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Whatever 6.13

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(NC-17)  Ashton Kutcher Will Not Look “Down There” When Mila Kunis Gives Birth 

 

 

When MILA KUNIS gives birth, ASHTON KUTCHER will be in the delivery room with her.  But it sounds like he’ll be staying ABOVE THE EQUATOR.

 

 

Mila tells “Marie Claire” magazine, quote, “He’ll be head to head.  Not head to vag.  Unless he wants to risk his life and see.  But I wouldn’t if I were him.

 

 

“I highly doubt he wants to see that being ripped apart and shredded.  Because it will be shredded.  It’s just a matter of how badly.”

 

 

 

 

 

Martha Stewart Needs It! 

 

 

MARTHA STEWART got a few dates off her Match.com experiment last year, but sadly, nothing permanent came of it.  Currently, her romantic and carnal desire are in an UNFULFILLED state.

 

 

She says, quote, “I’m looking for a partner . . . I’d love to have a more regular male companion.”

 

 

Martha’s looking for more than just a tickle buddy, though.  She says, quote, “Love will have something to do with it I’m sure.”

 

Is Jennifer Aniston Having Trouble Looking at Her Fiancé  . . . Because His Veiny Arms Remind Her of Angelina Jolie? 

The “National Enquirer” claims there’s trouble between JENNIFER ANISTON and JUSTIN THEROUX . . . because he’s been working out, which gives him VEINY ARMS . . . and she doesn’t like them because they remind her of ANGELINA JOLIE’S.  And Justin sees this as, quote, “just another example of her not being able to let go of the hurt and pain from her marriage to BRAD PITT.”

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  CLINT EASTWOOD has a new girlfriend.

 

 

 

2.  JENNIFER LOPEZ was looking pretty hot at the World Cup opening ceremony.  (Here’s video of her performance with Pitbull.)

 

 

 

3.  Even when ZAC EFRON is working on charitable endeavors, he’s shirtless.

 

 

 

4.  Here’s another RACHEL BILSON bikini bump.

 

 

 

5.  PETRA NEMCOVA survived a tsunami to bring you this hotness.

 

 

 

6.  I don’t know what STEVEN TYLER is wearing, but I love it anyway.

 

 

 

7.  Here’s JON HAMM posing with a clown named Puddles(He’s the guy who sang “Royals” in that YouTube video last year.)

Actress and Civil Rights Activist Ruby Dee Has Died 

Actress and civil rights activist RUBY DEE died Wednesday at her home in New Rochelle, New York.  She was 91 years old.  Ruby marched with MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. and was nominated for an Oscar for playing DENZEL WASHINGTON’S mother in the 2007 film “American Gangster”.

Update:  Tracy Morgan Is Still in Critical Condition, And One of the Victims Wants TMZ to Remove the Crash Video 

 

 

It sounds like TRACY MORGAN is making some slow progress in his recovery, but it’s still a pretty serious situation.  Yesterday, his rep issued this update:  Quote, “Today was a better day . . .

 

 

“While Tracy remains in critical, but stable, condition, he continues to show signs of improvement.  His medical team remains optimistic that his recovery is progressing.”

 

 

Speaking of Tracy, comedian LOUIS C.K. has been urging TMZ to take down a video they posted of the crash scene, which shows someone being pulled from the wreckage.

President Obama Says He “Teeters on the Edge of Being Embarrassing” as a Father 

 

 

PRESIDENT OBAMA sat down with former first daughter JENNA BUSH HAGER to talk about what kind of father he is.  He said he’s, quote, “a good, fun dad who teeters on the edge of being embarrassing sometimes.”

 

 

He added, quote, “Younger parents . . . ask me why it is that Malia and Sasha turned out so well.  I say, ‘Well, first of all, you know, marry somebody who’s going to be a great mom,’ which I did.

 

 

“But second of all, unconditional love sure makes a difference.”  (Here’s video.)

The “21 Jump Street” and “How to Train Your Dragon” Sequels Are in Theaters

 

 

1.  22 Jump Street  (R)  Theatrical Trailer and the Red Band Trailer

 

 

Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill question their partnership as they go undercover at a local college . . . which is pretty much all they could do for this one that would make sense, since they’re both way too old to pass for high school students again.

 

 

Ice Cube, Nick Offerman, Dave Franco, and Rob Riggle are all back for the sequel and there are also some fun cameos in this one.

 

 

The guy who played the original “21 Jump Street” captain on the TV series has an uncredited cameo as the police commissioner.  Dustin Nguyen is credited as “Vietnamese Jesus”.  And Richard Greico even dusts off his old Booker character.

 

 

(If you haven’t seen it yet, the new “Entertainment Weekly” issue has an amusing photo of Channing and Jonah on the cover with the caption “Isn’t It Bromantic?”)

2.  How to Train Your Dragon 2  (PG)  Trailer

 

 

Djimon Hounsou is the villain, a warlord determined to capture every single dragon . . . Jay Baruchel returns as Hiccup, the hero from the first movie . . . and Cate Blanchett plays his long-lost mother, who’s spent her life rescuing dragons from the bad guy.

 

 

America Ferrera is Hiccup’s girlfriend, Gerard Butler is his father, Craig Ferguson returns as the one-legged character Gobber, and Jonah Hill is a guy named SnotloutKit Harrington, a.k.a. Jon Snow on “Game of Thrones”, is also in it.

 

 

 

3.  The Signal  (PG-13)  Trailer  (Limited)

 

 

Brenton Thwaites stars in this sci-fi mindbender about a guy who wakes up in quarantine, while being repeatedly interrogated by scientists in hazmat suits, who are led by Laurence Fishburne.  You may know Brenton as Prince Phillip in “Maleficent”.

 

 

 

4.  The Rover  (R)  Trailer  Limited, but it opens nationwide next week.

 

Guy Pearce and Robert Pattinson star in this intense Australian movie set in the aftermath of a global economic collapse.  After his last remaining possession . . . his car . . . is stolen by Pattinson’s brother, Pearce forces him to help track it down.

 

And “Twilight” fans may be in for a bit of a shock, because Robert Pattinson looks NOTHING like he did when he was a glittery vampire in the “Twilight” movies.

Sneak Peek at Upcoming CD, DVD, and Theatrical Releases

 

 

Theatrical Releases for Next Friday:

 

“Jersey Boys” . . . Clint Eastwood’s movie about Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

“Think Like a Man Too” . . . the sequel to the comedy based on Steve Harvey’s book.

•  (Limited)  “Third Person” . . . starring Mila Kunis, Adrien Brody and Liam Neeson.

 

 

New This Past Week to Netflix Instant Streaming:

 

“Bonnie & Clyde” . . . the miniseries starring Emile Hirsh and Holliday Grainger.

“Someone Marry Barry” . . . starring Tyler Labine from “Tucker & Dale vs. Evil”.

 

 

DVDs for Tuesday:

 

“The LEGO Movie” . . . starring Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, and Will Ferrell.

“Walk of Shame” . . . starring Elizabeth Banks, and James Marsden.

“The Grand Budapest Hotel” . . . a comedy starring Ralph Fiennes.

• The second season of Kevin Spacey’s Netflix series “House of Cards”

 

 

CDs for Tuesday:

 

“Hunting Party”, Linkin Park

“Ultraviolence”, Lana Del Rey

“Mutineers”, David Gray

“A.K.A.”, Jennifer Lopez

“Band of Brothers”, Willie Nelson

“In the Lonely Hour”, Sam Smith

Weekend TV Reminders:

 

 

• Friday:  “CMT Crossroads” . . . from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CMT.  Katy Perry and Kacey Musgraves perform together for the 50th episode.  Their songs will include Katy’s song “Roar” and Kacey’s hit “Merry Go Round”.

 

 

• Saturday:  “The Graham Norton Show” . . . from 11:15 P.M. to Midnight Eastern on BBC America.  Ed Sheeran performs, Mark Ruffalo rides a unicycle, and Michael Sheen beatboxes the “Dallas” theme song.

 

 

“Saturday Night Live” . . . from 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC.  Jonah Hill hosts and Bastille performs.  (Repeat)

 

 

• Saturday: The season finale of “Sing Your Face Off” . . . from 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.  The contestants are transformed into MC Hammer, James Brown, Madonna, Little Richard and Whitney Houston.

 

 

• Saturday:  “AFI Life Achievement Award: A Tribute to Jane Fonda” . . . from 9:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TNT.  Mel Brooks, Meryl Streep, Peter Fonda, Sally Field, Sandra Bullock and Cameron Diaz are among the stars paying tribute to Jane.

 

 

• Sunday:  Game 5 of the “NBA Finals” . . . 8:00 P.M. Eastern on ABC.  The Spurs lead the Heat, three games to one, going into Sunday’s game.

 

 

• Sunday:  The fourth season finale of “Game of Thrones” . . . from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on HBO.

 

 

• Sunday:  “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” . . . from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on E!  Kris worries about Bruce being alone now that they’re separated, so she arranges for him to have company.

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon”Dave Chappelle and Body Count.

 

 

“Late Night with Seth Meyers”James McAvoy, Wendi McLendon-Covey, and Kumail Nanjiani.  (Repeat)

 

 

“Letterman”Hugh Jackman and Elvis Costello.  (Repeat)

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Dr. Phil and Sage Steele.  (Repeat)

 

 

“Carson Daly”Rob Thomas, Albert Hammond Jr., and Hell or Highwater.  (Repeat)

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Max Greenfield, plus Ben Harper with his mom.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Colin Hanks.  (Repeat)

Lars Ulrich Is Up for the Drum Battle with Will Ferrell and Chad Smith 

LARS ULRICH from METALLICA has accepted WILL FERRELL’S challenge to participate in a three-way drum battle with him and CHAD SMITH.  Lars said “with a bit of practice” he thinks he could give Chad a run for his money, but joked that Will, quote, “rules the ‘bad-ass drummer universe.’”

Five Random Facts For Friday

1.  67.3% of Facebook posts are written at a fifth grade reading level or lower.

 

 

2.  Samuel L. Jackson was supposed to have a giant Afro in “Pulp Fiction” . . . but the production assistant who went to get him a wig didn’t know the difference between an afro and a Jheri curl.

 

 

3.  There’s a scale of “close encounters.”  A close encounter of the first kind is seeing a UFO . . . a close encounter of the third kind is seeing an alien . . . the fourth kind is being abducted by aliens . . . and the seventh kind is having SEX with an alien.

 

 

4.  The first drink ever described as a “cocktail” was an Old Fashioned, in 1806.

 

 

5.  On the first season of “Sesame Street”, Oscar the Grouch was orange.  They changed him to green before the second season . . . he said he had gone to a muddy swamp and turned green overnight.

 

 

(All Facebook / E! Online / Paranormal Encyclopedia / Wikipedia / Mental Floss)

Five Tips For Becoming More Likeable

What’s your number one tip for becoming more likeable?  Some of the most popular ones are:  Stop taking yourself so seriously . . . ask questions so people can talk about themselves . . . and don’t interrupt people.

1.  Stop taking yourself so seriously . . . be able to make a joke about yourself, and be able laugh at a joke someone else makes about you.

 

 

2.  Ask people questions so they can talk about themselves.  Then just let them talk . . . it’ll make them remember you.

 

 

3.  If someone’s telling you about a problem, they don’t need you to jump in with an answer to solve anything.  They probably just want to vent.  Don’t give advice until they specifically ask for it.

 

 

4.  Don’t interrupt people . . . especially not to “top” one of their stories.

 

 

5.  Do favors for people . . . and once in a while, ask them for a favor that shows you trust them.

 

 

(Reddit)

The Biggest Productivity Killers at Work Include Texting, Gossiping, and Annoying Coworkers

A new survey asked people to name their top productivity killers.  The top five are:  Texting . . . gossiping . . . surfing the Internet . . . social media . . . and breaks for snacks or cigarettes.

1.  Texting.

 

2.  Gossiping.

 

3.  Surfing the Internet.

 

4.  Social media.

 

5.  Breaks for snacks or cigarettes.

 

6.  Noisy coworkers.

 

7.  Meetings.

 

8.  Emailing.

 

9.  Coworkers dropping by.

 

10.  Coworkers putting calls on speaker.

 

 

(PR Newswire)

The “Cool Kids” From School Wind Up Having Worse Relationships and Committing More Crimes

This study is a DREAM for most people.  Researchers have found that kids who are cool in high school end up having WORSE LIVES than everyone else.  They’re more likely to have bad relationships, commit more crimes, and develop drug problems.

(CNN)

The 10 Excuses Men Use to Turn Down Sex With Their Wives

A new survey found the top excuses men use to turn down sex with their wives.  The top five are:  I want to watch sports . . . my back hurts . . . I’m too tired . . . I have a headache . . . and I’ve been working late.

1.  I want to watch sports.

 

2.  My back hurts.

 

3.  I’m too tired.

 

4.  I have a headache.

 

5.  I’ve been working late.

 

6.  I’ve got work to do.

 

7.  I’m too drunk.

 

8.  Can we just do it later?

 

9.  I don’t feel well.

 

10.  I have to wake up early.  (FemaleFirst)

If You Could’ve Had Sex With One Person Right Before Your Wedding, Who Would It Be?

If you could’ve had sex with one person right before your wedding, who would it be?  A new survey asked married women, and 44% said a celebrity . . . 17% said an ex . . . and 5% said the BEST MAN.

(Daily Mail)

We Enable Our Overweight Friends . . . Because We Don’t Want to Be the Chubby One in the Group

 

According to a new survey, 75% of us encourage our overweight friends to be unhealthy.  And the number one reason is because WE don’t want to be the chubby one in the group.  Also because we worry that it might change the dynamic of the friendship, or that we might have to compete with them for dates.

(Female First)

 

Aaron Johnson is 24.  He IS “Kick Ass”, and one of the human stars of the new “Godzilla”.

MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN is 28.  Big-headed twins who have made more than $100 MILLION through movies, TV and fashion.  They’re actually fraternal twins, even though they look like they could be identical.

Kat Dennings is 28.  Up-and-coming, well-chested minx from “2 Broke Girls”, “The 40-Year Old Virgin”, “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”, and the “Thor” movies.

 

 

Mattress actress Nautica Thorn is 30.  She’s half Japanese, a quarter Puerto Rican, a quarter Hawaiian, and 100% a FREAK.  She’s starred in 365 fine films, including . . . “Poon Tang Clan”, “Da Vinci Load 2″ and “Swallow Your Pride”.

 

 

Chris Evans is 33.  Captain America in “The Avengers” and “Captain America”, and the Human Torch in the “Fantastic Four” movies.  Needless to say, this superhero double dipping had comic book fans losing their gott-damm minds.

Ethan Embry is 36.  Career character actor who was one of the best actors to play Rusty Griswold in a “Vacation” movie.  He was Rusty in “Vegas Vacation”, and he did NOT require corrective lenses when using Nick Pappagiorgio’s ID.

 

 

Steve-O is 40“Jackass” and “Wildboyz” clownass and reformed coke addict.

 

 

Rivers Cuomo is 44.  Lead singer of Weezer and one of the main contributors to the whole “hipsters wear thick black glasses” thing.

 

 

ALLY SHEEDY is 52.  A member of the Brat Pack who tore up “The Breakfast Club”, “St. Elmo’s Fire”, “WarGames” AND “Short Circuit”.

 

 

Hannah Storm is 52.  Former “Early Show” minx who’s on ESPN now.

 

 

Tim Allen is 61.  The star of “Home Improvement”, the voice of “Buzz Lightyear”, and Santa in “The Santa Clause”.  He’s done all that AND beat a coke habit.

 

 

Richard Thomas is 63.  “John-Boy” on “The Waltons” and Bill Denbrough in the ABC miniseries version of Stephen King’s “It”.

 

 

Stellan Skarsgard is 63.  Swedish character actor who was Bootstrap Bill in two “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies.  He’s also Erik Selvig in “Thor” and “The Avengers”.

Dennis Locorriere is 65.  Lead singer for Dr. Hook.  Biggest hit:  1972′s “Cover of the Rolling Stone”.  It was written by Shel Silverstein . . . and as promised, once the band got on the cover, they each bought five copies for their mothers.

 

 

Malcolm McDowell is 71.  Alex DeLarge in Stanley Kubrick’s “A Clockwork Orange”, Kesslee in the underrated 1995 classic “Tank Girl” and CALIGULA in Bob Guccione’s “CALIGULA”.  He was also Terence on “Entourage” and Dr. Loomis in Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” movies.

 

 

Basil Rathbone  (1892 – 1967)  THE Sherlock Holmes of the 1940s . . . and the “Son of Frankenstein”.  It was also his skill that gave legitimacy to the sword fights in Errol Flynn’s “Adventures of Robin Hood”, and Tyrone Power’s “Mark of Zorro”.

 

 

Paul Lynde  (1926 – 1982)  Uncle Arthur on “Bewitched” AND “The Funniest Center Square Ever” on the original “Hollywood Squares”.)  (Cause of Death:  Cardiac arrest due to extreme substance abuse.

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 1 day to World Blood Donor Day

• 2 days to Father’s Day

• 21 days to Independence Day

• 49 days to Guardians of the Galaxy

• 55 days to Chicago Boot Camp

• 952 days left of “Hope and Change”

94 years ago . . . In 1920, for some reason, the U.S. Post Office Department ruled that CHILDREN may not be sent by PARCEL POST.

 

 

 

92 years ago . . . In 1922, the LONGEST ATTACK OF HICCUPS began on this day . . . and lasted 69 YEARS.  Charlie Osborne hiccupped over 435 MILLION times before it went away.  He died just 11 months after his hiccups stopped in 1991 . . . at age 98.

 

 

 

48 years ago . . . In 1966, police became required to tell suspects THEIR RIGHTS because of the Supreme Court’s decision in the Miranda v. Arizona case.

45 years ago . . . In 1969, MICK TAYLOR replaced BRIAN JONES in THE ROLLING STONES.

 

 

 

44 years ago . . . In 1970, THE BEATLES scored their final #1 single . . . “The Long And Winding Road”.

22 years ago . . . In 1992, BILL CLINTON upset (rapper) SISTER SOULJAH when he compared her post-L.A. riot comments to something DAVID DUKE might say.  (The words she used were, quote, “If black people kill black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people?”)

 

 

 

19 years ago . . . In 1995, three years before GEORGE MICHAEL, trend-setting country singer TY HERNDON was arrested for EXPOSING HIMSELF to a policeman.  There were reports that he was giving himself a naughty rub-and-tug, but Ty says he was just taking a leak.

 

 

(A charge of “very” indecent exposure was eventually dropped, but Ty Herndon did plead guilty to possession of METH . . . DON’T TAKE DRUGS!)

 

 

 

Nine years ago . . . In 2005, the jury in the MICHAEL JACKSON case returned a verdict of NOT GUILTY on all 10 counts related to the alleged molestation of a 13-year-old cancer survivor in 2003.

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