Your daily dose of Whatever!!
Elton John is Getting Gay Married in May
ELTON JOHN and DAVID FURNISH are getting GAY MARRIED in May. David says, quote, “We don’t feel the need to take an extra step legally. But since we’re committed for life, we feel it’s really important to take that step, and take advantage of that amazing change in legislation. We all live by example.”
Selena Gomez is Wearing a Ring on Her Engagement Finger . . . And Justin Bieber Gave It to Her
SELENA GOMEZ is wearing a ring on her engagement finger that was supposedly a gift from JUSTIN BIEBER. A source says it’s NOT an engagement ring, but they’re back together and serious. Her family is now worried that she’ll, quote, “do something crazy like elope with him.”
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. (NC-17) There’s no ambiguity left as far as the relationship between MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ and CARA DELEVINGNE. They were spotted making out in the ocean in Cancun. Cara was topless.
(The link contains a TON of pictures, and even video. Cara’s boobs are blurred, but it’s still kind of Not-Safe-For-Work-ish.)
2. Apparently, ROSEANNE was trying to channel KIM KARDASHIAN with a “sexy” Twitpic that she captioned, “Hey Kanye.”
3. GEORGE CLOONEY and his new girlfriend went on a double date with JOHN KRASINSKI and EMILY BLUNT.
4. Check out a gallery of celebrities and their stunt doubles.
5. Unless it’s a fake, here’s an old Texas driver’s licence of MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY’S, from back before he was 21.
6. Nothing earth-shattering here . . . just LADY GAGA looking weird and almost naked. She also celebrated her 28th birthday by wiping out in her ridiculous shoes. But at least she got to hang out with James Franco.
7. COURTNEY STODDEN visited the graves of Eva Gabor, Marilyn Monroe and Farrah Fawcett, and took pictures where her giant, fake cans are pointing right at the names on their tombstones.
8. Check out some GIFs that prove that Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nick Jonas and Kristen Stewart make the same face in every picture.
9. A woman had $25,000 worth of plastic surgery to look like JENNIFER LAWRENCE.
10. JOANNA KRUPA’S dress went see-through under the lights of the paparazzi. But at least she was wearing pasties.
11. Someone drew a picture of what the Muppets would look like if they were human. It’s pretty cool.
12. Singer RITA ORA looks as good as you’d think in a Catwoman suit.
Adam Sandler, Jennifer Lawrence, Selena Gomez and One Direction Were Kids Choice Awards Winners
Winners at Saturday night’s Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards included Jennifer Lawrence, Selena Gomez, One Direction, Adam Sandler and Katy Perry. Meanwhile, Austin Mahone, Pharrell, Cody Simpson, Kaley Cuoco and the show’s host, Mark Wahlberg, all got slimed.
A David Hasselhoff Auction Includes a Creepy Oversized Model of The Hoff from the “SpongeBob” Movie
DAVID HASSELHOFF is auctioning off some items from his personal archive next month . . . including a creepy model of himself that was used in the 2004 “SpongeBob SquarePants” movie, his personal KITT car, a KITT golf cart, and some of his clothes.
“Frozen” Is Now the highest-Grossing Animated Movie of All Time
“Frozen” didn’t even make the Top 10 at the box office this weekend, but it did earn enough money to become the HIGHEST-GROSSING ANIMATED MOVIE OF ALL TIME, reaching a total of $1.07 billion worldwide.
1. “Frozen”, $1.07 billion
2. “Toy Story 3″, $1.06 billion
3. “The Lion King”, $987 million
4. “Despicable Me 2″, $971 million
5. “Finding Nemo”, $937 million
6. “Shrek 2″, $920 million
7. “Ice Age: Age of the Dinosaurs”, $887 million
8. “Ice Age: Continental Drift”, $877 million
9. “Shrek the Third”, $799 million
10. “Shrek Forever After”, $753 million
“Noah” Topped the Box Office and Schwarzenegger Bombed
“Noah” made $44 million and easily came in first place at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER’S movie “Sabotage” bombed, earning just $5.3 million in 8th place.
1. (NEW) “Noah”, $44 million.
2. “Divergent”, $26.5 million. Up to $95.3 million in its 2nd week.
3. “Muppets Most Wanted”, $11.4 million. Up to $33.2 million in its 2nd week.
4. “Mr. Peabody & Sherman”, $9.5 million. Up to $94.9 million in its 4th week.
5. “God’s Not Dead”, $9.1 million. Up to $22 million in its 2nd week.
6. “The Grand Budapest Hotel”, $8.8 million. Up to $24.5 million in its 4th week of limited release.
7. (NEW) “Sabotage”, $5.3 million.
8. “Need for Speed”, $4.33 million. Up to $37.8 million in its 3rd week.
9. “300: Rise of an Empire”, $4.3 million. Up to $101 million in its 4th week.
10. “Non-Stop”, $4.1 million. Up to $85.2 million in its 5th week.
Tom Cruise Will Have to Outfly Drones in “Top Gun 2″
It’s still not a guarantee that “Top Gun 2″ will happen, but it’s closer to reality than it’s been in a long time. And according to producer JERRY BRUCKHEIMER, if it happens, it’ll be about TOM CRUISE having to prove himself against DRONES.
He says, quote, “The concept is, basically, are the pilots obsolete because of drones? Cruise is going to show them that they’re not obsolete. They’re here to stay.”
“Top Gun” director TONY SCOTT actually came up with that concept before he committed suicide in 2012. Bruckheimer says getting the movie made depends on getting a budget the studio is happy with and finding time in Cruise’s schedule.
The New “Harry Potter” Spin-Off Will Be a Trilogy
Because nothing can just be a SINGLE MOVIE anymore . . . especially when it’s aimed at the young adult crowd, the new “Harry Potter” spin-off, “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”, will be a TRILOGY.
The movies are described as neither prequels nor sequels. But they’ll take place 70 years before the events in the “Harry Potter” series. They’re about a guy named Newt Scamander, who studies . . . you know . . . fantastic beasts.
Everyone Hates the Most Recent “Bachelor” in Real Life Too
JUAN PABLO GALAVIS was arguably the LEAST popular “Bachelor” ever . . . and now that his season has ended, no one likes him . . . not even in REAL life.
“Us” magazine claims a woman approached Juan Pablo in Atlantic City this weekend . . . threw a drink in his face . . . and called him, quote, “[an effing D-bag].”
Juan Pablo was in town to host some event . . . and apparently, he didn’t get the greatest reception there, either. E! News says there were people booing him “so aggressively” that they were escorted out of the event.
Supposedly, he also got in a “heated exchange” with one couple, and another person threw a BEER CAN at him.
Is Chelsea Handler’s E! Show Coming to an End?
CHELSEA HANDLER’S manager says Chelsea plans on leaving the E! channel when her contract is up later this year. Her show, “Chelsea Lately”, has been on the network for eight years . . . and they supposedly pay her $9 million a year.
Her manager says she has, quote, “at least seven suitors and many ideas” for whatever she does next, which could include a radio gig or another talk show on another network or digital service. Chelsea hasn’t commented directly.
Monday TV Reminders:
• “Dancing with the Stars” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC. Robin Roberts guest judges. Twitter voting for this season’s new dance partner switch-up is open until midnight tonight. The new pairings will be announced on next week’s live show.
• “The Voice” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC. Chris Martin joins the show as a universal adviser assisting all four coaches for the next three episodes.
• “Inside Comedy” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Showtime. Fred Willard and Catherine O’Hara are this week’s guests.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Chris Evans, and magician Rick Jay.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Kevin Bacon, and Katherine Schwarzenegger.
• “Letterman” – Cobie Smulders, Nick Cannon, and the Manchester Orchestra.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Mindy Kaling, and comedian Jim Jefferies.
• “Carson Daly” – Christopher Meloni. Plus: Liquor Store, and Protex.
• “Arsenio” – Wiz Khalifa.
• “Conan” – Adam Sandler and comedienne Tig Notaro.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Drew Carey guest hosts and talks with Carl Reiner, and Joan Jett & the Blackhearts.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Australian author Bradley Trevor Greive.
• “Jon Stewart” – Peter Dinklage from “Game of Thrones”.
• “The Colbert Report” – Twitter cofounder Biz Stone.
Five Random Facts For Monday
1. During a war between Austria and Turkey in 1788, two Austrian army factions accidentally got into a battle with each other, where 10,000 soldiers were wounded or killed.
2. The lead singer for TOTO in the mid and late-1980s was Joseph Williams. His father is JOHN WILLIAMS . . . the composer for “Star Wars”.
3. Only one former cast member has ever been banned from hosting “Saturday Night Live” again . . . CHEVY CHASE. Mainly for being a jerk to the cast and crew.
4. From the 1700s through the early 1900s, the second-most spoken language in the U.S. was . . . German. During World War One, when we were fighting Germany, it became taboo.
Today it’s the seventh-most spoken language in the U.S. behind English, Spanish, Chinese, Tagalog, French, and Vietnamese.
5. In ancient Persia, people debated ideas twice: Once when they were sober, once when they were drunk. The idea had to sound good in BOTH states before they’d start acting on it. (Blood Over Ithaca / Wikipedia / SNL Wikia / Wikipedia / Fordham)
One Out of Four People Will Pull an April Fools’ Day Prank Tomorrow
Tomorrow is April Fools’ Day, so just a heads up: One in four people say they’re planning to pull a PRANK. That’s down from 33% in 2010.
It Was Harder to Get a Job at Walmart Than to Get Into Harvard This Year
Here’s how TOUGH it is to get a job right now. A Walmart opened in Washington D.C. last year, and only hired 600 people out of the 23,000 people who applied. That’s an acceptance rate of 2.6%. The Ivy League schools just released their admission rates . . . and Harvard accepted 8.9%. So it was almost three times easier to get into Harvard last year than to get a job at Walmart.
The Coolest Invention from Each State
Alabama: Windshield wipers.
Arkansas: The modern toothbrush.
California: The fortune cookie. (At least that’s where they were popularized. The idea might have come from Japan.)
Colorado: The Barbie Doll.
Connecticut: The Wiffle Ball.
Florida: Sun tan lotion, appropriately enough.
Hawaii: Surfing, of course.
Idaho: The television.
Illinois: The mouse trap.
Indiana: The refrigerator.
Iowa: Sliced bread.
Kansas: The slurpee.
Kentucky: Chewing gum.
Louisiana: The microscope.
Maine: The microwave.
Maryland: The bottle cap.
Michigan: The stop sign.
Minnesota: The stapler.
Mississippi: Anti-fungal cream.
Missouri: The vacuum cleaner.
Montana: Heart monitors.
Nevada: Solar panels.
New Hampshire: The Segway.
New Jersey: The phonograph, to record something and then play it back.
New Mexico: The nicotine patch.
New York: The credit card.
North Carolina: Flight. Although the Wright Brothers BUILT the plane in Ohio.
North Dakota: Bubble bath.
Ohio: Wind turbines.
Oklahoma: The shopping cart.
Oregon: The computer mouse.
Pennsylvania: The suspension bridge.
Rhode Island: The diner. The first one opened in Providence in 1872.
South Carolina: The submarine.
South Dakota: The cyclotron, which is a particle accelerator.
Tennessee: The tow truck.
Texas: The typewriter.
Utah: The artificial heart.
Vermont: The electric motor.
West Virginia: The steamboat.
Wisconsin: The blender.
Wyoming: The world’s first national park, which was Yellowstone in 1872.
There’s a Weight Loss Shake With Bacon and Gravy Flavors
There’s a new weight-loss shake similar to Slim Fast . . . but instead of vanilla or chocolate, they taste like GRAVY and BACON. Each shake is 120 calories and has 30 grams of protein . . . and the company says they have a, quote, “rich, smooth, and meaty taste.” It costs $20 for a 20-pack.
(Here’s a picture of Bacontrim and Gravytrim.)
Kids Are Now Smoking Coffee?
The media’s reporting on a new trend that’s KILLING YOUR KIDS! Apparently some kids are now SMOKING COFFEE. It’s dangerous because that rush of caffeine into the body can cause breathing problems, rapid heartbeats, hallucinations, and more.
What’s the Stupidest Rule You Ever Had to Follow?
What’s the stupidest rule you’ve ever had to follow? A few of our favorites are a school that banned kids from playing football at recess because it was too popular and unfair to the other sports . . . and a mother who was so obsessed with clean laundry, the kids had to SHOWER before taking clothes out of the dryer.
A Couple in Virginia Won the Lottery Three Times in Two Weeks . . . Including Two $1 Million Jackpots
A couple in Virginia just beat almost IMPOSSIBLE odds, and won THREE lottery jackpots in the past TWO weeks. A $1 million Powerball drawing on March 12th . . . $50,000 in a Pick 4 drawing on the 26th . . . and another $1 million on a scratcher on the 27th.
A Man Cuts Open a Dead Porcupine Looking For Treasure . . . and Accidentally Performs a C-Section That Saves Its Baby?
A guy in Maine was searching for wild mushrooms by the side of the road last week, when he saw a PORCUPINE get hit and killed by a car. He’d heard that porcupines have valuable MINERAL DEPOSITS in their stomachs, so he CUT OPEN the dead porcupine. And he didn’t find any treasure . . . but he DID find out she was PREGNANT. And thanks to his inadvertent C-section, he saved the baby’s life.
Jessica Szohr is 29. Vanessa Abrams on “Gossip Girl”. But just before that, she was the hot chick in Daughtry’s “Over You“ video.
Ryan Bingham is 33. He picked up a Best Original Song Oscar for the theme to “Crazy Heart”. The song’s actual title is “The Weary Kind”. Jeff Bridges sang it in the movie, but that’s Ryan singing it on the soundtrack.
Mattress actress Tanya Tate is 35. She’s starred in 184 fine films, including . . . “MILF Invasion”, “Cougar Claws”, “Moms [Eff] Best”, and “Say Hi to Your Mother for Me”.
Tony Yayo is 36. OG Member of G-Unit. The po-lice are pretty sure one of his boys shot and killed Busta Rhymes’ bodyguard, and that Yayo drove the getaway car.
Ashton Moore is 38. Blonde mattress actress who has starred in 132 fine films, including . . . “Barnyard Bondage”, “Surreal Sex Life”, and “Fistful of Musketeers”.
Ewan McGregor is 43. Obi-Wan Kenobi . . . and UNCUT “Moulin Rouge” superstar.
Angus Young is 59. AC/DC madman.
Vanessa del Rio is 62. LEGENDARY mattress actress who has starred in 197 fine films, including . . . “Afro Erotica 19″, “Behind the Brown Door”, “Booty Duty 4″ and THE ORIGINAL “Maid in Manhattan”, co-starring BROOKE FIELDS!
Al Gore is 66. He wants you to stop being such an energy whore. Related Comedy: Happy birthday to Al Gore! He’s now 66 . . . inches around his waist.
Rhea Perlman is 66. Carla on “Cheers”. Danny DeVito gets to nail her ANYTIME HE WANTS TO! Danny tried to leave it, but he was POWERLESS to resist her miniature mound of love!)
GABE KAPLAN! is 69. MR. KOTTER ON “WELCOME BACK KOTTER”! Also a financial wiz and an AMAZING poker player. He’s won well over $1 million just playing poker! Suck on that, Mr. Woodman!
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN! is 71. Brilliant character actor . . . but for many of us, he’ll forever be inseparable from the CLASSIC “SNL” skit in which he plays the Blue Oyster Cult producer who asks for “more cowbell” from Will Ferrell for “Don’t Fear the Reaper”.
Richard Chamberlain is 80. Mantastic star of the ’80s. Your mom would remember him as the randy priest from “The Thorn Birds”. (She desired relations with him. But he wouldn’t have been interested in her. He’s a proudly out-of-the-closet gay man these days.)
Shirley Jones is 80. Danny Bonaduce’s very sexy mom on “The Partridge Family”. She also played a randy old minx who LOVED TO GET IT ON in the 2006 comedy “classic” “Grandma’s Boy”!
Gordie Howe is 86. Hockey legend.
William Daniels is 87. Mr. Feeney on “Boy Meets World” . . . AND the voice of K.I.T.T. on the original “Knight Rider”.
Liz Claiborne (1929 – 2007) Fashion babe.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 1 day to April Fool’s Day
• 4 days to “Captain America 2″
• 6 days to “Game of Thrones”
• 15 days until your Taxes are Due
• 20 days to Easter Sunday
• 1,026 days left of “Hope and Change”
144 years ago . . . In 1870, Thomas Peterson Mundy cast his ballot in a New Jersey municipal election; he was the FIRST BLACK MAN TO VOTE after the 15th Amendment was ratified. POWER TO THE PEOPLE! UNITY IN THE COMMUNITY!
125 years ago . . . In 1889, construction on the EIFFEL TOWER was officially completed.
82 years ago . . . In 1932, FORD unveiled its new V-8 ENGINE.
47 years ago . . . In 1967, JIMI HENDRIX set his guitar on fire for the first time during a concert in London. (Years later, people would wish that all of John Mayer’s guitars caught on fire. But for an entirely different reason.)
32 years ago . . . In 1982, Americans openly wept in the streets when the DOOBIE BROTHERS announced their break-up! The band’s dominance started in the ’70s with the #11 jam “Listen To The Music”.
23 years ago . . . In 1991, “Wrestlemania 7″ became the largest pay-per-view TV program in history! Of course it did!
That was the one where HULK HOGAN beat SGT. SLAUGHTER for the WWF Title, and TITO SANTANA was pinned by . . . THE MOUNTIE!
21 years ago . . . In 1993, BRANDON LEE died on the set of “The Crow” after being shot in the stomach with a gun that was supposed to be loaded with blanks.
(The special effects crew was actually rigging real bullets into blanks, and one of them misfired. Brandon’s death was ruled an accident.)
19 years ago . . . In 1995, SELENA was shot to death in Corpus Christi by the founder of her fan club. Yolanda Saldivar was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison. (But Jennifer Lopez got a career out of it, so it’s all good, no?)
15 years ago . . . In 1999, three U.S. Army soldiers were captured by Serb forces near the Yugoslavia-Macedonia border.
Staff Sergeant Andrew Ramirez, Staff Sergeant Christopher Stone and Specialist Steven M. Gonzales were released more than a month later, after they were rescued by JESSE JACKSON! Jesse Jackson loves to impregnate side action, just LOVES it!
15 years ago . . . In 1999, four New York City police officers were charged with murder for killing AMADOU DIALLO, an unarmed African immigrant, in a hail of bullets . . . without even tickling his prostate with the handle of a plunger! For some reason, the officers were later acquitted.
Nine years ago . . . In 2005, TERRI SCHIAVO died after having her feeding tube removed. Six weeks later, an autopsy confirmed that she was indeed brain-dead.