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Whatever 7.12

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Sofia Vergara Says That Unless You’re 19 or Gisele Bundchen, You Need a Beauty Regimen 

Not many people have a problem with SOFIA VERGARA’S looks . . . but apparently, she puts a lot more work into them than most of us realize.

She says, quote, “I shower, do hair and makeup.  For me, it’s like shaving.  I don’t believe in a natural look.  Lipstick brightens your face!  Unless you’re Gisele Bundchen or 19, you need something.

(Daily Mail)

Pics of the rich and famous…..

JULIE BOWEN from “Modern Family” gave a homeless guy 20 bucks, while doing some errands without makeup.

(Us Weekly)

RUSSELL BRAND was walking around in baggy pants with nothing underneath.  And unless he was STUFFING, he’s got something pretty impressive going on down there.

(Us Weekly)

The wind exposed a little bit of PARIS HILTON’S butt while she was rummaging through her trunk.

(Huffington Post)

LADY GAGA’S outfit in New York City yesterday:  A skirt, a bra and heels. 

(Us Weekly, New York Daily News)

It’s not often you see TOM CRUISE’S 20-year-old daughter ISABELLA showing cleavage. 

 (Daily Mail)

Movies and Music….

“Grown Ups 2″ and “Pacific Rim” Are in Theaters This Weekend

1.  Grown Ups 2  (PG-13)  Trailer

Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade are back when Adam Sandler moves his family back to his hometown.  Salma Hayek plays his hot wife.

Sandler’s own wife and kids are also in it as the ‘Tardio’ family, using their own first names:  Jackie, Sadie, and Sunny.

2.  Pacific Rim  (PG-13)  Trailer

After giant aliens rise from the Pacific Ocean and attack, the surviving humans create an army of huge robots controlled by two pilots connected through a mind-meld.

Charlie Hunnam from “Sons of Anarchy” plays a veteran pilot teamed up with a rookie to pilot an obsolete robot when it looks like we’re losing the war.  “Thor’s” Idris Elba and “Hellboy’s” Ron Perlman are also in it.

Next Week’s Theatrical Releases, CDs, DVDs, and Games

Upcoming CDs for 7/16:

“Amelita”, Court Yard Hounds

“Walk Through Exits Only”, Phil Anselmo

• The soundtrack to the animated movie “Turbo”

“The Blessed Unrest”, Sara Bareilles

“Electric”, The Pet Shop Boys

“Kidz Bop 24″

“X”, Chris Brown

 

Upcoming DVDs for 7/16:

“Evil Dead” . . . starring “Suburgatory’s” Jane Levy as a survivor of the Necronomicon.

“42″ . . . starring Harrison Ford and Chadwick Boseman as Jackie Robinson.

Upcoming Video Games for 7/16:

“Turbo: Super Stunt Squad” is a racing game based on the animated movie “Turbo”.  It’s being released on all the consoles:  Xbox360, PS3, Wii, Wii U, DS, and 3DS.

“Dynasty Warriors 8″ on Xbox360 and PS3

 

Upcoming New Movies for 7/19:

“Turbo” . . . starring Ryan Reynolds as the voice of a turbo-charged snail.

“R.I.P.D.” . . . starring Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges as undead cops.

“Red 2″ . . . starring Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, and Anthony Hopkins.

“The Conjuring” . . . a horror movie starring Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga.

Check Out Video of Tom Hanks as Walt Disney in “Saving Mr. Banks” 

There’s a new trailer for “Saving Mr. Banks” . . . the story about how WALT DISNEY convinced “Mary Poppins” author P.L. TRAVERS to let him make her book into a movie.

It stars TOM HANKS as Disney and EMMA THOMPSON as Travers . . . and it hits theaters on December 13th.  (Here’s the clip.)

NBC Is Cancelling “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers”

NBC is cancelling BETTY WHITE’S prank show, “Off Their Rockers” after two seasons.  The show premiered last year with 12 million viewers, but Tuesday’s season two finale only pulled in about 4 million.

 

Friday TV Reminders:

“Cult” [Series Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on the CW.

“Comedy Bang! Bang!” [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on IFC.  Andy Samberg guests.

“Stevie TV” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on VH1.

“Fashion Police” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on E!  Sasha Alexander (“Rizzoli & Isles”) and “Marie Claire” senior fashion editor Zanna Roberts Rossi are guests.

Saturday TV Reminders:

“The Haunted Hathaways” [Series Premiere] . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on Nickelodeon.  A single mother moves into a house in New Orleans with her two daughters and finds out it’s already occupied by a ghost and his two ghost sons.


“666 Park Avenue” [Series Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.

 

“Celebrity Ghost Stories” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. Eastern on Bio.  Burt Ward, a.k.a. ROBIN from the 1960′s “Batman” series is one of the celebrities sharing their stories.

“Austin City Limits” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS.  Miranda Lambert and Jeff Bridges perform.  (REPEAT)

 

“London Live: Bullet for My Valentine” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. Eastern on Palladia.  Bullet for My Valentine performs “The Last Fight” and “Breaking Point”.

 

“Golden Sisters” [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on OWN.

 

“Bounty Hunters” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on CMT.  Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, and Bill Engvall play three redneck bounty hunters in this new animated series.

 

“The Haunting Of” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on Bio.  Wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper talks with a psychic about his family’s encounter with spirits.

 

“Wanda Sykes Presents Herlarious” [Special Presentation] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on OWN.  An all-female comedy show with a special appearance by Brooke Shields.

 

“That Metal Show” . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1 Classic.  Clutch’s Neil Fallon, Thin Lizzy band members Scott Gorham and Ricky Warwick are guests with Jake E. Lee as your guest guitarist.

 

“Saturday Night Live” . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC.  Zach Galifianakis guest hosts and Of Monsters and Men is the musical guest.  (REPEAT)

“Celebrity Wife Swap” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC.  Andy Dick and Lorenzo Lamas swap wives for a week.

 

“Pop Innovators”. . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on E!  Will.I.Am is interviewed as one of the many celebrities who’ve had an influence on popular culture.

 

“Dog and Beth: On the Hunt” [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CMT.

 

“Tia & Tamera” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Style.

 

“Oprah’s Lifeclass” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on OWN.  Iyanla Vanzant and Oprah speak with an audience of women who grew up without fathers.

 

“The Newsroom” [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on HBO.

 

“The Wanted Life” [1st Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on E!

 

“La La’s Full Court Life” [4th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on VH1.

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  “The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s” Kathy Wakile and Rosie Pierri are guests.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show” – Music Guest:  Ed Sheeran.

 

“Good Morning America” – Music Guest:  OneRepublic.

 

“CBS This Morning” – No guests listed yet.  Check your local listings.

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Kevin James (“Grown Ups 2″).

 

“The View”“Dancing with the Stars” pros Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy.  Plus:  Comedienne Sunda Croonquist.

 

“Rachael Ray”Wayne Brady.  Music Guest:  Youngblood Hawke.  (REPEAT)

 

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Dave Franco (“Now You See Me”) and Wanda Sykes (“The Hot Flashes”).  Music Guests:  OneRepublic.  (REPEAT)

 

“The Talk”Miranda Cosgrove (“Despicable Me 2″) and Don Rickles.  Regis Philbin co-hosts.

 

“Katie Couric”Adam Sandler, Salma Hayek, Kevin James, David Spade, Shaquille O’Neal, and Maria Bello (“Grown Ups 2″).

 

“Steve Harvey” – The cast of CMT’s “Big Texas Heat”.  Plus:  Steve tries to helps a couple save their marriage after an affair.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Phil” – “Why Men Cheat”.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Oz Show” – “The Myths Even Gynecologists Believe!”  Plus fitness trainer Shaun T. offers a 5-week plan to fix your worst problem areas.  (REPEAT)

 

“Wendy Williams” – Music Guest:  LeAnn Rimes.

 

“Anderson Live”Nancy O’Dell co-hosts.  Their guests are Ben Affleck, John Goodman and Bryan Cranston (“Argo”).  (REPEAT)

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

“Letterman”Melissa McCarthy (“The Heat”) and Idris Elba (“Pacific Rim”). Music Guest:  Dale Watson.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Johnny Depp (“The Lone Ranger”), Rebecca Romijn (TNT’s “King & Maxwell”), and chef Steve Martorano.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Bill Hader (“Turbo”) and Eliot Spitzer.  Music Guest:  Passenger.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Jeff Daniels (“The Newsroom”) and comedienne Sarah Tiana.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Kristin Scott Thomas (“Only God Forgives”) and Sam Rockwell (“The Way, Way Back”).  Music Guests:  Ciara with Future.

 

 

“Carson Daly” – Chef Curtis Stone and Unmade in China.  Music Guest:  White Lung.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Stephen Moyer (“True Blood”).  (REPEAT)

Silly News…

91% of Men Say Women Have Gotten Hotter Over the Past Century . . . and 74% Say Women Are at Their All-Time Hottest

According to a new survey, 91% of men say women have gotten HOTTER over the past century . . . and 74% of men say women are at their ALL-TIME HOTTEST.  The only problem is . . . men haven’t necessarily gotten COOLER to compensate.  77% say they feel NERVOUS when they talk to a hot girl for the first time.

(PR Newswire)

And Now, Three New Things to Worry About

Here are three new things to worry about.  One in three people know someone who’s gone to the doctor for a routine check-up and found something SERIOUS . . . you generate 4.4 pounds of garbage a day . . . and people are getting more and more inappropriate with their cell phones.

(Jumio)

The Best Way to Handle Your Problems is . . . Running Away From Them

Great news, cowards.  A new study has found the BEST way to cope with your problems is to RUN AWAY from them.  Researchers found people who distracted themselves when they had problems were happier, AND eventually figured out better solutions for those problems than people who confronted their issues head-on.

(Huffington Post)

The Average American Drank 301 Beers Last Year . . . and North Dakota is the Biggest Beer Drinking State

According to a new study, in the last year, the average American drank 301 beers.  People in North Dakota drank the most beer . . . an average of 489 cans per person.  People in Utah drank the least, with an average of 215 cans per person.

(24/7 Wall St.) 

(You can see the state-by-state results here.)

A New Study Has Located the Middle of Nowhere . . . It’s in Idaho

A new study has actually located the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE . . . and it’s in Idaho.  The study looked at which parts of the U.S. are furthest from any major roads, and two of the four most isolated places are in Idaho.  The other two are the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and the lakes in northwest Maine.

(Vizual Statistix)

The Least Sinful City in the U.S. is . . . New York?

A real estate blog just figured out the LEAST SINFUL cities in the U.S., based on stats that correspond to the seven deadly sins.  Like, for lust, they looked at strip clubs per capita . . . and for pride, they looked at cosmetic surgeons.  And believe it or not, the least sinful city is . . . New York.  The top 10 also featured six cities in California.

(Movoto) 

 

A Post Office is Evacuated Over a Mysterious Liquid Leaking From a Package . . . Which Turns Out to Be KY Intense Arousal Lube

On Tuesday morning, a post office in Alabama was evacuated after a MYSTERIOUS LIQUID started leaking out of a package.  Hazmat teams investigated, and eventually figured out the leaking substance was . . . LUBE.  The box contained about 15 packages of KY Intense Arousal gel, and one was leaking.

(NBC 48 – Huntsville / AL.com)

Walmart Fired an Employee for Telling a Customer Not to Leave Their Dog in a Hot Car

On Tuesday, a Walmart employee in Ontario, Canada confronted a customer who left their dog in the car on a hot day with the windows up.  He blew her off, so she called the cops.  And the next day, she was FIRED.  Her manager said she should’ve told him and let HIM decide whether or not to call the cops.

(Ottawa Citizen / CBC / Gawker)

Celebrity Birthdays…

Natalie Martinez – 29  (Deputy Linda Esquivel on “Under the Dome”.)

Kimberly Perry – 30  (Cute and talented singer-guitarist in The Band Perry.)

Michelle Rodriguez – 35  (Thuggish-looking minx from “Avatar”, “The Fast & The Furious”, “Machete”, “Resident Evil”, “Blue Crush” AND “Girlfight”.  She’ll be back in theaters in October with “Machete Kills”.)

Topher Grace – 35  (Eric Forman on “That ’70s Show” AND Venom in “Spider-Man 3″.)

Brock Lesnar – 36  (WWE and UFC beast.  He started in the WWE, left to get real in UFC, then left that to get scripted again in WWE.  He now works very limited dates for Vince McMahon.  His next big match will be with CM Punk.)

Kristi Yamaguchi – 42  (Beautiful Asiatic-American gold medal-winning figure skater AND a “Dancing with the Stars” champion.)

Lisa Nicole Carson – 44  (Large-breasted Nubian minx from “Ally McBeal”.)

Gregory Dark – 56  (Music video director who was fired by Britney Spears after it became public knowledge that he was a porno director known as half of the Dark Brothers.)

CHERYL LADD – 62  (She replaced Farrah Fawcett on “Charlie’s Angels” back in the ’70s.)

Richard Simmons – 65  (I once had a dream where I was at Richard Simmons’ house and he was wearing a dress-shirt and tie, and was completely straight . . . and I kept expecting a kiss.  Does that make me GAY?)

Jay Thomas – 65  (He WAS Eddie LeBec on “Cheers”.)

Christine McVie – 70  (FLEETWOOD MAC MINX.  Sadly, fans probably won’t ever get to see the TRUE Fleetwood Mac again, because she doesn’t wanna play anymore.)

Mr. Bill Cosby – 76

MILTON BERLE! – (1908 – 2002)  (Legendary Comedian / Even More Legendary Appendage . . . which was rumored to be over 10 inches FLACCID.  Anytime he had to whip it out to win a bet, he never even pulled it all out . . . JUST ENOUGH TO WIN!)

Joe DeRita – (1909 – 1993)  (The Three Stooges’ Curly Joe from 1959 to 1965.)

Eric Carr – (1950 – 1991)  (He was KISS’ greatest drummer . . . the one who replaced Peter Criss and wore the “fox” makeup.  His best-known work is on “God Gave Rock and Roll to You”, which was featured in “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey”.)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 6 days to San Diego’s Comic-Con

• 14 days until “The Wolverine”

• 49 days until Labor Day Weekend

• 69 days to Talk Like a Pirate Day

• 1,288 days left of “Hope and Change”

Back in the day…

1,913 years ago . . . in 100 B.C.Julius Caesar was born.  The month of July was named for him.

53 years ago . . . in 1960 – THE FIRST ETCH-A-SKETCH WENT ON SALE.  It went on to become Mitt Romney’s least-favorite toy.  (How much do you want to bet the first picture made on it was. . . A FLIGHT OF STAIRS?)

44 years ago . . . in 1969 – The Beatles’ “The Ballad of John and Yoko” hit #8 on the singles chart.  The song was BANNED on many radio stations because of the lyric, “Christ, you know it ain’t easy. . .”

38 years ago . . . in 1975 - K.C. & the Sunshine Band made their pop chart debut with “Get Down Tonight”.  It was their first of four singles to make it #1.

34 years ago . . . in 1979 – The Chicago White Sox hosted the infamous Disco Demolition Night between games of a double-header.  Fans got in to the game for 98 cents if they brought a disco record. . . so the LPs could be stacked in a pile and blown up.

Instead, 7,000 fans threw them, burned them and charged the field.  So much chaos ensued that the second game of the double-header had to be canceled.

31 years ago . . . in 1982“E.T.:  The Extra-Terrestrial” broke all box-office records by surpassing the $100 million mark of ticket sales in the first 31 days of its opening.

21 years ago . . . in 1992 – Axl Rose was arrested at New York’s JFK Airport.  Axl was wanted on charges stemming from a riot that erupted at a 1991 Guns N’ Roses concert after he dove into the crowd to keep a fan from videotaping said show.

17 years ago . . . in 1996 – Smashing Pumpkins keyboardist Jonathan Melvoin was found dead in a New York City hotel.  He OD’d on heroin.  Pumpkins drummer Jimmy Chamberlin was charged with possession and fired by the band. . . but was later re-hired.

17 years ago . . . in 1996 – Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which defined marriage as a union of one man and one woman. . . no matter what individual states might say.

14 years ago . . . in 1999Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit was arrested in St. Paul, Minnesota, for allegedly kicking a local security guard in the head during the band’s performance.

12 years ago . . . in 2001 - The president of Kenya pleaded with his randy Nubian people to GIVE UP SEX FOR TWO YEARS to try to keep their AIDS crisis in check.

 

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