Your daily dose of WHATEVER!!
Simon Cowell Says He’s “Happy and Excited” About Being a Dad
SIMON COWELL is finally starting to talk about his impending fatherhood. Yesterday he said he’s, quote, “happy and excited” about becoming a dad. He added, quote, “It’s a great time in my life.”
Even though Simon has said in the past that he didn’t want kids, he now says, quote, “Now I know I feel good about it” . . . adding, quote, “I’m proud to be a dad.”
He also called his baby mama LAUREN SILVERMAN, quote, “a very special girl.”
A Photographer Tried to Talk to Kanye West . . . And He Just Smiled
Could KANYE WEST finally be getting over himself? Of course not. But maybe he’s calming down a LITTLE.
Kanye West Will Show Off a Picture of His Daughter on Friday’s Episode of Kris Jenner’s Talk Show
Anyone who thought KRIS JENNER wouldn’t use her newborn granddaughter to juice ratings for her garbage talk show . . . WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
KANYE WEST will show a picture of his daughter NORTH on Friday’s episode of “Kris”. The show was actually taped on Monday, and an audience member says they took everyone’s phone, so nobody could smuggle out a picture.
The source says, quote, “She looks like Kanye. She has his cheeks and she is almost as dark as him and she has big eyes like Kim . . . too cute.”
Dr. Oz Rushed to Help During that New York City Cab Accident Yesterday
A woman lost her leg when a taxi jumped a curb and barreled into her in Manhattan yesterday. The accident occurred near the studio where DR. OZ tapes his show, so he ran down to help. But it sounds like he didn’t do much. He said that a bystander had already used a belt as a tourniquet, and she was treated by emergency personnel.
Drake Posted Video of Himself Getting Pulled Over
DRAKE posted video on Instagram yesterday that he took during a traffic stop. Apparently, a female officer pulled him over for not having a front license plate. He said she was “cute”, but not to her face. He also included the hashtags, “Loved Her Smile” and “Hated Her Accent”.
Steve Carell Went Through a Striking Transformation to Play a Real-Life Murderer
STEVE CARELL plays real-life murderer JOHN DUPONT in an upcoming drama called “Foxcatcher”, and he looks a lot different than he usually does. He’s made up to look a little older, and also has a fake nose. A picture hit the web, and it’s pretty striking. The movie comes out December 20th.
TV’s Highest Paid Stars . . . According to “TV Guide”
The upcoming issue of “TV Guide” magazine has their annual report on TV’s Highest Paid Stars. The big earners include JON STEWART, who makes $25- to $30 million a year on “The Daily Show” . . . and JUDGE JUDY SHEINDLIN, who pulls down an INSANE $47 million a year.
DRAMA (per episode):
Mark Harmon (‘NCIS’): $525,000
Claire Danes (‘Homeland’): $250,000
Michael Weatherly (‘NCIS’): $250,000
Peter Dinklage (‘Game of Thrones’): $150,000
Tatiana Maslany (‘Orphan Black’): $50,000
COMEDY (per episode)
Ashton Kutcher (‘Two and a Half Men’): $750,000
Jason Segel (‘How I Met Your Mother’): $225,000
Amy Poehler (‘Parks and Recreation’): $200,000
Robin Williams (‘The Crazy Ones’): $165,000
Max Greenfield (‘New Girl’): $75,000
Howard Stern (‘America’s Got Talent’): $15 million per year
Keith Urban (‘American Idol’): $5 million per year
Blake Shelton (‘The Voice’): $4 million per cycle
RuPaul (‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’): $50,000 per episode
Reza Farahan (‘Shahs of Sunset’): $18,000 per episode
LATE NIGHT (per year)
Jon Stewart (‘The Daily Show’): $25-30 million
Jay Leno (‘The Tonight Show’): $20 million
David Letterman (‘Late Night’): $20 million
Jimmy Kimmel (‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’): $10 million
Andy Cohen (‘Watch What Happens Live’): $2 million
NEWS (per year)
Matt Lauer (NBC): $22-25 million
Rachel Maddow (MSNBC): $7 million
Megyn Kelly (Fox News Channel): $6 million
Scott Pelley (CBS): $5 million
Chris Cuomo (CNN): $2.5 million
DAYTIME / SYNDICATION (per year)
Judy Sheindlin (‘Judge Judy’): $47 million
Katie Couric (‘Katie’): $10 million
Michael Strahan (‘Live with Kelly and Michael’): $4 million
Sharon Osbourne (‘The Talk’): $1 million
Aisha Tyler (‘The Talk’): $1 million
“Duck Dynasty” Owned the Week in the Ratings . . . and the “CMA Music Festival” Attracted 8.3 Million Viewers
The fourth season premiere of “Duck Dynasty” was last week’s most-watched show on both cable and broadcast TV. It scored a whopping 11.8 million viewers.
Meanwhile, the “CMA Music Festival” came in fourth with an average of 8.3 million, which is the show’s biggest audience ever. Here are last week’s Top 10 shows . . .
1. The 4th season premiere of “Duck Dynasty”, A&E, 11.8 million viewers.
2. “Under the Dome”, CBS, 10.4 million viewers
3. Wednesday’s “America’s Got Talent”, NBC, 9.5 million viewers
4. Tuesday’s “America’s Got Talent”, NBC, 8.8 million viewers
5. “CMA Music Festival”, ABC, 8.3 million viewers
6. “NCIS”, CBS, 8.1 million viewers
7. “60 Minutes”, CBS, 7.4 million viewers
8. “Big Bang Theory”, CBS, 6.7 million viewers
9. “Unforgettable”, CBS, 6.6 million viewers
10. Sunday’s “Big Brother”, CBS, 6.5 million viewers
Wednesday TV Reminders:
• “Big Brother 15″ [Power of Veto competition] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS.
• “America’s Got Talent” [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. Comedian Tom Cotter guests.
• “Celebrity Motor Homes” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on GAC.
• “Necessary Roughness” [3rd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on USA.
• “Top Chef Masters” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo. Busy Philipps from “Cougar Town” is the special guest judge.
• “Couples Therapy” [3rd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on VH1.
• “The Soup” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on E! The show goes LIVE for the first time to celebrate its 500th episode.
• “Deal With It” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on TBS. This week guest celebrities are Joan and Melissa Rivers, plus Bobby Lee.
• “Modern Dads” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E. Four real-life stay-at-home dads who take care of the kids while their wives bring home the bacon are the focus of this new reality series.
Early Morning Show Guests:
• “The Today Show” – Topics include Labor Day deals and educational toys.
• “Good Morning America” – No guests listed yet. Check your local listings.
• “CBS This Morning” – No guests listed yet. Check your local listings.
Mid-Morning Show Guests:
• “Live! With Kelly and Michael” – Steven Tyler (“Epic”). (REPEAT)
• “The View” – Ed Helms (“We’re the Millers”). Robin Thicke co-hosts and is also the musical guest. (REPEAT)
• “Rachael Ray” – Carol Burnett and chef Sara Moulton. (REPEAT)
• “Kris” – Carlos Ponce (Telemundo’s “Santa Diabla”) co-hosts.
This Afternoon On TV:
• “Ellen DeGeneres” – Tim Allen (“Last Man Standing”), Kunal Nayyar (“The Big Bang Theory”) and Maroon 5. (REPEAT)
• “The Talk” – Joe Manganiello (“True Blood”) and chef Tim Love. (REPEAT)
• “Katie Couric” – Judge Judy Sheindlin for her book “What Would Judy Say?: A Grown-Up Guide to Living Together with Benefits”, fitness trainer Chris Powell (“Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition”), and comedian W. Kamau Bell (“Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell”). (REPEAT)
• “Steve Harvey” – Author Lisa Lillien (“Hungry Girl to the Max!: The Ultimate Guilt-Free Cookbook”) and Steve offers advice on how to get over a bad breakup. (REPEAT)
• “Dr. Phil” – “Missing or Murdered: Where Is 15-Year-Old Erica? Part 2: The Polygraph”.
• “Dr. Oz Show” – “Dr. Andrew Weil’s Anti-Inflammatory Diet”. Plus five essential ingredients for optimal health . . . and seven solutions to aches and pains. (REPEAT)
• “Wendy Williams” – Lucy Liu (“Elementary”). (REPEAT)
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “Letterman” – Tina Fey (“The Awesomes”). Music Guest: Valerie June.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Harrison Ford (“Paranoia”) and Keri Russell (“Austenland”). Music Guest: Joan Jett. (REPEAT)
• “The Tonight Show” – Kristen Bell (“House of Lies”) and Jake Johnson (“New Girl”). Music Guest: Phillip Phillips. (REPEAT)
• “Craig Ferguson” – Jonah Hill (“This Is the End”) and Indy 500 winner Tony Kanaan. (REPEAT)
• “Jimmy Fallon” – Bruce Willis (“Red 2″) and June Shannon (“Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”). Music Guest: Mayer Hawthorne. (REPEAT)
• “Carson Daly” – Director Sarah Polley and musician Michael Fitzpatrick. Music Guest: A Silent Film. (REPEAT)
• “Conan” – Mary Lynn Rajskub (“The Kings of Summer”) and Ken Jeong (“The Hangover Part III”). Music Guest: The Black Angels. (REPEAT)
• “Jon Stewart” – Senator Rand Paul for his book (“Government Bullies: How Everyday Americans Are Being Harassed, Abused, and Imprisoned by the Feds”). John Oliver guest hosts. (REPEAT)
• “The Colbert Report” – Author Colum McCann (“TransAtlantic: A Novel”). (REPEAT)
• “Chelsea Lately” – Kathryn Hahn (“We’re the Millers”).
The 10 Things at Work That Make Us Angry
According to a new survey, the average person gets angry at work twice a day. The top things that make us angry are: Coworkers taking credit for our work . . . computer problems . . . rude clients . . . arguments over making the coffee . . . and not having time for a lunch break.
Here are the top 10 things that make people angry at the office . . .
1. Other coworkers taking credit for your work.
2. Computer problems . . . from crashes to the Internet going out.
3. Rude clients.
4. Arguments over making the coffee.
5. Not having time for a lunch break.
6. The mere fact that it’s Monday and the weekend is over.
7. People talking to you when you’re trying to concentrate.
8. Coworkers gossiping.
9. The printer not working right.
10. Coworkers messing up your desk. (Daily Mail)
Scandal! A High School Math Class Proved Double Stuf Oreos Don’t Actually Have Double the Stuffing
A high school math class in New York just uncovered a MAJOR SCANDAL. They proved that Double Stuf Oreos DON’T actually have double the stuffing. Double Stuf Oreos only have 1.86 times the amount of cream filling in regular Oreos.
The Least-Respected Brands in the U.S. Include Delta, Denny’s, and Best Buy
A consulting firm just released its annual list of the most and least respected brands in the U.S. The brands we respect the most are Coke, Pepsi, Hershey’s, and Harley Davidson. And the brands we respect the LEAST are Delta, Philip Morris, H&R Block, and Denny’s.
40% of People Have Been Injured By Hard-to-Open Packaging?
According to a new survey, 40% of us have been injured in the past two years by hard-to-open packaging. Stuff that’s encased in hard plastic is the most difficult to open. 89% of us have used scissors, 66% used a knife, 6% used a screwdriver, and 2% have actually tried bashing through the packaging with a HAMMER.
Check Out the Dumbest, Drunkest, Rudest, Nicest, and Most Beautiful States
A new survey gave about 1,600 Americans the opportunity to JUDGE THE HELL out of other states. Here are some results. New York has the best food and Alaska has the worst . . . Colorado has the best scenery and Kansas has the worst . . . New
York is rudest and Georgia is nicest . . . and Louisiana is drunkest.
Best Food: New York. It just beat California, Louisiana, Texas, Maine, and Illinois.
Worst Food: Alaska. It’s followed by Mississippi, Alabama, Utah, and Florida.
Most Beautiful Scenery: Colorado. It beat out Hawaii, Alaska, California, and Montana.
Worst Scenery: Kansas. New Jersey was a close second. The rest of the top five are Iowa, Nebraska, and Nevada.
Drunkest: Louisiana. It beat out Florida, California, Nevada, Texas, and New York.
Rudest: New York got almost half the vote. The rest of the top five are New Jersey, California, Texas, and Massachusetts.
Nicest: Georgia. It beat out Minnesota, North Carolina, Tennessee, and Hawaii.
Smartest: Massachusetts. It finished ahead of Florida, California, Washington, and Connecticut.
Dumbest: Mississippi. It beat out Alabama, Arkansas, West Virginia, and Louisiana.
Best Sports Fans: New York just beat out Texas. The rest of the top five are Illinois, Massachusetts, and Wisconsin.
Worst Sports Fans: Also New York. The rest of the top five are Pennsylvania, Florida, California . . . and, for some reason, Alaska.
California Has the Hottest Residents . . . Alabama Has the Ugliest
Which states have the HOTTEST and UGLIEST residents? More than half of Americans say CALIFORNIA has the hottest residents. It beat out Florida, New York, and Hawaii. Alabama was rated the state with the LEAST attractive residents. It beat out West Virginia, Mississippi, and Arkansas.
Which State Has the Weirdest Accent?
A new survey asked Americans which state has the weirdest accent. And the result might surprise you . . . MASSACHUSETTS came in first. It beat out Louisiana, Alabama, Minnesota, and New York.
MASSACHUSETTS beat out Louisiana, Alabama, Minnesota, and New York.
The rest of the top 10 are New Jersey, Texas, Mississippi, Kentucky, and Maine.
A few states that ARE known for distinctive accents didn’t get many votes . . . so I guess their accents are considered NON-WEIRD. Those include California, Michigan, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Alaska, and Hawaii.
Oregon, Alaska, and Maine Are the Most Underrated States in the U.S.
According to a new survey, the most UNDERRATED states in the U.S. are Oregon, Alaska, Maine, Montana, and Vermont. The most overrated states are a little more predictable, since they’re the four states with the biggest populations: California, New York, Florida, and Texas.
A Guy Texting and Driving a Convertible Crashed Into a Trailer Full of Liquid Manure
On Monday morning, a 37-year-old man was driving a Ford Mustang convertible in Wisconsin . . . while he was texting. And he ended up crashing into a tractor that was pulling a trailer full of LIQUID MANURE. There’s no word just how much of the manure poured into the convertible . . . but the guy did break his finger. Also, the car was a rental, so let’s hope he got the insurance.
A Bank of America Intern Has Died . . . Was It Because He Pulled a Bunch of All-Nighters?
On Thursday, a 21-year-old investment banking intern for Bank of America in London DIED . . . quite possibly because he WORKED HIMSELF TO DEATH. He was found dead after allegedly pulling three straight all nighters. But the official cause of death hasn’t been released.
Maxim Knight – 14 (Matt Mason on TNT’s “Falling Skies”.)
Hayden Panettiere – 24 (Kirby in “Scream 4″, Claire the sexy, indestructible cheerleader on “Heroes”, and Beth Cooper in “I Love You, Beth Cooper”. Now she’s Juliette Barnes on “Nashville”.)
Usain Bolt – 27 (Jamaican Olympic sprinter. He may think a little too highly of himself, but then again, he IS the FASTEST MAN ALIVE.) (Check out this crazy photo of lightning striking as Usain was winning the 100 Meter world championship earlier this month.)
Brody Jenner – 30
Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss – 32 (The two twins who sued Mark Zuckerberg for allegedly stealing their idea to make Facebook. They got a reported $65 million settlement in 2008 . . . but they’re STILL bitter.)
Kelis – 34 (“Milkshake” minx who gave birth to Nas’ baby . . . and now rakes in $300,000 per year in child support.)
Amy Fisher – 39 (Now a legit porno star.) (Photos and video here.)
Liam Howlett – 42 (The Prodigy)
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS – 46 (Incredible minx who is Trinity in “The Matrix” trilogy and Natalie in “Memento”. Sadly, she has “graduated” to mom-type roles, in movies like Shia LaBeouf’s “Disturbia” and a zombie comedy you never saw called “Fido” . . . which is actually REALLY good.)
Serj Tankian – 46 (System of a Down superstar.)
JEFF STRYKER – 51 (Pornographic he-whore who’s also a HOMOEROTIC COUNTRY SINGER.) (Here’s his song “Pop You in the Pooper“. Enjoy.)
Jim McMahon – 54 (The last cool NFL quarterback. Remember the “Super Bowl Shuffle”? I DO.) (For those of you who weren’t alive yet in 1985, here it is.)
Kim Cattrall – 57 (Slutty Samantha on “Sex and the City”.)
(Before you knew who she was, Kim played “Lassie” . . . the chick who HOWLS LIKE A DOG during coitus, in 1982’s “Porky’s” . . . and she was also the lead character in the 1987 comedy classic “Mannequin”.)
(Here’s that classic “Porky’s” moment.)
Glenn Hughes – 61 (Bassist for Deep Purple, and singer for Black Sabbath during those ugly mid-’80s years. He was recently in a great band called Black Country Communion . . . but they broke up.)
JACKIE DESHANNON – 69 (Biggest Hits: “What The World Needs Now” AND “Put A Little Love In Your Heart”.) (She also co-wrote “Bette Davis Eyes” . . . which Kim Carnes turned into a hit in 1981.)
Kenny Rogers – 75 (Plastic surgery victim.) RELATED COMEDY: Kenny Rogers turns 75 today, but he only looks 71 thanks to his terrific facelifts.
Joe Strummer – Would have been 61 – (1952 – 2002) (The Clash’s singer.)
Wilt Chamberlain – (1936 – 1999) (Probable cause of death: SEXUAL EXHAUSTION.) (Wilt once claimed to have had sex with 20,000 women.)
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 9 days until Labor Day Weekend
• 18 days until Grandparents Day
• 29 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day
• 56 days until Boss’s Day
• 71 days until Halloween
• 1,248 days left of “Hope and Change”
Back in the day….
399 years ago . . . in 1614 – Hungarian Countess ELIZABETH BATHORY passed away in prison. She believed that “BLOOD BATHS” from the blood of young girls would preserve her complexion.
(Over 10 years, she kidnapped 610 girls and hung them in chains in her castle as a source for blood. When she was captured, her accomplices were beheaded and burned.)
(There’s a scene in “Hostel, Part 2″ in which a very sexy middle-aged lady takes a rather gruesome blood bath. In case you care.)
135 years ago . . . in 1878 – Hell on Earth began when the AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION was founded in Saratoga, New York.
126 years ago . . . in 1887 – DAN CASEY struck out in the 9th inning of a game against the New York Giants. Sports columnist Ernest L. Thayer went home and began work on a poem entitled, “Casey at the Bat”.
102 years ago . . . in 1911 – The “Mona Lisa” was stolen from the LOUVRE in Paris by an employee named Vincenzo Peruggia. It was recovered two years later.
54 years ago . . . in 1959 – HAWAII was let in as the 50TH STATE in the Union. Down there, they call the reefer “pakalolo”. (???)
37 years ago . . . in 1976 – RCA Victor Records announced that ELVIS PRESLEY had passed the 400 MILLION mark in record sales. Now, they estimate that he’s sold that many just outside the U.S. . . . and about ONE BILLION total.
37 years ago . . . in 1976 – LARRY FLYNT married his fourth wife, Althea Leasure . . . the one whom SUCCUBUS COURTNEY LOVE played in the movie, “The People vs. Larry Flynt”.
19 years ago . . . in 1994 – JOHN DENVER was charged with drunk driving after crashing his Porsche into a tree in his Aspen, Colorado, neighborhood.
(His drunk driving trial ended with a hung jury. Even though his blood alcohol level was .128, his attorney argued that a thyroid condition made the test unreliable.)
(The trial ended in July of 1997, just three months before John crashed his plane into the Pacific Ocean. The autopsy said there wasn’t any alcohol in his system, but still . . . DON’T DRINK AND FLY!!!)
12 years ago . . . in 2001 – NATE DOGG got three years’ probation and a $1,000 fine for allegedly KIDNAPPING HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND, HOLDING HER AT GUNPOINT, and SETTING HER MOTHER’S CAR ON FIRE.
(He got off so easy because his ex-girlfriend refused to cooperate with prosecutors . . . so all they got him on was a charge of possession of an unmarked gun.)
(Sadly . . . or not . . . Nate died of complications from multiple strokes in March of 2011.)
4 years ago . . . 2009 – The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America lifted its ban on sexually active gays and lesbians from serving as ministers.