Your daily dose of Whatever!!
“Conscious Uncoupling” Explained
GWYNETH PALTROW posted an essay from some lifestyle gurus explaining “Conscious Uncoupling”. Basically, it involves treating divorce as a learning process, rather than a failure, where, quote, “there are no bad guys, just two people, each playing teacher and student respectively.”
Gwyneth and Chris: The Randoms:
1. Last year, Gwyneth was photographed kissing her old ex-boyfriend, actor Donovan Leitch. People assumed it was innocent at the time. Now people are wondering. (Full Story)
2. Last January, Chris was asked to pick his favorite ROLLING STONES song. He chose “She’s So Cold”. (Full Story)
3. Gwyneth and Chris have about $140 million in money and assets to split up, including several multimillion-dollar properties. (Check out some pictures here.)
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. So MILEY CYRUS’ vagina sings now?
2. BRITNEY SPEARS’ bikini body still works for me.
3. KATRINA BOWDEN as a zombie works quite nicely too.
4. MIRANDA KERR posted a NAKED pic. Too bad you can’t see anything.
5. ARIANA GRANDE is a beautiful girl. But what about Ariana with fish face?
The Dodgers Ended the Yankees’ 15-Year Run as the Team with the Biggest Payroll
The Los Angeles Dodgers have ended the New York Yankees’ incredible 15-year run as the team with baseball’s biggest payroll. The Dodgers will shell out $235 million this year. The Yankees are second at $204 million. And the Houston Astros are bringing up the rear, with a payroll of $45 million.
The NFL Released Its Rule Changes for Next Season, And They’re Not Changing Extra-Point Kicks . . . Yet
The NFL has released its rule changes for next season. The highlights include: They’ll now allow officials to use replay review on fumble recoveries . . . they’re NOT going to make extra point kicks more difficult . . . and they vetoed a proposal to make ALL plays challengeable.
L’Wren Scott Left Her $9 Million Estate to Mick Jagger
MICK JAGGER just came into a few bucks. His girlfriend L’Wren Scott left her entire, $9 million estate to him in her will. Of course, she left it to him under his real name, Michael Philip Jagger.
L’Wren had an $8 million condo in New York and about a million in other assets. But she may have died with some debt as well.
L’Wren had no children. She did have a brother and sister, but she specifically left them OUT of her will. Apparently, they weren’t on good terms.
Did Angelina Jolie Let Her Son Buy a “Swearing Finger”?
BRAD PITT and ANGELINA JOLIE seem pretty liberal as far as child-rearing goes, so this wouldn’t be too surprising: Angelina reportedly let her 10-year-old son Pax buy a SWEARING FINGER at a gift shop in Las Vegas.
The Swearing Finger is a motion-activated hand that flips the bird, while hurling FILTHY insults.
The Sex in “Girls” Would Be Even More Graphic If HBO Would Allow It
“Girls” producer JUDD APATOW says the sex could be a lot worse . . . quote, “There have been things on ‘Girls’ where HBO has said to us, ‘If we put this on TV, we literally could lose our license to broadcast.’ Let’s just say it’s something you see in adult film . . . elements of sexual intercourse. The high points of sexual intercourse.”
Thursday TV Reminders:
• “American Idol” [Results Show] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on Fox.
• “Surviving Jack” [Series Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. Christopher Meloni from “Law & Order: SVU” takes over raising his two kids after his wife goes back to law school. She’s played by Rachael Harris from “The Hangover”.
• “Inside the Actors Studio” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Bravo. The cast of “How I Met Your Mother” answer James Lipton’s questions in character.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Russell Crowe (“Noah”) and Joan Rivers (who’s probably old enough to have known Noah). Music Guest: The National.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Jennifer Connelly, James Van Der Beek, and Joe Mande.
• “Letterman” – Sage Kotsenburg, Kate Mara, and Cole Swindell. (Repeat)
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Jason Bateman, Katie Lowes, and John Legend.
• “Carson Daly” – Bear McCreary, and Air Review. Music Guest: Together Pangea.
• “Arsenio” – The cast of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” . . . Wayne Brady, Aisha Tyler, Colin Mochrie, and Ryan Stiles. Plus: Hot Chelle Rae performs.
• “Conan” – The cast of “The Walking Dead”. Music Guest: White Denim. (Repeat)
• “Craig Ferguson” – Julia Stiles, Dave Itzkoff, and Roddy Hart & the Lonesome Fire. (Repeat)
• “Chelsea Lately” – Rick Ross.
• “Jon Stewart” – Nate Silver.
• “The Colbert Report” – Darren Aronofsky.
Five Random Facts For Thursday
1. The first Got Milk? commercial was directed by MICHAEL BAY.
It’s surprisingly good. A history expert has to answer the question who shot ALEXANDER HAMILTON in a famous duel, to win a RADIO CONTEST. But he can’t say AARON BURR because he’s been eating peanut butter and needs milk.
2. If you see something that looks like BUTTOCKS, there’s an actual adjective to describe that: Natiform. Like, “Wow, those are two natiform mountains!”
3. In 1893, a Congressman proposed a Constitutional amendment that would rename the country to the “United States of Earth.” Obviously, it didn’t pass.
4. 40% of twins invent their own languages.
5. BEA ARTHUR from the “Golden Girls” was once in the MARINES . . . she served as a TRUCK DRIVER.
93% of Us Would Rather Do Anything Besides Clean
Believe it or not, 7% of people LIKE cleaning their house. But according to a new survey, 93% of people say they’d rather to ANYTHING other than clean . . . including public speaking, or a six-hour car ride with their in-laws.
Eight Things That Are Better Than Sex
Is there anything better than SEX? A lot of people say . . . YES. Some of the top answers are: Accomplishing a really long-term goal . . . having a girlfriend with long nails scratch your head when you’re tired . . . twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep when it’s raining outside . . . emptying a full bladder . . . and, for heroin users, heroin.
1. Accomplishing a very long-term goal.
2. Taking off ski boots or uncomfortable shoes after a long day.
3. Having a girlfriend with long nails scratch your head when you’re tired.
4. Good news on scary medical results.
5. Twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep when it’s raining outside.
6. The anticipation of sex with someone new, right before it’s about to happen.
7. Emptying a full bladder after holding out at least a half hour longer than you thought you could.
8. According to heroin users . . . heroin. (Reddit)
The 10 Least Sexy Jobs For Men . . . Including Garbage Man, Mortician, and Male Stripper
Here are the six LEAST sexy jobs for men, according to women: Sewage worker, garbage man, mortician or funeral director, fisherman, parking attendant . . . and MALE STRIPPER.
1. Sewage worker.
2. Garbage man.
3. Mortician or funeral director.
5. Parking attendant.
6. Male Stripper.
8. The guy who calls the numbers out at a bingo hall.
10. Fast food cashier. (FemaleFirst)
A Woman Found Out She Was Pregnant After Posting Nude Photos Online, and Perverts Pointed It Out
A few days ago, a woman posted a topless photo online with the caption, “I swear these are getting bigger.” And a random pervert speculated it was because she was PREGNANT. So the woman took a pregnancy test . . . and it turned out he was RIGHT.
Women Try on 43,200 Pieces of Clothing in Their Lives . . . Men Try on 5,400
A survey found that the average woman tries on 43,200 pieces of clothing in her lifetime . . . about 12 every shopping trip. The average man only tries on 5,400 pieces of clothing in his lifetime . . . about three every shopping trip. And women buy one out of seven things they try on, but men buy two out of three.
Six Stats on How and Why People Get Divorced
: In case you were feeling happy, here are a few random new facts on DIVORCE. The top reasons for divorce are cheating, unhappiness, and too much arguing . . . 77% of people say their divorce impacted their children . . . 53% say their divorce was amicable . . . and 31% have zero contact with their ex afterwards.
A Guy Goes to the E.R. for a Sore Throat . . . And Neglects to Mention He Swallowed a Fork
: A 25-year-old guy in Romania recently showed up at a hospital complaining about a sore throat . . . and failed to mention that he’d just swallowed a FORK. His doctors eventually saw it on an X-ray. But they decided NOT to rush him into surgery. Instead, they told him to wait a few days to see if he could PASS it.
A Candidate for Governor Passed a Kidney Stone During a Debate and Just Kept Going
There was a televised debate between the candidates for governor of Massachusetts on Tuesday night. And one of them PASSED A KIDNEY STONE . . . DURING the debate. And even though he was in INSANE pain, he kept on answering questions.
Brenda Song is 26. Christy Lee in “The Social Network” and Veronica on “Dads”. But your kids know her as ditzy London Tipton on the Disney Channel show “The Suite Life on Deck”.)
Jessie J is 26. British chick who sings “Price Tag” and “Domino”.
Fergie is 39. Black Eyed Peas harlot. Josh Duhamel nails her REAL GOOD. SO good, in fact, that they have a child together.
Nathan Fillion is 43. Richard Castle on ABC’s “Castle”, Captain Reynolds on “Firefly”, Bill Pardy in the horror classic “Slither” and The Holy Avenger in the most awesome superhero movie ever made, “Super”!
Mariah Carey is 44.
Elizabeth Mitchell is 44. Juliet on “Lost”, Rachel Matheson on “Revolution”, and Mrs. Claus in Tim Allen’s “Santa Clause” movies.
Tamra Raye is 44. Mattress actress with the fire down below, who’s starred with her sister Roni Raye in 14 fine films, including . . . “All Soaped Up”, “Sticky Sisters” and “Slippery Sisters”. (Yes! Let’s hear it for the SISTERS WHO DO!)
Pauley Perrette is 45. Abby, the goth chick down in the lab, on “NCIS”.
Talisa Soto is 47. Puerto Rican chica en fuega. Former Bond Girl from “License to Kill” AND Princess Kitana in the “Mortal Kombat” movies. Benjamin Bratt is now nailing her . . . real good.
Quentin Tarantino is 51. Large-headed man-child. His World War 2 movie, “Inglourious Basterds”, was pretty awesome. Although Christoph Waltz ended up earning it its only Oscar. In fact, he was responsible for most of the film’s awards. “Django Unchained” got more love, including another Oscar for Waltz AND a screenplay award for Tarantino.
XUXA! . . . (pronounced “SOO-shuh”) . . . is 51. Sexy, knee-high boot wearing, blonde Brazilian kids’ show host! Remember “Xuxa”? It was a silly show for kids, but Xuxa made it oddly erotic!
(It didn’t last too long after parents found out about Xuxa’s past, doing soft-core movies in naughty Brazil. But Xuxa’s STILL a superstar . . . AND she once dated Shirtless Rollerblader JFK Jr.!)
Andrew Farriss is 55. INXS keyboardist. Their biggest hits include: “Need You Tonight”, “Devil Inside”, “What You Need”, “New Sensation”, “Never Tear Us Apart”, “Disappear” and “Suicide Blonde”.
Bart Conner is 56. Olympic gymnastics stud. He gets to have GYMNAST SEX with his very limber wife, Nadia Comaneci . . . ANY TIME HE WANTS TO!
Tony Banks is 64. Genesis keyboardist. Their biggest smashes include: “Invisible Touch”, “I Can’t Dance”, “In Too Deep”, “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight”, “Throwing it All Away”, “Land of Confusion” and “That’s All!”.
Michael York is 72. Basil Exposition in the “Austin Powers” movies; Logan from “Logan’s Run”; AND bisexual Brian in “Cabaret”.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 5 days to April Fool’s Day
• 8 days to “Captain America 2″
• 10 days to “Game of Thrones”
• 19 days until your Taxes are Due
• 24 days to Easter Sunday
• 1,030 days left of “Hope and Change”
220 years ago . . . In 1794, President GEORGE WASHINGTON authorized the creation of the U.S. NAVY.
178 years ago . . . In 1836, the FIRST MORMON TEMPLE was dedicated, in Kirtland, Ohio. Mormon Fun-Fact: Mormons aren’t allowed to drink coffee, because they can’t have “strong” beverages . . .
. . . So, many of them don’t call coffee tables “coffee tables” . . . they call them “EVERYDAY TABLES”. (True.)
154 years ago . . . In 1860, the CORKSCREW was patented by M.L. BYRN.
148 years ago . . . In 1866, a genius named ANDREW RANKIN received a patent for the URINAL.
46 years ago . . . In 1968, seven years after becoming the very first human in space, Russia’s YURI GAGARIN died in a PLANE CRASH at the age of 34.
41 years ago . . . In 1973, MARLON BRANDO REFUSED THE BEST ACTOR OSCAR for “The Godfather”, as a gesture of support for the Indians occupying the Wounded Knee reservation in South Dakota.
He sent “Native American” actress Sacheen Littlefeather to the ceremony to refuse the Oscar. But it turns out Sacheen is actually MEXICAN . . . and her real name is MARIA CRUZ. (She did claim to have some Indian on her father’s side.)
OUR LIZA MINNELLI won Best Actress for “Cabaret”.
29 years ago . . . In 1985, BILLY DEE WILLIAMS FINALLY RECEIVED HIS LONG-OVERDUE STAR ON THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME!
27 years ago . . . In 1987, U2 played a free, hour-long concert on a liquor store rooftop in downtown Los Angeles. Part of the concert became the video for “Where The Streets Have No Name”.
27 years ago . . . In 1987, in South River, New Jersey, a high school student was suspended for wearing a T-shirt to school that said “TO HELL WITH THE DEVIL” . . . promoting the Christian heavy metal super-group STRYPER.
27 years ago . . . In 1987, after the success of “Moonlighting”, BRUCE WILLIS got his first lead movie role . . . in “Blind Date”, co-starring KIM BASINGER. His next film? “Die Hard”.
25 years ago . . . In 1989, NBC unveiled the FIRST HALF-BLACK SOAP OPERA, in which one of its “core families” was black. “Generations” featured VIVICA A. FOX, Debbi Morgan . . .
. . . SMOKEY ROBINSON, Kristoff St. John and RICHARD ROUNDTREE (“SHAFT”!).
23 years ago . . . In 1991, DONNIE WAHLBERG, the “tough-guy” in NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, was arrested in Louisville, Kentucky, on ARSON charges!
The NKOTB bad-boy allegedly poured vodka on a hotel carpet and set it on fire. He plea-bargained it down to second-degree criminal mischief.
22 years ago . . . In 1992, “White Men Can’t Jump” was released . . . starring WESLEY SNIPES and dope-smoking WOODY HARRELSON as the white guy . . . who actually kind of COULD jump. Go figure.
19 years ago . . . In 1995, “Forrest Gump” defeated both “Pulp Fiction” and “Shawshank Redemption” for the Best Picture Oscar . . . and TOM HANKS won Best Actor.
17 years ago . . . In 1997, DEXTER KING, son of MARTIN LUTHER KING JR., met with JAMES EARL RAY, the man in prison for assassinating his father. Ray denied having anything to do with the shooting, to which Dexter King replied, “I believe you.”
16 years ago . . . In 1998, The Food and Drug Administration approved VIAGRA . . . and BOB DOLE’S member has been engorged with blood ever since! He can’t feel his toes! (To date, over 20 million Americans have tried Viagra.)
12 years ago . . . In 2002, MILTON BERLE and his gigantic trouser-snake died at the age of 93.
12 years ago . . . In 2002, DUDLEY MOORE died of pneumonia at age 66.
Seven years ago . . . In 2007, any hope of watching football in a timely fashion ended when NFL owners voted to make INSTANT REPLAY a permanent officiating tool.