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Whatever 2.3

Your daily dose of whatever includes:

  • Your Massive Super Bowl Breakdown!
  • The Groundhog predicts more WINTER! BOO!
  • The genre of movie that will make your relationship better is…..???

The Best and Worst Super Bowl Commercials

It was a weak crop of Super Bowl commercials this year . . . sort of like the game.  But there were some stand-outs:  Our favorites were brilliant badass BOB DYLAN and his Chrysler ad about what makes America great . . . Radio Shack’s reunion of ’80s icons . . . and Budweiser’s ad about the friendship between a Clydesdale and a puppy.  Our least favorite was probably the Kia ad with LAURENCE FISHBURNE doing an uninspired “Matrix” parody.

The Top Five Commercials

 

1.  Chrysler nailed it with their BOB DYLAN commercial, that rounded up every image of Americana from the past 60 years.  That can seem like shameless pandering . . . but not when it features a BRILLIANT BADASS like Dylan.

 

 

2.  We loved the Radio Shack ad where the ’80s icons smashed up the store to introduce the “new” more modern Radio Shack . . . Alf, HULK HOGAN, the California Raisins, KID ‘N PLAY, MARY LOU RETTON.

 

 

3.   Once again, Doritos crowdsourced their commercials and had a winner.  They had a spot where a kid with a homemade time machine accidentally tricked a guy into thinking he’d been transported to the future.  It definitely worked.

4.  Budweiser ran an emotionally manipulative commercial about one of their Clydesdales becoming friends with a puppy.  But emotional manipulation WORKS.

 

 

Every Super Bowl party in America had women crying after that one.  And the ad won the “USA Today” Ad Meter.

 

 

5.  We also really liked Hyundai’s ad where a dad kept saving his kid the moment before imminent danger . . . until they were driving in a Hyundai, which had the safety features to do it for him.

The reunion of JERRY SEINFELD and JASON ALEXANDER to promote Seinfeld’s awesome web series “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee”.  It looks like they’re going to do the upcoming episode in character.

 

 

Budweiser threw a parade for a returning soldier, featured it in one of their ads, and even got the guy to go to the Super Bowl . . .

 

 

And Chevy’s ad featuring a sexy bull being transported to see other sexy cows.  (???)  But the tone wasn’t clear, the comedy wasn’t either, and we’re still a little confused.

The Five Bottom Commercials

1.  Bud Light stormed out of the gate doing a two-part commercial about an average dude who got a “crazy” night featuring run-ins with Minka Kelly, Don Cheadle, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and One Direction.

They tried to make it epic but it just felt sterile and didn’t quite connect.  They clearly blew ALL of their effort on that ad . . . because a Bud Light ad later only showed close-ups of their new bottle.

2.  GoDaddy’s hyped commercial about a woman quitting her job on live TV to start a puppet company definitely got lost in the shuffle.  It didn’t have the impact they were clearly hoping for.

3.  We REALLY wanted to like the “Full House” guys reuniting for Dannon Oikos Greek yogurt, but it just didn’t land . . . because we knew it was coming.  They reunited on “Fallon” and the ad got a lot of hype.  A surprise would’ve been better.

4.  The LAURENCE FISHBURNE “Matrix” parody ad for Kia felt like they threw a lot of random, unconnected stuff together.  In the end, it was just scattered and forced.  Like, why would Morpheus from the Matrix start singing opera?

5.  Coke swinging and missing on a commercial of “America the Beautiful” in different languages that was desperately trying to make you say, “Wow, Coke LOVES America!”  But a lot of people online didn’t like it.

Dishonorable mention goes to Axe body spray for their borderline misguided ad showing racial stereotypes choosing world peace over war . . .

And Maserati for throwing 10-year-old QUVENZHANÉ WALLIS in an ambiguous ad that wasn’t clearly a car commercial until the last few seconds.  That might be the weirdest spokesperson and company matchup ever.

Super Bowl Commercials:  The “Controversies”

There weren’t too many controversial ads during this year’s Super Bowl but we found a few.  A Volkswagen ad showed engineers getting their wings, like angels . . . and there were NO female engineers.   And FOX aired SCARLETT JOHANNSON’S Sodastream ad, even though the company has gotten a LOT of heat for having a factory in the Palestinian West Bank in Israel.

1.  Volkswagen’s ad showing engineers getting their wings, like angels, had a minor blowup on Twitter . . . because they showed NO female engineers.  The one woman in the ad didn’t get wings . . . she slapped a man when his wings touched her.

 

 

2.  There was talk about whether SCARLETT JOHANNSON’S Sodastream ad would air, because the company has gotten a LOT of heat over having a factory in the Palestinian West Bank in Israel.  Fox DID end up airing it after all.

 

 

As for the controversy . . . it’s hard to say whether or not people even know about it.  Someone at my Super Bowl party said, “Ooh, this ad is controversial because Sodastream is competing with Coke and Pepsi.”  Which is sorta true . . .

 

 

Fox refused the commercial at first, because in the original, Scarlett said, “Sorry Coke and Pepsi”, and of course those two companies spend tons of money on the Super Bowl.  So SodaStream had to cut that line from the ad.

 

 

3.  And finally, we HOPE this isn’t a controversy . . . but the Cheerios ad showed an interracial family with a black dad, a white mom, and a mixed race girl.  In 2014, we’re really happy that commercial aired during the Super Bowl.

The Seahawks Annihilated Peyton Manning and the Broncos in Super Bowl 48 

The Seattle Seahawks annihilated the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl, 43-to-8.  Basically, Seattle was right on point . . . and the Broncos were NOT, as they committed four turnovers, and couldn’t get anything going on offense.  Meanwhile, the weather was FINE . . . despite all the hysteria over the past week.

Obviously, the answer to the other question is:  The Seahawks’ defense ANNIHILATED the Broncos’ offense . . . and it wasn’t even close.  The Seahawks won 43-to-8, and the game was LITERALLY a blowout from start to finish.

 

 

If the alcohol and / or food coma blocked your memory, here’s a brief recap:

On the very first offensive play of the game, Manning’s center snapped the ball before he was ready.  It flew over his head and rolled back into the end zone, giving the Seahawks a safety and a 2-to-0 lead.

 

 

Seattle followed with a pair of field goals, and then a touchdown in the second quarter.  Then, right after the Broncos’ offense was FINALLY able to get a first down, Manning threw an interception, which Seattle ran back for ANOTHER touchdown.

 

 

It was actually Manning’s second interception of the game.

 

 

During the ensuing kickoff, it looked like Denver fumbled, giving the ball back to Seattle AGAIN . . . but the call was reviewed and reversed, when the returner was ruled down by contact before the ball popped out.

 

 

A few minutes later, the half ended with the Seahawks up 22-to-0.

 

 

Any thoughts that the Broncos might turn things around in the second half were CRUSHED IMMEDIATELY, when PERCY HARVIN returning the kickoff 87 yards for a Seattle touchdown.

 

 

Later in the third, the Broncos fumbled . . . for real this time . . . and six plays later, the Seahawks were back in the end zone.  Quarterback RUSSELL WILSON hit up JERMAINE KEARSE for a 23-yard touchdown.

Bruno Mars’ Halftime Performance Was Amazing  

BRUNO MARS brought PERFORMANCE back into the Super Bowl halftime show . . . with an outstanding set that included drumming, dancing, and a medley of his hits.  And he also joined in with the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS on their song “Give It Away”.

Joe Namath’s Fur Coat . . . Cool or Cruel? 

:  The fur coat that JOE NAMATH wore for the coin toss was one of the more interesting things that happened last night.  What we want to know is, was it COOL or CRUEL?  Whatever your take, there’s no denying it caused an UPROAR on social media.  One person on Twitter even compared Joe to the Ikea Monkey.

 

The most interesting thing that happened during the whole damn thing happened even before the coin toss:  JOE NAMATH’S FUR COAT.

 

 

Namath came out to toss the coin in one of the most PIMPIN’ fur coats of all time.  The question is, was it COOL or CRUEL?

 

 

Remember, this is BROADWAY JOE, the MVP of Super Bowl 3 in 1969.  He was so cool he made the New York JETS cool.  In his day, he was like a cross between Tom Brady and George Clooney, and he did what he wanted.

 

 

He even wore PANTYHOSE in a Hanes commercial, and got his face lathered by a then-unknown FARRAH FAWCETT for Noxema.

Getting to the Super Bowl on Public Transit Was an Absolute Nightmare

About 15,000 people were expected to take the subway to the Super Bowl yesterday.  Instead, about 27,000 did, and apparently it was a NIGHTMARE.  It was upwards of 130 degrees in the stations, several people PASSED OUT, and medics had to push through hundreds of people to get to them.  Also, security basically stopped checking people’s bags.  Luckily nothing bad happened.

Sports Junkies:  A List of Super Bowl 48 Trivia and Interesting Facts 

We’ve put together a list of interesting facts, stats and trivia from Super Bowl 48 . . . including:  The Seattle Seahawks’ safety 12 seconds into the game became the fastest score EVER at the start of a Super Bowl.  Plus, Seattle quarterback Russell Wilson made $526,217 for the ENTIRE 2013 season, while Peyton Manning made $882,352 . . . for each WEEK of the season.

1.  The Denver Broncos are the first Super Bowl team to be shut out at halftime since the New York Giants in Super Bowl 35 in 2001.  They trailed the Baltimore Ravens 10-to-zero at the half, before ultimately losing 34-to-7.

 

 

2.  The Seattle Seahawks’ safety 12 seconds into the game became the fastest score EVER at the start of a Super Bowl.

It beat the 2007 Super Bowl . . . when the Chicago Bears started off against the Indianapolis Colts with a kickoff return for a touchdown.  That happened 14 seconds into the game.  However, the Colts came back to win that one, 29-to-17.

 

 

3.  Interestingly enough, this is the third-straight year with a safety in the Super Bowl, but it’s only the ninth safety in the Super Bowl’s 48-year history.

4.  The Broncos have now faced the three largest halftime deficits in Super Bowl history.  They were down 22 in this one . . . they were down 27-3 (or by 24 points) in their 55-to-10 blowout loss to the San Francisco 49ers in 1990 . . .

And they were down 35-to-10 (or by 25 points) in their 42-to-10 loss to the Washington Redskins in 1988.  Not surprisingly, these three Denver losses are among the five worst Super Bowl blowouts in history.

 

 

5.  The Broncos have now lost FIVE Super Bowls, more than any other team.  However, they’ve also won TWO:  In 1998 and 1999.  The Seahawks are now 1-and-1 in Super Bowls.  They lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers 21-to-10 in 2006.

 

 

6.  Seahawks linebacker Malcolm Smith, who was named the game’s MVP, became the first player in Super Bowl history to have a fumble recovery AND an interception return for a touchdown in the same game.

 

 

7.  The Broncos entered the Super Bowl with the highest scoring offense in NFL history.

 

 

8.  Despite the Broncos offensive problems last night, wide receiver Demaryius Thomas caught 13 passes . . . the most of anybody in Super Bowl history.   And Peyton Manning completed 34 passes, the most-ever by a Super Bowl quarterback.

 

9.  Check this out:  $526,217 is the base salary made by Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson for the ENTIRE 2013 season.   And $882,352 is the salary made by Peyton Manning . . . for each WEEK of the 2013 season.

 

 

10.  Can Seattle keep it together to turn their run into a dynasty?  According to Forbes.com, “the Seahawks tied the 1971 Miami Dolphins as the youngest Super Bowl winners ever with an average age of 26.4 years.”

The Seahawks had the fourth youngest roster in the NFL this year, and Russell Wilson is just 25.  This is his second year in the NFL.

 

 

11.  According to Pregame.com, Las Vegas bookmakers ALREADY have the Seahawks as the favorite to win NEXT year’s Super Bowl as well, with 7-1 odds.

 

 

12.  The Seahawks are the first team to win a Super Bowl with a team FULL of Super Bowl virgins since the Washington Redskins in 1983.  Every winner since then has had at least ONE dude who has Super Bowl experience.

 

 

13.  And finally, according to Pro Football Reference, the final score of the Super Bowl, 43-to-8, has NEVER BEFORE been the final score of an NFL game.  Not just in the Super Bowl . . . in ANY game.

Super Bowl Randoms 

 

 

1.  A 9/11 “truther” interrupted Super Bowl MVP MALCOLM SMITH’S post-game press conference.

 

 

 

2.  Will the Sad Eli become as big as the Sad Keanu?

 

 

 

3.  Here are some pictures of sad Bronco fans.

 

 

 

4.  Even though he didn’t play like it last night, PEYTON MANNING was named the NFL MVP.

 

 

 

5.  Are golf fans now yelling “Omaha” after tee shots? 

 

 

 

6.  If you’re a wrestling fan, you might dig this, even though it’s not particularly well done:  Someone took Super Bowl highlights and injected hyperbolic commentary from former WWE announcer JIM ROSS.  (Here’s the video.  WARNING!!!  It contains uncensored profanity.)

7.  From a money standpoint, you should count yourself LUCKY you weren’t at the Super Bowl last night . . . because sodas were $6, beers were $12 to $14, and hot dogs were $13.  (Full Story)

 

 

8.  It wasn’t THAT cold at the Super Bowl yesterday, but according to a poll done prior to the game, 45% of Americans think the NFL should set a MINIMUM temperature for the future, while 49% were EXCITED to see a cold-weather game.  (Full Story)

 

 

9.  Disturbing News:  A woman from Florida couldn’t pay her rent, so she took her 15-year-old daughter to New York this weekend . . . and tried to PIMP HER OUT for the Super Bowl.  (Full Story)

 

 

10.  Yesterday was the most gluttonous day of the year, besides Thanksgiving.  Tthe average football fan consumed 1,200 calories worth of snacks during the Super Bowl.  And obviously some of us consumed a LOT more than that.  (Full Story)

 

 

11.  While everyone was worrying about the Super Bowl yesterday, you were primarily concerned with the outcome of Animal Planet’s 10th’s annual “Puppy Bowl”.  Well, your world is about to be ROCKED, because it turns out the Puppy Bowl was actually pre-recorded way back in OCTOBER.  (Full Story)

Philip Seymour Hoffman Has Died . . . Probably of a Heroin Overdose 

PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN was found dead in his Manhattan apartment yesterday.  He was 46 years old.  Police sources say Hoffman had a needle in his arm, and heroin was found in the apartment.  His body was discovered by a friend in the bathroom at around 11:30 A.M.  Hoffman had kicked an addiction in his early 20s, but went to rehab this past May after suffering a relapse.

Woody Allen’s Adopted Daughter Says Her “Dad” Sexually Abused Her . . . And Calls Out Hollywood for Continuing to Support Him 

Dylan Farrow, the adopted daughter of WOODY ALLEN and MIA FARROW, says Woody DID sexually molest her, including one time when she was seven.  She also called out Hollywood for continuing to support him, including Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin and Diane Keaton.

 

She’s 28 now and in a piece for the “New York Times”, Dylan says that Woody did indeed sexually assault her, when she was SEVEN.  She says he told her to lay on her stomach and play with her brother’s toy train set, then took advantage of her.

Woody Allen’s Publicist and Lawyer Say Dylan Farrow Is Lying 

:  WOODY ALLEN’S people are denying the abuse allegations of Woody’s adopted daughter Dylan Farrow.  They claim Woody’s ex, MIA FARROW, made the whole thing up.  And Woody’s publicist says Woody will be, quote, “responding very soon.”

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  Here’s a gallery of hot football wives and girlfriend.

 

 

 

2.  The new RIHANNA / SHAKIRA video has gotten more than 50 MILLION views since it went online Thursday night.  All you have to do is watch it and you’ll see why.  Then you’ll watch it again.  And again.  And again.

 

 

 

2.  (NC-17)  During a party at an L.A. recording studio, JUSTIN BIEBER and a friend licked a stripper’s naked breasts.

3.  MILEY CYRUS posted a picture of her ass in panties with the title of her new album “Bangerz” on them.

 

 

 

4.  British legends PATRICK STEWART and IAN MCKELLEN knew there was a “football” game on yesterday, but they were a little confused about which kind.

 

 

 

5.  JESSICA SIMPSON modeled a one-piece bathing suit from her clothing line.

“Ride Along” Is #1 for a Third Straight Week

“Ride Along” was #1 at the box office for a third straight week, earning another $12.3 million over a slow Super Bowl weekend.

Here are this week’s Top 10 movies:

 

 

1.  “Ride Along”, $12.3 million.  Up to $93 million in its 3rd week.

 

2.  “Frozen”, $9.3 million.  Up to $360 million in its 11th week.

 

3.  (NEW)  “That Awkward Moment”, $9 million.

 

4.  “The Nut Job”, $7.6 million.  Up to $50.2 million in its 3rd week.  

 

5.  “Lone Survivor”, $7.2 million.  Up to $105 million in its 6th week.

 

6.  “Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit”, $5.4 million.  Up to $39 million in its 3rd week.  

 

7.  (NEW)  “Labor Day”, $5.3 million.

 

8.  “American Hustle”, $4.3 million.  Up to $134 million in its 8th week.

 

9.  “The Wolf of Wall Street”, $3.6 million.  Up to $104 million in its 6th week.

 

10.  “I, Frankenstein”, $3.5 million.  Up to $14.5 million in its 2nd week.

 

Monday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Almost Human” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on Fox.  MMA minx Gina Carano guest stars as an advanced robot that kills a cop and John Larroquette plays her creator.

 

 

“Hollywood Game Night” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on NBC.  Chris Colfer, Rosie O’Donnell, Penny Marshall, Donald Faison, Kaley Cuoco, and Taryn Manning from “Orange is the New Black” play party games.

 

 

“Sports Illustrated Swimsuit: 50 Years of Beautiful” . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.  Lady Antebellum, Tim McGraw, John Legend, Enrique Iglesias, and The Fray perform and Heidi Klum is your host.  Models Kate Upton, Tyra Banks, Christie Brinkley, Kathy Ireland, and Marisa Miller also make appearances.

 

 

“Inside Comedy” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Showtime.  Jimmy Fallon and Zach Galifianakis sit down with host David Steinberg.

 

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Will Arnett talks about being the voice of Batman in “The LEGO Movie”.  Music Guest: Broken Bells.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”“Divergent” stars Shailene Woodley and Theo James.  His other guests are Sharon Osbourne and electronic musician Zedd.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Jimmy Fallon, Betty White, and Bonnie Raitt.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon” – “The Best of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Musical Sketches”.

 

 

“Carson Daly”“Wolf of Wall Street” producer Terence Winter.  Music Guest:  Albert Hammond Jr.

 

 

“Arsenio”Magic Johnson with his wife Cookie.  And former MTV VJ Lala Anthony talks about her book “The Love Playbook”.

 

 

“Conan”Zac Efron, Michael B. Jordan, and Miles Teller promote their new movie “That Awkward Moment”.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Larry King and comedian Henry Cho.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”Michelle Monaghan.

 

 

“Jon Stewart” – New York City mayor Bill de Blasio.

 

 

“The Colbert Report”“New York Magazine” editor Jennifer Senior talks about her new book “All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood”.

The Groundhog Saw His Shadow, Which Means More Winter . . . Fortunately He’s Horrible at Predictions

Yesterday was GROUNDHOG DAY, and Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow . . . which means six more weeks of winter.  This winter has been BRUTAL, so hopefully he’s wrong . . . and fortunately, he usually is.  The National Climatic Data Center says they’ve never found any correlation between the weather and the groundhog’s prediction.

(Yahoo)

Five Random Facts For Monday

1.  During World War Two, the Polish Army had a BEAR enlisted to keep morale up.  He’d wrestle with the troops, salute them, and drink at least two bottles of beer and EAT some cigarettes every day.

 

 

2.  The U.S.A. Patriot Act is actually an acronym . . . and a REAL clunky and forced one at that.  It stands for “Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act.”

 

 

3.  PAUL MCCARTNEY wrote “Let It Be” for ARETHA FRANKLIN.  She recorded it, but held up the release for so long, the BEATLES decided to just do it themselves.

 

 

4.  Before DR. RUTH was a sex therapist, she was in the Israeli army . . . and was seriously wounded in action during Israel’s War of Independence in 1948.

 

 

5.  Portland, Oregon was named by a coin flip . . . the other option for the name was Boston.  The two guys who founded the city were from Boston, Massachusetts and Portland, Maine.  The guy from Maine won the toss and named the city Portland.

 

 

(BBC / Wikipedia / Lost and Sound / Wikipedia / Mental Floss)

 

Scientists Figured Out the Perfect Way to Hold a Hamburger

Researchers in Japan recently spent FOUR MONTHS figuring out the ideal way to hold a HAMBURGER, so none of the toppings spill out when you eat it.  You have to support the bottom bun with the sides of your thumbs AND your PINKY FINGERS.  Then the rest of your fingers should be fanned across the top.

.  (Kotaku.com) 

What’s a Cheap Food You Still Love Even Though You Can Afford Way Better?

1.  Ramen noodles.

 

2.  Tacos from a taco truck.

 

3.  A hot dog at Costco.

 

4.  Buttered noodles with parmesan cheese.

 

5.  Bagel bites.

 

6.  Mac and cheese.

 

7.  Cut up hot dogs and baked beans.

 

8.  An entire frozen Tombstone pizza.

 

9.  Regular grilled cheese, white bread and American.

 

10.  Hamburger Helper.  It really does help hamburger.  (Reddit)

Garlic Bread Is the Worst First Date Food . . . Plus Four More Facts About the Current State of Dating

:  Here are some facts about the current state of dating from a new survey.  The worst food to eat on a first date is GARLIC BREAD . . . bad hygiene is the biggest deal breaker on a date . . . 11% of people would end things with someone over different political views . . . and 21% of people consult with their PETS before seriously dating someone.

1.  21% of people say they consult with their PETS before seriously dating someone.  Only 28% consult with their friends . . . which means charming someone’s DOG is almost as important as charming their friends.

 

 

2.  The worst FOOD to eat on a first date is . . . GARLIC BREAD, with 37% of the vote.  Wings came in second, at 23% . . . spaghetti is third, at 13%.

 

 

3.  73% of people say if your date has food stuck in their teeth, you should tell them, by saying how YOU’D want THEM to tell you if the roles were reversed.

 

 

4.  BAD HYGIENE is the biggest deal breaker on a date.  Smoking and unemployment are the next two biggest deal breakers.

 

 

5.  11% of people would end things with you over different political views . . . 9% would end things because you like different foods . . . 6% would end things over different taste in music . . . and 3% would end things over favorite sports teams.  (Huffington Post / State of Dating in America)

Couples Who Watch Five Romantic Comedies Together a Month Are Less Likely to Break Up

According to a new study, newly married couples who watch five romantic comedies together a month are HALF as likely to get divorced in the first three years of marriage.  The catch is, you also have to DISCUSS the movies afterward, and compare the relationships to your own.

(Business Standard / Rochester.edu)

Would You Have Relations With a Porn Star?

Would you have sex with a porn star?  In a new survey, 33% of people say YES . . . two-thirds wouldn’t do it.  Men are significantly more likely to want to have sex with a porn star than women, 40% to 10%.

(Adam & Eve)

The 10 Happiest Jobs Include Realtor, Software Engineer . . . and Intern?

 

:  A new study found the 10 happiest jobs in the U.S.  And the top five are research or teaching assistant, quality assurance analyst, realtor, loan officer, and sales rep.  Believe it or not, INTERN made the top 10, coming in ninth.

1.  Research or teaching assistant.

 

2.  Quality assurance analyst.

 

3.  Realtor.

 

4.  Loan officer.

 

5.  Sales rep.

 

6.  Air traffic controller.

 

7.  HR manager.

 

8.  Software engineer.

 

9.  Intern.

 

10.  Team leader.  (Business Insider) 

A Guy Asked His Family to Bury Him on His Harley in a Giant See-Through Casket . . . And They Did

Before an 82-year-old man in Ohio named Billy Strandley passed away last week, he asked his family to bury him on his 1967 Harley-Davidson . . . and they actually DID IT.  They also granted his wish to be in a giant see-through casket to fit him ON the bike, so his biker friends could witness his “final ride” to the cemetery.

(Dayton Daily News / Gawker) 

Tallulah Belle Willis is 20.  Succulent daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.

 

 

Sean Kingston is 24.  Super chubby pop rapper who almost DIED in a jet-skiing accident.  He was born in Florida but spent his childhood in Jamaica.  Although that timeline will certainly be called into question if he ever runs for president.

 

 

Rebel Wilson is 28.  Candy-coated Australian actress who stars on ABC’s “Super Fun Night”.  You might also know her from “Bridesmaids”, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, “This Means War”, or “Pitch Perfect”.

 

 

Jessica Harp is 32.  Blonde minx from The Wreckers.  After Michelle Branch left, Jessica released one solo album then retired from singing to just be a songwriter.

 

 

Isla Fisher is 38.  She’s the HOT psycho broad, Gloria, in “Wedding Crashers”!  BORAT, a.k.a. Sacha Baron Cohen, gets to nail her in real life.

 

 

Daddy Yankee is 38.  Talento de barrio!  A ella le gusta la gasoline!

 

 

WARWICK DAVIS is 44.  He’s a 3-foot-6 SUPERSTAR.  He IS “Willow”, both Professor Flitwick and the goblin Griphook in the “Harry Potter” movies, and the evil Leprechaun in all four “Leprechaun” movies!

 

Warwick Davis was also the lead Ewok, Wicket, in “Return of the Jedi” . . . back when he was just 2-FOOT-11.  See how he’s grown!

MAURA TIERNEY is 49.  Sexy Abby on “ER”.  She was supposed to star on “Parenthood”, but had to back out after being diagnosed with breast cancer.  She was replaced by Lauren Graham.

Nathan Lane is 58 and he LOVES being gay.

 

 

Mike Horner is 59.  He’s a filthy porno he-whore who’s starred in 1,401 fine films, including . . . “Ass Ventura Crack Detective”, “The Beaverly Hillbillies”, “Everybody Loves Reamin’”, “I Cream of Genie” AND “I Love Juicy”!

 

 

MORGAN FAIRCHILD is 64 and still a total MILF.

 

 

Dave Davies from The Kinks is 67.

 

 

Blythe Danner is 71.  She’s Gwyneth Paltrow’s sexy mommy.  She also plays Robert De Niro’s wife in the “Fockers” movies.

 

 

Fran Tarkenton is 74.  Hall-of-Fame quarterback, AND host of “That’s Incredible!”!

 

 

Joey Bishop (1918 – 2007)  Member of the Rat Pack . . . and SUPERSTAR old-school comedian!  The multi-talented Regis Philbin used to be his SIDEKICK!

 

 

John Fiedler (1925 – 2005)  Piglet’s voice in “Winnie the Pooh”.

 

 

Norman Rockwell (1894 – 1978)  He painted 317 covers for the “Saturday Evening Post”.

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 4 days to the Winter Olympics

• 6 days to “The Walking Dead”

• 11 days to Valentine’s Day

• 21 days until “The Voice” returns

• 27 days to the Oscars

• 1,082 days left of “Hope and Change”

138 years ago . . . in 1876 – ALBERT SPALDING and his brother took their combined savings of $800 and started a sporting goods company.  They called it Dick’s . . . because they weren’t very well-liked.

 

 

I kid, I kid.  Obviously, they called it SPALDING.  They manufactured the first official baseball, tennis ball, basketball, golf ball AND football.

 

 

55 years ago . . . in 1959 – BUDDY HOLLY, RICHIE VALENS, and the BIG BOPPER died in a plane crash in Mason City, Iowa.  This was the “Day the Music Died”, ya know.

 

 

23 years ago . . . in 1991 – NANCY KULP, the incredibly sexy Mrs. Hathaway on “The Beverly Hillbillies”, died of cancer at the age of 69.

 

 

22 years ago . . . in 1992 – Magnificent MARGE SCHOTT was suspended as Cincinnati Reds owner for one year for repeatedly using racial and ethnic slurs.  The suspension was lifted after eight months.

 

 

22 years ago . . . in 1992 – In Los Angeles, the federal trial began for four police officers charged with civil rights violations in the videotaped ass-whooping of BEATEN BLACK MOTORIST RODNEY KING (that’s his full, legal name).

19 years ago . . . in 1995 – At the O.J. SIMPSON trial in Los Angeles, prosecution witness DENISE BROWN wept on the stand as she described the humiliation and abuse of her sister, NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON, at the hands of the man who loves, yet kills, white women.

 

 

18 years ago . . . in 1996 – AUDREY MEADOWS, who played Alice Kramden on “The Honeymooners”, died of lung cancer at the age of 69. 

 

 

16 years ago . . . in 1998 – BRIAN CASHMAN was named general manager of the New York Yankees.  Cashman is responsible for building teams that won six American League Pennants and four World Series.  Despite all that, I STILL feel the Yankees suck.

 

 

11 years ago . . . in 2003 – PHIL SPECTOR was arrested for the murder of B-movie “star” Lana Clarkson.  He says she committed suicide . . . or as he so tactfully puts it, she, quote, “kissed the gun.”

 

(Spector’s first trial ended in a hung jury. He was CONVICTED in his second trial, and sentenced to 19 years to life.  He’s still behind bars, but without any of his funky wigs.)

 

 

Eight years ago . . . in 2006 – AL LEWIS, who played Grandpa Munster on “The Munsters”, died at the age of 82.

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