Your daily dose of Whatever!!
Lindsay Lohan Suffered a Miscarriage While Filming Her Reality Show
On the finale of her reality show last night, LINDSAY LOHAN revealed that she suffered a MISCARRIAGE during filming. She didn’t say who the father was. But she said, quote, “No one knows this, I had a miscarriage for those two weeks that I took off. It’s a very long story, but that’s why on the show when it says she doesn’t want to come down, I couldn’t move, I was sick. Mentally, that messes with you.”
As you probably know, the show airs on Oprah’s TV channel OWN. It’s not clear why Dina needed Oprah to call her . . . or if Oprah feels any urgency whatsoever when Dina “demands” a call from her.
Jon Hamm Would Like You to Stop Talking About His Penis, Please
JON HAMM tells “Men’s Fitness” magazine that he wants people to stop talking about his giant package . . . quote, “Would you want people walking up to you and pointing at your [junk]? I can’t believe I’m still talking about this . . . The fact that I’m painted as this exhibitionist is a little annoying.” But he adds, quote, “It is what it is. If I get mad at it I’ll look like a douchebag.”
For a Nude Scene With Kevin Spacey in “House of Cards”, Kate Mara Wore Kevin Spacey Pasties . . . But Kevin Didn’t Crack
KATE MARA tried to prank KEVIN SPACEY during a nude scene on their show “House of Cards” by wearing pasties with his face on them. But he didn’t crack. She says, quote, “Because Kevin wants to win whatever the game is and because he always wins, he did not laugh. He waited until the director said ‘Cut’ and then he laughed.”
In the 12 Years Enrique Iglesias Has Been Dating Anna Kournikova, His Father Has Never Met Her
If you think YOU never see your parents, check this out: ENRIQUE IGLESIAS has been dating ANNA KOURNIKOVA for 12 years . . . and his father JULIO IGLESIAS still hasn’t met her.
Enrique says, quote, “The last 14 years, 15 years of my life have flown by. And that’s the only way I can truly explain it. There’s no reason why . . . it’s not his fault, and it’s not my fault.”
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
2. If there’s any child who doesn’t have the slightest chance at a normal life, it’s the one TILA TEQUILA is currently carrying in her womb. No word on the dad, by the way.
3. Better enjoy OLIVIA WILDE’S baby bump while you still can. She’s due in two weeks.
5. MARIAH CAREY and NICK CANNON tried to get all cute for Easter.
7. Either this horse is really tired, really friendly . . . or he’s just over all this new obsession with KALEY CUOCO. (Seriously, all she had to do was admit she has breast implants, and suddenly we can’t escape her.)
8. (NC-17) Here’s an old picture of TUPAC in just a Speedo . . . with VISIBLE PUBES.
9. I like ZACHARY QUINTO as the new Spock. I don’t think Leonard Nimoy would look as good NAKED in his pool.
The White House Will Not Deport Justin Bieber
Even though more than enough people signed that WhiteHouse.gov petition to deport JUSTIN BIEBER to require the White House to respond, they decided to pass the buck. They said they WON’T be commenting, basically because it’s not their department.
Jon Hamm Thinks Young Celebrities Need to Learn How to Wash Dishes?
JON HAMM thinks today’s young celebrities could stand to learn some life lessons . . . quote, “Life skills are something we’re missing. There used to be a class that kids had to take in high school called home economics, which was cooking and sewing and just [crap] you needed to learn in life.”
Miley Cyrus Has Canceled the Rest of Her Tour
MILEY CYRUS is still recovering from her “extreme allergic reaction” to antibiotics . . . and on Friday, she announced that she’s canceling the remaining dates of her U.S. tour.
But she’s planning on going ahead with the European leg of the tour, which begins on May 2nd in Amsterdam. Last week, Miley’s people said this type of reaction could take up to a month to recover from.
Meanwhile, Miley posted a picture of herself wearing a “duck face” oxygen mask.
Miley Cyrus Told Dolly Parton She Had to “Murder” Hannah Montana
When MILEY CYRUS decided that she needed to separate herself from Disney, she confided in her godmother, DOLLY PARTON.
Dolly says, quote, “One day, she’d had enough and told me: ‘I need to murder Hannah Montana in order for people to accept who I really am.’ I think she felt she had to make that severe a change. And she obviously did.”
But Dolly adds that she doesn’t want Miley’s antics to, quote, “overshadow her talent.”
“Captain America” Is #1 for a Third Straight Week
GREG KINNEAR’S religious movie “Heaven is for Real” had the best opening over the Easter weekend, with $21.5 million in third place. That’s nearly double the disappointing opening of the new JOHNNY DEPP movie “Transcendence”.
Meanwhile, “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” was #1 for a third straight week, after earning another $26.6 million. Here are this week’s Top 10 movies:
1. “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, $26.6 million. Up to $202 million in its 3rd week.
2. “Rio 2″, $22.5 million. Up to $75.4 million in its 2nd week.
3. (NEW) “Heaven is for Real”, $21.5 million. Up to $28.5 million since Wednesday.
4. (NEW) “Transcendence”, $11.2 million.
5. (NEW) “A Haunted House 2″, $9.1 million.
6. “Draft Day”, $5.9 million. Up to $19.5 million in its 2nd week.
7. “Divergent”, $5.8 million. Up to $134 million in its 5th week.
8. “Oculus”, $5.2 million. Up to $21.2 million in its 2nd week.
9. “Noah”, $5 million. Up to $93.3 million in its 4th week.
10. “God’s Not Dead”, $4.8 million. Up to $48.3 million in its 5th week.
“Bull Durham” Tops a New List of the 101 Greatest Sports Movies
1. “Bull Durham”, 1988
2. “Raging Bull”, 1980
3. “Field of Dreams”, 1989
4. “Rocky”, 1976
5. “A League of Their Own”, 1992
6. “Hoosiers”, 1986
7. “Breaking Away”, 1979
8. “Hoop Dreams”, 1994
9. “Eight Men Out”, 1988
10. “Chariots of Fire”, 1981
Monday TV Reminders:
• “The Voice” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. The Top 12 perform live.
• “Dancing with the Stars” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.
• The fifth season finale of “Archer” . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on FX.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Christina Hendricks, Brian Williams, and “Top Chef” winner Ilan Hall.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – John McCain, Billy Eichner, and Jason Derulo.
• “Letterman” – Courteney Cox, Jimmie Walker, and Christina Perri.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Katy Perry, Billy Bob Thornton, and Chromeo.
• “Carson Daly” – Nick Frost, Lucius, and White Sea.
• “Arsenio” – “Wild” Bill Wichrowski & Johnathan Hillstrand, captains of the Kodiak and Time Bandit on “The Deadliest Catch”.
• “Conan” – Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emmy Rossum, and Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings. (Repeat)
• “Craig Ferguson” – George Lopez and actress Ari Graynor.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Bob Saget sit down with guest host Khloe Kardashian.
• “Jon Stewart” – EPA administrator Gina McCarthy.
Five Random Facts For Monday
1. Carrots are actually bad for rabbits and can cause health problems. But because of Bugs Bunny, pretty much everyone thinks rabbits love carrots.
2. The most popular night for first dates is Wednesday. The least popular is Sunday.
3. There’s a law in Bakersfield, California that requires you to wear a condom if you have sex with SATAN.
4. DR. DRE didn’t know EMINEM was white until they met in person. Dre says he was happy when he found out because, quote, “it was so different.”
5. It only takes an income of $34,000-a-year to be one of the 1% richest people in the world . . . but to be in the top 1% of the U.S., you need to make at least $370,000-a-year.
A Family in Tennessee Found a Dead Body During an Easter Egg Hunt
A woman in Tennessee set up an Easter egg hunt for her three-year-old son last Wednesday. And while they were looking for eggs in the backyard, they found a DEAD BODY under their deck. It had been there for at least two weeks, and police are still trying to identify the body.
The Top Five Ways to Get Revenge When Someone Dumps You
A new survey found 8% of people want REVENGE when someone dumps them. And the top ways to do it are going out and posting lots of photos to make their new single life look great . . . or trying to have sex with one of their ex’s friends.
1. 25% would try to make their ex upset by going out a lot, and posting photos to make it look like their new single life is going GREAT.
2. 25% would try to have sex with one of their ex’s friends.
3. 20% would post embarrassing or intimate photos of their ex on social media.
4. 20% would remove any trace of their relationship from social media.
5. And 10% would buy stuff on their ex’s credit card.
Women Named Jennifer Are Most Likely to be Gold Diggers
A new survey found that women named Jennifer are the most likely to be GOLD DIGGERS. The rest of the top five most common gold digger names are Jessica, Michelle, Lisa, and Ashley.
A High School Student Asks Miss America to the Prom . . . and Gets Suspended?
An 18-year-old high school student in Pennsylvania asked Miss America to the prom . . . and got SUSPENDED for it. It’s because she was speaking at a school assembly when he walked on stage, gave her a flower, and asked her. She posted on Facebook asking the school to reconsider . . . and to announce she CAN’T go to the prom because of her schedule.
Did Apple Maps Just Find the Loch Ness Monster?
Did Apple Maps just find the LOCH NESS MONSTER? There’s an Apple Maps satellite photo of Loch Ness in Scotland, and it shows a LONG, MYSTERIOUS SHAPE in the water . . . that looks like it has FLIPPERS. The Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club says it’s probably the Monster. Skeptics say it looks like the wake from a boat . . . but there’s no boat in the shot.
A Little Girl Got Frustrated With an Arcade Claw Game . . . So She Crawled Inside and Started Handing Out Toys
A little girl in Florida was playing one of those arcade claw games on Friday, and got frustrated with how hard it was. So she climbed inside through the prize chute, and started handing FREE STUFFED ANIMALS to everyone who passed by.
The 10 Funniest and Least Funny Cities in the U.S.
According to a new study, Chicago is the funniest city in the U.S. The ranking is based on things like comedy clubs per square mile, famous comedians born there, and searches for humor websites. The rest of the top five are Boston . . . Atlanta . . . Washington D.C. . . . and Portland, Oregon.
A Guy Crashed Into a Restaurant Thursday Morning, Then Got Hit by a Train That Night . . . and Survived Both Times
A 26-year-old in Indiana swerved to avoid a pothole Thursday morning, and crashed into a RESTAURANT. Then later that day, he was walking on some train tracks and got hit by a TRAIN. He’s in serious condition, but he’ll live.
Coming Soon . . . Powdered Alcohol
For some reason, the government has approved POWDERED LIQUOR. A company figured out a way to turn vodka, rum, and some mixed drinks into POWDERS . . . you just add water, stir, and you have a drink. You can also use the powders in food . . . or, if you’re insane, SNORT them. They hit stores this fall, and we’re guessing they won’t stay legal very long.
Stupid Photo of the Day: A Minor League Baseball Player’s Face After Getting Hit by a Fastball
Wanna know what it looks like when you get hit in the face by a 90 mile-per-hour fastball? There’s a guy who knows . . . and the photo’s INSANE.
Delino DeShields Jr. is a center fielder for the Houston Astros’ minor league team in Corpus Christi. He was hit in the face with a fastball on Friday, and posted photos from the hospital. And his face is so SWOLLEN, it looks like half of it is falling off his head.
Check Out This Obituary For a Guy Named “Pervert Dave”
I hope one day you’re lucky enough to be immortalized forever as a MASSIVE PERVERT. That’s a life lived well.
There’s an obituary circling around online from last Wednesday’s “Tampa Bay Times” for a guy named David W. Cummings . . . or as the obituary calls him, “PERVERT DAVE.”
Tony Romo is 34. Dallas Cowboys quarterback who gets paid a lot of money to not bring the city any championships. He’s married to Chace Crawford’s sister Candice and they have a son. But his playoff record is still only 1 and 3.
James McAvoy is 35. Scottish guy who starred in “Atonement”, “Wanted”, “The Last Station” and as young Professor X in “X-Men: First Class” and this summer’s “X-Men: Days of Future Past”.
Rob Riggle is 44. Former “SNL” alum who played the police officer who tased Zach Galifinakis’ face in “The Hangover”.
Nicole Sullivan is 44. Adorably sexy ex “MAD TV” and “King of Queens” chubby.
Robert Smith from The Cure is 55.
Andie MacDowell is 56. Oddly sexy minx from “Groundhog Day” and “Four Weddings and a Funeral”.
Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake is 57. WWF superstar of the ’80s. His wrestling career was cut short by a freak accident where an out-of-control parasailor crashed at full speed with her knees into HIS FACE.
TONY DANZA! is 63. Tony on “Taxi”. Tony on “Who’s the Boss”. And Tony on the now-canceled “TONY DANZA SHOW”!
Gary Condit is 66. Ex-Congressman who is most likely adulterous and murderous . . . and was rumored to be COMPLETELY HAIRLESS. (True!)
Iggy Pop is 67.
BIRTHDAY COMEDY: Iggy Pop turns 67 today. Iggy still has a “Lust For Life”, but before he can act on it, he has to take Viagra.
Charles Grodin is 79.
Queen Elizabeth the 2nd is 88. The only thing between Prince Charles and the British throne.
Ken Caminiti (1963 – 2004) Major League Baseball MVP in 1996 who was on “the juice”.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 2 days to Secretary’s Day
• 11 days to Spider Man 2
• 20 days to Mother’s Day
• 32 days to Memorial Day Weekend
• 55 days to Father’s Day
• 1,005 days left of “Hope and Change”
178 years ago . . . In 1836, an army of white Texans led by SAM HOUSTON defeated the brown Mexicans at San Jacinto, assuring Texas independence!
116 years ago . . . In 1898, Bill Duggleby of the Philadelphia Phillies hit a GRAND SLAM in his first major league at bat. He’s one of only three players to ever do that.
101 years ago . . . In 1913, Swedish engineer Gideon Sunback patented the ZIPPER!
96 years ago . . . In 1918, Baron Manfred Von Richthofen, better known as the “RED BARON”, was shot down. He made a perfect landing with a bullet in his chest . . . then died in his plane.
He shot down over 80 enemy planes during the First World War, defeated Snoopy countless times AND he makes a fine frozen pizza.
40 years ago . . . In 1974, DOLLY PARTON and PORTER WAGONER announced they would no longer be performing together.
38 years ago . . . In 1976, THE INCREDIBLE ERIC CARMEN entered the pop chart with his first and biggest solo smash, “ALL BY MYSELF”! It peaked at #2!
34 years ago . . . In 1980, at the BOSTON MARATHON, Rosie Ruiz was the first woman to cross the finish line, but for some reason, she was DISQUALIFIED . . . just because she jumped into the race in the last mile!
One year ago . . . in 2013, CHRISSY AMPHLETT of the Divinyls lost her battle to breast cancer and multiple sclerosis. She was 53. Her final wish was that her song “I Touch Myself” would become a breast cancer awareness anthem . . . and it has.