.  It ain’t cute.”

 

Is Lamar Odom a Crack Addict? 

There are reports all over the Internet that LAMAR ODOM has a drug problem, and it’s putting a strain on his marriage to KHLOE KARDASHIAN.  TMZ says he’s into crack, but the “National Enquirer” claims it’s OxyContin.  Yesterday, Khloe Tweeted, quote, “Really hard to sit here and listen to people talk [crap] about my family!  [Eff] you and shame on you!  I’m too protective for this [crap]!”

Ben Affleck is Signed Up for Multiple Appearances as Batman 

If you’re still FREAKING out about BEN AFFLECK playing Batman . . . then your pathetic life is about to get even MORE pathetic . . .

 

 

Because the “Hollywood Reporter” says Ben is signed up to play Batman in MULTIPLE movies.  We don’t know WHAT those movies will be, other than the “Man of Steel” sequel.

Casting Choices Fans Hated . . . Then Loved 

In honor of the BEN AFFLECK Batman controversy, a website put together a list of Casting Choices Fans Hated . . . Then Loved.  Interestingly, three of them are Batman-related.  There’s Michael Keaton’s casting as Batman in the ’80s . . . Heath Ledger being chosen to play the Joker in “The Dark Knight”, and Anne Hathaway playing Catwoman in the sequel.

HEATH LEDGER as the Joker in “The Dark Knight”.  It’s hard to fathom this one in retrospect, since Heath was so universally worshipped for his take on the role.  But when it was announced, NOBODY thought it was a good idea.

ANNE HATHAWAY as Selina Kyle (slash) Catwoman in “The Dark Knight Rises”.

DANIEL CRAIG as the new James Bond.

MICHAEL KEATON as Batman in “Batman”.

ROBERT PATTINSON as Edward in “Twilight”.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE as Katniss in “The Hunger Games”.  In the books, Katniss Everdeen is dark haired, olive-skinned and certainly not as “healthy” . . . especially in the chestal region, as Jennifer.

TOBEY MAGUIRE in “Spider-Man”.

“The Butler” Is #1 at the Box Office Again

 

 

“The Butler” was the #1 movie at the box office for a second straight week, bringing in $17 million . . . while all the new releases failed to get off the ground.

 

 

“The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones” finished in 3rd place with a disappointing $14.1 million since its Wednesday opening . . . “The World’s End” earned $8.9 million in 4th place . . . and “You’re Next” opened at #7 with just over $7 million.

 

 

Here are this week’s Top 10 movies:

 

 

1.  “Lee Daniels’ The Butler”, $17 million.  Up to $52.3 million in its 2nd week.

 

2.  “We’re the Millers”, $13.5 million.  Up to $91.7 million in its 3rd week.

 

3.  (NEW)  “The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones”, $9.3 million.  Up to $14.1 million since Wednesday.

 

4.  (NEW)  “The World’s End”, $8.9 million.

 

5.  “Planes”, $8.6 million.  Up to $59.6 million in its 3rd week.

 

6.  “Elysium”, $7.1 million.  Up to $69.1 million in its 3rd week. 

 

7.  (NEW)  “You’re Next”, $7.05 million.

 

8.  “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters”, $5.2 million.  Up to $48.3 million in its 3rd week.

 

9.  “Blue Jasmine”, $4.3 million.  Up to $14.8 million in its 5th week.

 

10.  “Kick-Ass 2″, $4.27 million.  Up to $22.4 million in its 2nd week.        

Monday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Get Out Alive With Bear Grylls” [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.

 

 

“The Glades” [4th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on A&E.

 

 

“Fashion Police: The 2013 Video Music Awards” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on E!

 

 

“America vs. Iraq” . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NGC.  A look at the Iraq war with interviews from Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Tony Blair.

 

 

“Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives” [18th Season Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on Food Network.

 

 

“God Guns and Automobiles” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. Eastern on History.  Mark enlists his wife and sons to work the dealership when he finds himself understaffed.

 

 

“Longmire” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E.

 

 

“Below Deck” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo.

 

 

“Teen Mom 3″ [9th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on MTV.

 

 

“Olbermann” [Series Premiere] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight Eastern on ESPN2.  Keith Olbermann’s new talk show mixes interviews, commentary, and panel discussions.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show” – White House chef Sam Kass and nutritionist Peggy Kotsopoulos.

 

“Good Morning America”Patrick Dempsey (Velocity’s “Patrick Dempsey: Racing Le Mans”), Casey Anderson (“America the Wild”), plus highlights from the MTV Video Music Awards.

 

“CBS This Morning”Richard Rawlings and Aaron Kaufman (Discovery’s Fast N’ Loud”), Politico” reporter Maggie Haberman, AFC Enterprises CEO Cheryl Bachelder, and Give Locally CEO Andrew Young.

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Miranda Cosgrove (“Despicable Me 2″), Adam Sandler (“Grown Ups 2″), and “The Biggest Loser’s” Jillian Michaels.  (REPEAT)

 

“The View”Cate Blanchett (“Blue Jasmine”), and Johnny Carson’s nephew, producer Jeff Sotzing.  Music Guest:  J. Cole.  “Windy City Live’s” Val Warner co-hosts.  (REPEAT)

 

“Rachael Ray”Shaun T from the “Insanity” workout videos, “Biggest Loser” trainer Bob Harper, “The Chew’s” Daphne Oz for her book “Relish: An Adventure in Food, Style, and Everyday Fun”, and chef Ryan Scott.  (REPEAT)

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Hayden Panettiere (“Nashville”) and Ed Sheeran.  (REPEAT)

 

“The Talk”Jennifer Aniston (“We’re the Millers”).  Marie Osmond co-hosts.  (REPEAT)

 

“Katie Couric” – “General Hospital’s 50th Anniversary Extravaganza!”  “General Hospital” stars Anthony Geary, Genie Francis, Kin Shriner, Maurice Benard, Finola Hughes and Kelly Monaco.  Music Guest:  Rick Springfield.  (REPEAT)

 

“Steve Harvey” – Steve helps a family whose five daughters are obsessed with technology.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Phil” – “It’s Either Me or Your Deadbeat Son”.  A husband who believes his wife enables her adult son to the point where it’s destroying their marriage.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Oz Show” – Tips for inexpensive foods and products, plus three things you can do to save $600 a year.  (REPEAT)

 

“Wendy Williams”Michael Urie (CBS’s “Partners”) and Teresa Giudice (“The Real Housewives of New Jersey”).  (REPEAT)

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Amy Sedaris and Patrick Dempsey (Velocity’s “Patrick Dempsey: Racing Le Mans”).

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Melanie Griffith (“Dark Tourist”) and Ashton Kutcher (“Jobs”).  Music Guest:  Big Sean.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“The Tonight Show”“The View’s” Sherri Shepherd and Jeff Daniels (“The Newsroom”).  Music Guest:  Quinn Sullivan.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Seth Rogen (“This Is the End”) and Elisabeth Moss (“Mad Men”).  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Lily Collins (“The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones”) and “SNL’s” Seth Meyers.  Music Guest:  2 Chainz.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Carson Daly”A look at the documentary Unmade in China, plus chef Curtis Stone.  Music Guest:  White Lung.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Conan”Jesse Eisenberg (“Now You See Me”) and director J.J. Abrams (“Star Trek Into Darkness”).  Music Guest:  30 Seconds to Mars.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Pre-empted for the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy.

 

 

“The Colbert Report”Pre-empted for the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Eric Bana (“Closed Circuit”).

Stupid News

The Top 10 Completely Shallow Turn-Offs Include Low Gum Lines, Bad Spelling, and Unusual Hand Size

:  Here are some of the top COMPLETELY SHALLOW TURN-OFFS that people are secretly using to judge you.  Low gum lines or small teeth with large gums . . . women with large hands or men with small hands . . . a second toe that’s longer than your big toe . . . and irritating voices or laughs.

1.  Low gum lines, or small teeth with large gums.

 

2.  People with the same hair color as your brother or sister.

 

3.  Women with large hands, or men with small hands.

 

4.  Bad spelling or grammar in text messages and Facebook posts.

 

5.  Women’s eyebrows that are plucked too thin.

 

6.  Men with really un-fashionable shoes.

 

7.  A second toe that’s longer than your big toe.

 

8.  Brown eyes . . . because they’re boring.

 

9.  Irritating voices, or even worse, irritating laughs.

 

10.  Piercings anywhere but your ears.  (Reddit)

The Number of Women Quadrupling Their Breast Size Has Doubled in Three Years

Women aren’t trying to go NATURAL with their breast implants anymore.  According to a new study, the amount of women who’ve gone up at least FOUR cup sizes with boob jobs has gone from 5% in 2010 to 10% today.

(Daily Mail)

For Every Hour You Spend at the Gym, You Waste at Least 21 Minutes

There’s a big difference between going to the gym and working out.  A new survey found the average person spends 35% of their time at the gym NOT working out.  That means for every 60 minutes at the gym, you’re only working out for 39 minutes.

(Counsel & Heal)

The Top 10 “First World Problems” Include the Air Conditioning Being Too Cold, and Your Wallet Being Too Fat

A new survey came up with the top FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS . . . meaning the things people complain about that show a TOTAL lack of perspective.  A few of them are:  It’s freezing inside because of the air conditioning . . . my wallet is too thick from all the cash in it . . . and I don’t have fresh batteries for the remote so I have to change channels by hand.

1.  It’s hot outside but freezing inside because of the air conditioning.

 

2.  My personal trainer is on vacation so I have to work out alone.

 

3.  My wallet is too thick from all the cash in it.

 

4.  My dishwasher takes too long to load and unload.

 

5.  My headphone cord always gets tangled up in my bag.

 

6.  My cleaning lady took the day off.

 

7.  I’m upset because someone is wearing the same outfit as me.

 

8.  We really need another car but don’t have room in the driveway.

 

9.  I don’t have fresh batteries for the remote so I have to change channels by hand.

 

10.  I updated my cell phone and lost my contacts.  (Daily Mail)

Ten Frightening Statistics You Really Don’t Want to Know

:  Here are some statistics you really don’t want to know.  There are up to 50 active serial killers in the U.S. at any given moment.  90% of Americans live within 15 minutes of a Walmart.  And somewhere between 2% and 4% of people think the wrong man is their father.

1.  There are between 35 and 50 active serial killers in the U.S. at any given moment.

 

2.  90% of Americans live within 15 minutes of a Walmart.

 

3.  CPR only saves people’s lives between 5% and 10% of the time.

 

4.  More American soldiers died from suicide last year than from combat.

 

5.  Nine million children under age five around the world die every year from very treatable diseases and illnesses, like diarrhea and pneumonia.

 

6.  Breast cancer kills 300 men every year.

 

7.  There are about 800 million people worldwide who are classified as overweight or obese . . . and another 800 million who are starving.

 

8.  Somewhere between 2% and 4% of people think the wrong man is their father.

 

9.  For the cost of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the government could’ve installed solar panels on the roof of every house in America.

 

10.  And on a lighter note, 9% of people say they never pick their noses.  (Reddit)

A Study Finds the Best Sleep Aid Is . . . More Money

A new study has found the best sleep aid is . . . money.  People making at least $117,000-a-year reported getting the best sleep . . . unemployed people reported getting the worst sleep. 

(Independent)

Check Out the States That Profit the Most From Our Sins

In 2011, states made more than $50 BILLION because we just can’t resist “sins” . . . things like tobacco, alcohol, and gambling.  The states that made the biggest chunk of their revenues off things like tobacco taxes, lotteries, and casino taxes are Nevada, Rhode Island, Delaware, West Virginia, and New Hampshire.

10.  Oregon.  3% of total revenue from sin, with the lottery being most profitable.

 

9.  South Dakota.  3.3% from sin, with casinos being most profitable.

 

8.  Michigan.  3.6% from sin, with casinos being most profitable.

 

7.  Pennsylvania.  3.7% from sin, with casinos being most profitable.

 

6.  Indiana.  4% from sin, with casinos being most profitable.

 

5.  New Hampshire.  4.6% from sin, with tobacco being most profitable.

 

4.  West Virginia.  4.7% from sin, with the lottery being most profitable.

 

3.  Delaware.  5% from sin, with the lottery being most profitable.

 

2.  Rhode Island.  5.4% from sin, with the lottery being most profitable.

 

1.  Nevada.  5.8% from sin, with casinos being the most profitable.  (24/7 Wall St.)

A Woman Turned Up in a Hospital Two Weeks After Her Family Thought They Buried Her . . . So, Um, Who Did They Bury?

Last month, a 50-year-old woman went missing in Philadelphia.  And police believed they found her dead a few days later.  So her family identified the body and buried her after a funeral earlier this month.  BUT . . . two weeks later, the woman turned up ALIVE in a hospital.  Turns out the family buried the wrong person . . . and now, no one’s quite sure WHO that woman was.

(ABC News) 

 

 

81 People Ended Up in the Hospital After Eating Guinea Pig at a State Fair

Two weeks ago, 81 people went to the hospital in Minnesota after hitting a food festival featuring cuisine from Ecuador . . . and eating tainted GUINEA PIG MEAT.  All 81 tested positive for salmonella poisoning.

(Daily Mail / Star Tribune / CBS Minnesota)

 Celebrity Birthdays

Keke Palmer – 20  (“Akeelah and the Bee” star . . . Ice Cube’s football-playing niece in “The Longshots” . . . and the star of Nickelodeon’s “True Jackson V.P.”)


Dylan O’Brien – 22  (Stiles on MTV’s “Teen Wolf”. His hilarious one-liners are easily the best thing about the show.)

 

 

Riley Steele – 26  (Mattress actress who crossed over into mainstream films with her Oscar-worthy performance in “Piranha 3D”.  She’s the blonde in 3D glasses here.)

 

 

Cassie – 27  (R&B minx who sings “Me & U”.)

 

 

Chris Pine – 33  (James T. Kirk in the new “Star Trek” movies.  But before that he was only known for “The Princess Diaries 2″ and the Lindsay Lohan movie “Just My Luck”.)

 

 

Macaulay Culkin – 33  (Is he slowly killing himself with heroin and painkillers?  Discuss.)

 

Thalia – 42  (The upgraded Mrs. Tommy Mottola.)

 

 

Melissa McCarthy – 43  (Feisty candy-coated minx from “Mike and Molly” and “Bridesmaids”.)

 

 

Adrian Young – 44  (No Doubt’s drummer.)

Shirley Manson – 47  (Garbage minx.)

Chris Burke – 48  (Corky from “Life Goes On”.)

 

 

VALERIE SIMPSON – 68  (THE SWEETEST HALF OF ASHFORD & SIMPSON.)

 

 

Geraldine Ferraro – (1935 – 2011)  (First woman nominated for vice president.)

 

 

Michael Jeter – Would have been 61 – (1952 – 2003)  (Strange little HIV-positive actor from “Evening Shade” . . . whom your kids may know better as Elmo’s mime-like buddy, the 2nd Mr. Noodle on “Sesame Street”.  I MISS YOU, MR. NOODLE.)

 

 

MOTHER TERESA – (1910 – 1997)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 4 days until Labor Day Weekend

• 13 days until Grandparents Day

• 24 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 51 days until Boss’s Day

• 66 days until Halloween

• 1,243 days left of “Hope and Change”

Back in the day

106 years ago . . . in 1907 – HARRY HOUDINI jumped off a bridge over the San Francisco Bay with his hands tied to a 75-pound ball-and chain.  He swam to the surface in less than two minutes . . . minus said attachments.  It was a trick, ya know.

 

 

 

93 years ago . . . in 1920 - The 19th Amendment, GUARANTEEING AMERICAN WOMEN THE RIGHT TO VOTE, was declared in effect.  (ATTICA!)

 

 

 

67 years ago . . . in 1946 – NORMA JEAN BAKER signed a contract with 20th Century Fox.  She soon changed her first name to Marilyn after dancer Marilyn Miller . . . and her last name to her mother’s maiden name, Monroe. She used to have relations with JFK and RFK, ya know.

 

 

 

60 years ago . . . in 1953 - The CLASSIC sci-fi movie “THE WAR OF THE WORLDS” . . . not the Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg version . . . was released.

 

 

 

45 years ago . . . in 1968 – The BEATLES released “HEY JUDE”.  The song was #1 for NINE weeks . . . longer than any of the band’s other hits.

 

 

 

43 years ago . . . in 1970 – JIMI HENDRIX made his last public appearance, at England’s Isle of Wight Pop Festival.  He shared top billing with BOB DYLAN, JONI MITCHELL, and RICHIE HAVENS.  Jimi would die less than a month later.  The dragon don’t chase itself!

 

39 years ago . . . in 1974 – CHARLES LINDBERGH, the first man to fly solo nonstop across the Atlantic, died at his home in Hawaii at the age of 72.

 

 

 

27 years ago . . . in 1986 – TED KNIGHT . . . the genius who played Ted Baxter on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” AND Henry Rush, animator of Cosmic Cow on “Too Close For Comfort”, co-starring JIM J. BULLOCK . . . died of cancer at the age of 62.

 

 

 

26 years ago . . . in 1987 – SONNY BONO announced he was running for mayor of Palm Springs, California.  To his critics he said, quote, “I’ve never been qualified for anything I’ve done.”  Because of his truth-telling skills, he won.  But because of his skiing skills, he is no longer with us.

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