Your daily dose of Whatever!!
Channing Tatum and Stacy Keibler Have the Hottest Celebrity Beach Bodies
According to a new survey, CHANNING TATUM and STACY KEIBLER have the hottest celebrity beach bodies. CHRIS HEMSWORTH came in second for the guys, and MARIA SHARAPOVA came in second for the ladies.
1. Channing Tatum
2. Chris Hemsworth
3. Shemar Moore
4. David Beckham
5. Maksim Chmerkovskiy
6. Dwayne Johnson
7. Vin Diesel
8. Chris Evans
9. Jason Statham
10. Usain Bolt
And here are the Top 10 Female Beach Bodies:
1. Stacy Keibler . . . even though she’s spending her summer PREGNANT.
2. Maria Sharapova
3. Karina Smirnoff
4. Halle Berry
5. Nicole Scherzinger
6. Venus Williams
7. Jillian Michaels
8. Kate Beckinsale
9. Roselyn Sanchez
10. Jessica Alba
“Notebook” Fans Are Freaking Out Because Ryan Gosling May Have Made a Baby With Eva Mendes
Rumor has it RYAN GOSLING has impregnated his girlfriend EVA MENDES. And “Notebook” fans are flipping out, because they want him to be with RACHEL MCADAMS. One person Tweeted, quote, “Ryan Gosling is having a child and it’s not with Rachel McAdams. *sets everything on fire*”
George Clooney Got a British Tabloid to Apologize for Saying His Fiancée’s Mother Doesn’t Approve of Him
GEORGE CLOONEY got a British tabloid to take back its claim that Amal Alamuddin’s mother doesn’t approve of him on religious grounds. He blasted them for potentially inflaming religious hatred, and they quickly replied, quote, “We accept Mr. Clooney’s assurance that the story is inaccurate and we apologize to him, Miss Amal Alamuddin and her mother for any distress caused.”
Paris Hilton lost 5 Pounds Just by Avoiding the Drive-Thru
By now, everybody should know what they’re getting when they eat fast food. But how can you benefit from NOT eating it? PARIS HILTON lost 5 pounds just from avoiding the drive-thru.
She says, quote, “I used to eat that way, but I decided to change things this year. I don’t do that.
“There are times when I will stop at a Carl’s Jr, but I will maybe get a turkey burger or something healthier instead of a cheeseburger and fries. I am more careful now.” (Is it a coincidence she mentioned Carl’s Jr.? Probably not, since she used to shill for them.)
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. JUSTIN BIEBER posted some pictures of himself cuddling with model Yovanna Ventura.
In related news, Justin pleaded no contest to misdemeanor vandalism for egging his neighbor’s house. He’ll get two years’ probation and five days of community labor. He also has to get ANGER MANAGEMENT counseling and pay the victim back $80,900.
2. (NC-17) So SELENA GOMEZ went braless in a sheer top. (At least we THINK she’s braless. But if she is, her boobs are IMPOSSIBLY perky. Could those be implants, or is that top holding her natural gifts in place and pushing them up?)
3. BAR REFAELI’S latest lingerie photo shoot makes you wonder how LEONARDO DICAPRIO could possibly give this up. Then you realize it’s because there were other supermodels he hadn’t tried yet, and it all makes perfect sense.
4. Here’s PENELOPE CRUZ with a massive, fake baby bump. It’s for her upcoming movie “Ma Ma”.
5. (NC-17) Maybe you’ve seen this before and maybe you haven’t, but RICHARD GERE posed NUDE back in the ’80s.
George R.R. Martin Says “[Eff] You” to People Who Are Worried He’ll Die Before He Finishes the “
65-year-old “Game of Thrones” author GEORGE R.R. MARTIN has a message for people who are worried he won’t finish the series. He says, quote, “I find that question pretty offensive, frankly, when people start speculating about my death and my health. So [Eff] you to those people!”
Mel Gibson Has Shia LaBeouf’s Back
MEL GIBSON has SHIA LABEOUF’S back. He says, quote, “I’m sure he’s going through some kind of personal, very painful, cathartic thing that he has to exorcise and get out there. He’ll probably play it out and come back . . . He’ll be all right. I actually like the kid. I think he’s good.”
“Under the Dome” Premiered with 9.4 Million Viewers . . . and the U.S. Losing to Belgium Was #1 in the Ratings
Belgium knocking the U.S. out of the running for the “World Cup” was last week’s most-watched event on TV. That match gave ESPN 13.4 million viewers, which isn’t bad at all for a country that’s so disinterested in soccer.
Meanwhile, the second season of “Under the Dome” premiered with 9.4 million viewers, the second season of “Witches of East End” returned with 1.1 million, and the annual “Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks” was seen by 5.4 million people.
And there was NBC’s misguided Miley Cyrus “Bangerz Tour” concert special, which drew in 2 million sheeple who somehow couldn’t find anything better to do with their Sunday night. Here are last week’s Top 10 shows:
1. “World Cup Soccer: U.S. vs Belgium”, ESPN, 13.4 million viewers
2. Tuesday’s episode of “America’s Got Talent”, NBC, 11.1 million viewers.
3. The 2nd season premiere of “Under the Dome”, CBS, 9.4 million viewers.
4. “60 Minutes”, CBS, 8.6 million viewers.
5. “NCIS”, CBS, 8.1 million viewers.
6. Monday’s episode of “The Big Bang Theory”, CBS, 7 million viewers.
7. “The Night Shift”, NBC, 6.9 million viewers.
8. Thursday’s episode of “The Big Bang Theory”, CBS, 6.5 million viewers.
9. “The Bachelorette”, ABC, 6.5 million viewers.
10. Wednesday’s episode of “America’s Got Talent”, NBC, 6.4 million viewers.
Thursday TV Reminders:
• “Hollywood Game Night” . . . from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. The celebrities are Martha Stewart, “Glee’s” Matthew Morrison, Mena Suvari, Scott Wolf, Margaret Cho, and Australian chef Curtis Stone.
• The series premiere of the sitcom “Welcome to Sweden” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. It stars Amy Poehler’s brother, Greg Poehler, as a guy who moves to Stockholm to be with the Swedish chick he loves. Patrick Duffy plays his dad.
• “Last Comic Standing” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. Ellen DeGeneres guests when the comics visit her show to learn how to do talk show interviews.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Dana Carvey, Hailee Steinfeld, and the band Magic!
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Keri Russell, Kevin Millar, Sean Casey, and Michelle Wolf.
• “Letterman” – Michael Douglas, Paul Morrissey, and Kiesza.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Roseanne Barr, Eric Dane, and Tech N9NE. (Repeat)
• “Carson Daly” – Brian Unger, Zane Lamprey, the Crystal Method, and Milagres. (Repeat)
• “Conan” – Lisa Kudrow, George R.R. Martin, and Wild Cub. (Repeat)
• “Craig Ferguson” – Carl Reiner and Valerie Azlynn.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Melissa McCarthy. (Repeat)
• “Jon Stewart” – Pre-empted.
• “The Colbert Report” – Pre-empted.
Five Random Facts For Thursday
1. The “Transformers” cartoon once had a fictional Middle East city named “Carbombya.” And Casey Kasem quit as one of the voiceover guys because of it.
2. If all seven billion people on the planet played in a single-elimination rock-paper-scissors tournament, you’d only need to win 33 games to become the champion.
3. The porn industry does such a good job testing performers that a professional porn star is 80% less likely to have an STD than a non-porn star who’s the same age.
4. Almost all mammals, including humans, pee for the same amount of time . . . an average of 21 seconds. Different species all have different sized bladders, but compensate for it with their “flow.”
5. When the Beatles were making “Abbey Road”, they originally planned on calling it “Everest”. But they decided they didn’t want to fly over Mt. Everest to take a cover photo . . . it was easier to just walk outside to take a photo on Abbey Road.
Only 64% of Us Have Ever Given Someone the Finger? Plus Eight More New Stats on Etiquette in America
A new survey on etiquette in America found that the rudest thing people do is text during meals . . . the worst way you can break up with someone is by posting on Facebook . . . and only 64% of people have given someone the middle finger.
Six Things That Will Make You Feel Really Old
Here are a few things that will make you feel OLD. 1998 is as far away as 2030. Kids starting high school next month were born in 2001. And the Taco Bell Chihuahua has been dead for five years.
The 10 Most
Annoying Slang Words Today Include YOLO, Selfie, and Twerking
A new survey asked people to name the most annoying slang words today, and the top three are perfect: YOLO . . . selfie . . . and twerking.
Men and Women Have Completely Different Views on the “Perfect” Lingerie
Not surprisingly, men and women completely disagree in a new survey about what the “perfect” lingerie looks like. Men say it should be bright red, skimpy, with a garter belt, and lace. Women’s ideal lingerie is comfortable, with underwear that’s big enough to hide their backside, and a bra that’s not too tight.
A Guy Was Gored During the Running of the Bulls . . . After Writing a Book Last Month on How to Not Get Gored During the Running of the Bulls
A 32-year-old writer from Chicago published a book last month on how to avoid getting gored at the Running of the Bulls in Spain. And yesterday . . . HE GOT GORED at the Running of the Bulls. A 1,300-pound bull got him twice in the right thigh, but he’s expected to make a full recovery.
The Trendiest Baby Names For 2014 Are Imogen and Asher
A baby naming website just released a list of the trendiest baby names so far this year. The top three names for girls are Imogen, Charlotte, and Isla . . . and the top three for boys are Asher, Declan, and Atticus.
RONNIE JAMES DIO! (1942 – 2010) Brilliant lead singer of Rainbow, Black Sabbath (From ’79 To ’82], Dio . . . and, finally, Heaven And Hell . . . which was just his version of Black Sabbath with a new name. He would have been 71.
Sadly, they only got to release one album, “The Devil You Know”. Buy it TODAY. Support REAL metal!
Jessica Simpson is 34. Currently skinny and not pregnant. But one or both of those conditions can change at any moment.
Thomas Ian Nicholas is 34. He was Kevin in “American Pie” . . . the one who got all up in Tara Reid’s gushy parts. He’s also the 13-year-old kid whose broken arm got him a spot as a pitcher for the Chicago Cubs in “Rookie of the Year”.
ADRIAN GRENIER is 38. Mantastic Vincent “Vinny” Chase on “Entourage”.
Elijah Blue Allman is 38. Son of Cher and Gregg Allman. For a while he was in a neo-goth band Deadsy and calling himself P. Exeter Blue. Now he’s some kind of “contemporary artist” living in Germany.
Sofia Vergara is 42. Colombian supermodel who stars on one of the best comedies on TV, “Modern Family”.
Gary LeVox is 44. Rascal Flatts singer. He’s also a close friend to Jamie Foxx.
Cindy Sheehan is 57. George W. Bush’s favorite anti-war activist. How come we never hear about her anymore now that there’s a Democrat in office? We’re still at war. In fact, we’ve added ANOTHER war. So where is she? Just asking.
Neil Tennant is 60. Singer for the Pet Shop Boys.
Arlo Guthrie is 67. The superstar behind the 18-minute, 20-second masterpiece “Alice’s Restaurant”.
RON GLASS! is 69. DETECTIVE RON HARRIS ON “BARNEY MILLER”!
Robert Pine is 73. Ponch and John’s boss, Sergeant Joseph Getraer on “CHiPs”.
Jake LaMotta is 93. Boxing legend played by Robert De Niro in “Raging Bull”. LaMotta was the World Middleweight Champion from 1949 to 1951.
David Brinkley (1920 – 2003) VERY sexy former NBC and ABC News correspondent. He would have been 93.
Arthur Ashe (1943 – 1993) The first African-American inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame. He died of AIDS . . . but got it through a blood transfusion, not from copious amounts of macho, unprotected sex.
Adolphus Busch (1839 – 1913) Brewer of Anheuser-Busch addicting beverages.
Don Herbert (1917 – 2007) Mr. Wizard
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 1 day to World Population Day
• 8 days to International Mandela Day
• 22 days to Guardians of the Galaxy
• 28 days to Chicago Boot Camp
• 50 days to Labor Day Weekend
• 925 days left of “Hope and Change”
89 years ago . . . In 1925, the “SCOPES MONKEY TRIAL” got under way in Dayton, Tennessee. John Scopes was eventually found GUILTY OF TEACHING EVOLUTION at a public school and fined $100.
50 years ago . . . In 1964, THE BEATLES released their album “A Hard Day’s Night”.
49 years ago . . . In 1965, SONNY & CHER had a #1 hit with “I Got You, Babe”. Then Sonny skied into a tree and died.
39 years ago . . . In 1975, CHER filed for divorce from GREGG ALLMAN, just NINE DAYS after they had married. Their son, ELIJAH BLUE ALLMAN, was born EXACTLY one year later . . . because, yes, Cher let Gregg Allman enter her AFTER they broke up.
35 years ago . . . In 1979, CHUCK BERRY was sentenced to four months in prison for tax evasion. He underpaid $200,000 on his 1973 tax return.
29 years ago . . . in 1985, COCA-COLA said it would keep selling the awful “NEW COKE”, but also resume selling the much tastier COKE CLASSIC. This was such a big deal that the TV networks actually interrupted afternoon soaps to give the public the important news.
25 years ago . . . In 1989, THE GREAT MEL BLANC, the “Man of a Thousand Voices”, died in Los Angeles at age 81.
23 years ago . . . In 1991, BORIS YELTSIN took the oath of office as the first elected president of Russia.
23 years ago . . . In 1991, PRESIDENT BUSH (The First) announced he was appointing super-sexy ALAN GREENSPAN to a second term as Federal Reserve chairman.
22 years ago . . . In 1992, CAPTAIN JOSEPH HAZELWOOD was cleared of criminal responsibility for environmental damage caused by the “EXXON VALDEZ” oil spill. (???)
15 years ago . . . In 1999, Shy and quiet ROSIE PEREZ married some clown named Seth Zvi Rosenfeld. Now they’re separated.
15 years ago . . . In 1999, the U.S. WOMEN’S SOCCER TEAM won the World Cup, beating China on penalty kicks at the Rose Bowl. To celebrate the victory, BRANDI CHASTAIN took off her sweaty jersey to expose her very sweaty Nike sports bra.
14 years ago . . . In 2000, the Louisiana Supreme Court upheld a 195-year-old law that makes ORAL AND ANU SEX ILLEGAL for both straights and gays.
14 years ago . . . In 2000, the weak-sauce SUPREMES “reunion” tour was canceled because they couldn’t find enough suckers to buy tickets for a “reunion” that featured DIANA ROSS but NOT original Supremes MARY WILSON and CINDY BIRDSONG.
13 years ago . . . In 2001, HARRISON FORD swooped down in his private helicopter to rescue a 13-year-old Utah Boy Scout by the name of Cody Clawson who was lost in Yellowstone National Park.