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Whatever 8.12

Your daily dose of WHATEVER!

What Is That Thing on the Back of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Head? 

 

 

When your hair is a little long, it can be hard to keep it out of your face.  Especially if you’re frolicking on a yacht off the coast of Spain.  But there are still some things a man should never, EVER do.  And LEONARDO DICAPRIO did one of them.

 

 

He tied some of his hair back with a rubber band.  The problem is, he doesn’t have enough hair to make a true ponytail . . . so it just looks like a little water spout coming out the back of his head.  (Check it out here.)

Jennifer Aniston Threw a Birthday Party for Justin Theroux and the Guest List Was Insane 

JUSTIN THEROUX turned 41 on Saturday, and JENNIFER ANISTON threw him a party at their Bel Air mansion.  The guest list was INSANE.  Check out who showed up:

 

 

Ben Stiller, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen, Jason Bateman, Laura Dern, John Krasinski and Emily Blunt, Tobey Maguire, Lake Bell, Will Arnett, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi, and Jimmy Kimmel.

Kevin Federline is Married! 

 

 

We’ve had so few legitimate opportunities to talk about KEVIN FEDERLINE lately that it is an honor and a privilege to announce the following to you:

 

 

On Saturday, August 10th, your man K-Fed married his Baby Mama #3, Victoria Prince, in Las Vegas.  (!!!)  Kevin is 35 . . . Victoria is 30.  She’s a former pro volleyball player who now teaches special ed.

 

 

Their daughter, who turns 2 on Thursday, is Kevin’s FIFTH child.  He produced a son and a daughter with actress SHAR JACKSON, then dumped her to fill BRITNEY SPEARS with two sons.

Amanda Bynes Will Spend Another 30 Days in the Hospital . . . And Her Mother is Her Temporary Conservator 

A judge has extended AMANDA BYNES’ psychiatric hold for another 30 days.  In order to keep Amanda for another month, doctors had to convince the judge that she’s, quote, “gravely disabled as a result of a mental disorder.”  Obviously, they did.  But on a positive note, Amanda was reunited with her dog Thursday night.  The same dog she accidentally doused with gasoline while lighting that driveway fire last month.

Is Lindsay Lohan Partying Again? 

“Us Weekly” claims LINDSAY LOHAN spent all night partying with the boy band THE WANTED last Wednesday, and left the next morning looking “worse for wear.”  But her rep says that while Lindsay DID visit the guys, the rest of the story is, quote, “completely false.”

Will Marijuana Kill Miley Cyrus? 

MILEY CYRUS has a condition that results in an elevated heart rate.  And according to the “National Enquirer”, her doctors have told her to stop smoking pot and drinking caffeine, because both can make it worse.  But she won’t.  A source says, quote, “Miley knows she probably shouldn’t be smoking, but she loves getting high.  Besides that, most of her friends smoke too.”

Usher Still Has Custody of the Kids 

USHER came out the winner of that emergency custody hearing requested by his ex-wife TAMEKA on Friday.

 

 

The judge called the incident in which their 5-year-old son USHER THE FIFTH almost drowned an “awful accident”, but added that Usher’s aunt who was watching him at the time did just as well as anyone else could have in that situation.

Matt Damon Says President Obama Broke Up With Him 

MATT DAMON says PRESIDENT OBAMA “broke up” with him because he’s become critical of some of his policies . . . like drone strikes and the “NSA revelations”.  He adds, quote, “He’s got some explaining to do, particularly for a constitutional law professor.”

“Elysium” Beat “We’re the Millers” at the Box Office . . . But Not By Much

 

 

MATT DAMON’S “Elysium” took the #1 spot over a busy box office weekend.  The movie brought in $30.4 million in its first three days of release . . . about $4 million more than the weekend’s #2 movie, “We’re the Millers”.

 

 

The Disney animated movie “Planes” was kind of a letdown, making just $22.5 million in 3rd place.  But that wasn’t as bad as “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters”, which made a disappointing $14.6 million in 4th place.  The first movie, “Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief”, made more than twice that when it came out in 2010. 

 

 

Here are this week’s Top 10 movies:

 

 

1.  (NEW)  “Elysium”, $30.4 million.

 

2.  (NEW)  “We’re the Millers”, $26.6 million.  Up to $38 million since Wednesday.

 

3.  (NEW)  “Planes”, $22.5 million.

 

4.  (NEW)  “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters”, $14.6 million for just the weekend . . . and a total of $23.5 million since it opened on Wednesday.

 

5.  “2 Guns”, $11.1 million.  Up to $48.5 million in its 2nd week.

 

6.  “The Smurfs 2″, $9.5 million.  Up to $46.6 million in its 2nd week.

 

7.  “The Wolverine”, $8 million.  Up to $112 million in its 3rd week.

 

8.  “The Conjuring”, $6.7 million.  Up to $121 million in its 4th week.

 

9.  “Despicable Me 2″, $5.7 million.  Up to $338 million in its 6th week.

 

10.  “Grown Ups 2″, $3.7 million.  Up to $124 million in its 5th week.       

Monday TV Reminders:

 

 

“CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.  Little Big Town hosts with performances by Carrie Underwood, Luke Bryan, Taylor Swift, Brad Paisley, Keith Urban, Kelly Clarkson, and Blake Shelton.

 

The duet performances include Jason Aldean with Lenny Kravitz on “Are You Gonna Go My Way” . . . Zac Brown Band and Kid Rock for “We’re an American Band” . . . and Little Big Town with Sheryl Crow doing “Pontoon”.

“Disney TRYathlon” . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Disney XD.  Pro athletes Arian Foster, Candace Parker and Kevin Love coach three kids who team up with Disney celebrities in order to compete in a series of challenges.  It’s hosted by “Lab Rats” stars Hal Sparks and Tyrel Jackson Williams.

 

 

“The Real Housewives of Miami” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Bravo.

 

 

“Cake Boss” [6th Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on TLC.

 

 

“God, Guns and Automobiles” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. Eastern on History.  Amy bets Mark that he can’t go a week without buying a car for his personal collection.

 

 

“King & Maxwell” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TNT.

 

 

“MythBusters: Breaking Bad Special” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Discovery.  “Breaking Bad” creator Vince Gilligan and star Aaron Paul guest as the science and chemistry of the show are de-bunked.

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  The cast of “Real Housewives of Miami” are guests.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show”Author Shaun Tomson (“The Code: The Power of ‘I Will’”).

 

“Good Morning America”No guests listed yet.  Check your local listings.

 

“CBS This Morning”“Money Magazine’s” Donna Rosato.

 

 

 

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Jennifer Coolidge (“Austenland”) and Jeff Daniels (“The Newsroom”).  Rebecca Romijn co-hosts with Michael.

 

“The View”Rob Lowe (“Parks and Recreation”) and chef Rocco DiSpirito.  “Dancing with the Stars” minx Karina Smirnoff co-hosts.

 

“Rachael Ray”Dr. Venus Nicolino (Bravo’s “LA Shrinks”) and “The View’s” Sherri Shepherd pimps her book “Plan D: How to Lose Weight and Beat Diabetes”.  (REPEAT)

 

“Kris”“Dancing with the Stars” pro Louis van Amstel and acrobat Maxim Popazov.  Morris Chestnut (“Kick-Ass 2″) co-hosts.

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Kristen Bell (Showtime’s “House of Lies”) and Cedric the Entertainer (“A Haunted House”).  (REPEAT)

 

“The Talk”Kristen Johnston (“The Exes”), Mary McDonnell (“Major Crimes”), and Dr. Tess Mauricio shares skin care tips.  Marie Osmond co-hosts.

 

“Katie Couric” – The casts of “Duck Dynasty” and “Swamp People”.  (REPEAT)

 

“Steve Harvey” – Sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman offers advice for putting the spark back in your sex life.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Phil” – “Catfish with a Twist”.  A woman who discovered that the man she fell in love with online was not only deceiving her, but he’d also begun stalking her.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Oz Show” – “Am I Normal…Or Nuts!?”  Dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg and psychologist Jen Hartstein discuss odd human habits.  (REPEAT)

 

“Wendy Williams”Susan Lucci (“Devious Maids”) and chef Curtis Stone.  (REPEAT)

 

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Poppy Montgomery (“Unforgettable”) and Bill Maher.  Music Guest:  Pokey LaFarge.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Chloë Grace Moretz (“Kick-Ass 2″) and Liam Hemsworth (“Paranoia”).  Music Guest:  The National.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Jayma Mays (“The Smurfs 2″) and Ashton Kutcher.  Music Guest:  Hiatus Kaiyote.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Harrison Ford (“42″) and Ariel Tweto (Discovery’s “Flying Wild Alaska”).  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Timothy Olyphant (“Justified”) and the latest “Celebrity Apprentice” reject.  Music Guest:  Justin Timberlake performs all week.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Carson Daly”Rapper Joey Bada$$ and acoustic duo Wild Child.  Music Guest:  Maximum Hedrum and The Coup.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Conan”Amber Heard (“Paranoia”), Val Kilmer (“Planes”) and Paramore.

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Senator Rand Paul for his book (“Government Bullies: How Everyday Americans Are Being Harassed, Abused, and Imprisoned by the Feds”).  John Oliver guest hosts.

 

 

“The Colbert Report”Senator Sheldon Whitehouse.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Lily Collins (“The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones”).

The “Ten Commandments” of Male Friendship Includes Not Stealing Jokes, and Not Having Sex With His Mom?

A new survey came up with some of the unwritten “commandments” of male friendship.  They include:  Don’t lie to your friends or call out their lies in public . . . don’t avoid your turn to buy a round of drinks . . . don’t steal a friend’s jokes . . . and don’t have sex with a friend’s SISTER or MOM.

1.  Don’t lie to your friends.

 

2.  Don’t dodge your turn to buy a round of drinks.

 

3.  Don’t break under questioning from a friend’s girlfriend.

 

4.  Don’t call out a friend’s lies in public.

 

5.  Don’t tag a friend in questionable photos on Facebook.

 

6.  Don’t turn down a friend who really needs a night out.

 

7.  Don’t steal a friend’s jokes.

 

8.  Avoid publicly “gushing” on Facebook about your girlfriend or a baby.

 

9.  Don’t talk about anything other than sports when you’re watching sports.

 

10.  And finally . . . no having sex with a friend’s sister . . . or mom. 

.  (FemaleFirst)

The Average Man Has Had Sex With Three Women or Less . . . and Four More Findings From a New “Cosmo” Sex Survey

According to a new sex survey from “Cosmopolitan”, the average man has had sex with just THREE WOMEN or less.  So, naturally, the most common REGRET men have about their sexual past is . . . they wish they’d had sex with more women.  The survey also found 42% of men have cheated on a girlfriend or their wife . . . and four out of five felt guilty afterward.

Here are five findings from the survey . . .

 

 

1.  The average man has had sex with just THREE WOMEN or less.

 

 

2.  So, naturally, the most common REGRET men have about their sexual past is . . . they wish they’d had sex with more women.  The number two regret is wishing they’d been more adventurous.

 

 

3.  HALF of men in a relationship secretly wish they could have sex with a female friend . . . 32% wish they could have sex with a friend’s girlfriend . . . 32% want to have sex with an ex again . . . and 18% wish they could have sex with a coworker.

 

 

4.  42% of men surveyed say they’ve cheated on a girlfriend or their wife.  Four out of five felt guilty afterward.

 

 

5.  28% of men have tried BONDAGE, and another 23% want to.  (Daily Mail)

The Top 10 Things Guys Do That Turn Women Off on Vacation . . . Including Speedos, Getting Drunk, and Blowing Kisses

Check out the top five things men do that turn women off when they’re on vacation:  Wearing a Speedo on the beach, getting too drunk, winking and blowing kisses, staring at her breasts when you talk to her, and asking for her number too quickly.

1.  Wearing a Speedo on the beach.

 

2.  Getting too drunk.

 

3.  Winking and blowing kisses.

 

4.  Staring at her breasts when you talk to her.

 

5.  Asking for her number too quickly.

 

6.  Trying to get HER too drunk.

 

7.  Bad dancing.

 

8.  Being too pushy.

 

9.  Using pick-up lines.

 

10.  Leaning too much on friends to be your wingmen.  (FemaleFirst)

People Get More Offended If You Make Fun of How They Look Than Their Race or Religion

According to a new study, the number one thing that offends people is . . . rude comments about their LOOKS.  Comments about someone’s race or religion came in second, and jokes about someone’s nationality were third.

(Daily Mail)

The Phrase “Rule of Thumb” Is Actually About Domestic Violence?

Here’s a random fact:  The phrase “rule of thumb” actually has its roots in DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.  Back in Scotland in the 1800s, men could legally solve arguments with their wives by BEATING THEM WITH STICKS that were the same width as their thumbs.  Thankfully, the beatings ended, but using “rule of thumb” to describe a solution to a problem stuck.  Wow.

?  (Deadline)

The 10 Worst Things to Use For Your Passwords

 

Google just did a study on the most hackable passwords.  Here are the five WORST things to use:  The names of your pets . . . important dates . . . a family member’s birthday . . . your child’s name . . . and another family member’s name.

1.  The names of your pets.

 

2.  Important dates, like wedding anniversaries.

 

3.  A family member’s birthday.

 

4.  Your child’s name.

 

5.  Another family member’s name.

 

6.  Your hometown.

 

7.  Your favorite holiday.

 

8.  Something related to your favorite sports team.

 

9.  Your significant other’s name.

 

10.  The word “password.”

(Time)

A Drunk Driver Who Hit a Pole Is Suing the Power Company for Putting It Too Close to the Street

Back in 2005 in Washington, a woman was driving drunk and hit an electric pole.  Her friend was in the passenger seat and hurt his arm, and she pleaded guilty to felony assault.  But now she’s SUING the power company and the county . . . for putting the pole too close to the road.  And the Washington state Supreme Court just ruled that she CAN go ahead with her lawsuit.

(CBS 7 – Seattle / Gawker)

Maggie Lawson – 33  (Jules O’Hara, Lassiter’s sexy partner on “Psych”.)

 

 

Casey Affleck – 38  (Ben’s more talented little brother.  He’s Virgil in “Ocean’s 11″, “Ocean’s 12″ and “Ocean’s 13″ . . . Morgan O’Malley in “Good Will Hunting” . . . and THE star of “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”.)

 

 

(He also directed “I’m Still Here”, that documentary about his real-life brother-in-law JOAQUIN PHOENIX’S supposed attempt to become a rapper.  It came out . . . and bombed.)

 

 

Rebecca Gayheart – 42  (Minx from “Scream 2″ and the Showtime series “Dead Like Me”.  “Grey’s Anatomy” stud Eric Dane nails her real good.  Sometimes they even take bubble baths together with hookers.)  (True!)

 

 

(She’s also a very bad driver:  She ran over and killed a 9-year-old boy back in June of 2001 . . . and got three years’ PROBATION for it.)

 

 

Pete Sampras – 42  (Tennis stud.  He gets to nail Bridgette Wilson ANYTIME HE WANTS TO.)

 

 

Peter Krause – 48  (Nate on “Six Feet Under”.  Now he’s Adam on “Parenthood”.)

 

 

Sir Mix-A-Lot – 50  (He likes big butts . . . a.k.a. juicy-doubles.  And, his anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hon.)

 

 

Britt Morgan – 50  (Mattress actress who’s starred in 192 fine films, including . . . “Throbbin Hood”, “The Flintbones”, “Halloweenie”, “Nightmare on Porn Street”, “One Wife to Give”, “Pornochio” AND “Two In The Bush”.)

Bruce Greenwood – 57  (The president in “National Treasure 2″, John F. Kennedy in “Thirteen Days” and Christopher Pike in the “Star Trek” reboot.)  (Pike was the captain of the Enterprise before Kirk.)

 

 

Sam Jones – 59  (Star of 1980′s TRASHY-YET-CLASSIC “Flash Gordon” movie . . . featuring the coolest soundtrack in movie history . . . by Queen.  Flash . . . AAAAAAH!)

Kid Creole – 63  (Of Kid Creole & The Coconuts fame.)

 

 

MARK KNOPFLER – 64  (Dire Straits god.)

 

 

George Hamilton – 74  (Freakishly tan star of “Zorro, The Gay Blade” and “Love At First Bite”.  He lost on the 2nd season of “Dancing with the Stars”.)

 

 

Porter Wagoner – Would have been 86 – (1927 – 2007)  (Country legend.)

 

 

Buck Owens – Would have been 84 – (1929 – 2006)  (Country legend.)

 

 

Cecil B. DeMille – (1881 – 1959)  (“The Ten Commandments”)

 

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 18 days until Labor Day Weekend

• 27 days until Grandparents Day

• 38 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 65 days until Boss’s Day

• 80 days until Halloween

• 1,257 days left of “Hope and Change”

162 years ago . . . in 1851 – ISAAC SINGER patented the SEWING MACHINE.  He started his sewing machine empire with $40.

 

 

 

157 years ago . . . in 1856 – Anthony Fass was issued the first U.S. patent for an ACCORDION!

 

 

 

148 years ago . . . in 1865 – DR. JOSEPH LISTER became the first doctor to use disinfectant during surgery.  He called it . . . LISTERINE.

 

 

 

47 years ago . . . in 1966 – The BEATLES began their last North American tour together.  (Before the show at the International Amphitheater in Chicago, JOHN LENNON apologized for saying the Beatles were more popular than JESUS CHRIST.  London’s “Catholic Herald” had called the original remark, quote, “arrogant . . . but probably true.”)

 

 

 

36 years ago . . . in 1977 – The SPACE SHUTTLE ENTERPRISE passed its first solo test flight by taking off from atop a Boeing 747, separating and then touching down in California’s Mojave Desert.

 

19 years ago . . . in 1994 – A federal appeals court ordered Shannon Faulkner back to civilian life only three days before she was going to break the 151-year all-male tradition at the Citadel.  Although she was finally accepted, the wussy girl couldn’t handle intense training . . . and was forced to quit after less than a week.

 

 

 

19 years ago . . . in 1994 – “The Next Karate Kid” was released, starring HILARY SWANK as Julie-San!

 

 

 

15 years ago . . . in 1998 - Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 BILLION to HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS for money stolen from their accounts by the Nazis.

 

 

 

6 years ago . . . in 2007 – MERV GRIFFIN died of prostate cancer at the tender young age of 82.  (Please, please, PLEASE have your prostate checked and always remember . . . stinky is poison.)

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