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Whatever 3.11

Your daily dose of Whatever!!

Will Kim Get $1 Million for Every Year She’s Married to Kanye? 

Sources say KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST will sign a prenup before they get married that gives Kim $1 million for every year they’re together . . . although the amount is capped at $10 million.  Also, their house will be in her name, and any money she makes on her own is hers to keep.

Kim is worth $40 million, while Kanye is worth around $100 million.  This will be Kanye’s first marriage, but Kim’s third. 

 

 

She was married to producer Damon Thomas from 2000 to 2004, and NBA star Kris Humphries from 2011 to 72 days later in 2011.  Well, they were officially married until 2013 . . . but they split 72 days after making The Big Mistake.

Lorde Says She and Taylor Swift Are Not Lesbians . . . But There’s Nothing Wrong With Lesbians 

During an Australian radio interview, the DJ jokingly suggested that LORDE and TAYLOR SWIFT are lesbians.  Lorde replied, quote, “Is there something wrong with lesbians?”  When the guy tried to get Lorde to admit she and Taylor are gay, she said, quote, “Don’t even try it.”

Lorde is only 17, plus she has a boyfriend.  His name is James Lowe, and she’s been with him for over a year.

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  JESSICA SIMPSON posted a picture of a fake three-way girl kiss between herself, actress Odette Annable from “House” and singer Stephenie Pearson.  And even though it was totally staged, it’s still kinda hot.

 

 

 

2.  Just another day at the office for MILEY CYRUS.  In Chicago the other night, she buried her face in a giant woman’s cleavage.  And in Milwaukee two nights later, she missed a quick costume change . . . so she had to perform in her bra and panties.

3.  ELISABETH MOSS from “Mad Men” shows some serious side-boob in “New York” magazine.  She also talks about how HORRIBLE her brief marriage to FRED ARMISEN was.  Fred has previously accepted the blame for that, by the way.

 

 

 

4.  This is kind of creepy.  Someone took bad pieces of fan art of Nicolas Cage, Brad Pitt and Zach Braff, then Photoshopped REAL pictures of them to look like those bad drawings.

5.  JADEN SMITH wore his “Karate Kid” bandana during a sushi “date” with KYLIE JENNER.

 

 

 

6.  (NC-17)  If you haven’t seen “300:  Rise of an Empire”, here’s what you’re missing:  EVA GREEN’S NAKED BOOBS.  (WARNING!!!  Naked boobs, as advertised.)

 

 

 

7.  Director DAVID CRONENBERG won a lifetime achievement award at the Canadian Screen Awards . . . and it came with a kiss on the lips from frequent collaborator VIGGO MORTENSEN.

 

 

 

8.  KISS revealed the uniforms for their new Arena Football League team, the L.A. Kiss . . . and they’re pretty obnoxious.

 

 

 

9.  Enjoy some NICKI MINAJ bikini pics.

 

 

 

10.  Check out BRITNEY SPEARS laughing it up with KEVIN FEDERLINE’S pregnant wife at one of the boys’ soccer games.

Check Out More Video from Justin Bieber’s Deposition 

More videos from JUSTIN BIEBER’S four and a half hour deposition hit the web yesterday.  They include Justin basically admitting he takes Xanax illegally, and being a complete TOOL to a court reporter after she POLITELY asked him to repeat an answer that he mumbled.

Obviously, he’s concerned because Justin had Xanax in his system when he got that DUI in Florida . . . which means he was taking it ILLEGALLY.  That has nothing to do with THIS case, but still.  (Here’s video.)

 

 

There’s also a montage of Justin either nodding off or PRETENDING to nod off during questioning.  Apparently, he did that a lot.  (Here’s video.)

Nicolas Cage Says It Sucks to be Famous Now 

NICOLAS CAGE says it “sucks to be famous right now” because of smart phones and “celebutards” who are famous just for being famous.  He adds, quote, “What the hell does Lindsay Lohan’s personal life have to do with her performance in ‘The Canyons’?  It should always be about the work itself.”

Baby Nicolas Cage is a Disturbing New Meme 

 

 

One of the most disturbing . . . and HILARIOUS . . . new memes is People Holding Baby Nic Cage.  It’s pictures of people holding babies . . . with NICOLAS CAGE’S face Photoshopped over the babies’ faces.  (Check it out here.)

Steve Irwin’s Cameraman Opens Up About the “Crocodile Hunter’s” Final Moments  

STEVE IRWIN’S cameraman Justin Lyons, who was with him at the time of his death, has revealed that his last words were, quote, “I’m dying.”  He says they were setting up a shot where Steve would swim up behind a giant stingray, thinking that it would swim away from him, but instead it attacked him.

Justin says they were in chest-deep water with the eight-foot-long stingray, and they were setting up a shot where Steve swims up behind it, and the stingray swims away.

 

 

He says that stingrays are usually “calm” animals, and would typically swim away from Steve.  But this one may have mistaken Steve’s shadow for a tiger shark, so it attacked.

 

 

Justin goes on, quote, “It started stabbing wildly with its tail, hundreds of strikes within a few seconds . . . I panned with the camera as the stingray swam away.  I didn’t even know it had caused any damage.

 

 

“It wasn’t until I panned the camera back, [and saw] that Steve was standing in a huge pool of blood that I realized something had gone wrong.”  (Here’s video of the interview, which starts about a minute in.)

“Bachelor” Randoms:  Juan Pablo Selects the Love of His Life . . . and Refuses to Say He Loves Her 

 

 

1.  On the “Bachelor” finale last night, JUAN PABLO GALAVIS selected NIKKI FERRELL as the winner of his love.  He did NOT propose . . . and really, he didn’t seem all that interested in giving her his love after all.

 

 

Things got VERY weird during the “After the Final Rose” special, when Juan Pablo refused to say he loved Nikki . . . despite host CHRIS HARRISON trying to talk him into it, and Nikki saying that she loved him.

 

 

When asked about their future, Juan Pablo said, quote, “We have our plans, but it’s something we want to keep very private.”  (Possible Translation:  We’re DONE . . . but ABC wants us to pretend we’re still together for now.)

2.  The third-place finisher in the lackluster race for Juan Pablo’s heart, ANDI DORFMAN, will be the next “Bachelorette”.  She says, quote, “I’m ready to fall in love.  I’m ready to meet the man of my dreams.”

 

 

 

3.  Not surprisingly, the “New York Daily News” has a report about how the producers HATED Juan Pablo . . . and how he’s “the worst ‘Bachelor’ ever.”

 

 

 

4.  Word has it one of this season’s contestants is talking about how BAD Juan Pablo is in bed.  This person supposedly said, quote, “He’s like a jack-hammer!”

Tuesday TV Reminders:

 

 

“The Voice” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC.  Part six of the blind auditions.

 

 

“Glee” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.  The glee club heads to nationals.

 

 

“Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC.  Jamie Alexander from the “Thor” movies guest stars as the Lady Sif and helps the team try to stop an Asgardian chick with the power to enchant any male she wants.

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon”Tyler Perry, FunnyOrDie’s Billy Eichner, and Juanes.

 

 

“Late Night with Seth Meyers”Ike Barinholtz, who plays Morgan Tookers on “The Mindy Project”, and Rachel Maddow.

 

 

“Letterman”Jason Bateman, and country singer Gary Allan.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Rosario Dawson, Governor Rick Perry, and Aloe Blacc.

 

 

“Carson Daly”“Helix” executive producer Ronald D. Moore, comedian Hasan Minhaj, and the band Vanish Valley.

 

 

“Arsenio”Lance Gross from NBC’s “Crisis”, Kathy Griffin, and George Wallace.

 

 

“Conan”Ricky Gervais, and the Goo Goo Dolls.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Lauren Cohan from “The Walking Dead” and Jeff Goldblum.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Emily Mortimer from HBO’s “The Newsroom”.

 

 

“Jon Stewart” – Judicial analyst Andrew Napolitano.

 

 

“The Colbert Report” – MSNBC’s Ronan Farrow.

“The Hungover Games” is Out on DVD and “The Starving Games” is on Netflix

 

 

Here’s what’s new on DVD today:

 

Homefront . . . starring Jason Statham and James Franco.

 

Out of the Furnace . . . starring Christian Bale and Woody Harrelson.

 

Inside Llewyn Davis . . . starring Oscar Isaac and Carey Mulligan.

 

The Book Thief . . . starring Geoffrey Rush and French actress Sophie Nelisse.

 

The Hungover Games . . . a “Hangover” parody set in the “The Hunger Games”.

 

 

 

And here’s what’s new in the past week to Netflix Instant Streaming:

 

The Starving Games stars Maiara Walsh as Kantmiss Evershot.

 

Pink: The Truth About Love Tour

 

• The fourth season of the FX animated spy series Archer.

 

• And, as we told you last week, Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

 

 

 

And here’s what’s new in video games:

 

Titanfall is on the XboxOne.  It’s a futuristic shooter from some people who used to work on the “Call of Duty” franchise.  It hits the Xbox 360 in two weeks, on March 25th.

 

Dark Souls II on the Xbox360 and PS3

New CDs from “Veronica Mars”, Sara Evans, and Young Money

 

 

“Lift Your Spirit”, Aloe Blacc

 

“The Truth”, R&B minx Ledisi

 

 

• The soundtrack to “Divergent”, which opens next week.  It has music from Ellie Goulding, Snow Patrol, M83, Tame Impala, Pia Mia, Woodkid, and A$AP Rocky.

 

 

• The soundtrack to the “Veronica Mars” movie which opens this Friday.  It has music from Lou Rawls, ZZ Ward, Typhoon, the Dandy Warhols, and Mr. Twin Sister.

 

 

“kxm”, kxm . . . The self-titled debut of a rock supergroup featuring Doug Pinnick from Kings X, guitarist George Lynch, and Korn drummer Ray Luzier.

 

“Stereolithic”, 311

 

“The Take Off and Landing of Everything”, Elbow

 

“Lost Forever / Lost Together”, The Architects

 

“Slow Me Down”, Sara Evans . . . Her guests are Vince Gill and a guy from The Fray.

 

“King of Clubs”, Cowboy Troy . . . His guests are Big & Rich and Bubba Sparxxx.

 

“Reflections”, Country Music Hall of Famer Don Wiliams

 

“Rise of an Empire”, Young Money . . . which is also the title of the new “300″ movie.

 

“Steve Martin & the Steep Canyon Rangers Live, feat. Edie Brickell”, Steve Martin

 

“Place in the Sun”, Ozomatli

 

“Loco de Amor”, Juanes

Five Random Facts For Tuesday

1.  Emetophobia is an extreme fear of throwing up.  It’s not that common, but about 90% of the people who have it are female.

 

 

2.  In 2013, for the eighth year in a row, the cost of making pennies and nickels cost MORE than the value of the coins.  Pennies cost 1.8 cents to make, nickels cost 9.4 cents.  Which means taxpayers lost $105 MILLION on pennies and nickels last year.

 

 

3.  In watch advertisements, the watches are virtually ALL showing the time as 10:10.  It’s the best way to frame the logo on the watch and makes it look like the watch is “smiling.”

 

 

4.  The only American president ever to own a PATENT is . . . ABRAHAM LINCOLN.  When he was a lawyer, he patented a flat-bottomed boat design.  But it never went to market.

 

 

5.  It’s possible to overdose on Brussels sprouts.  They have high levels of vitamin K, which can promote blood clotting.  So if you take blood thinners and power down several dozen Brussels sprouts, it could send you to the hospital.

 

 

(FemaleFirst / Washington Post / Swiss Watch Wire / SI.edu / Daily Mail)

The Top Seven Ways Women Lie on Facebook

A new survey found the top ways women lie on Facebook.  The big ones are Photoshopping photos before uploading them . . . exaggerating career success . . . and only posting about exciting nights so it looks like their social life is nonstop fun.

1.  Photoshopping photos before uploading them.

 

2.  Exaggerating their career success.

 

3.  Only posting about exciting nights so it looks like their social life is nonstop fun . . . and conveniently neglecting to post about the nights they’re home on the couch.

 

4.  Only posting photos of their place when it’s clean.

 

5.  Only posting about the adorable things their kid does.

 

6.  Using old photos from when they looked better.

 

7.  Untagging themselves in photos where they don’t look perfect. 

 

 

(FemaleFirst)

11% of Us Will Consider Calling in Sick to Watch March Madness

Be suspicious of mysterious sick days next week . . . according to a new survey, 11% of people say they’re considering calling in SICK to watch March Madness.  The survey also found 39% of people plan to watch some games streaming on their work computers.

(PR Newswire)

The Six Secrets of Every Happy Marriage

A new study of 10,000 couples in 110 different countries found the secrets that are true across almost EVERY happy and successful marriage.  A few of the big ones are:  Mutual respect . . . deciding divorce is not an option . . . and having daily rituals you always do together, like morning coffee.

1.  Mutual respect.

 

 

2.  Deciding divorce is NOT an option.  Successful couples decide at the beginning that there’s no plan B . . . this is IT . . . and that leads to more patience.

 

 

3.  Daily rituals.  Whether it’s having coffee together every morning or watching the news at night, having something you do together every day is key.

 

 

4.  Spirituality.  Virtually all the couples believed in a higher power.

 

 

5.  Not worrying about sex.  The study found that if you take care of the relationship and communicate, the sex will take care of itself.

 

 

6.  Putting your marriage before your kids.  If you make your marriage the priority . . . and don’t just focus 100% on your kids . . . it keeps your marriage strong.  Which is important for your kids AND you . . . since THEY’RE going to move out one day, and you’ll still be there together.  (ABC News)

What’s the One Possession That Automatically Makes You Dislike Someone?

What’s the one possession that automatically makes you dislike someone?  Some of our favorites are Ed Hardy or Affliction shirts . . . hipster glasses without lenses in them . . . an old crappy car with giant chrome wheels . . . and a dog in a purse.

1.  Any sort of multi-level marketing or pyramid scheme product, like Herbalife or Amway.

 

2.  Ed Hardy or Affliction shirts, hats, or belts.

 

3.  Yoga pants or sweatpants with the word “sexy” on the butt.

 

4.  T-shirts that say, “Keep calm and . . . ” then something corny.

 

5.  A sticker of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes peeing on something.

 

6.  Hipster glasses without lenses in them.

 

7.  An old crappy car with giant chrome wheels.

 

8.  A dog in a purse.  (Reddit)

A Guy Lost a Bet . . . And Let His Friends Change His Name to “More Sexy And Intelligent Than Spock And All The Superheroes Combined With Frostnova”

 

Four years ago, a 22-year-old in New Zealand lost a poker bet, and let his friends legally change his name to whatever they wanted.  But he didn’t find out that it went through until he tried to renew his passport last week . . . and saw that his full, legal name is now, quote, “Full Metal Havok More Sexy N Intelligent Than Spock And All The Superheroes Combined With Frostnova.”

(NZ Herald / IBT / Gawker)

A Man Calls 911 Because His Family Is Being Held Hostage . . . By Their Cat

On Sunday night, a man in Oregon called 911 because his family was being held hostage . . . by their CAT.  Apparently the cat had scratched their baby, the guy kicked it . . . and the cat went NUTS.  So the family locked themselves in a bedroom and called 911.  The police eventually came and caught the cat in a snare for dogs.

(The Oregonian) 

A Man Rescued During a Flood Is Suing His Rescuers . . . For Not Saving Him Fast Enough?

Back in September, a man was trapped in his car in Colorado when it FLIPPED OVER during a flood.  And it took rescue crews two hours to save him . . . apparently because they didn’t know he was in the car.  But now he’s SUING them for $500,000 in damages to pay for his medical bills . . . because they took so long.

(CBS 4 – Denver)

A Woman Crashed Into a Tree . . . And Got Attacked By Thousands of Angry Bees

On Sunday, two women got into a minor crash just north of Los Angeles, and one car hit a tree . . . which happened to have a massive BEEHIVE in it.  So within seconds, THOUSANDS of angry bees were attacking them.  According to police, one woman got stung about 50 times, and the other was stung over a THOUSAND times.  And she only survived by jumping in a nearby swimming pool.

(CBS Los Angeles / NBC4) 

Anton Yelchin is 25.  Pavel Chekov in the new “Star Trek” movies and Clumsy Smurf in the “Smurf” movies.  He was also Kyle Reese in “Terminator Salvation”, and Charley Brewster in the “Fright Night” remake.

 

 

Thora Birch is 32.  Kevin Spacey’s oddly sexy daughter in “American Beauty”, oddly sexy Enid in “Ghost World”, and Dani in the Halloween movie “Hocus Pocus”.

 

 

Letoya Luckett is 33.  One of the early, forgotten members of Destiny’s Child.  And April’s boss on VH1′s “Single Ladies”.

 

 

Benji and Joel Madden is 35.  Identical twins who rock the suburbs as Good Charlotte.  Joel Madden used to be with Hilary Duff.  Now Joel’s got two kids with Nicole Richie . . . and for a while there, Benji was nailing Paris Hilton.  Their punk cred?  GONE.

 

 

Jon “Jonny Fairplay” Dalton is 40.  Author of the greatest evil con EVER played in the history of “Survivor”.  I HATED Jonny Fairplay up until his “dead grandma” gag.  Then I GOT IT . . . and I loved him!

 

 

(Danny Bonaduce DOESN’T get it . . . which is why he FLOORED Jonny Fairplay at those Fox Reality Channel awards in 2007.  Here’s that clip.)

 

 

Johnny Knoxville is 43.  “Bad Grandpa” star who’s still just a “Jackass”.

Terrence Howard is 45.  Woman-hating Nubian superstar.  He starred in “Iron Man”, “Ray”, “Crash”, “Hustle & Flow” and “The Princess and the Frog”.  He also got to play Nelson Mandela opposite Jennifer Hudson in “Winnie Mandela”.

 

The roles haven’t always been as rich or Oscar-friendly . . . like in 1995, when he appeared in the made-for-TV movie “The O.J. Simpson Story”, as YOUNG A.C.! 

Lisa Loeb is 46.  Chicks in glasses are HOT.  For some reason, she used to let Dweezil Zappa get all up in her bespectacled fun-stuff.

 

 

John Barrowman is 47.  Captain Jack Harkness on “Dr. Who” and “Torchwood”., and the villain Malcolm Merlyn on “Arrow”.  He was also in “Zero Dark Thirty”.

 

 

Vinnie Paul is 50.  Dimebag Darrell’s older brother.  They were in both Pantera and Damageplan together.

 

 

Joey Buttafuoco is 58.  Clown-ass, flabby-chested amateur porno star.

 

 

Susan Richardson is 62.  Susan Bradford on “Eight Is Enough”!

 

 

BOBBY MCFERRIN! is 64.  Only hit:  “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”!

 

 

Antonin Scalia is 78.  Supreme Court Justice who put George W. Bush in power.

Sam Donaldson is 80.  ABC news legend AND living, breathing Vulcan!

 

 

Rupert Murdoch is 83.  Fox Network mogul.  His empire includes “Family Guy” AND Sarah Palin.  Yeah, like he’s not just in it for the money.

 

 

Douglas Adams  (1952 – 2001)  Author of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”.

 

 

LAWRENCE WELK! (1903 – 1992)

 

 

Anissa Jones  (1958 – 1976)  Buffy on “Family Affair”.  She overdosed on reds [downers] and died at age 18.

 

 

Vannevar Bush  (1890 – 1974)  Designed the world’s first analog computer in 1927;  it took up an entire 20-by-30-foot room.

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 6 days to St. Patrick’s Day

• 6 days to Dancing with the Stars

• 21 days to April Fool’s Day

• 24 days to “Captain America 2″

• 26 days to “Game of Thrones”

• 1,046 days left of “Hope and Change”

712 years ago . . . In 1302, Romeo Montecchi (pronounced MOAN-teck-ee) and Giulietta Cappelleto, the real-life ROMEO AND JULIET whose lives were the basis for Shakespeare’s play, were married in Citadela, Italy.

 

 

204 years ago . . . In 1810, French Emperor NAPOLEON “BONE”APART married his second wife, Marie Louise, the 19-year-old daughter of the Emperor of Austria.  Napoleon had a STAND-IN at the wedding ceremony in Austria, while he waited at home . . . engorged . . . for Marie Louise to show up! 

 

 

Napoleon claimed that after that first night, Marie Louise had just one thing to say:  “Do it again.”  (TRUE!) 

 

 

(Napoleon was a bedroom SUPER-FREAK:  When he would go out to battle for months, he’d ask his wife not to wash the WHOLE time . . . because the “scent” of her body odor turned him on when they got busy on his return.  Also TRUE!)

 

 

72 years ago . . . In 1942, during World War Two, GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR left the Philippines for Australia.  Upon leaving, he said, “I shall return.”  He did . . . three years later.

 

 

44 years ago . . . In 1970, at the Grammys, THE 5TH DIMENSION won Record of the Year for “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In”;  BLOOD, SWEAT & TEARS won Album of the Year for their self-titled album . . .

 

 

THE ISLEY BROTHERS won Best R&B Performance for “It’s Your Thing”;  and CROSBY, STILLS & NASH was named Best New Artist.

44 years ago . . . In 1970, TAMMY WYNETTE won the Grammy for Best Country Vocal Performance by a Female for “Stand By Your Man” and JOHNNY CASH won the male category for “A Boy Named Sue”.

 

 

42 years ago . . . In 1972, “THE GODFATHER” PREMIERED!  It went on to win that year’s Best Picture Oscar.  MARLON BRANDO won Best Actor, but he refused to accept it because Hollywood discriminated against the Indian people.  He was a no-show and sent Sacheen Littlefeather to decline the award.

 

23 years ago . . . In 1991, JANET JACKSON signed a $32 million deal with Virgin Records . . . for two albums.

 

 

21 years ago . . . In 1993, luscious JANET RENO was unanimously confirmed by the Senate to be Attorney General. 

 

 

17 years ago . . . In 1997, PAUL MCCARTNEY was knighted by Queen Elizabeth the 2nd.

 

 

14 years ago . . . In 2000, KISS began their so-called “Farewell Tour”.

 

 

Eight years ago . . . In 2006, Former Yugoslavian president and war criminal SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC was found DEAD in his jail cell in the Netherlands.

 

 

Three years ago . . . In 2011, Wisconsin Governor SCOTT WALKER sparked three weeks of protests when he signed a bill that eliminated most union rights for public employees.

 

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