Your daily dose of Whatever!!
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin Are Separating
GWYNETH PALTROW and CHRIS MARTIN are separating after 10 years of marriage. They have two children: A 9-year-old daughter named Apple and a 7-year-old son named Moses. Gwyneth broke the news in a statement on her website titled “Conscious Uncoupling” . . . which should totally help dispel the impression that she’s annoying.
Are These People on the Guest List for Kim and Kanye’s Wedding?
A website claims to have found out some of the guests for KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST’S wedding. They are: Carmelo and LaLa Anthony, Will Smith and family, Beyoncé and Jay Z, Oprah, Ryan Seacrest, Nicole Richie, Brittny Gastineau, “Vogue” editor Anna Wintour, Sugar Ray Leonard and Kathie Lee Gifford.
The wedding goes down May 24th in Paris. Kim has said there will be 200 guests in all, and it’ll be over-the-top yet intimate, whatever that means. (Here are two of Kim’s favorite photos from her wedding-themed “Vogue” shoot.)
Is Kanye West Buying Kim Kardashian Burger King Franchises as a Wedding Gift?
The not-always-reliable “Star” tabloid says that KANYE WEST has picked out a wedding gift for KIM KARDASHIAN: Burger King. (???)
He’s supposedly buying her 10 Burger King franchises in England, Italy and France. Kanye owns several Fatburger restaurants in Chicago, and a so-called “source” says, quote, “That’s where he sees her future career, away from reality TV.”
The 13 Most Expensive Celebrity Weddings
Prince William and Kate Middleton top a list of The 13 Most Expensive Celebrity Weddings. Theirs cost $34 million. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries came in third, at $10 million.
1. Prince William and Kate Middleton, $34 million. Which sort of doesn’t count, since it’s a royal wedding. But how do you spend $34 MILLION on a wedding? Well, most of it was spent on SECURITY, which cost $32 million.
2. British model Petra Ecclestone and billionaire James Stunt, $20 million
3. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, $10 million . . . and they were separated within 72 days. They blew $10,000 on invitations, $6,000 on cake, $2 million on flowers, and $2.5 million on Kim’s diamond headdress.
4. Michael Jordan and Yvette Prieto, $10 million
5. British soccer player Wayne Rooney and his wife Coleen, $7.7 million.
6. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, $6.5 million
7. Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky, $4.8 million
8. Liza Minnelli and David Gest, $4.2 million. They divorced in 2007 after five years of marriage. Michael Jackson was the Best Man and Elizabeth Taylor was the Maid of Honor.
9. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, $3 million. Their marriage ended in 2012 after six years.
10. Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, $2 million. They divorced in 2011 after six years of marriage.
11. Madonna and Guy Ritchie, $1.5 million. They split up in 2008, after eight years together.
12. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, $1 million. They separated last year, after just four years of marriage. They planned their wedding in nine days, and were married within a month of meeting, which is probably not the best idea.
13. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, $1 million. They divorced in 2005 after five years of marriage.
1. How, exactly, does CINDY CRAWFORD still look like THIS at 48?
2. JUSTIN BIEBER and SELENA GOMEZ both just happened to post sexy pictures of themselves.
3. Those of you who’ve been waiting for a picture of JEREMY PIVEN’S bulge need wait no more.
4. The paparazzi got some shots of KRISTEN BELL’S bikini butt. (Check out picture #8, where Kristen appears to be DIGGING IN.)
5. RUMER WILLIS posted a picture of her dad BRUCE as a child to celebrate his birthday. It’s pretty adorable.
6. JUSTIN BIEBER finished the tattoo sleeve on his right forearm . . . and posted that he’s, quote, “Done with tats 4 a while.”
The Seven Reasons Pharrell Is Convinced That Hillary Clinton Will Be Our Next President
PHARRELL has laid out seven reasons why he’s SURE that HILLARY CLINTON will be our next President. He gave some pretty crazy quotes, but it boils down to: Hillary will bring unity to the country . . . she’ll allow women to control their own bodies . . . and BILL CLINTON is still a pimp.
1. Red and Blue, Gangs and Blood: “Everywhere you go in this country, you have red and blue. You got the Democrats, you got the Republicans. You got the Bloods, you got the Crips.
“You know what else is red and blue? Blood. Blood is blue in your body until air hits it, and then it turns red. That means there’s unity. There’s gonna be unity.”
2. An Uprising of Women Late-Night Talk Show Hosts and World Leaders: “So when you think about a night where there’s late-night talk-show hosts and it’s mostly women, that’s a different world. Right?
“A world where 75% of the prime ministers and the presidents were women . . . that’s a different world. That’s gonna happen when Hillary wins.”
3. Women Voting to Own Their Bodies: “No matter how staunch of a supporter you are of no-abortion . . . there’s no way in the world [a woman is] going to vote for somebody that’s going to try to tell them what to do with your bodies.”
4. Bill Clinton Is Still a Pimp: “It’s a two-for-one. Bill is the coolest dude in the game, still plays saxophone, and every woman in the world wants him.”
5. Pharrell Correctly Predicted Barack Obama’s Win: “Everybody laughed at me when I said Obama was going to win, but I knew what he represented.
“I know what Hillary represents: She represents a woman in power, and she did great as the Secretary of State. She’s gonna win . . . Listen, I’m reaching out to her right now. She’s gonna win.”
6. Her Competition is Still Trying to Learn How to Dougie: “Who? The Tea Party guys? The guys with the [N-word] jokes in 2014? They’re all trying to learn how to do the Dougie. Please. While their daughters are all twerking.”
7. And Something About Miley Cyrus: “Miley tells me all the time . . . All those little girls, all those girls with their Republican daddies, they’re twerkin’ somewhere listening to Jay Z and Beyoncé, and doin’ the ‘Happy’ dance . . . And that’s black.”
Demi Lovato’s Fans Are Sending Kathy Griffin Death Threats Because She Said Demi Is the “Biggest Douche” She’s Ever Met
KATHY GRIFFIN said DEMI LOVATO was probably the “biggest douche celebrity” she’s ever met, and Demi’s fans freaked. They started sending Kathy death threats, including this gem: Quote, “Kathy, I’m going to stick you in the oven and kill you probably on broil.” (???)
Nick Cannon is Having Fun With the Whole “Whiteface” Controversy
NICK CANNON is having fun on Twitter with the whole “whiteface” controversy he caused with his new character, Connor Smallnut. He posted a picture of a ski area called Whiteface Mountain, and also linked to a skit he did years ago where he and another guy wear BLACKFACE, and wondered why no one cared about that.
Yesterday he posted a picture of the WHITEFACE Mountain Ski Area, along with the caption, “By the way . . . This is “White Face” Dude, let’s hit the slopes!! LOL.”
He also posted a link to a skit he did years ago with actor (slash) comedian AFFION CROCKETT and rapper NAS, about how corporate America was turning rap into a minstrel show.
Did “Scandal” Star Columbus Short Beat the Crap Out of Some Guy?
31-year-old “Scandal” star COLUMBUS SHORT was reportedly involved in a big-time bar fight two weeks ago in L.A. An eyewitness claims Short beat a guy unconscious and broke his nose. The victim was taken to the hospital . . . and the cops are investigating. Columbus has not commented.
Speed Is What Killed Paul Walker, Not Mechanical Failure
The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department has determined that PAUL WALKER’S death was caused by the SPEED of the Porsche Carrera he was in, and not mechanical failure. Also, the fact that the car had 9-year-old tires didn’t help.
Police say the car was going up to 93 miles per hour when it crashed and burst into flames, killing him and his friend who was driving back in November.
The speed limit on the curvy road they were flying down was 45 miles per hour. (L.A. Times)
The “Dancing with the Stars” Season Premiere Took Second Place in the Ratings
The 18th season premiere of “Dancing with the Stars” got 15.4 million viewers. That was a strong start with the overall viewers, but it was down slightly from last season.
Meanwhile, the 100th episode of “Glee” only attracted 2.8 million viewers, which is low for Fox. And the series premiere of “The 100″ pulled 2.7 million, which is on the high end for the CW. Here are last week’s top ten shows:
1. “NCIS”, CBS, 17.1 million viewers.
2. The “Dancing with the Stars” season premiere, ABC, 15.4 million viewers.
3. “NCIS: Los Angeles”, CBS, 14.2 million viewers.
4. Monday’s episode of “The Voice”, NBC, 13.5 million viewers.
5. “The Walking Dead”, AMC, 13.5 million viewers.
6. Tuesday’s episode of “The Voice”, NBC, 13.3 million viewers.
7. “60 Minutes”, CBS, 11.3 million viewers.
8. “The Blacklist”, NBC, 11 million viewers.
9. “Person of Interest”, CBS, 10.9 million viewers.
10. “CSI”, CBS, 10.2 million viewers.
Wednesday TV Reminders:
• “Prince Harry’s South Pole Heroes” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC. Prince Harry takes a group of wounded veterans on an expedition to the South Pole with Alexander Skarsgard from “True Blood” and Dominic West from “The Wire”.
• “American Idol” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. The Top 9 perform.
• The series finale of “Psych” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on USA.
• “Hot in Cleveland” [5th Season Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on TV Land.
• “The Soul Man” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on TV Land.
• “Duck Dynasty” [5th Season Finale] . . . from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” – Bill Cosby and Joby Ogwyn.
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” – Tim Olyphant, Cristin Milioti, and Bleachers.
• “Letterman” – Peter Dinklage, Hari Kondabolu, and Sage the Gemini.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Michael Pena.
• “Carson Daly” – Gareth Evans, and Finding Vivian Maier. Music Guest: Arthur Beatrice.
• “Arsenio” – Russell Simmons, Monique, Tony Rock, and spoken word performer Black Ice.
• “Conan” – Rosario Dawson, comedian Hannibal Buress, country singer Frankie Ballard.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Scarlett Johansson, and Maz Jobrani.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Theo James from “Divergent”. (Repeat)
• “Jon Stewart” – Jude Law.
• “The Colbert Report” – Errol Morris.
Diddy Is Using the Name “Puff Daddy” Again, But He Says His Name Isn’t Changing
DIDDY credits himself as “Puff Daddy” again in his new video . . . but he isn’t walking away from the name “Diddy.” He Tweeted, quote, “For the record, I did not change my name. I always have been and always will be PUFF DADDY! :)”
Five Random Facts For Wednesday
1. By age 70, your body has shed 105 pounds of skin.
2. 40% of people are afraid of flying . . . which might be the most disproportionate fear based on the risk. If you took one flight a day, the odds are you wouldn’t be in a fatal crash for 55,000 years.
3. The world’s shortest commercial flight is between two islands in northern Scotland. The flight is 1.7 miles and the official time is two minutes . . . but takes closer to 47 seconds.
4. Beverly Hills was named after Beverly Farms, Massachusetts. That was named after Beverley, Yorkshire, England. And that town was named in 700 A.D. because of a colony of beavers. So Beverly Hills is named after medieval English beavers.
5. PABLO ESCOBAR was on the first “Forbes” billionaires list in 1987 thanks to the $3 billion he’d made from his cocaine empire. He also made the list for the next seven years . . . right up until he was killed in 1993.
At Least 1% of All Work Hours Are Wasted Because of Issues With the Office Temperature
Fights over your office temperature may be KILLING productivity. A survey just found at least 35% of people say they spend part of their work day uncomfortable with the temperature . . . and at least 1% of all work hours are wasted every day because of the temperature in the office.
Five Cities Whose Taste in Porn Fits Them Perfectly
Pornhub.com just released the top five porn searches in 24 major cities. And a few of the results fit PERFECTLY. One of the most popular porn searches in Portland, Oregon is YOGA . . . one in L.A. is CASTING . . . and the most popular porn star in Alaska is LISA ANN, who became famous for playing SARAH PALIN.
30% of Parents “Borrow” Money From Their Kids’ Piggy Banks
Do you steal from your kid’s piggy bank? In a new survey, 30% of parents admit that YES, they sometimes “borrow” from their kids’ piggy banks. And 48% say they bribe their kids with money to behave.
48% of parents bribe their kids with money to behave.
52% say it’s more important to save for their kids’ college than their own retirement.
44% said the best way to save for college is a savings account . . . only 34% knew about a 529 account, which is a college savings account that offers tax breaks.
And 7% of parents said the best way to save for college is a UBO-67 or CS213 account . . . neither of which actually exists.
A New Burger Features an Entire Cheeseburger Cooked Inside Another Patty
A restaurant in England is serving a new burger that features an entire cheeseburger stuffed INSIDE another burger. They take a complete cheeseburger AND bun . . . surround it in burger meat . . . and cook the whole thing. Then they stack that monstrosity plus two MORE burger patties on four buns. It costs $33, but it’s free if you finish it.
What’s Something That Takes Very Little Skill But Gets a Ton of Admiration?
What’s something that takes very little skill but gets a ton of admiration? Some of the most popular answers are fixing your parents’ Internet . . . a three-year-old’s drawings . . . playing very basic chords on a guitar . . . and being tall.
For $3,000 You Can Get a “Social Media Concierge” For Your Wedding
: The W Hotels in New York are offering a totally gratuitous new service for weddings . . . a social media concierge. For $3,000, you’ll have someone who will live-tweet your wedding, post photos on Instagram, come up with a hashtag for your guests to use, and put together Pinterest boards with gift and honeymoon ideas to “inspire” you.
Two EMTs Got Into Such a Big Fight, Their Patient Got Out of the Ambulance and Took Herself to the Hospital
A woman in D.C. called an ambulance back on March 15th, because her face was going numb. But the two EMTs who showed up got into such a big SHOUTING MATCH, she got out of the ambulance and took a HERSELF to the hospital. She found out she has Bell’s palsy and it WAS a medical emergency. Luckily she’s okay. Authorities are still investigating the incident.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY is 29. “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Bend It Like Beckham”, “Pride & Prejudice” and “Love Actually” MINX. Seriously challenges Gwen Stefani for the title of My Favorite Flat-Chested Celebrity!
Jonathan Groff is 29. Deliciously gay Patrick on HBO’s “Looking”, Jesse on “Glee”, and the voice of Kristoff the mountain man in “Frozen”.
Amy Smart is 38. She’s in theaters now as part of Tyler Perry’s “Single Moms Club”. You also know her as the girl Ashton Kutcher tries to save in “The Butterfly Effect” . . . and the girl who gets attractively topless during “Road Trip”.
T.R. Knight is 41. Formerly Dr. George O’Malley on “Grey’s Anatomy”. His delicious gayness touched off all manner of chaos. We, as a nation, still have yet to recover.
Leslie Mann is 42. Married to Judd Apatow . . . and, therefore, gets to be in all of his movies. She was the drunk woman in “40-Year-Old Virgin”, Katherine Heigl’s sister in “Knocked Up” and the follow-up (slash) spin-off “This is 40″.
Kenny Chesney is 46. Tiny and COMPLETELY HAIRLESS country stud who was briefly married to Renee Zellweger.
James Iha is 46. Smashing Pumpkins’ smooth Asian FORMER guitarist. He’s not part of the NEW Pumpkins . . . because Billy Corgan is a RACIST.
Michael Imperioli is 48. He went from being Tony’s unibrowed nephew/protégé on “The Sopranos” to starring as a cop on ABC’s “Detroit 1-8-7″ and pimping 1800 Tequila.
John Stockton is 52. Retired Utah Jazz honky.
Jennifer Grey is 54. “Dirty Dancing” minx AND Ferris’ sister in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”. She destroyed her greatest asset by getting a NOSE JOB, but she HOUSED on “Dancing With the Stars”. She won Season 11.
Marcus Allen is 54. Legendary Raiders running back. Some say he had an affair with Nicole Brown, and that was the spark that ignited O.J. Simpson’s rage and led to the murders of Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman.
LEEZA GIBBONS! is 57. GRRROOOWWWL!
Dean Dillon is 59. Country singer/songwriter. He helped make George Strait famous. Biggest hits: “Easy Come, Easy Go”, “Ocean Front Property” and “The Chair”.
Martin Short is 64. THE AMAZING & SEXY JIMINY GLICK! “Is it true you shave your ‘down there hair’?”
Vicki Lawrence is 65. “Mama’s Family” and “Carol Burnett Show” MINX.
Steven Tyler is 66. Your kids will forever think of him as the loose cannon on “American Idol”, or the guy who sings “Dude Looks Like a Lady”. Please educate them about how he actually MATTERED at one point in his career.
Diana Ross is 70. Tito Jackson’s brother wrote a dirty song about her. Actually, Tito probably wrote it and let Michael take the credit for it. That’s just the way Tito is.
Bob Woodward is 71. One of the reporters who TOOK DOWN NIXON.
James Caan is 74. Depending on your generation, you’d know him as Sonny Corleone, Ed Deline on “Las Vegas”, Scott Caan’s dad in real life, or Will Ferrell’s dad in “Elf”.
Nancy Pelosi is 74. Speaker of the House . . . and full-time GILF.
Alan Arkin is 80. Founding SCTV member and Adam Arkin’s dad. From 1970 to 1972 he was Larry on “Sesame Street” AND he’s Lazaro in the 1995 classic “The Jerky Boys”. He also won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his part as the Grandpa in “Little Miss Sunshine”.
Leonard Nimoy is 83. Vulcan superstar and, most importantly, the artist responsible for the creation of “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins“!) (Crank the volume and enjoy.)
Sandra Day O’Connor is 84. First woman on the Supreme Court bench, but not as sexy as Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Teddy Pendergrass (1950 – 2010) Paraplegic with SOUL. He just died in January after a long fight with colon cancer.
Tennessee Williams (1911 – 1983) Playwright who gave us “A Streetcar Named Desire” and “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”. He died in a hotel room from choking on a bottle cap while drunk.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 6 days to April Fool’s Day
• 9 days to “Captain America 2″
• 11 days to “Game of Thrones”
• 20 days until your Taxes are Due
• 25 days to Easter Sunday
• 1,031 days left of “Hope and Change”
61 years ago . . . In 1953, DR. JONAS SALK announced that he had successfully tested a POLIO VACCINE.
44 years ago . . . In 1970, PETER YARROW of PETER, PAUL & MARY . . . whose album, “Peter, Paul and Mommy” won a Grammy for Best Recording for Children . . . pleaded guilty to “taking immoral liberties” with a 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL. He spent three months in jail.
42 years ago . . . In 1972, DAVID BOWIE WROTE THE GAY ANTHEM “ALL THE YOUNG DUDES” FOR MOTT THE HOOPLE.
35 years ago . . . In 1979, with the help of President JIMMY CARTER, the CAMP DAVID TREATY was signed by ISRAEL & EGYPT, ending the 31-year state of war between the countries.
35 years ago . . . In 1979, in one of the greatest NCAA basketball finals of all time, MAGIC JOHNSON and Michigan State defeated LARRY BIRD and Indiana State, 75-64.
33 years ago . . . In 1981, Austin, Texas, declared “CHRISTOPHER CROSS DAY” to honor the hometown boy who wrote the mega-hit that is “SAILING”. I STILL celebrate it . . . no matter what city I’m in.
32 years ago . . . In 1982, Groundbreaking ceremonies took place in Washington, D.C., for the VIETNAM VETERANS MEMORIAL, a pair of 200-foot black granite walls bearing the names of Americans killed or missing in the war.
24 years ago . . . In 1990, JESSICA TANDY won the Best Actress Oscar for that year’s Best Picture “DRIVING MISS DAISY”.
20 years ago . . . In 1994, RICKI LAKE married a lucky chubby-chaser named Rob Sussman. She was obviously too much woman for him. They’re divorced.
20 years ago . . . In 1994, “WHOOMP! (THERE IT IS)”, by TAG TEAM, started its record 44th week on the “Billboard” Hot 100 chart. The record was later broken by the BLUES TRAVELER single “RUN AROUND”.
19 years ago . . . In 1995, N.W.A. founder EAZY-E (real ghetto name: Eric Wright) died of AIDS at age 30, only three weeks after being diagnosed.
17 years ago . . . In 1997, the bodies of 39 members of the HEAVEN’S GATE religious cult, some of whom were smooth EUNUCHS, were found inside a mansion in Rancho Santa Fe, California.
(They had committed mass suicide thinking that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the comet HALE-BOPP. Can you prove that DIDNT’ happen?)
15 years ago . . . In 1999, at the 13th Annual Soooooooul Train Music Awards, LAURYN HILL walked away with three awards, including Album of the Year for “THE MISEDUCATION OF LAURYN HILL”.
14 years ago . . . In 2000, PHIL COLLINS took home HIS ONE AND ONLY ACADEMY AWARD . . . the Best Song Oscar for “You’ll Be In My Heart” from Disney’s “Tarzan”.
14 years ago . . . In 2000, SAM MENDES won the Best Director Oscar and KEVIN SPACEY won Best Actor, both for that year’s Best Picture, “AMERICAN BEAUTY”.
. . . The other big awards went to: HILARY SWANK – Best Actress for “BOYS DON’T CRY”; Supporting Actor – MICHAEL CAINE for “THE CIDER HOUSE RULES”; and Best Supporting Actress went to ANGELINA JOLIE for “GIRL, INTERRUPTED”.
12 years ago . . . In 2002, OZZY OSBOURNE’S long-time drummer RANDY CASTILLO, who also temporarily replaced TOMMY LEE in MOTLEY CRUE, died from cancer at the age of 51.
Two years ago . . . In 2012, JAMES CAMERON conducted the first manned scientific exploration of the deepest point on Earth, Challenger Deep.