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Miley Cyrus Wishes She Could Grab Her Crotch and Have “Hos” Around Her Without Being Criticized 

In the new issue of “Elle” magazine, MILEY CYRUS says she’s lucky to have emerged from Disney to find herself . . . quote, “A lot of kid stars get all crazy or stuck in what they were, so they can’t actually become what they’re meant to be.”  She also claims she’s the victim of a double standard because she can’t grab her crotch and have “hos” around her without being criticized like male musicians supposedly can.

Kanye West Raps About Impregnating His “Trophy Wife” Kim Kardashian in Future’s “I Won” 

KANYE WEST raps about KIM KARDASHIAN on FUTURE’S new song “I Won”.  He talks about “putting an angel in [Kim's] ultrasound” and wanting to “dip that ass in gold”.  He also sucks up to the rest of her family, saying, quote, “You could look at Kylie, Kendall, Kourtney and Khloe . . . All your mama ever made was trophies, right?”

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  JENNIFER ANISTON sports a gnarly facial scar for her upcoming movie “Cake”.  She plays, quote, “a grieving mother suffering from chronic pain in the aftermath of a fatal car accident.”

 

 

 

2.  Check out a gallery of eight makeup-free celebrities.

 

 

 

3.  BEYONCÉ wears a Marilyn Monroe wig and gives herself a hand bra for “Out” magazine.

 

 

 

4.  We’ve seen better cleavage from KATE UPTON, but with Kate, even a little is enough.

 

 

 

5.  Check out some bathing suit pics of SOFIA VERGARA from 1992, when she was 20 years old.  These were taken four months after she gave birth to her son Manolo.

 

 

 

6.  DIDDY was photographed playing soccer with his kids . . . and, for some reason, handing them cash.

7.  JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS is NAKED on the cover of this week’s “Rolling Stone”.

 

 

 

8.  PHARRELL’S giant hat comes in many colors(And here’s video of WWE legend THE IRON SHEIK wearing a version of it while discussing THE UNDERTAKER’S shocking loss at Wrestlemania.)

 

 

 

9.  Here’s a gallery of celebrities with their pets, including Amanda Seyfried, Ian Somerhalder, Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry.

 

 

 

10.  Click through this gallery to see ORLANDO BLOOM with plumber’s crack.

 

 

 

11.  RUMER WILLIS in a bodysuit?  Yeah, it totally works.

 

 

 

12.  KALEY CUOCO’S husband posted a bikini photo of his wife on Instagram.

 

 

 

13.  In addition to nailing MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ, model CARA DELEVINGNE is known for her dark, thick eyebrows.  But when she was a baby, they were so light, you couldn’t even see them.

Seven Tweets That Celebrities Probably Regret 

Someone put together a rundown of “The Most Regrettable Celebrity Tweets,” and it includes Mary J. Blige Tweeting about her “intelligents,” which was spelled with a “t-s” at the end . . . Katy Perry Tweeting about a zit . . . and Kourtney Kardashian wondering if boy ants have male genitalia.

1.  Mary J. Blige once Tweeted, quote, “Why is that people always try to understand estimate my intelligents?!  They should never do that!”  (???)

 

The barely readable grammar may have been due to an “auto-correct” mistake . . . but she also spelled intelligence with a “t-s” at the end.

 

 

2.  Katy Perry once Tweeted, quote, “Hope this massive zit on the back of my necks a good luck sign 4 2night.”

 

 

3.  Kourtney Kardashian once Tweeted, quote, “Do ants have [penises]?”  She actually used the D-word, though.

 

 

4.  Jaden Smith once Tweeted, quote, “How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren’t Real?”  Apparently, this was his attempt at being “deep.”

5.  Susan Boyle once Tweeted, quote, “Susan will be answering your questions at her exclusive album listening party on Saturday.  Send in your questions.  #susanalbumparty.”

 

People with dirty, immature minds . . . like us . . . read it as “Sue’s Anal Bum Party.”

 

 

6.  Rapper Lil Jon once Tweeted, quote, “Was rushin home to take a dump and got caught behind a school bus droppin kids off!!  Longest 30 mins of my lifffeeee!!”  For even bigger effect, that was written in all caps.

 

 

(Careful)  7.  Jessica Simpson once Tweeted, quote, “Dear elderly man at the gym:  It’s hard 4 me 2 keep composure whist punching at chipmunk speed when ur ball sack spills out of ur wind shorts.”

Did a Hot Hollywood Club Refuse to Let Jennie Garth’s Friends Enter Because They’re Black? 

JENNIE GARTH claims a Hollywood club called DBA wouldn’t let her friends in because they are black.  The club and a paparazzi photographer say they were actually just told to wait in line like everyone else, and left because they didn’t want to.

Kirstie Alley Says Her “Circus Fat” Comment Was a Jab at Herself . . . Not Other Chubbies 

 

 

In a new Jenny Craig ad, KIRSTIE ALLEY says she’s overweight, but she’s not CIRCUS fat . . . and that upset some people, who thought she was mocking people who weigh more than she does.

 

 

But she says RELAX . . . she wasn’t talking about YOU, she was talking about herself.

 

 

On “Rachael Ray” yesterday, she said, quote, “I’m talking about myself.  I think I can call myself whatever I want to call myself . . . I do say things like that.  I mean, I say them to myself when I look in the mirror.”  (Scroll down here for video.)

Did Justin Bieber Get It On With a Candy-Coated Lady in Miami? 

 

 

Last December, JUSTIN BIEBER reportedly called a woman a BEACHED WHALE at a hotel pool in Australia.  But maybe he’s had a change of heart about the CANDY-COATED LADIES.

 

 

Because he was photographed on his hotel balcony in Miami getting loved up on from behind by a SEXY, CERTIFIED BBW.  (Check out the pics here and here.)

The New Season of “Game of Thrones” Will Stray from the Books a Little 

HBO’s “Game of Thrones” has stayed mostly faithful to the books, but that’s going to change a little this season.  MAISIE WILLIAMS, who plays Arya Stark, says, quote, “I think fans of the books will be a little confused, which I think is fantastic because it keeps it interesting for everyone.”

Ratings for the ACMs, “Game of Thrones”, and the Finales of “How I Met Your Mother” and “Wonderland”

The final numbers for the “How I Met Your Mother” series finale put it at sixth place in the ratings with 13.1 million viewers.  Despite all the outrage about how it ended, that was still the show’s highest rated episode ever.

Here are last week’s Top 10 shows:

 

1.  “The Big Bang Theory”, CBS, 17.7 million viewers.

 

2.  “NCIS “, CBS, 17.2 million viewers.

 

3.  “NCIS: Los Angeles”, CBS, 15.3 million viewers.

4.  “Academy of Country Music Awards”, CBS, 14.2 million viewers.

 

5.  “Dancing with the Stars”, ABC, 14.1 million viewers.

 

6.  The series finale of “How I Met Your Mother”, CBS, 13.1 million viewers.

 

7.  Monday’s episode of “The Voice”, NBC, 12.3 million viewers.

 

8.  Tuesday’s episode of “The Voice”, NBC, 11.9 million viewers.

 

9.  “Blue Bloods”, CBS, 11.7 million viewers.

 

10.  “Person of Interest”, CBS, 11.5 million viewers.

Wednesday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Deadbeat” [Series Premiere] on Hulu.  Tyler Labine from “Tucker & Dale vs. Evil” is a guy who actually talks to dead people and Cat Deeley is a famous psychic who’s secretly faking it.  All the episodes hit the internet at midnight.

 

 

“American Idol” [Performance Show] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.  The Top 8 perform songs from the ’80s.

 

 

“Deal With It” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on TBS.  Kendall and Kylie Jenner are helping to guide this week’s pranks.

 

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon”Jennifer Garner, Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, and Stevie Nicks.

 

 

“Late Night with Seth Meyers”Denis Leary, Thomas Middleditch from HBO’s “Silicon Valley”, and Fitz and the Tantrums.

 

 

“Letterman”Lindsay Lohan and 13-year-old Jamie Edwards, the youngest person to ever create nuclear fusion.  Music Guest: Real Estate.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Kate Upton, Cole Hauser (“Transcendence”), and Neon Trees.

 

 

“Carson Daly”“Transcendence” director Wally Pfister.  Plus:  Jake Bugg and A Sliver of Light.

 

 

“Arsenio”Tracy Morgan and Nick Cannon.

 

 

“Conan”Andy Garcia, Jenna Elfman, and Ingrid Michaelson.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Sharon Osbourne and race car driver Tony Kanaan.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Sebastian Stan from “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”.

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Colin Firth.

 

 

“The Colbert Report” – Facebook’s chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg.

 

Five Random Facts For Wednesday

1.  A study found that if a woman is hitchhiking, she’ll get picked up faster if she has larger breasts.  The larger the breasts, the faster someone stops.  SHOCKING!

 

 

2.  People were busted trying to mail a total of 45,000 pounds of marijuana through the U.S. postal service in 2013.  That’s up from 42,000 pounds in 2012.

 

 

3.  The cheeseburger was invented in 1926 at a restaurant called the Rite Spot in Pasadena, California.  The owner’s 16-year-old son randomly threw cheese onto a patty on the grill.  Then they added it to their menu . . . but called it a “cheese hamburger.”

 

 

4.  More men are injured on bikes by having their genitals crunch on the top bar than by falling off and hitting the road.  Maybe instead of a helmet, you should wear a cup?

 

 

5.  The most dangerous job is . . . cell phone tower worker.  About 10,000 people work as tower climbers in the U.S. . . . and there were 19 deaths since the beginning of 2013.  That’s the highest rate of any job.

 

 

(Discover / U.S. News & World Report / Huffington Post / Reuters / Pacific Standard)

Check Out the “Alphabet Burger” . . . a Burger With One Topping For Every Letter of the Alphabet

A guy from the website DudeFoods.com just put together the “Alphabet Burger” . . . it’s a hamburger with 26 different toppings, one for each letter of the alphabet.  That includes things like fish sticks, a Krispy Kreme donut, mac and cheese, veal parmesan, yams, and zucchini.

(Shortlist

The Average Adult Drops $640 on Their Own Birthday Party?

A new survey found the average adult drops $640 on their OWN birthday party.  That’s for a milestone birthday, like your 30th.  The biggest costs are food, a venue, decorations, transportation, and alcohol.  Men spend an average of $110 more than women.

 

$152 on food, including a cake.

 

$110 on a venue and decorations.

 

$105 on transportation and possibly a place to stay.

 

$96 on alcohol.

 

$76 on something to wear.

 

$65 on entertainment.

 

$36 on gifts to give the guests.

 

 

Men spend an average of $110 more than women . . . and that mostly goes into more alcohol.  (Daily Mail)

The Most Popular Lucky Number in the World Is . . . Seven

A new worldwide poll asked more than 44,000 people to name their lucky number . . . and SEVEN was the post popular answer.  The rest of the top five most popular numbers were three, eight, four, and five.

(The Guardian)

 

What’s the Most Important Thing You Should Be Doing That You Aren’t?

1.  Saving money for retirement.

 

 

2.  Taking better care of your teeth, especially flossing.

 

 

3.  Backing up your computer and phone regularly.  Otherwise you’re just asking to lose your important files and all your photos.

 

 

4.  Keeping your eyes open for other jobs, even if you’re happy.  The best time to find a job is when you already have one.

 

 

5.  Stop beating yourself up and start taking little daily steps toward fixing whatever’s bothering you the most.  (Reddit)

A Guy is Suing His Mother’s Nursing Home For Hiring Male Strippers

:  A nursing home on Long Island is being sued . . . for hiring MALE STRIPPERS to perform for the residents last year.  There’s a photo of an 85-year-old woman shoving money into one of the strippers’ underwear . . . and when her son saw it in January, he flipped out.

(New York Post

Almost One in Four People Has a Tattoo . . . Are They Still Rebellious?

According to a new survey, almost one out of four Americans has a tattoo . . . so are they still REBELLIOUS?  49% of people say YES, people with tattoos are more rebellious.  Only 4% say people with tattoos are less rebellious.

(Harris Interactive)

 

The Six-Hour Workday May Soon Become a Reality . . . But Not in the U.S.

 

 

Here’s one of those stories that reminds you how much better it would be at a nice, lazy European job than a hard-driving American job.  In Sweden, there’s a push to shorten the standard workday from eight hours down to SIX HOURS.

 

 

The city of Gothenburg is testing it out.  They believe a six-hour workday would cut down on sick days, make people more efficient, and ultimately save the country money.

 

 

If the six-hour workday goes well in Gothenburg, there’s a chance it could spread to the entire country.  Spoiler alert:  It will NEVER spread to the U.S.  (The Local)

 

 

 

 

 

You Check Your Phone 103 Times a Day

 

 

You really DO spend your life staring at a tiny screen in your hand.  A new study found the average person checks their phone 103 TIMES a day.  Every day.  That’s approximately once every nine minutes you’re awake.

 

 

The study also found 70% of people say the first thing they do in the morning and last thing they do at night is check their phone.  (FemaleFirst)

Jackie Evancho is 14.  Jackie blew the judges away with her rendition of “Ave Maria” a few seasons ago on “America’s Got Talent” and she now has three studio albums under her belt.  What were YOU doing at fourteen?

 

 

Isaac Hempstead Wright is 15.  Bran Stark on “Game of Thrones”.  He’s the one who’s crippled because he caught Cersei having incestuous relations with her brother.

 

 

Elle Fanning is 16.  Dakota Fanning’s little sister.  She plays Princess Aurora in Angelina Jolie’s Sleeping Beauty movie “Maleficent” next month.  She was also in “Super 8″, “We Bought a Zoo”, and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.

 

 

Kristen Stewart is 24.  Bella in the “Twilight” movies and Joan Jett in “The Runaways”.  She also wields a sword . . . and breaks up marriages . . . as Snow White in “Snow White and the Huntsman”.

 

 

Jesse McCartney is 27.  Manufactured pop “star” from the WB show “Summerland”.  He was also the voice of Theodore in the “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movies, Tinkerbell’s friend Terence in the “Tinkerbell” films, and Robin on “Young Justice”.

 

 

Leighton Meester is 28“Gossip Girl” minx.  She was also Gwyneth Paltrow’s opening act in “Country Strong”, and the psycho stalker in “The Roommate”.

Jay Baruchel is 32“This Is the End”, “She’s Out of My League”, “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”, AND “How to Train Your Dragon”.  You’d also remember him as Sandusky in “Tropic Thunder” . . . and he’s the head of OmniCorp marketing in the “Robocop” remake.

Keshia Knight Pulliam is 35.  Little Rudy Huxtable on “The Cosby Show” . . . and the always-classic HOOKER WITH THE HEART OF GOLD in “Madea Goes to Jail”(Check out her Instagram for a look at just how well little Rudy has grown-up.)

 

 

Katsumi is 35.  French mattress actress with Asiatic features who changed her name to Katsuni . . . with an N . . . after being sued by some random chick.  She’s starred in 382 fine films, include “French ConneXion”, “China Vagina”, and “Pu-Tang Dynasty”.

 

 

Albert Hammond, Jr. is 35.  Well-afroed pretty-boy from The Strokes.  His dad is Albert Hammond, Sr., who gave us the jam “It Never Rains In Southern California”.

 

 

Rachel Stevens is 36.  One of the hottest dames in England.

 

 

Jenna Jameson is 40.  Back in porn after a long LAY-off . . . and star of 167 fine films, including . . . “Vajenna”, “Jawbreakers”, “Rump Rangers”, “Philmore Butts:  Taking Care of Business” AND “Fire Down Below”!

 

Cynthia Nixon is 48.  Redheaded Miranda on “Sex and the City”.  In real life, she’s a very DEDICATED BISEXUAL with a very sexy female life partner.  These days she’s got recurring roles on “Hannibal” and the Amazon.com series “Alpha House”.

 

 

Mark Pellegrino is 49.  Jacob on “Lost”, Lucifer on “Supernatural”, and Bishop the vampire on SyFy’s “Being Human”.  Now he’s on the CW’s “Tomorrow People”.

Paulina Porizkova is 49.  Homely supermodel nailed by handsome Ric Ocasek.

 

 

Dennis Quaid is 60.  Russell Crowe nailed his wife . . . real good.

 

 

Hal Ketchum is 61.  Country singer.  Biggest hits:  “Small Town Saturday Night”, “Past the Point of Rescue”, and “Hearts Are Gonna Roll”.

 

 

Hugh Hefner is 88.  He allows women to “liberate” themselves by posing nude in his magazine so that millions of men can drool over them.  What a feminist!

 

 

Carl Perkins  (1932 – 1998)  Rock & Roll Hall of Famer / rockabilly legend who wrote “Blue Suede Shoes”.

 

 

Gregory Pincus  (1903 – 1967)  Genius who invented the birth control pill in 1955.

 

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 6 days until your Taxes are Due

• 11 days to Easter Sunday

• 14 days to Secretary’s Day

• 32 days to Mother’s Day

• 67 days to Father’s Day

• 1,017 days left of “Hope and Change”

267 years ago . . . In 1747, the LAST BEHEADING took place on England’s Tower Hill.  The victim was one Lord Lovat, a chubby rebel who had asked to be hanged.

 

Just before the execution, though, the gallows collapsed from the weight of his girth, KILLING 20 PEOPLE . . . so they had to chop off Lovat’s succulent head.

 

 

149 years ago . . . In 1865, the CIVIL WAR ENDED as Confederate General ROBERT E. LEE surrendered to Union General ULYSSES S. GRANT at Appomattox Court House in Virginia.

 

 

61 years ago . . . In 1953, Warner Brothers premiered the first 3-D MOVIE.  It was “House of Wax” starring VINCENT PRICE.

43 years ago . . . In 1970, PAUL MCCARTNEY quit THE BEATLES.

 

 

35 years ago . . . In 1979, at the 51st Academy Awards, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN won Best Supporting Actor for “The Deer Hunter”, which was that year’s Best Picture.

 

The DONNA SUMMER smash “Last Dance” from the fantastic film “Thank God It’s Friday” got the Oscar for Best Original Song.

 

 

30 years ago . . . In 1984, at the 56th Academy Awards, “D.C. Cab” superstar IRENE CARA’S “Flashdance . . . What A Feeling” from the movie “Flashdance” deservedly won the Best Song Oscar.

 

 

25 years ago . . . In 1989, ALABAMA was named Artist of the Decade by the Academy of Country Music.

25 years ago . . . In 1989, 52-YEAR-OLD BILL WYMAN of the ROLLING STONES announced he was going to marry 19-YEAR-OLD Mandy Smith.  He also revealed that he’d been dating her since she was 13.

 

Wyman divorced the girl when she grew too old for him . . . two years later.  Not long after, Wyman’s son started nailing Mandy’s MOM!  She was a MILF!

 

 

22 years ago . . . In 1992, Peen-chee Panamanian pock-faced pen-day-ho MANUEL NORIEGA was convicted on drug and racketeering charges.  He surrendered to U.S. invasion forces after a bloody Panama battle in January of 1990.

 

 

21 years ago . . . In 1993, the COLORADO ROCKIES played their first game and drew a record National League crowd of 80,227 fans.

 

 

17 years ago . . . In 1997, A&M Records issued a press release stating that the members of SOUNDGARDEN had decided to break up.  It was a mutual break-up.  And they decided to still be friends.  (They’re back together now.)

 

 

Nine years ago . . . In 2005, CAMILLA PARKER BOWLES became one of the most powerful women in England when she married Prince Charles in a low-key, 25-minute civil ceremony at Windsor’s town hall.

 

(The couple went on to spend a raucous night consummating the marriage by, quite LITERALLY, “bumping uglies”.)

 

 

Two years ago . . . In 2012, “The Lion King” overtook “The Phantom of the Opera” as the highest grossing Broadway show of all time.

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