Your daily dose of Whatever!
It’s Actually Happening: LeBron James Is Returning to Cleveland
In a fairly stunning move, LEBRON JAMES is returning to the Cleveland Cavaliers. He made the announcement in a LOVE LETTER written to the city of Cleveland that was posted on the “Sports Illustrated” website on Friday. He only signed a two-year max contract for now, but said he plans on retiring a Cavalier. The shorter deal is just a financial move to maximize his salary.
Five Reasons Why It Isn’t Hypocritical for Cavs Fans to Embrace LeBron James Once Again
It may seem hypocritical for Cleveland to embrace LEBRON JAMES after they turned on him in 2010, but there are reasons that’s not the case. They include: LeBron has apologized for the way he left . . . he committed to the team long-term . . . and the city hasn’t experienced a championship in 50 years.
1. Cleveland’s tantrum was understandable. While Gilbert’s open letter to LeBron was unprofessional and he shouldn’t have written it . . . make no mistake about it, LeBron’s public breakup with the Cavs was downright COLD.
For perspective, it was very much like your high school sweetheart announcing that they’re leaving you . . . without any advance warning . . . on national TV.
2. It’s been four years . . . also, Cleveland still hasn’t won anything. Despite what you may have been led to believe, Cleveland had moved on. Yes, there were still complicated feelings toward him, but the hatchet had largely been buried.
3. LeBron said all the right things in his letter. Instead of merely returning, LeBron’s love letter to Cleveland made it clear where his heart is . . . and that he’s truly sorry for how his departure in 2010 was conducted.
Not to mention the fact that he’s a superstar who actually WANTS to be in Cleveland. You’d be hard pressed to find a star player in any sport who’s said they want to be in Cleveland, aside from old-school quarterback Bernie Kosar.
4. LeBron is coming back in his prime, to a team that isn’t good yet. Some Cleveland fans thought LeBron would be back in a Cavs uniform at some point. But most of them assumed it would just be a symbolic thing at the very end of his career, when he could no longer LEAD them to a title.
LeBron could’ve easily gone back to Miami, or another big-market city and played with his friends . . . but instead, he made the sacrifice of coming back now, when the Cavs are still a young, unproven team that doesn’t seem ready to win it all.
5. LeBron is returning for good. It wouldn’t mean much if LeBron came back without a long-term commitment. But he said he hopes to RETIRE in Cleveland.
Of course, you never know what the future holds, and if anybody can screw things up, it’s Cleveland. But LeBron is genuinely giving himself to the city, in the hopes of bringing them something they haven’t witnessed in 50 years.
JWoww Pushed a Baby Out of Her Womb
JWOWW from “Jersey Shore” gave birth to a daughter yesterday. It’s the first child for her and her fiancé, Roger Matthews.
In a statement, they said, quote, “[We] are so excited to welcome the newest guidette, Meilani Alexandra Mathews, to the world weighing seven pounds and 13 ounces . . . Meilani is already looking to trade her baby bottle for barbells.”
It’s unclear exactly how they’re pronouncing “Meilani” . . . but we’re assuming its “May-la-nee.” It’s also unclear whether they plan on nicknaming her MWoww, and instantly making this poor girl’s life an even steeper uphill climb.
Sorry Brent Musburger, A.J. McCarron Has Locked Down Katherine Webb
During last year’s BCS title game between Alabama and Notre Dame, BRENT MUSBURGER spent a little too much time drooling over KATHERINE WEBB, the very hot girlfriend of Alabama quarterback A.J. MCCARRON.
Well, we have some bad news for Brent today: Katherine is officially OFF THE MARKET. She and A.J. got married on Saturday. They’ve been dating since 2012, and announced their engagement earlier this year.
Brent hasn’t commented. (???)
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. It looks like MILA KUNIS’ bun is just about ready to come out of the oven.
2. Jezebel.com has a breakdown of how some images of MARIAH CAREY were retouched for the summer issue of “Wonderland” magazine. There’s nothing TOO wild . . . but it’s interesting nonetheless.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, COLBIE CAILLAT Tweeted about going makeup-free in her video for “Try”, which is a song about the ridiculous beauty standards facing women. She says, quote, “‘Try’ is the first video I’ve never prepared for. Didn’t go tanning or diet or heavily workout . . . and it felt wonderful!”
3. Now that SELENA GOMEZ and JUSTIN BIEBER’S on-and-off relationship is apparently OFF again . . . is there anyone out there who could help her by zipping up her dress?
4. Buzzfeed.com has a list of “The 28 Sexiest Eyes of Hollywood.” There are actually 28 celebrities on the list, so there are actually 56 eyes.
Yes, we realize most of the eyes are carbon copies of each other . . . but one of HENRY CAVILL’S eyes is MULTI-COLORED. It’s unclear if they like them both, or if they’re just ignoring the one.
5. The world didn’t stop turning this weekend, so here are your obligatory RIHANNA bikini pics.
“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” Made $73 Million This Weekend
“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” was the only new movie in theaters this weekend, so it easily took the #1 spot with $73 million. That’s far better than “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”, which made just under $55 million in 2011.
Here are this week’s Top 10 movies:
1. NEW: “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”, $73 million.
2. “Transformers: Age of Extinction”, $16.5 million. Up to $209 million in its 3rd week.
3. “Tammy”, $12.9 million. Up to $57.4 million in its 2nd week.
4. “22 Jump Street”, $6.7 million. Up to $172 million in its 5th week.
5. “How to Train Your Dragon 2″, $5.9 million. Up to $152 million in its 5th week.
6. “Earth to Echo”, $5.5 million. Up to $24.6 million in its 2nd week.
7. “Deliver Us From Evil”, $4.7 million. Up to $25 million in its 2nd week.
8. “Maleficent”, $4.2 million. Up to $222 million in its 7th week.
9. “Begin Again”, $2.9 million. Up to $5.3 million in its 3rd week of limited release.
10. “Jersey Boys”, $2.5 million. Up to $41.7 million in its 4th week.
Monday TV Reminders:
• “The Bachelorette” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. Andi takes her last three remaining bachelors to the Dominican Republic.
• The series premiere of “Backpackers” . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW. Two guys go backpacking through Europe for a last gasp of sex and adventure before one of them gets married. Problem is, his fiancée is doing the exact same thing.
• The season finale of “24: Live Another Day” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.
• The series premiere of “Seed” . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on the CW. A sitcom about a sperm donor who reluctantly forms relationships with some of his “recipient” families, after his biological kids track him down.
• “Under the Dome” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS. Dwight Yoakam guests.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Michael Strahan, Diane Kruger, and Phish.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Pete Rose and Betty Who.
• “Letterman” – Kurt Russell, Hannibal Buress, and Sturgill Simpson.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Robin Thicke, Susan Sarandon, Ramon Rodriguez, and Yasiel Puig. (Repeat)
• “Carson Daly” – Jared Harris, the Growlers, and Andrew Schultz. (Repeat)
• “Conan” – Jason Biggs and Ellie Kemper.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Zachary Levi and Margaret Cho.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Ben Falcone.
• “Jon Stewart” – Dahlia Lithwick.
• “The Colbert Report” – Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich.
Five Random Facts For Monday
few random facts for you. The fax machine was invented the same year people were still traveling the Oregon Trail . . . 1843. Carrots were originally several colors, and the most common one was purple. And BRYAN ADAMS was only 9 years old in the summer of ’69.
1. The fax machine was invented the same year people were traveling on the Oregon Trail . . . 1843.
2. Carrots were originally several colors, and the most common one was purple. But Dutch farmers in the 16th century bred red and yellow carrots to make orange ones, since it was their royal color . . . and those became the standard.
3. It takes 248 years for Pluto to orbit the sun. That means between the time Pluto was discovered in 1930, named a planet, and then eventually declassified and demoted to a “dwarf planet” in 2006, it didn’t even make it halfway through one orbit.
4. BRYAN ADAMS was only 9 years old in the summer of ’69.
5. The most expensive place to get a haircut in the U.S. is Kodiak island, which is off the coast of southern Alaska. The average haircut there is $26.67 . . . which is about double the national average.
The Ten Little Things That Make Us Happiest
Someone did a survey on the little things that make us happy, and coming in first was . . . finding a $5 bill in your pocket. Other things that made the list are getting into bed with fresh sheets, getting something for free, and getting a compliment from a stranger.
1. Finding $5 in your pocket.
2. The sun shining.
3. Getting up to the cashier and finding whatever you were buying was actually on sale and cheaper than you expected.
4. Getting into bed with fresh sheets.
5. Getting something for free.
6. Doing something nice for a stranger.
7. Booking a trip.
8. Getting a compliment from a stranger.
9. When you hear a good song come on the radio.
10. Completing a long list of tasks. (Daily Mail)
The Ten Things People Only Pretend to Like
What things are people only PRETENDING to like? Some of the most popular answers are: Going to a nightclub . . . going for a run . . . being around other people’s kids . . . celebrating someone else’s success . . . and doing shots.
1. Going to a club.
2. Going for a run.
3. Drinking green juice and other healthy juices.
5. Being around other people’s kids.
6. Eating oysters.
7. Working in a group.
8. Celebrating someone else’s success.
9. Hearing other people’s honest opinions about you.
10. Doing shots. (Huffington Post)
The Top 10 Excuses Men Use to Get Out of Sex
A new survey found the top excuses MEN use to get out of sex. The top five are: I want to watch sports . . . I’ve got a bad back . . . I’m too tired . . . I’ve got a headache . . . and I’ve been working late.
10. I have an early morning. (PR Newswire)
1. I want to watch sports.
2. I’ve got a bad back.
3. I’m too tired.
4. I’ve got a headache.
5. I’ve been working late.
6. I have too much work to do.
7. I’m too drunk.
8. Can we do it later?
9. I don’t feel well.
A Corpse Fell Out of a Coroner’s Van in Pennsylvania and Rolled Down the Street
A coroner in Pennsylvania was driving a van on Friday afternoon when somehow the back door opened . . . and the CORPSE fell out. Then it started rolling down the street. The driver managed to grab it before it rolled too far . . . the coroner’s office says it, quote, “deeply regrets” what happened.
A Survivor of the Boston Marathon Bombing Was Kicked Out of TJ Maxx For Having a Service Dog
There’s a 19-year-old in New Hampshire who was injured in the Boston Marathon bombing, and has a service dog to help her out. But when she took it to a TJ Maxx on Thursday, the manager told her she couldn’t have a dog in the store and kicked her out. TJ Maxx has now apologized.
Darrelle Revis is 29. “Revis Island” plays cornerback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and is considered to be one of the top corners in the NFL.
Taboo is 39. Young urban troubadour from the Black Eyed Peas. Real Mexican / Native-American Name: Jaime Gomez. He is a Rosemead High School Panther from Rosemead, California . . . which is a hood 20 minutes from Downtown L.A.
Jamey Johnson is 39. Grammy award-winning country singer whose biggest hit so far is “In Color”. Don’t be mad at him for co-writing Trace Adkins’ stupid “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”. He was a starving artist at the time. You try and make it as a long-haired, long-bearded country singer.
Missy Gold is 44. The Governor’s daughter Katie on “Benson” . . . THE star of “Circus of the Stars 7 AND 8″ . . . AND younger sister of anorexic “Growing Pains” superstar Tracey Gold. Missy gave up acting after “Benson”; now she’s a psychologist.
Matthew Fox is 48. Alcoholic actor who played the alcoholic doctor Jack Shepard on “Lost”. He was also Racer X in that disastrous “Speed Racer” movie and Charlie Salinger on “Party of Five”.
Ellen Reid is 48. Singer and keyboardist in Crash Test Dummies. Remember “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm”? Remember the ’90s?
Mattress actress Aja is 51. She’s starred in 258 fine films, including “The Maltese Phallus”, “69 Pump Street”, “Lays of Our Lives”, “Filet-O-Breast” and “A Fistful of Bimbos”.
Jackie Earle Haley is 53. Freddy Kreuger in the reboot of “Nightmare on Elm Street”. Before that he was Rorschach in “Watchmen” and LONG before that he was rebellious baseball player Kelly Leak in the original “Bad News Bears” movies.
Jane Lynch is 54. The glee club’s arch-nemesis Sue Sylvester on “Glee”. And the host of NBC’s new celebrity game show, “Hollywood Game Night”.
KYLE GASS is 54. KG! He’s Jack Black’s chubbier partner in Tenacious D.
Bebe Buell is 61. Shameless rock groupie who “gave the keys to the temple” to Todd Rundgren, Jimmy Page, David Bowie, Iggy Pop, Rod Stewart, Elvis Costello and Steven Tyler . . . and who begat the luscious Liv Tyler.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 4 days to International Mandela Day
• 14 days to World Hepatitis Day
• 18 days to Guardians of the Galaxy
• 24 days to Chicago Boot Camp
• 46 days to Labor Day Weekend
• 921 days left of “Hope and Change”
Rosey Grier is 82. Former L.A. Rams legend. When Robert Kennedy was assassinated, Rosey Grier tackled killer Sirhan Sirhan . . . then fended off the unruly mob that tried to kill Sirhan with their fists of fury.
But the achievement he is no doubt MOST proud of is his star turn in “The Thing with Two Heads”! Check out the trailer for that cinematic classic here.
Gerald Ford (1913 – 2006)
Del Reeves (1932 – 2007) Country legend who did the world a HUGE favor by discovering the beautifully maned and mantastic BILLY RAY CYRUS.
William Hanna (1910 – 2001) Half of the great Hanna-Barbera, who gave us “The Jetsons”, “The Flintstones”, “Scooby-Doo”, “Space Ghost”, “Tom & Jerry”, and their master work . . . “Help! It’s The Hair Bear Bunch”!
133 years ago . . . In 1881 – William H. Bonney, Jr., better known as BILLY THE KID, was shot and killed by Sheriff PAT GARRETT in Fort Sumner, New Mexico.
81 years ago . . . In 1933 – All German political parties EXCEPT THE NAZI PARTY were outlawed.
47 years ago . . . In 1967 – THE WHO performed in North America for the first time. They were the opening act for HERMAN’S HERMITS.
25 years ago . . . In 1989 – TIMOTHY DALTON made his second and FINAL appearance as James Bond with the release of the 16th Bond film, “License to Kill”.
(Only one other actor got less love as Bond . . . George Lazenby, who only got to play him ONCE. Sean Connery and Roger Moore were both Bond SEVEN times, Pierce Brosnan played him four times and Daniel Craig, has done three so far.)
22 years ago . . . In 1992 – DEMI MOORE appeared on the cover of “Vanity Fair” in nothing but a painted-on birthday suit. (Not to be confused with the nude cover she did when she was pregnant, which is by far my favorite of the two.)
22 years ago . . . In 1992 – PRESIDENT CLINTON visited flood-stricken Iowa for the second time in 10 days, inspirationally telling flood victims to “hang in there!”
17 years ago . . . In 1997- Acquitted double-murderer O.J. SIMPSON’S Rockingham Estate was auctioned off for $2.6 million.
14 years ago . . . In 2000 – The first “X-Men” movie was released. It made $157 million in the U.S.
Seven years ago . . . In 2007 – REBECCA ROMIJN married JERRY O’CONNELL . . . which was definitely a step down from her first husband, JOHN “DAMN” STAMOS. Wouldn’t you agree?