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Whatever 6.27

Your daily dose of WHATEVER!

Aaron Hernandez Has Been Arrested, Charged with Murder and Released by the Patriots 

NFL tight end AARON HERNANDEZ was arrested yesterday and charged with the murder of a friend.  He pleaded NOT GUILTY, and he’s being held without bail.

 

 

In addition to murder, he was charged with one count of carrying a gun without a license, and various other counts related to gun possession.

A few hours later, he was released by the New England Patriots . . . who’d signed him to a five-year, $40 million contract just last year.

 

 

The team released a statement saying, quote, “Words cannot express the disappointment we feel knowing that one of our players was arrested as a result of this investigation.

 

 

“We realize that law enforcement investigations into this matter are ongoing. We support their efforts and respect the process.  At this time, we believe this transaction is simply the right thing to do.”

The body of Odin Lloyd, a 27-year-old player for a semi-pro football team called the Boston Bandits, was found Monday in an industrial park near Hernandez’s home in North Attleboro, Massachusetts.

 

 

He’d been shot multiple times with a .45 caliber semi-automatic.

 

 

Lloyd was dating the sister of Aaron’s fiancée.

Will Aaron Hernandez Be Convicted By a Piece of Cotton Candy Bubblegum?

AARON HERNANDEZ could be convicted of murder thanks to a chewed piece of COTTON CANDY BUBBLEGUM.  The gum was found in a rental car next to a shell casing, and prosecutors think it places Hernandez at the scene of the crime.

Here’s how that works:  The night 27-year-old Odin Lloyd was killed, Hernandez stopped at a gas station and picked up several items, including some blue cotton candy-flavored Bubblicious gum.

 

 

But the car he was using was a rental.  And after it was returned, a woman at the rental place cleaned it out and found a SHELL CASING that matched the bullets that were pumped into Lloyd’s body.

 

 

She also found a piece of BLUE COTTON CANDY-FLAVORED BUBBLICIOUS GUM.

 

 

Now, the rental car in question was spotted via surveillance cameras at the scene of the crime . . . which means that if DNA testing can place that bubblegum in Aaron’s mouth, then that places HIM in that car on the night of Lloyd’s death.

Police also have surveillance video from cameras at Hernandez’s house . . . although about 6 to 8 hours of footage from around the time of Lloyd’s death are suspiciously missing.

 

 

Sources say Hernandez was angry with Lloyd because they went to a nightclub a few days earlier, and Lloyd was talking to some people Hernandez didn’t like.

 

 

Police have tape of Hernandez on the night of the murder, holding a firearm and saying, quote, “You can’t trust anyone anymore”.  Soon after that, Hernandez and a couple other guys allegedly went to pick up Lloyd.

 

 

That’s when they stopped at the gas station for the bubblegum.

Paula Deen Pretended to Cry on the “Today” Show 

PAULA DEEN did her make-good with MATT LAUER on the “Today” show yesterday . . . and she did that classic thing where you contort your face and make your voice SOUND like you’re crying, but no tears come out.

 

 

She also denied about 75 different times that she’s a racist, saying stuff like, quote, “I believe that every one of God’s creatures was created equal, no matter what church you go to pray.

 

 

“I believe that everyone should be treated equal, and that’s the way I was raised.”

 

 

She added, quote, “I am here today because I want people to know who I am, and people that have worked beside me, have walked beside, know what kind of person I am.”

 

 

She also offered to let us bash her in the head with a rock.  (???)  

She said, quote, “If there’s anyone out there that has never said something that they wish they could take back, then please pick up that stone and throw it at my head so hard it kills me . . . Hit me as hard as you can.”

 

 

She also told that story about how she used the N-word 30 years ago . . . when a black guy put a gun to her head while she was working as a bank teller.

 

 

And she said that’s the ONLY TIME she’s EVER used that word . . . which was apparently a LIE.

 

 

Because in the court deposition that got her in all this trouble in the first place, she was asked if she’d ever used the N-word since then, and she said, quote, “I’m sure I have, but it’s been a very long time.”

 

 

She also said she probably used it, quote, “maybe in repeating something that was said to me . . . probably a conversation between blacks.  I don’t know.”

“Entertainment Weekly” spoke with a “crisis expert” who SLAMMED Paula’s “Today” show appearance.  For starters, he noted that not once during the 13-plus-minute interview did Paula APOLOGIZE.

 

 

He also said she acted like SHE was the victim . . . quote, “She doesn’t understand why the N-word bothers people . . . she came across as angry and mean . . . She is clueless about race relations.” 

Paula Deen Has Been Dropped by Wal-Mart and Caesars Entertainment 

Wal-Mart says, quote, “We are ending our relationship with Paula Deen Enterprises and we will not place new orders beyond those already committed.”

 

Paula has restaurants in four Caesars casinos . . . in Indiana, Illinois, North Carolina and Mississippi.  They’ll be “re-branded” immediately.  The company says that even though she apologized, they decided it was in their best interest to part ways with her.

66-Year-Old James Woods Is Dating a 20-Year-Old Woman . . . Who Just Got Arrested for Drug Possession 

The good news for 66-year-old JAMES WOODS?  He’s still got enough stroke to pull a 20-year-old girlfriend.  The bad news?  She got arrested for FELONY DRUG POSSESSION.

Kristen Bauguess got popped in Georgia earlier this month for possession of pot AND a controlled substance . . . as well as speeding and other vehicular offenses.

Woods’ last girlfriend, Ashley Madison, was 19 when he first started dating her.  They broke up recently, after seven years together.

Is Justin Bieber Dating a Married Woman? 

 

JUSTIN BIEBER was recently spotted getting cozy with some chick.  Well, it turns out she’s a MARRIED chick.

Her name is Jordan Ozuna and she’s a model and former Hooters waitress.  (Of course.)  And while she’s married to a guy in the Coast Guard, they’ve been separated for about a year. 

Oprah is Back on Top of the Forbes Celebrity Power List

OPRAH WINFREY is back on top of the “Forbes” list of the 100 Most Powerful Celebrities.  She came in second place last year.  She’s followed, in order, by Lady Gaga, Steven Spielberg, Beyoncé, and Madonna. 

 

 

Oprah made $77 million over the past year, but this list also takes a look at a few other criteria in an attempt to measure a celebrity’s fame . . . like how often they’re mentioned in magazines, on TV, and on social media.

 

 

MADONNA was the top celebrity earner with $125 million, but BEYONCÉ came in first for TV and Radio mentions, and RIHANNA came out on top in the press.

 

 

JUSTIN BIEBER topped the category for the strongest social media presence across platforms like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Google.  He was followed by Rihanna in second, and Lady Gaga was third for social media.

 

And WILL SMITH, JENNIFER ANISTON, and SANDRA BULLOCK were listed as the most “marketable,” but their overall power was #35, #64, and #90 respectively.

1.  Oprah, $77 million

 

2.  Lady Gaga, $80 million

 

3.  Steven Spielberg, $100 million

 

4.  Beyoncé, $53 million . . . Her husband Jay-Z came in at #32.

 

5.  Madonna, $125 million

 

6.  Taylor Swift, $55 million

 

7.  Bon Jovi, $79 million

 

8.  Roger Federer, $71 million

 

9.  Justin Bieber, $58 million

 

10.  Ellen DeGeneres, $56 million

11.  Hugh Jackman, $55 million

 

12.  Jennifer Lopez, $45 million

 

13.  Rihanna, $43 million

 

14.  Coldplay, $64 million

 

15.  Tiger Woods, $78 million

 

16.  LeBron James, $60 million

 

17.  Simon Cowell, $95 million

 

18.  Katy Perry, $39 million

 

19.  David Beckham, $47 million

 

20.  Robert Downey Jr., $75 million . . . His “Avengers” director came in at #99.

Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill Are Being Whipped Into Shape for the New “Star Wars” Movie 

 

 

CARRIE FISHER recently revealed that Disney had hired a trainer to get her in shape for the new “Star Wars” movie.  Well, it turns out they had some concerns about MARK HAMILL’S girth as well.

 

 

The not-always-reliable British tabloids say Disney has hired trainers and nutritionists to get them BOTH down to fighting weight.

 

 

A source says, quote, “Mark and Carrie need to be as close to their appearance in the earlier movies as possible . . . the budget is huge so there will be no expense spared.”

Gwyneth Paltrow, Mark Ruffalo, Tim Robbins and Pink Star in a Movie About Sex Addiction 

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow, Mark Ruffalo, Tim Robbins and Pink star in “Thanks for Sharing” . . . which is a romantic comedy-drama about SEX ADDICTION.  It actually looks pretty good.  It comes out in September.

It’s Official:  CNN Is Bringing “Crossfire” Back . . . and It’ll Feature Newt Gingrich 

 

 

CNN has confirmed earlier reports that they’re reviving “Crossfire”, the political debate show that originally ran on the network from 1982 to 2005.

 

 

Former Republican Speaker of the House NEWT GINGRICH will represent the conservatives, along with S.E. CUPP, who you may know from the MSNBC show, “The Cycle”.

 

 

And two former advisors to PRESIDENT OBAMA . . . STEPHANIE CUTTER and VAN JONES . . . will be the voices of the liberals.  The new “Crossfire” will premiere sometime this fall.

Check Out a Mash Up of Scenes from “Mad Men” Set to the Theme from “The O.C.”

 

 

The Internet has produced a mildly amusing mash up of “The O.C.” and “Mad Men”.  Someone took scenes from “Mad Men” and set them to the theme from “The O.C.” to make it look like an entirely different show.  (You can check it out, here.)

Thursday TV Reminders:

 

 

“The Willis Clan” [Series Premiere] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on GAC.  A reality series about Nashville couple Toby and Brenda Willis, who are the parents of TWELVE children . . . most of whom have a talent for singing and dancing.

 

 

“Funniest Commercials: Summer Countdown” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on TruTV.  Humorous summer-themed commercials from various countries.

 

 

“Does Someone Have To Go?” [1st Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.

 

 

“The Music Experiment: Empire of the Sun” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. Eastern on Palladia.  This interactive music series created by MTV Iggy and Intel spotlights Empire of the Sun performing at a secret costume party in New York City.

 

 

“The Out List” [Special Presentation] . . . 9:30 to 10:30 P.M. on HBO.  A compilation of interviews with LGBT leaders, including Neil Patrick Harris, Wanda Sykes, financial expert Suze Orman, and New York politician Christine Quinn.

 

 

“The Show with Vinny” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on MTV.  Iggy Azalea and Tyler the Creator are guests.

“Later… With Jools Holland” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on Palladia.  Bonnie Raitt, Noah and the Whale, Caro Emerald, Johnny Marr, Disclosure with Jessie Ware and Sam Smith perform.

 

 

“Tabatha Takes Over” [5th Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Bravo.

 

 

“Small Town Security” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on AMC.

 

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Cher guests.

 

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show”Cindy McCain.  Music Guest:  Natalie Cole.

 

“Good Morning America”No guests listed yet.  Check your local listings.

 

“CBS This Morning”Liev Schreiber (Showtime’s “Ray Donovan”), the latest news in medical breakthroughs with MIT’s Dr. Robert Langer and Weill Cornell Medical College’s Dr. Laurie Glimcher.

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Sandra Bullock (“The Heat”).  Music Guest:  Ginny Blackmore.  Sportscaster Erin Andrews co-hosts with Michael.

 

“The View”Toni Collette (“The Way, Way Back”).

 

“Rachael Ray”Yoga instructor Hilaria Baldwin (wife of Alec Baldwin), style experts Lilliana Vazquez and Amy E. Goodman share summer fashion tips.

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Matthew Fox (“Alex Cross”).  Music Guest:  Ellie Goulding.  (REPEAT)

 

“The Talk”Garcelle Beauvais (“White House Down”).  Marie Osmond co-hosts.

 

“Katie Couric”“Good Morning America’s” Sam Champion discusses weather disaster preparedness, plus stories of people who came face-to-face with death.

 

“Steve Harvey”Phylicia Rashad (NBC’s “Do No Harm”).  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Phil” – “Deadly New Accusations: A Murder Mystery?”  Dr. Phil speaks with the families of 6-year-old Max Shacknai and Rebecca Zahau about their deaths at the Spreckels Mansion in Coronado, California.  (REPEAT)

 

“Dr. Oz Show” – Tips to help you feel younger.  (REPEAT)

 

“Wendy Williams”Natalie Cole and Nikki Boyer (the host of Yahoo’s Daytime in No Time).  Music Guest:  Natalie Cole.

 

“Anderson Live”“What Not to Wear’s” Stacy London co-hosts.  Their guest is Allison Williams (HBO’s “Girls”).  (REPEAT)

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Johnny Depp (“The Lone Ranger”) and comedian Marc Maron promotes his new sitcom on the IFC cable channel, “Maron”.  Music Guest:  Dawes.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Annette Bening (“Girls Most Likely”), Tony Goldwyn (“Scandal”), and Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade.  Music Guest:  The Neighbourhood.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Joey King (“White House Down”) and David Spade (“Grown Ups 2″).  Music Guest:  Grace Potter & The Nocturnals.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Channing Tatum (“White House Down”) and comedian Marc Maron promotes his new sitcom on the IFC cable channel, “Maron”.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Julianne Moore (“The English Teacher”), Jesse Tyler Ferguson (“Modern Family”), and chef Danny Bowien.  Music Guest:  Boz Scaggs.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Carson Daly”Nikki Glaser and Sara Schaefer (MTV’s “Nikki & Sara Live!”), plus the cast of Discovery’s “River Monsters”.  Music Guest:  Damien Jurado.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Conan” – Comedian Kevin Hart (“Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain”) and Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe for his book “Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities”.  Music Guest:  Eve.

 

 

“Jon Stewart” – Supreme Court litigator Tom Goldstein.

 

 

“The Colbert Report” – Author Daniel Libeskind (“Breaking Ground: An Immigrant’s Journey from Poland to Ground Zero”).

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Channing Tatum (“White House Down”).

Stupid News…

The Menu Items With the Most Calories at 10 Fast Food Places . . . and What it Takes to Burn Them Off

According to the “Wall Street Journal”, here are the menu items with the most calories at 10 of the biggest fast-food chains:

1.  20 CHICKEN RINGS from White Castle have 1,760 calories.  That’s 85% of a woman’s recommended daily allowance . . . and takes three hours of high-impact aerobics to burn off.   

2.  A Burger King BREAKFAST PLATTER has 1,450 calories, and takes two hours of basketball to burn off.     

3.  A McDonald’s BIG BREAKFAST has 1,350 calories.  That takes four hours of cycling.

4.  A KFC 10-piece bag of CHICKEN BITES has 1,300 calories.  That would take five hours of dancing.

5.  The Wendy’s three-quarter-pound DAVE’S HOT ‘N’ JUICY burger has 1,120 calories.  That’s four hours of bowling.

6.  A STEAK and WHITE CHEDDER on baguette from Panera Bread has 980 calories.  That takes two hours of low-impact aerobics to burn off. 

7.  Taco Bell’s VOLCANIC NACHOS has 970 calories.  That’s an hour of tae kwon do.     

8.  A Dunkin’ Donuts frozen MOCHA COFFEE COOLATTA with cream has 730 calories.  An hour of tennis will burn that off

9.  The Subway MEGA MELT on FLATBREAD with egg has 660 calories.  You’ll need to rollerblade for an hour.  (And then tell your parents you’re gay.  HI-YO!)

10.  And a SLICE of Pizza Hut’s 14-inch LARGE MEAT LOVER’S PAN PIZZA has 470 calories.  That’s an hour’s worth of weight training.

 (Daily Mail)

And Now . . . 22 Terms For Breaking Wind

Two guys recently wrote an entire book on BREAKING WIND.  Seriously.  It’s called “The Fart Tootorial”.  And they claim to have found 150 different terms people use to describe passing gas. 

Some of them are ones we’ve heard of . . . like “cut the cheese”, “air biscuit”, and “step on a duck.”  But here are 22 of the slightly more obscure ones on their list:   

1.  Back draft. 

 

2.  Baking brownies.

 

3.  Booty belch.

 

4.  Get out and walk Donald.

 

5.  Trouser cough.

 

6.  Air tulip

 

7.  Cornhole Clap

 

8.  Exhume the Dinner Corpse

9.  Testing in the Levi wind tunnel.

 

10.  Benchwarmer.

 

11.  Answering the call of the wild burrito.

 

12.  Barking spider.

 

13.  Colon bowlin’.

 

14.  Insane in the methane.

 

15.  Let Polly out of jail.

 

16.  Tushy tickler.

 

17.  Sphincter whistle.

 

18.  Mouse on a motorcycle.

 

19.  Orchestra practice.

 

20.  Bumsen burner.

 

21.  Thunder from Down Under

 

22.  Horton hears a poo.

(Huffington Post)

The Five Things We Hate About Road Trips, and the Five Things We Do in the Car

1.  Getting stuck in TRAFFIC.

 

2.  Rude or dangerous drivers.

 

3.  Car trouble.   

 

4.  The kids arguing in the back seat.

 

5.  The kids complaining about how LONG the drive is.

 

 

And . . . here are five things families do to pass time in the car: 

 

 

1.  59% watch DVDs.

 

2.  51% play video games. Obviously you could choose more than one thing.

 

3.  36% listen to music.

 

4.  32% stop frequently so the kids don’t get bored.

 

5.  And 27% play old-school car games like I Spy.  (PR Newswire)

Our Pets Destroy Eight Million Electronic Devices a Year, and Cost Us a Billion Dollars

We’re all OBSESSED with our dogs and cats, but what about after hearing THIS:  According to a new survey, our pets damage eight MILLION electronic devices a year.  And it costs us more than a BILLION dollars.

Two thirds of the time, they’re ruined because a pet CHEWS on it or puts it in their mouth. 

One in five devices get damaged when an owner DROPS it while they’re trying to deal with a pet.

And one in six get damaged when a pet either PEES or THROWS UP on it. 

Male pets destroy 50% more electronic devices than females . . . and two thirds of the time, the pet does the damage when it’s left home alone. 

17% of the time, people say the animal did it on PURPOSE, because it was MAD at them. 

(PR Newswire)

A Woman Can’t Afford Her Pet Python . . . So She Sets It Free in Her Trailer Park and Plots to Run it Over?

The economy has forced all of us to make some tough decisions . . . but this is just ridiculous.

A woman in Athens, Ohio was having trouble making ends meet recently, and decided that she couldn’t afford to feed her four-and-a-half-foot pet PYTHON.  (Her name wasn’t given.  Athens is 75 miles southeast of Columbus.)   

So, on Sunday, she decided to set it FREE.  But instead of taking it to a swamp or the woods to release it, she released it in the parking lot of her TRAILER PARK.

But she told the police she wasn’t going to just abandon it . . . she planned to RUN it OVER with a LAWN MOWER later on.  But it disappeared before she got the chance.

Police are still searching for the snake.  (WDTN) 

A Guy Had to Be Rescued After the Wall He Was Peeing on Fell on Him

If you’re going to pee in public . . . make sure you pick something that’s sturdy enough to handle your stream.  (???)

A guy in New Orleans . . . whose name wasn’t released . . . stopped to relieve himself on a wall at four A.M. Wednesday morning.  And while he was taking care of business, the one-ton slab of concrete he was using for a target FELL on him. 

The chunk of the wall pinned him to the ground.  Luckily for him, the ground was wet . . . from rain, not his pee . . . and the concrete pressed his legs into the mud instead of crushing them. 

Someone heard him calling for help, and called firefighters.  They used inflatable airbags to lift the concrete slab.  It took them about 45 minutes to get the concrete off the guy, and he only suffered a broken ankle.  

(WWLTV.com)

A Couple in the U.K. Thought Drunk People Were Peeing on Their Porch Every Night . . . But It turned Out to Be Their Mailman

When the mail shows up and there’s a PACKAGE involved, it’s usually a somewhat exciting event.  But not in this case . . .

A couple in England recently kept waking up each day to find a puddle of URINE on their doorstep.  And at first they assumed it was the work of local drunks who were stopping to relieve themselves on the way home from the bar.

 

But when it kept happening in the exact same spot for MONTHS, they got suspicious.  So one of them waited inside the doorway one morning, and jumped out when they heard someone taking care of business.

 

What they discovered was their MAILMAN standing in broad daylight with his JUNK out, treating their front step like a urinal.


According to a spokeswoman for Britain’s Royal Mail, the mailman is facing “internal disciplinary measures.”

(The Mirror)

Boston Watched 21% More Porn After the Bruins Lost in the Stanley Cup Finals

When your favorite sports team loses in the championship, how do you deal with it?  Apparently for the people of Boston, at least, the answer is to make yourself feel good in ANOTHER way.

Immediately following the Boston Bruins’ loss to the Chicago Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup Final on Monday, there was a HUGE increase in the amount of PORN being watched in the Boston area.  That’s according to the website PornHub.com.

From 8:00 P.M. to 11:00 P.M. . . . when the game was on . . .  the amount of porn being streamed on the website was DOWN an average of 22%.  Then as soon as the game ended around 11:00, it skyrocketed 21%.

Meanwhile, the amount of porn being watched in the Chicago area remained lower than average . . . presumably because everyone was celebrating the win. 

Is Privacy Going Extinct?  A New App Automatically Records What’s Going on Around You, and You Can Access Up to Five Minutes of Past Audio

If you’re worried about the government spying on you because of the whole NSA wiretapping thing, this probably won’t help.  Because now you might have to worry about your FRIENDS spying on you.

 

There’s a new smartphone app that has some people freaked out, because it makes it so your phone is ALWAYS recording audio.

 

After five minutes, the audio automatically gets deleted.  Or you can opt to save it permanently.  (The initial app is free, but you have to pay a few bucks to extend your recording time to the full five minutes.)

 

The app is called “Heard” . . . as in, “I just heard everything you said about that woman at the bar, and I’m sending the audio to your wife.”

 

There’s also a less-CREEPY use for it.  For example, you’re having a conversation that gets interrupted, and you forget what you were talking about . . . so you check the tape.  (But let’s be honest, you were probably talking about that chick at the bar.)

 

So far it’s only for the iPhone, and the last time we checked, you couldn’t download it.  According to Apple, it was available earlier this week, but got taken down because of a technical issue.  They say it should be back up soon.  (Daily Mail / MyFoxNY)

Teachers Spend $485 of Their Own Money on School Supplies Each Year

If you think teachers have it easy because they get summers off, ask yourself this question:  How much of your own money do you spend on work supplies each year?  If you’re like most people, it’s right around zero.

Well, according to a new survey by the National School Supply and Equipment Association, teachers spend a LOT more than that.

According to the survey, the average classroom needs about $1,000 of supplies each year . . . and $485 of that comes straight out of the teacher’s pocket.

About 40% is for instructional materials, like books . . . 30% goes toward school supplies . . . and the other 30% covers miscellaneous classroom materials. 

So all together, it’s estimated that public school teachers spent $3.2 billion in educational products during the last school year . . . and $1.6 billion of that was from their OWN pockets.

Only 25% of teachers said that PARENTS were required to pay for supplies, which is down from 47% in 2010.

(PR Newswire)

Celebrity Birthdays…..

Madylin Sweeten – 22  (Ray’s daughter Ally on “Everybody Loves Raymond”.

Ed Westwick – 26  (Chuck Bass on “Gossip Girl”.  He continues to deny rumors that he and co-star Chace Crawford are having delicious man-on-man relations.)

Drake Bell – 27  (Up-and-coming stud from Nickelodeon’s “Drake & Josh”.  He’s been friends with Amanda Bynes since their time together on “The Amanda Show”, and he swears she’s perfectly sane.)

Sam Claflin – 27  (He fell in love with a mermaid in “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”, and plays the Prince in “Snow White & The Huntsman”.  He’s playing Finnick Odair in the “Hunger Games: Catching Fire” this November.)

Khloe Kardashian – 29  (The Kardashian who . . . um . . . looks most prepared to fight an ox.)

Leigh Nash – 37  (Minx who sang “Kiss Me” for Sixpence None the Richer.)

Tobey Maguire – 38

Jo “Supernanny” Frost – 42  (I don’t usually share this with people, but one of my favorite fantasies is to be disciplined by this British minx.)

Robby Rosa – 43  (Former member and leader of MENUDO!  He wasn’t hairless . . . because he’s Puerto Rican.  After Menudo, Robby co-wrote “Livin’ La Vida Loca” for Ricky Martin.)

Kelly Royce – 46  (Mattress actress who’s starred in 62 fine films, including . . . “Buck Naked in the 21st Century”, “Earth Girls Are Sleazy”, “Good Will Humping”, and “Search for Pink October”.)

J.J. Abrams – 47  (GENIUS creator of “Alias” and “Lost” . . . and the director of both “Mission:  Impossible 3″ and the new “Star Trek” movies.  He also wrote and directed the movie “Super 8″. Next up, he’s handling “Star Wars: Episode VII”.)

Lorrie “Whorrie” Morgan – 54  (Country slattern.  Real name:  Loretta Lynn Morgan.)

Isabelle Adjani – 58  (International minx.  Daniel Day-Lewis fathered one of her kids;  AND she was the leading lady in “Ishtar”!)

Julia Duffy – 62  (Blonde spinner Stephanie on “Newhart”.  On the show, she was in love with “Bosom Buddies” superstar Peter Scolari.)

Ross Perot – 83

Bob Keeshan – (1927 – 2004)  (CAPTAIN KANGAROO.  FYI:  Captain Kangaroo Keeshan served in the United States Marine Corps AND was a member of the Clown Hall of Fame.)

 

Helen Keller – (1880 – 1968)

 

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 7 days until Independence Day

• 29 days until “The Wolverine”

• 64 days until Labor Day Weekend

• 87 days until the Emmy Awards

• 1,303 days left of “Hope and Change”

169 years ago . . . in 1844 – In a dispute over POLYGAMY, a mob of monogamous Mormons attacked a jail in Carthage, Illinois, and killed Mormon leaders HYRUM and JOSEPH SMITH.  As a result, BRIGHAM YOUNG became head of the Mormons.

154 years ago . . . in 1859 – Louisville school teacher Mildred Hill composed a tune for her students called “Good Morning To All”.  Her sister later wrote a verse for the song that began, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU”.  “Happy Birthday” is now the most popular song in the world.

44 years ago . . . in 1969 – The American GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT began in New York as patrons of the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in Greenwich Village, stepped away from their glory holes long enough to clash with police who were raiding the place.

32 years ago . . . in 1981 – The mind-blowing REO SPEEDWAGON album “Hi Infidelity”, featuring the monster jams “Take It On The Run” and “Keep On Loving You”, was knocked off the top of the charts by KIM CARNES’ “Mistaken Identity”.

25 years ago . . . in 1988 – CYNDI LAUPER finally got her high school diploma from Richmond High in New York . . . and DEBBIE GIBSON got hers from Calhoun High on Long Island.

25 years ago . . . in 1988 – MIKE TYSON dropped the undefeated and beautiful MICHAEL SPINKS in 91 SECONDS to defend his heavyweight title.  That night’s National Anthem took two seconds longer, at 93 seconds.

24 years ago . . . in 1989 – TOM JONES FINALLY GOT HIS STAR ON THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME!

20 years ago . . . in 1993 – NEW YORK METS pitcher ANTHONY YOUNG broke an 82-year-old record by losing his 24th game in a row.

 

19 years ago . . . in 1994 – 26-year-old ANNA NICOLE SMITH married 90-YEAR-OLD BILLIONAIRE J. HOWARD MARSHALL.  They’d met while she was a topless dancer in Houston back in 1991, and enjoyed pseudo-marital relations for 14 months until his death in August 1995.

 

12 years ago . . . in 2001 – The great JACK LEMMON passed away at the age of 76.

 

12 years ago . . . in 2001 – PAULA POUNDSTONE was arrested on felony counts of committing a lewd act on a female child, AND child endangerment.  She did rehab and probation and ultimately got all her adopted children back.

 

11 years ago . . . in 2002 – JOHN ENTWISTLE, the amazing bass player for THE WHO, was found dead in his room at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.  He was 57.  Cause of death:  A heart attack . . . brought on by excessive use of cocaine AND a whore.  (TRUE.)

 

8 years ago . . . in 2005 – Model-turned-bounty hunter DOMINO HARVEY OD’d on painkillers in her bathtub.  She was 35.  KEIRA KNIGHTLEY played her in the movie “Domino”.

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