Your daily dose of Whatever!!
James Franco Says He Didn’t Have Sex With Lindsay Lohan
JAMES FRANCO says he doesn’t belong on LINDSAY LOHAN’S list of conquests. Quote, “[She] has told lies about me with her people-she’s-slept-with list!” In the past, he talked about how he COULD have hit that, but didn’t because Lindsay was, quote, “having issues”, and he didn’t want to take advantage of her.
Nick Cannon Says He and Mariah Carey Didn’t Have Sex Until Their Wedding Night . . . And He Also Dissed Kim Kardashian
NICK CANNON revealed yesterday that MARIAH CAREY made him wait until their wedding night to consummate the relationship. He was also asked to name five famous women he’s had sex with. In addition to Mariah, he named Kim Kardashian, Christina Milian, Nicole Scherzinger and Selita Ebanks.
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. This is either insanely sexy . . . or just insane. It’s probably both. Whatever the case, you will never forget it. It’s a bunch of GIFS of SHAKIRA’S 12 best dance moves.
Related Comedy: Shakira is the most “liked” musician on Facebook. She has over 83-million Likes. Analysts credit her unique dance beats, clever lyrics and . . . okay, it’s because of her ass.
2. BILL MURRAY throws a charity golf tournament every year. This year’s just started yesterday, and Bill showed up wearing Pabst Blue Ribbon golf pants.
3. SELENA GOMEZ had a girls night out with her “Spring Breakers” co-stars VANESSA HUDGENS and ASHLEY BENSON.
4. THE ROCK is rarely the smallest guy in a picture, but he is when he’s between SHAQUILLE O’NEAL and CHARLES BARKLEY. The Rock actually Tweeted this last year, but it’s so AWESOME that it’s making the rounds again online.
5. DREW BARRYMORE’S baby bump is getting pretty huge.
6. Why is RICHARD GERE sitting on a park bench with underwear on his head? Don’t worry . . . it’s for a movie where he’s playing a homeless guy.
8. RYAN GOSLING pumps his own gas.
9. ASHLEE SIMPSON wore a giant feather in her headband for her engagement party.
10. The stuntman for 14-year-old “Walking Dead” actor CHANDLER RIGGS isn’t a man at all . . . it’s a 31-year-old woman.
A Homeless Guy Punched Zac Efron in the Face . . . Was He Trying to Buy Drugs?
ZAC EFRON and his bodyguard got in a fight with some homeless people in L.A. over the weekend . . . and Zac got punched in the FACE. It sounds like he’s okay, but some people think he was trying to buy drugs.
James Van Der Beek Once Let an Underage Justin Timberlake Use His Driver’s License to Get Into a Club
Back in the late ’90s, JAMES VAN DER BEEK let JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE use his I.D. to get into a club . . . and it WORKED. But then their luck ran out. James says Justin tried to pass it out again so LANCE BASS could get in too, but by that point, the bouncers had figured out what was happening.
Did Miley Cyrus Blow Off a 7-Year-Old Cancer Patient?
MILEY CYRUS is accused of blowing off a 7-year-old girl with cancer who was set up to meet her through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Supposedly, the girl and her family went to L.A., but had to wait almost a week to meet Miley. When they finally did, it was at a recording studio, and a source says Miley was, quote, “more interested in what she was doing in the studio than paying attention to the little girl.”
Fake Gwyneth Paltrow Euphemisms for Eating, Sleeping, and Sex
“Entertainment Weekly”came up with some GWYNETH PALTROW-style euphemisms similar to “Conscious Uncoupling”. For instance, eating becomes “Organic Consumption”, shopping becomes “Addictive Consumerism” and having sex becomes “Repetitive Genital Alliance”.
Eating is ‘Organic Consumption’
Sleeping is ‘Unconscious Meditation’
Acting is ‘Fictional Self-Projection’
Sex is ‘Repetitive Genital Alliance’
Going to the Bathroom is ‘Deliberate Voiding’
Shopping is ‘Additive Consumerism’
Fighting is ‘Oppositional Discourse’
(On a related note, here’s a little throwback video of Gwyneth and Chris Martin in happier times, singing “Cruisin'” at a friend’s wedding in 2003.)
Russell Crowe in “Noah” is up Against Schwarzenegger’s “Sabotage”
Russell Crowe plays Noah in the biblical story of the man chosen by God to build an ark and gather the world’s creatures to survive the great flood.
Jennifer Connelly plays his wife, and Anthony Hopkins plays Methuselah, the oldest living man. Emma Watson from the “Harry Potter” movies, “Percy Jackson” star Logan Lerman, and Nick Nolte are also in it.
It’s directed by Darren Aronofsky, the guy who did “The Wrestler” and “Black Swan”.
He won a contest back in the seventh grade for writing a poem about Noah, and he says, quote, “Noah’s been kind of this patron saint in my life. We made sure everything we did in the film would respect the written word.”
That included the ark’s measurements . . . which is exactly 500 feet long.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington from “Avatar”, Josh Holloway from “Lost”, Joe Manganiello from “True Blood”, and Terrence Howard are part of a DEA task force that’s being killed off after someone steals $10 million from a cartel drug bust.
Michael Pena plays United Farm Workers labor union leader Cesar Chavez, who fought to get farm workers a decent wage in the ’60s. Rosario Dawson, America Ferrera and John Malkovich are also in it.
Upcoming Netflix, CD, DVD, Games, and Theatrical Releases
Theatrical Releases for Next Friday:
• “Captain America: The Winter Soldier“ . . . starring Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan.
• “Under the Skin“ . . . starring Scarlett Johansson as an alien seductress.
• “Jinn“ . . . starring Ray Park and Serinda Swan.
New or Coming Soon to Netflix Instant Streaming:
• “Jobs“ . . . starring Ashton Kutcher as Apple founder Steve Jobs.
• “The Grandmaster“ . . . a kung fu flick starring Tony Leung and Zhang Ziyi.
DVDs for Tuesday: (Full Coverage)
• “Anchorman 2“ with Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, and David Koechner.
• “Knights of Badassdom“ starring Peter Dinklage, Summer Glau, and Steve Zahn.
• “47 Ronin“ . . . starring Keanu Reeves.
• “The Pirate Fairy“ . . . a Disney fairy movie starring Christina Hendricks.
Games for Tuesday and Friday:
• On Friday, the MMO “The Elder Scrolls Online“ hits the PC, XBoxOne and PS4.
• On Tuesday, “MLB 14: The Show“ is available on the PS3 and Vita.
CDs for Tuesday: (Full Coverage)
• “This Is Your Life“ . . . a Ronnie James Dio tribute album
• “Head Or Heart“, Christina Perri
• “White People Party Music“, Nick Cannon
• “The Infamous Mobb Deep“, Mobb Deep
• “A Dotted Line“, Nickel Creek
The First “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” Trailer Is Here
Unless you have a LIFE, you may have noticed the huge uproar online over the new “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie . . . especially when it comes to the design of the new, all-CGI turtles.
Well, the first trailer hit the web yesterday, offering us our first really good look at them. Are they different from what we’ve come to expect of our Ninja Turtles? Yes. But are they SO different fans won’t want to see the movie?
The answer should be NO, but for a lot of fans, it’ll probably be YES. In all honesty though, they’re not ridiculously different or bad-looking. (The movie comes out in August. Here’s the trailer.)
Eight Ways TV Shows Killed Off Characters to Let Disgruntled Actors Leave
Vulture.com has a list of “Eight Ways TV Shows Have Killed Off Unhappy Actors.” It’s packed with SPOILERS, although none of these are recent. The list includes: T.R. KNIGHT’S character getting hit by a bus on “Grey’s Anatomy” and ISAAC HAYES’ character falling off a bridge on “South Park”.
1. “M*A*S*H” star McLean Stevenson wanted to leave for his own show . . . so they killed off his character, Colonel Henry Blake, by having his plane shot down as he was heading HOME from the war.
2. Shannen Doherty was unhappy on the set of “Charmed” because she couldn’t get along with Alyssa Milano . . . so her character, Prue Halliwell, was killed by a demon.
3. “Grey’s Anatomy” star T.R. Knight became frustrated with the direction of his character, Dr. George O’Malley . . . so the show wrote him off by having him hit by a bus, severely disfigured, and ultimately going brain dead.
4. Jay Thomas . . . who played Eddie LeBec, Carla’s husband on “Cheers” . . . was killed off after he made a joke about how “brutal” it is having to kiss Rhea Perlman. Eddie died in a freak Zamboni accident, and was never seen again.
5. After John Amos publicly complained about “Good Times” in a magazine interview, they killed off his character, James Evans, in an off-screen car accident.
6. When Charlie Sheen went INSANE and essentially forced “Two and a Half Men” to dump him, they had his character Charlie Harper get hit and killed by a train in Paris.
7. On “Sliders”, John Rhys-Davies repeatedly whined about the show and humiliated a network suit at a party . . . so his character, Professor Maximillian Arturo, was shot and killed by a character played by Roger Daltrey of The Who.
8. Isaac Hayes did the voice of Chef on “South Park”. And when he got upset at the show mocking religion, they had his character fall off a bridge . . . bounce off some rocks . . . get impaled by a branch . . . and have his body torn apart by a mountain lion and a grizzly bear.
Weekend TV Reminders:
• “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?” . . . Friday from 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the CW. Verne “Mini Me” Troyer participates in this week’s improv.
• “Helix” [1st Season Finale] . . . Friday from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on Syfy.
• “The 27th Annual Kids Choice Awards” . . . Saturday from 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Nickelodeon. Mark Wahlberg hosts. The nominees are at Nick.com.
• “That Metal Show” . . . Saturday from 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on VH1 Classic. The Winery Dogs and Vinnie Paul are the guests.
• “Saturday Night Live” . . . Saturday from 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. Louis CK hosts and Sam Smith performs.
• “The Walking Dead” [4th Season Finale] . . . Sunday from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on AMC.
• “Oprah Prime” . . . Sunday from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on OWN. Maria Shriver talks about Americans living paycheck to paycheck.
• “Lindsay” . . . Sunday from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on OWN. Lindsay does a skit with Jimmy Fallon and works on her community service.
• “Eric & Jessie: Game On” [2nd Season Premiere] . . . Sunday from 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on E! Country singer Jesse James is married to Jets receiver Eric Decker. She gave birth on March 18th and this season covers her pregnancy.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – January Jones, Josh Holloway, and Passenger.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Ian McKellen & Patrick Stewart, Sophia Bush, and Michael Che.
• “Letterman” – Micheal Keaton and Phantogram. (Repeat)
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Don Cheadle, Tony Goldwyn, and Enrique Iglesias. (Repeat)
• “Carson Daly” – Lily Kershaw and Tame Impala.
• “Arsenio” – Hulk Hogan, sports analyst Stephen A. Smith, and Vine sensation Terrio.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Josh Radnor and Meredith Vieira. (Repeat)
• “Chelsea Lately” – Shaun White. (Repeat)
Five Random Facts For Friday
1. Squirrels hibernate so hard you could juggle them without waking them up. You SHOULDN’T juggle squirrels . . . but you could.
2. The Sutter family from Viking, Alberta, Canada had seven boys. Six of them went on to be NHL players in the ’70s and ’80s. The seventh one won $10 million in the lottery.
3. The two most dangerous animals in Africa for humans are . . . mosquitoes and hippos. Mosquitoes kill over 650,000 people a year by spreading malaria . . . hippos kill approximately 2,900 people a year.
4. Women blink more often than men. Women blink an average of 19 times per minute, men blink 11 times per minute.
5. BUZZ ALDRIN wasn’t the first man to walk on the moon . . . but he WAS the first person to PEE on the moon. He peed into a special bag in his suit while he was out on the moon.
Want to See If Someone Loves You? Yawn in Front of Them . . . and See If They Yawn Too
Here’s a test to see if someone LOVES you or not . . . YAWN in front of them. If they yawn back, they love you . . . and the quicker they yawn back, the tighter the relationship. Yawning is contagious . . . but a study found it’s ESPECIALLY contagious between people who love each other.
Almost Half of High School and College Guys Say a Woman Has Coerced Them Into Sex?
High school and college have changed in EVERY WAY since we were there. A new study just found 43% of GUYS in high school and college say they’ve been COERCED into a sexual experience they didn’t want . . . and yes, 95% of them say it was with a woman.
(NC-17) What’s the Funniest Sex Analogy You’ve Ever Heard?
What’s the funniest sex analogy you’ve ever heard? Two of our favorites are: “Going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug” . . . and “Sex is like pizza: When it’s good, it’s GOOD, and when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.”
1. “Trying to have sex when you’re limp is like putting your shoelace back in the hole without the plastic coating.”
2. “Being a straight guy who gets hit on by gay guys all the time is like winning the lottery in Confederate dollars.”
3. “Going to McDonald’s for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.”
4. “Sex is like pizza: When it’s good, it’s GOOD . . . and when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.”
5. “Coming in third is like getting hand relief. It’s nice, but not really what you wanted, especially compared to what first and second place got.”
6. “Getting a rental car detailed is like ‘performing’ on a prostitute.”
7. (CAREFUL!) “Religion is like your junk. It’s okay to be proud of yours and feel like it’s the greatest in the world . . . but don’t go waving it around in public, showing it to my kids, or shoving it down people’s throats.”
8. “Having sex with an ex is like taking a shower then putting back on the same dirty underwear.” (Reddit)
What Movie Did You See Way Before It Was Appropriate For Your Age?
What movie did you see WAY before it was appropriate for your age? A few of our favorites are a seven-year-old girl who saw “Pretty Woman” and told her mom she wanted to be a prostitute when she grew up . . . and an eight-year-old who saw “The Shining” and refused to go into the bathroom without making sure the shower curtain was pulled back for YEARS.
1. “I saw ‘Pretty Woman’ when I was seven and nobody was home. I didn’t know what a prostitute was, but I got the impression it was a great thing to become. A few days later I told my mom I wanted to be a prostitute when I grew up.”
2. “I saw ‘The Shining’ when I was eight. For several years after I refused to go into our bathroom without making sure the shower curtain was pulled back.”
3. “I watched ‘Jaws’ with my ‘cool’ uncle when I was three. (CAREFUL!) My mom found out when I told a cashier to, ‘Smile you son of a b***h.'”
4. “I saw ‘Predator’ when I was seven. My dad told me to cover my eyes when they showed the skinned corpses . . . but I peeked. Horrible idea.”
5. “I bought a ticket to see ‘D3: Mighty Ducks 3′ but I went into the movie ‘Sirens’ instead. It was the best decision I made in middle school.” (Reddit)
The Top 10 Ways We Still Act Like Teenagers
Here are the top five ways people STILL act like teenagers in adult life: Sulking and pouting for attention . . . texting all the time . . . leaving dirty clothes on the floor . . . intentionally saying things to push other people’s buttons . . . and spending lots of time sleeping.
The Average Wedding Now Costs $30,000 . . . Plus Eight More Wedding Stats
According to a new survey, the average wedding now costs $29,858 . . . the highest ever. The survey also found that a quarter of them are “destination weddings” . . . 24% of couples don’t even bother setting a BUDGET . . . and the average number of guests is 138.
The Top 10 Paranormal Phenomena People Believe In
Do you believe in any PARANORMAL phenomena? In a new survey, the top five ones people believe in are: Ghosts, a sixth sense, UFOs, past lives and reincarnation, and telepathy.
Lady Gaga is 28. Sexy pop minx who does NOT have a penis . . . as AWESOME as that would be. Is she an artist or a NUTCASE? You make the call.
J-Kwon is 28. Young urban troubadour best known for his song, “Tipsy”, which was all about DRINKING . . . and he wrote it when he was only 18.
Julia Stiles is 33. Oddly sexy Sara from the interracially taboo “Save the Last Dance”. She was also in “10 Things I Hate About You”, the remake of “The Omen”, “The Bourne Identity”, “The Bourne Supremacy” . . . and “The Bourne Ultimatum”.
April Flowers is 36. Mattress actress who tugged at our delicate heart-strings in 310 fine films, including . . . “Fast Times at Deep Crack High”, “Ass Cream Man”, “Apprentass” AND “Dead Men Don’t Wear Rubbers”.
Kate Gosselin is 39. Mother of eight children and at least three reality shows.
Shanna Moakler is 39. Oscar de La Hoya’s ex-wife who went on to marry Travis Barker . . . formerly of Blink 182.
Nick Frost is 42. “Paul”, “Hot Fuzz”, “Shaun of the Dead” and “The World’s End” with Simon Pegg.
VINCE VAUGHN is 44. “Swingers” superstar. Also amazing in “Wedding Crashers”, “Old School”, “Dodgeball”, “Anchorman”, “Be Cool”, “Starsky & Hutch” and “The Break-Up”. He was NOT amazing, however, in that pointless “Psycho” remake. The most awesome thing he was ever “in”? JENNIFER ANISTON!
Rodney Atkins is 45. Country singer and proud owner of more trucker hats than anyone in the business.
Brett Ratner is 45. He’s most famous for directing the “Rush Hour” movies, but he also did “X-Men 3″, “Red Dragon”, “Tower Heist”, and the Rock’s upcoming “Hercules” movie. He also claims he “did” Olivia Munn before she was famous.
REBA MCENTIRE is 59. Country legend . . . with the fire down below. She’s sold over 40 million albums, owned “Annie Get Your Gun” on Broadway, and made you laugh for seven seasons on “Reba”. She’s Kelly Clarkson’s Stepmother-in-law.
Dianne Wiest is 66. SHE FOUGHT FOR KEVIN BACON’S RIGHT TO DANCE IN “FOOTLOOSE”! She also kicked major ass in “Parenthood” . . . the movie, not that NBC series.
Ken Howard is 70. Honky coach on the young urban series “The White Shadow”. He was also Jordan’s dad, the retired cop on “Crossing Jordan”.
Ken is on his third term as president of the Screen Actors Guild. His executive vice president is Gabrielle Carteris from “90210”. So you’re in good hands, actors.
Conchata Ferrell is 71. The deliciously chubby Berta on “Two and a Half Men”.
Milan Williams (1948 – 2006) The Commodores! Their biggest smashes include: “BRICK HOUSE”, “Three Times a Lady”, “Easy”, “Sweet Love” and “Just to Be Close to You”.
“Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig (1958 – 2003) Mullet-wearing WWF superstar who was found dead from a cocaine overdose. I guess he wasn’t so “perfect” after all. His son Joe currently wrestles for the WWE, but under the name “Curtis Axel”.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 4 days to April Fool’s Day
• 7 days to “Captain America 2″
• 9 days to “Game of Thrones”
• 18 days until your Taxes are Due
• 23 days to Easter Sunday
• 1,029 days left of “Hope and Change”
54 years ago . . . In 1960, two ANTI-PAYOLA bills were introduced in Congress. They blamed payola for, quote, “the CACOPHONOUS MUSIC called ROCK AND ROLL” and claimed that rock and roll would never have achieved popularity if not for payola.
50 years ago . . . In 1964, “THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET” WAS RELEASED . . . STARRING THE INCREDIBLE DON KNOTTS IN BOTH A LIVE-ACTION ROLE AND AS THE ANIMATED FISH THAT MR. LIMPET GETS TURNED INTO.
44 years ago . . . In 1970, naughty Jane Berlins set a World Record by GO-GO DANCING for 18 HOURS STRAIGHT.
38 years ago . . . In 1976, GENESIS began their first North American tour since Peter Gabriel’s departure . . . with the balding PHIL COLLINS as their new lead singer. (Phil would go on to be far more recognized as the leader of Genesis . . . but at least Peter Gabriel can still wipe his own ass.)
37 years ago . . . In 1977, “Rocky”, starring AND written by SYLVESTER STALLONE, won Best Picture at the Oscars. It beat “Taxi Driver”.
35 years ago . . . In 1979, THREE MILE ISLAND melted down after operators failed to recognize that a relief valve in the primary coolant system was stuck open. Even though dangerous radiation leaked, studies have proven it didn’t affect cancer rates near the plant.
32 years ago . . . In 1982, on his way to sing at an anti-nuke rally, the role model that is DAVID CROSBY was arrested for possession of Quaaludes, drug paraphernalia, driving under the influence of cocaine and carrying a concealed .45-caliber pistol. David Crosby’s explanation for carrying the gun: “John Lennon”.
31 years ago . . . In 1983, fallen hero FRED JIPP of Phoenix was sentenced to 28 years in prison for bigamy and fraud. He had MARRIED 104 WOMEN in 28 countries in 30 years!
28 years ago . . . In 1986, more than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played “We Are The World” simultaneously at 10:15 A.M. Eastern.
28 years ago . . . In 1986, “Lucas” was released . . . with future warlock CHARLIE SHEEN, future petty thief WINONA RYDER, future-LESS COREY HAIM . . . and incredibly talented “Goonies” minx KERRI GREEN.
22 years ago . . . In 1992, one of the most famous shots in college basketball history. With two seconds left in the game, Duke’s GRANT HILL threw a long pass to CHRISTIAN LAETTNER, who hit a turnaround jumper from just above the free-throw line to beat Kentucky 104-to-103 and advance to the Final Four. Laettner was a combined 20-for-20 from the field and the free-throw line in that game.
19 years ago . . . In 1995, shockingly, JULIA ROBERTS and LYLE LOVETT announced that they were separating after 21 freaky-sexed months of marriage.
18 years ago . . . In 1996, PHIL COLLINS announced that he was leaving GENESIS to concentrate on his balding . . . uhhh . . . his solo career.
16 years ago . . . In 1998, LUCY LAWLESS disappointed millions of nubile lesbyterians, by marrying her second husband, “Xena” executive producer Robert Tapert. Today is their 16th anniversary.
15 years ago . . . in 1999, FREAKY TAH (of the LOST BOYZ) was killed by a ski-masked gunman who came up behind him and fired a single gunshot into his head. Freaky Tah was only 27 at the time.
15 years ago . . . In 1999, the brilliant animated series “Futurama” premiered on Fox.
14 years ago . . . In 2000, JIMMY PAGE received an undisclosed amount of cash after suing “Ministry” magazine in England’s High Court.
The magazine had claimed that he contributed to the death of Zeppelin bandmate JOHN BONHAM . . . by wearing a SATANIC ROBE and chanting spells while the dying drummer was choking on his vomit! Jimmy Page donated all of the money to charity . . . because Satan already pays him quite handsomely.