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Whatever 5.14

Your daily dose of Whatever!!

(NC-17)  Seth Rogen’s Face Has Appeared . . . On Miley Cyrus’ Knee! 

 

 

It’s a miracle . . . although probably one that would have been more fitting if it occurred on 4/20 . . .

 

 

The image of SETH ROGEN’S face appeared . . . on MILEY CYRUS’ KNEE.  It’s somehow even more fitting that it popped up in a picture of Miley in concert, simulating ORAL SEX on a blow-up doll.  (???)

 

 

(Check out some pictures here.  Oh, and Miley has already seen this and re-Tweeted it.)

Check Out Pictures of Two Australian Billionaires Getting Into a Fistfight Over Miranda Kerr 

Two Australian media billionaires got into a fistfight on a Sydney sidewalk in broad daylight because of MIRANDA KERR.  One of the guys left his wife and kids to date Miranda, and the other, who is his childhood friend, was mad about it.  But after the fight, they released a statement saying, quote, “We have been friends for 35 years and still are.  In that time we have had our fair share of ups and downs.”

(Check out some AWESOME pictures and VIDEO of the fight here.  WARNING!!!  Bleeped profanity.  Packer is the bigger guy with the shorter hair, by the way.)

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  KIM KARDASHIAN is developing some serious abs.

 

 

 

2.  Someone over-powdered ANGELINA JOLIE’S face right before she hit the red carpet.  (Here are more pics.)

 

 

She might have looked more normal in real life.  Some people online are saying that the bright paparazzi flashbulbs made the powder a lot more noticeable than it really was.

 

 

 

3.  EVA LONGORIA may not have the biggest boobs in Hollywood, but they can produce some stunning cleavage when they want to.

 

 

 

4.  Speaking of cleavage, LEA MICHELE knows how to do a lot with a little, too.

 

 

 

5.  JUSTIN BIEBER did some shirtless horseback riding in the Hollywood Hills.  (TMZ compared him to Vladimir Putin, and also posted a quick video.)

 

 

Not surprisingly, once Justin got off the horse, he pulled his pants way down.

6.  EMMA ROBERTS posed in her panties and other skimpy things for “Paper” magazine.

 

 

 

7.  CIARA’S baby needs to be born, like, yesterday.

 

 

 

8.  Did you have any doubt that pregnancy was going to be good for ALYSSA MILANO’S boobs?

 

 

 

9.  MARIAH CAREY looks awfully skinny in the cover art for her new single “Thirsty”.  Is it real, or is it Photoshop?  (Listen to a radio station preview of the song here.)

 

 

Justin Bieber is Being Investigated for Trying to Confiscate a Woman’s Phone 

JUSTIN BIEBER is being investigated for attempted robbery, after he grabbed the cell phone of a woman he thought was trying to take his picture at a “fun park” that had batting cages and miniature golf.  When he found out she hadn’t taken pictures, he yelled at her, making her 13-year-old daughter cry.

Alec Baldwin Was Arrested . . . for Biking Down a One-Way Street? 

Police took ALEC BALDWIN into custody yesterday morning . . . after he illegally rode his bike against traffic down a New York City street.  And to the surprise of NO ONE, Alec threw a tantrum.  He Tweeted, quote, “New York City is a mismanaged carnival of stupidity that’s desperate for revenue and anxious to criminalize behavior once thought benign.”

Did Solange Attack Jay Z Because He Wouldn’t Let Her Friends Use His Name to Get Into a Party? 

Sources say the reason SOLANGE attacked JAY Z in an elevator last week is because Solange’s friends were trying to name-drop Jay to get into the event they were at, and he told her they had to stop.  Also, Solange got mad that Jay was going to hit up a party hosted by RIHANNA instead of going home with BEYONCÉ.

50 Cent Adds His Voice to the Solange / Jay Z Attack Video 

 

 

50 CENT posted a clip from SOLANGE’S attack on JAY Z on Instagram, and provided the voiceover for Solange.  It’s actually pretty funny, but 50 must have decided it wasn’t worth jeopardizing his friendship with Jay, because he took it down.

 

 

(Thanks to the indelibility of the Internet, you can still enjoy it here.  WARNING!!!  It’s loaded with profanity.)

 

From the Very Bowels of Human Excess:  Is Jennifer Aniston Spending $60,000 to Turn a Garage Into a Closet? 

 

 

JENNIFER ANISTON is renovating her Bel Air mansion, and those renovations include a closet.  A $60,000 closet.  (???)

 

 

That’s how much Jennifer is reportedly spending to convert a garage into a closet that will be 24 by 36 feet, with a skylight and a powder room.

Check Out the First Picture of Ben Affleck’s Batman 

 

 

“Batman vs. Superman” director ZACK SNYDER Tweeted the first picture of BEN AFFLECK’S Batman . . . and as expected, it’s splitting the online nerd-base.  (Check it out here.  You’ll find a brighter, easier-to-see version here.)

 

 

He’s a lot stockier than previous movie incarnations of the character.  Plus, he has shorter ears, and the bat symbol on his chest is larger, but probably more subtle.  Oh, and NO BAT NIPPLES, in case you were worried about that.

 

 

People are comparing it to the reinvented Batman from the 1986 comic series “The Dark Knight Returns”, which was written by Frank Miller, the same guy who did “Sin City” and “300″(Here’s what that Batman looks like.)

 

Does Han Solo and Princess Leia’s Son Go to the Dark Side in “Star Wars 7″? 

 

 

A potential plot detail for “Star Wars 7″ is kicking around the Internet.  Supposedly, the son of Han Solo and Princess Leia gets seduced by the DARK SIDE . . . and they have to try to pull him back.

 

 

This is reportedly who ADAM DRIVER will be playing.  You may know him as LENA DUNHAM’S boyfriend Adam on HBO’s “Girls”.

 

 

(Interesting Side-note:  The guy who played the minor yet beloved character Wedge Antilles in the original trilogy was asked to come back but he DECLINED.  He said playing the character again would BORE him.)

ABC Announced Some New Shows, Including “Selfie” . . . a Modern Take on “My Fair Lady”

ABC announced their new shows for next season, and they include:  A sitcom about a “social media-obsessed” woman who’s trying to make friends in REAL life . . . a drama starring Ryan Phillippe as a family man who’s suspected of murder . . . and a drama about an immortal medical examiner.

There’s a sitcom called “Selfie” about a “social media-obsessed” Internet celebrity, who tries to learn how to live in the REAL world after she realizes she doesn’t have any ACTUAL friends.

 

 

It’s supposed to be a modern take on “My Fair Lady”, because she’s being TAUGHT how to act.  John Cho plays the guy who helps her . . . but even he can’t save this show from looking INCREDIBLY annoying.

 

 

Ryan Phillippe stars in a drama called “Secrets and Lies”.  He plays a family man who becomes a murder suspect after discovering the body of a young boy.

 

 

There’s a spin-off of the “Captain America” movies called “Marvel’s Agent Carter”.  It’s set in the 1940s, and stars Hayley Atwell as Peggy Carter.  She played the same role in the movies.

ABC Canceled “Trophy Wife” . . . Here Are Their Other Renewals and Cancellations 

 

 

The ABC shows that will NOT be back next season include:  “Trophy Wife”, ”Mixology”, ”The Neighbors”, ”Suburgatory”, ”Super Fun Night”, ”Killer Women”, ”Lucky 7″, ”Betrayal”, ”Back in the Game”, and “Once Upon a Time in Wonderland”.

 

 

The shows they DID renew include:  “Last Man Standing”, “Nashville”, “The Goldbergs”, “Revenge”, “Castle”, “The Middle”, “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, “Grey’s Anatomy”, “Scandal”, “Modern Family”, “Resurrection”, “Once Upon a Time” and “Dancing with the Stars”.

The NFL Draft Had 9.9 Million Viewers . . . Rosemary’s Baby Had 3.7 Million

 

 

The NFL DRAFT was seen by 9.9 million people on ESPN . . . the series premiere of “24: Live Another Day” attracted 8.1 million viewers . . . and the first part of NBC’s new “Rosemary’s Baby” miniseries pulled in 3.7 million.

 

 

As for some of last week’s other season finales . . .  “Blue Bloods” finished its fourth season with 11.2 million viewers . . . “CSI” closed out its 14th season with 10 million. . . “Hawaii Five-0″ finished season four with 9.2 million . . . season 11 of “Two and a Half Men” had 8.4 million. . . and “2 Broke Girls” finished its third with 6.5 million viewers.

 

 

Here are last week’s Top 10 shows:

 

1.  “NCIS”, CBS, 15.9 million viewers.

 

2.  “The Big Bang Theory”, CBS, 14.4 million viewers.

 

3.  “NCIS: Los Angeles”, CBS, 14.1 million viewers.

 

4.  “Dancing with the Stars”, ABC, 13.1 million viewers.

 

5.  The fourth season finale of “Blue Bloods”, CBS, 11.2 million viewers.

 

6.  Monday’s episode of “The Voice”, NBC, 11 million viewers.

 

7.  Tuesday’s episode of “The Voice”, NBC, 10.7 million viewers.

 

8.  “Criminal Minds”, CBS, 10.5 million viewers.

 

9.  “Person of Interest”, CBS, 10.49 million viewers.

 

10.  “The Blacklist”, NBC, 10.46 million viewers.

 

 

Meanwhile, “The Voice” averaged 10.8 million viewers, “American Idol” averaged 7.6 million, and “Game of Thrones” pulled in another 6.4 million for HBO.

Wednesday TV Reminders:

 

 

“American Idol” [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.  The top three finalists go back to their hometowns, then perform one song chosen by their hometown fans, one chosen by Randy Jackson and one chosen by the judges.

 

The top three finalists are Alex Preston, Caleb Johnson and Jena Irene.

 

• The second season finale of “Arrow” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW.

 

• The third season finale of “Suburgatory” . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on ABC.

 

• The ninth season finale of “Criminal Minds” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.

 

• The second season finale of “Nashville” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.

 

“Deal With It” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TBS.  Kelly Osbourne and comedian Moshe Kasher are this week’s celebrity pranksters.

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon”Maya Rudolph, Robert Duvall, and Lily Allen.

 

 

“Late Night with Seth Meyers”Matthew Rhys, and the Wild Feathers.

 

 

“Letterman”Barbara Walters, Elle Fanning, and Randy Houser.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Emily Blunt, Daymond John, and the Birds of Satan.

 

 

“Carson Daly”Allison Tolman, The Preatures, and I Am the Avalanche.

 

 

“Arsenio”Randy Jackson, Jackie Fabulous, Kym Whitley, Lil Jon, and Jermaine Dupri.

 

 

“Conan”Jonah Hill, Lupita Nyong’o, and the John Butler Trio.  (Repeat)

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Carrie Ann Inaba, Brad Trackman, and Keb’ Mo’.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Jason Priestly.

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Blondie.

 

 

“The Colbert Report”Keri Russell.

Five Random Facts For Wednesday

1.  Americans bought more wine than the French last year, for the first time in history.

 

 

2.  Cats can actually survive drinking ocean water.  Their kidneys can filter out the salt and use the water for hydration . . . our kidneys can’t.

 

 

3.  Tinder, OkCupid, and Match.com are all owned by the same company . . . it’s called IAC/InterActive Corp.

 

 

4.  After “Top Gun” came out, the number of men joining the Navy to become Naval pilots went up 500%.

 

 

5.  If all of the gold in the world was melted down, it would fit into just 3.27 Olympic swimming pools.

 

 

(Yahoo / Buzzfeed / Wikipedia / Wikipedia / Forbes)

People Are 230% More Likely to Share a Cat Photo Than a Dog Photo

There’s an app where you share photos of your pets, called Klooff.  And according to their stats, CAT photos are shared 230% more than DOG photos . . . and puppy photos get shared 170% more than photos of adult dogs.

(Time)

 

The 10 Smells That Transport Us Back to Childhood

1.  Fresh-cut grass.

 

2.  Pencil shavings.

 

3.  Baby powder.

 

4.  Vicks vapor rub and other cold and cough medicines.

 

5.  Play-Doh.

 

6.  Cotton candy.

 

7.  Bonfires.

 

8.  Suntan lotion.

 

9.  French fries.

 

10.  An old lady’s perfume that reminds you of your grandma.  (Mid Devon Gazette)

The Ten Most Ridiculous Complaints at Hotels . . . Like the Sheets Being Too White, and the Ice Cream Being Too Cold

A new survey asked hotel staff around the world to name the most ridiculous complaints they’ve heard.  Some of the best ones are:  “The sheets are too white” . . . “the ice cream you served is too cold” . . . “my girlfriend wouldn’t stop snoring so I couldn’t get to sleep” . . . and “my dog didn’t like his stay.”

1.  “The sheets are too white.”

 

2.  “The sea is too blue.”

 

3.  “The ice cream you served is too cold.”

 

4.  “The bathtub is too big.”

 

5.  “My girlfriend wouldn’t stop snoring so I couldn’t get to sleep.”

 

6.  “My dog didn’t like his stay.”

 

7.  “The hotel didn’t have an ocean view” . . . but the hotel was landlocked.

 

8.  “There’s no steak on the vegetarian menu.”

 

9.  “The waiter was too handsome.”

 

10.  “The mother of the groom didn’t get the honeymoon suite.”  (Daily Mail)

A Woman in Texas Found a 12-Foot Python in Her Bathtub

A 50-year-old woman in Texas heard some noises in her bathroom last week . . . and found a 12-FOOT AFRICAN PYTHON in her bathtub.  Somehow it had gotten into her house, so police and animal control managed to get it out . . . using a big TRASH CAN.

(College Station Eagle

 

Miranda Cosgrove is 21“iCarly” star who got her start on “Drake & Josh”.  In 2010 she signed a contract in the “low- to mid-seven-figure range” to do 26 more episodes of “iCarly”.  She also dropped her debut album that year.  Now she’s doing movies and studying at the University of Southern California.

 

 

Mark Zuckerberg is 30.  The Harvard punk who started Facebook out of his dorm room.  His net worth is approximately $25.3 BILLION.

 

Related Comedy:  Mark Zuckerberg turns 30 today.  So whenever you feel like your life is going nowhere, think of the guy who, before he was 30, founded a multibillion dollar company, had an Oscar-winning movie made about his life, and changed the way humans interact with each other . . . and realize you’re right.

 

 

Amber Tamblyn is 31.  Angus T. Jones’ “Two and a Half Men” replacement, Charlie’s long-lost lesbian daughter.  You also remember her from “Joan of Arcadia”, “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” and “House”.

 

(She’s married to 50-year-old “Arrested Development” clown-ass David Cross.)

 

And her father is Russ Tamblyn, star of “West Side Story”, “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”, and the Japanese monster classic, “War of the Gargantuas”!  Don’t laugh at “War of the Gargantuas”.  Brad Pitt name-checked it at the 2012 Oscars!

 

 

“Game of Thrones” minx Indira Varma is 41.  She’s Oberyn’s woman Ellaria Sand.  You might also remember her from “Rome” . . . AND a 1996 “Kama Sutra” movie.

 

 

Shanice is 41.  Early ’90s two-hit wonder.  She gave us “I Love Your Smile” and “Saving Forever For You”.  These days she’s hanging out under the Rock of Obscurity with the ladies of SWV and En Vogue.

 

 

Gabriel Mann is 42.  Nolan Ross on ABC’s “Revenge”.

Sofia Coppola is 43.  Does her critically-acclaimed directing on “Lost In Translation” make up for her critically-lambasted acting as Mary Corleone in “Godfather 3″?

 

 

Cate Blanchett is 45.  Beautiful Aussie who played Queen Elizabeth in “Elizabeth”, Katharine Hepburn in “The Aviator” and the Elf Queen in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy.  She’s back as the elf queen Galadriel in the “Hobbit” movies.

 

 

DANNY WOOD is 45.  The “FUGLY” one from the New Kids on the Block!

 

 

Tony Siragusa is 47.  Extra-chubby former NFL player.  Now he’s an extra-chubby annoying sideline reporter.

 

 

FABRICE MORVAN is 48.  The living Milli Vanilli!

 

 

Mike Inez is 48.  Played bass guitar for Ozzy Osbourne, Alice in Chains, Slash’s Snakepit, Black Label Society . . . and the most hardcore group of all, HEART.  (Seriously.  He played bass for the ladies of Heart in 2003 and 2004.)

 

 

Raphael Saadiq is 48.  One third of Tony! Toni! Tone!  It sure feels good to me.

 

 

Suzy Kolber is 50.  Sideline reporter who once got sexually harassed on camera by a hammered Joe Namath.  He could “care less if the team is strug-a-ling,” he just wanted to kiss her!  (You can see that amazingness here.)

 

 

Cecil “C.C.” DeVille is 52.  Poison guitarist and “Surreal Life” superstar.  “Pick-up that guitar and, uh, talk to me.”

 

 

Ian Astbury is 52.  The Cult.  And that blasphemous new version of The Doors.

 

 

Tim Roth is 53“Reservoir Dogs”, “Pulp Fiction”, “Planet of the Apes” and “The Incredible Hulk”.

Tom Cochrane is 61“Life is a Highway”!  The best Canadian singer EVER.  That’s right, Bryan Adams, Justin Bieber, and Celine Dion.  I said it.

 

 

David Byrne is 62.  Talking Heads singer.

 

 

Robert Zemeckis is 63.  Directed “Forrest Gump”, the “Back to the Future” trilogy, “Romancing the Stone”, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, “Cast Away”, “The Polar Express”, “Beowulf” and the animated version of “A Christmas Carol”.

 

 

GEORGE LUCAS is 70“Star Wars” and “Indiana Jones” legend . . . who spent the past few decades doing everything he possibly can to DESTROY his legacy before selling it to Disney.

 

 

Bobby Darin  (1936 – 1973“Splish Splash”, “Beyond the Sea”, “If I Were A Carpenter” and “Mack The Knife”.

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 4 days to the Billboard Awards

• 9 days to Days of Future Past

• 9 days to Memorial Day Weekend

• 32 days to Father’s Day

• 51 days to Independence Day

• 982 days left of “Hope and Change”

178 years ago . . . In 1836, CHARLES CHARLESWORTH died of old age . . . even though he was only SEVEN.  By age four, Charles was growing whiskers and body hair.

 

 

Within the next three years, he reached sexual maturity, his hair turned white, and his skin became wrinkled.  (It’s kind of like that Robin Williams movie “Jack”, but with way fewer hi-larious sound effects and random impressions.)

 

 

136 years ago . . . In 1878, lonely chemist Robert Chesebrough registered the trademark VASELINE for his new petroleum jelly.

 

 

66 years ago . . . In 1948, British rule in PALESTINE came to an end, and the independent state of ISRAEL was proclaimed at 12:01 the following day.

 

The next day, Arabs from Palestine and neighboring countries attacked Israel, but the Israelis defeated them, capturing almost all of Palestine.  The Arabs then set up refugee camps in Gaza and the West Bank where they remain today.

 

 

38 years ago . . . In 1976, former YARDBIRDS singer KEITH RELF was electrocuted and died in his home.  Legend has it that he was tuning his guitar in the bathtub . . . but he was actually in his basement playing that guitar . . . using a poorly-grounded amp.

 

 

25 years ago . . . In 1989, “Family Ties” aired its final episode after seven years on NBC.  The show launched MICHAEL J. FOX and, more importantly, TINA YOTHERS.

 

 

22 years ago . . . In 1992, LYLE ALZADO . . . an NFL stud who became an actor after his playing career . . . died of brain cancer at age 43.  It was brought on by STEROIDS.  Lyle was one of the first athletes to admit using them.

18 years ago . . . In 1996, MELANIE GRIFFITH married the en fuego ANTONIO BANDERAS.  Today is their 18th anniversary.  He remains as handsome as ever.  Meanwhile, she has destroyed her face with plastic surgery in a misguided effort to remain beautiful.  Priorities, people.

 

 

16 years ago . . . In 1998, “Seinfeld” aired its final episode after nine years on NBC.  Most people hated the final episode.  The cast finally reunited on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” to give the show a true, proper send-off.

 

(Personally, I was 100% in favor of the “Seinfeld” finale.  These were the four most horrible characters in the history of television.  And yes, I’m counting the lizard people from “V”.  They didn’t belong anywhere BUT prison.)

 

 

16 years ago . . . In 1998, FRANK SINATRA died from a heart attack at age 82.  His final words were “I’m losing.”

 

 

16 years ago . . . in 1998, GEORGE MICHAEL pleaded no contest in the Beverly Hills Municipal Court to committing a deliciously lewd act in a park restroom.  He was fined $810, given 80 hours of community service, and ordered to undergo counseling.

 

 

11 years ago . . . In 2003, ROBERT STACK, the man whose deep voice and gravitas MADE “Unsolved Mysteries” so incredible, died of a heart attack at age 84.

 

 

10 years ago . . . In 2004, GWYNETH PALTROW and CHRIS MARTIN had a baby girl.  They gave her one of those classically-terrible celebrity baby names:  APPLE.

 

 

Eight years ago . . . In 2006, “The West Wing” and “Malcolm in the Middle” both went off the air for good.  “Malcolm” ran on Fox for seven seasons.  “The West Wing” ran on NBC for seven seasons.

 

 

Six years ago . . . In 2008, the U.S. listed the polar bear as a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act.

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