Your daily dose of whatever includes:
- More Olympic Coverage
- The world’s most desirable woman is…
- A lot of people would dump their sig other if they skipped Valentine’s Day…
Olympic Medals . . . Shaun White Failed to Medal so the U.S. Stays in Fourth
We won two medals yesterday, and both were by women. Skier Devin Logan picked up a silver in ladies’ slopestyle, and Erin Hamlin took bronze in the luge. Meanwhile, Shaun White failed in his attempt to capture his third straight gold in the snowboarding halfpipe, so he’ll be going home empty handed.
Russia is now tied with us in total medals, but we kept our spot in fourth place because we have more gold. Here are the standings at the end of Tuesday’s competition.
1. Norway with 11 medals . . . 4 Gold, 3 Silver, and 4 Bronze.
2. Canada with 9 medals . . . 4 Gold, 3 Silver, and 2 Bronze.
3. The Netherlands with 8 medals . . . 3 Gold, 2 Silver, and 3 Bronze.
4. The United States with 7 medals . . . 2 Gold, 1 Silver, and 4 Bronze.
5. Russia with 7 medals . . . 1 Gold, 3 Silver, and 3 Bronze.
Snowboarder SHAUN WHITE was hoping to win his third straight gold in the men’s halfpipe, but he crashed on his first run and ended up in fourth place.
That’s right. Even after backing out of the slopestyle event to improve his halfpipe chances, he didn’t medal . . . and will be going home empty-handed.
The guy who beat him has the nickname I-POD, Iouri Podladtchikov. And Shaun says, quote, “As much as it’s going to break my soul, I’m going to have a drink with him.”
California Has the Most Olympians, Vermont Has the Highest Number of Olympians Per Capita, and 12 States Have Zero Olympians
Here’s a breakdown of the states where our Winter Olympians are from. California has the most, with 20 . . . Colorado and Minnesota each have 19 . . . Vermont has the most Olympians per capita at 13, or one for every 48,202 residents . . . and there are 12 states with zero athletes.
California has the most athletes in Sochi, with 20. Colorado and Minnesota each have 19, New York has 18, and Utah and Wisconsin each have 13.
Vermont has the most Olympians per capita . . . 13 Olympians with a population of 626,630. That’s one Olympian for every 48,202 people in Vermont. To contrast that, California has one Olympian for every 1.92 MILLION people.
There are 12 states with ZERO Olympians: Alabama, Arkansas, Delaware, Hawaii, Louisiana, Maryland, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, and West Virginia.
Only two of those 12 ALSO didn’t send anyone to the 2012 Summer Olympics: New Mexico and South Dakota.
There are only five states with more Winter Olympians than Summer Olympians: Minnesota, Utah, Vermont, Wisconsin, and New Hampshire. (Yahoo Sports)
The 10 Funniest Names From the Winter Olympics
Here are some of the FUNNIEST NAMES from the Winter Olympics. There’s a cross-country skier from Switzerland named Seraina Boner . . . an alpine skier from Argentina whose first name is Macarena . . . and a short track skater from Japan whose last name is Sakashita.
1. Seraina Boner, Switzerland, cross-country skiing.
2. Jenni Asserholt, Sweden, hockey.
3. Matthias Bieber, Switzerland, hockey.
4. Bong-shik Shin, South Korea, snowboard.
5. Lucia Anger, Germany, cross-country skiing . . . and Tobias Angerer, Germany, cross-country skiing.
6. Esther Bottomley, Australia, cross-country skiing.
7. Semen Elistratov, Russia, short track skating.
8. Macarena Simari Birkner, Argentina, alpine skiing.
9. Jakov Fak, Slovenia, biathlon.
10. Satoshi Sakashita, Japan, short track skating. (Buzzfeed)
Three Olympic Randoms
1. If you watched NBC’s coverage last night, you saw BOB COSTAS and his expanding eye infection FINALLY took a night off. MATT LAUER replaced him while Bob’s eyes hopefully recover and stop stealing ALL the focus.
It’s the first time since 1988 that someone other than Costas hosted a primetime Olympic telecast on NBC.
2. This is SO Canada . . . thinking the rest of the world desperately wants their beer when that’s not actually true. There’s a beer fridge in the Canada Olympic House in Sochi that only opens when you SCAN a CANADIAN PASSPORT. (Twitter)
3. There was a great moment of sportsmanship yesterday when a Russian cross-country skier named Anton Gafarov broke a ski, and looked like he’d have to drop out of his race. But a Canadian ski coach ran over and gave him a spare ski.
The coach’s name is Justin Wadsworth. He helped Anton into the ski, which allowed him to finish. Justin said, quote, “I wanted him to have dignity as he crossed the finish line.” (Toronto Star)
Emilia Clarke from “Game of Thrones” is This Year’s Most Desirable Woman
EMILIA CLARKE from “Game of Thrones” tops this year’s AskMen.com list of the 99 Most Desirable Women. Last year’s winner, JENNIFER LAWRENCE, dropped to FOURTH.
In between them are ALISON BRIE from “Community” and EMILY RATAJKOWSKI from the “Blurred Lines” video. EMMA WATSON rounds out the Top 5.
Even though the media keeps trying to crown her the queen of absolutely everything, Ask Men’s readers didn’t even put BEYONCÉ in the Top 10. She got 11th place.
RIHANNA was 19th, and TAYLOR SWIFT finished all the way back at #30. Virginal Olympic minx LOLO JONES was 15th.
MILA KUNIS dropped HARD . . . from #2 last year to 26th this year . . . and KIM KARDASHIAN was all the way back at #87.
But at least they made it . . . unlike Kristen Stewart, Megan Fox, Jennifer Lopez, Gisele Bundchen, and Blake Lively . . . who all dropped off the list this year.
MILEY CYRUS made the list for the FIRST TIME EVER, believe it or not. She just barely squeaked in at #99.
Here’s the Top 10 . . .
1. Emilia Clarke
2. Alison Brie from “Community”
3. Emily Ratajkowski from the “Blurred Lines” video
4. Jennifer Lawrence
5. Emma Watson
6. Kate Upton
7. Kerry Washington
8. Amy Adams
9. Margot Robbie from “The Wolf of Wall Street”
10. Kate Moss . . . An odd choice for 2014, but apparently, people dig that she turned 40 last year and posed for “Playboy”.
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. LORDE posted a selfie with acne cream, but no makeup.
2. TAYLOR SWIFT cut her hair kind of short.
3. Does KIM KARDASHIAN in super-tight pants still do it for you?
4. Someone posted a picture of JANE LYNCH dressed as her “Wreck-It Ralph” character, Sergeant Calhoun.
5. And now . . . RYAN GOSLING gives “moose ears” to the paparazzi.
6. During a walk in New York City, ICE-T’s wife COCO pulled open her fur coat to reveal nothing but pasties.
7. Here’s KATY PERRY sort of grabbing ANNA KENDRICK’S boob.
8. When did DAKOTA FANNING get cleavage like this?
Is There Video of Justin Peeing in His Jail Cell?
TMZ says that there’s video of JUSTIN BIEBER PEEING in his holding cell after being arrested last month . . . and that it’s the same video his lawyers are trying to keep from LEAKING. No pun intended . . .
Well, TMZ says the unreleased footage shows Justin PEEING in his holding cell. It’s not clear if he just whips it out and pees on the floor . . . like he did last summer when he relieved himself in a restaurant’s mop bucket . . . or if there was a toilet in the cell.
Tom Brokaw Was Diagnosed with Cancer Last Year, But His Doctors Are “Optimistic”
Former NBC news anchor TOM BROKAW has revealed that he was diagnosed with cancer last August. He has “multiple myeloma” . . . a cancer affecting blood cells in the bone marrow . . . but his doctors are “optimistic” about how he’s responding to treatment.
Five Michael Jackson Fans Won $1.36 Each For Their Emotional Suffering Over His Death
Five European MICHAEL JACKSON fans who sued DR. CONRAD MURRAY over his death won their case. A judge awarded them ONE EURO apiece, which comes out to $1.36. They don’t want the money, though. What they REALLY want is access to Michael’s grave, which is closed to the public.
Their lawyer says the five who won were able to prove their claims with the help of, quote, “witness statements and medical certificates.” The court awarded them each ONE EURO, which comes out to $1.36.
But it’s really not the money they were after. In fact, they’re not even pursuing Murray for the cash. What they REALLY want is access to Michael’s grave, which is closed to the public.
The lawyer says, quote, “They have been subjected to ridicule and I’m delighted their suffering has been taken seriously by the law.”
Shia LaBeouf is Sitting in an Art Gallery With a Paper Bag Over His Head
SHIA LABEOUF started his silly “performance art” thing where he sits in a gallery with a paper bag over his head, and people come in and sit across from him. It runs until Sunday.
Here’s how it works: Every day until Sunday, from 11:00 A.M. to 6:00 P.M., Shia sits at a table in a tuxedo, with that paper bag over his head that says “I Am Not Famous Anymore”. And people are let in one at a time to sit across from him.
Before you go in, you get to choose one item to bring in with you. The choices include a bullwhip, a bottle of booze, a pair of pliers, a pink ukulele, a Transformers toy and a collection of Tweets about Shia, many of which are BRUTAL.
You basically do or say whatever you want, and Shia for the most part DOES NOT REACT. Although some journalists who’ve checked it out say he CRIED. And one held hands with him. The exhibit is called “I Am Sorry.”
Keeping with his recent theme, however, Shia sort of COPIED this idea from another artist. (WARNING!!! This video contains nudity.)
Here’s How the Iron Sheik Feels About Yoko Ono, Shirley Temple and Shaun White Choking at the Olympics
As usual, wrestling legend THE IRON SHEIK is sharing his demented pop culture observations on Twitter. Like this one: “Shirley Temple you break my heart but I never have the sex with you.” He also had something to say about Shaun White, gay football player Michael Sam, and Yoko Ono.
On Snowboarder SHAUN WHITE failing to medal at the Olympics: “The Shaun White smoke too much kush he no win bubba.”
On MICHAEL SAM coming out: “He says, quote, “Michael Sam no problem bubba. Just don’t be punter and I respect you forever.”
On the death of SHIRLEY TEMPLE: “Shirley Temple you break my heart but I never have the sex with you.”
On the Beatles and Yoko: “Paul & Ringo you need Iron Sheik to suplex the Yoko Ono you let me know bubba I be happy I do that for you.”
And then there’s this random but spot-on observation: “‘Snakes On A Plane’ better movie than ‘The Notebook’.”
Olympics Coverage Took the Top Four Spots in the Ratings
1. “Olympics Opening Ceremony”, NBC, 31.7 million viewers.
2. Sunday’s “Primetime Olympic Coverage”, NBC, 26.3 million viewers.
3. Saturday’s “Primetime Olympic Coverage”, NBC, 25.1 million viewers.
4. Thursday’s “Primetime Olympic Coverage”, NBC, 20 million viewers.
5. “NCIS”, CBS, 19.5 million viewers.
6. “Big Bang Theory”, CBS, 17.5 million viewers.
7. “NCIS: Los Angeles”, CBS, 16.3 million viewers
8. “The Walking Dead”, AMC, 15.8 million viewers.
9. “A Grammy Salute to The Beatles”, CBS, 14 million viewers
10. Wednesday’s episode of “American Idol”, Fox, 13.4 million viewers
Wednesday TV Reminders:
• “Primetime Olympics Coverage” . . . from 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC. If you’d like to try to catch some of the results in real time, Wednesday’s big events are:
. . . The men’s 1000-meter Speed Skating race starts at 9:00 a.m. EST. Shani Davis took the gold medal in this event in 2006 and then defended his title in 2010. If he wins again this year, it will be his third straight Olympic gold.
. . . The free skating portion of Pairs Figure Skating starts at 10:45 a.m. EST. They’ll add tonight’s score to the scores from last night’s short program. We have two couples in it, but they’re down in 9th and 14th place going into this. (Standings)
. . . The Ladies’ Halfpipe begins at 12:30 p.m. EST. This is Hannah Teter’s event. She won the snowboarding gold in 2006 and silver in 2010.
. . . The Women’s Downhill event starts at 2:00 p.m. EST. Julia Mancuso is trying to medal again in it. She took home the silver in this event in 2010. So far this year, she’s already bringing home a bronze in the combined slalom.
• “American Idol”. . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox. The Hollywood round continues.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
Olympics Note: “Jimmy Fallon” and “Carson Daly” are pre-empted for Olympic coverage all week. Jimmy takes over on “The Tonight Show” on February 17th.
• “Letterman” – Andy Samberg, Michael B. Jordan, and Ellie Goulding. (Repeat)
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – “Robocop’s” Abbie Cornish and “Castle’s” Nathan Fillion. Music Guest: Naughty Boy featuring Sam Smith.
• “Arsenio” – T.I. (“House of Lies”) and the Jacksons: Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, and Marlon. The Jackson Four, if you will.
• “Conan” – Cristin Milioti (“How I Met Your Mother”), Larry King, and R&B singer Jhene Aiko.
• “Craig Ferguson” – “Dexter’s” Aimee Garcia (“Robocop”) and Kurt Russell.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Alison Brie from “Community”.
• “Jon Stewart” – Your new “Robocop” Joel Kinnaman.
• “The Colbert Report” – Godfrey Reggio, director of the documentary “Visitors”.
78% of People Would Dump You For Skipping Valentine’s Day . . . And Four Other Valentine’s Day Facts
Here are a few random Valentine’s Day stats for you: 80% of men and 78% of women would consider ENDING a relationship if their significant other didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day . . . people who own dogs think their DOGS are more loyal than the person they’re with . . . and over half of us will be staying home on Friday.
1. 80% of men and 78% of women would consider ENDING a relationship if their significant other didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day.
2. 40% of men and 27% of women would consider MAXING OUT a credit card to buy a great Valentine’s Day gift.
3. People who own dogs are more likely to believe their DOGS are more loyal than the person they’re with.
4. One out of 20 people has a SECRET CELL PHONE their significant other doesn’t know about.
5. 54% of people are either planning to stay home and cook or not celebrate Valentine’s Day. 42% are planning to go out to dinner.
A New App Analyzes Your Facebook Friends and Says Whether You Should’ve Gotten Married Already
The people at “Time” magazine just created a really judgmental app that analyzes your Facebook friends, figures out the average age when they got married . . . then tells you whether YOU should’ve gotten married already. Prepare to feel bad for getting married either too young or too late.
Instead of an Alarm Clock, a New Device Wakes You Up By Stimulating You Down Below
: Instead of waking up to an alarm clock, what about waking up to PLEASURE DOWN BELOW? There’s a new device for women called the Wake-Up Vibe, and it replaces a traditional alarm clock with an adult toy you put in your underwear. When it’s time to wake up, it starts pulsating. You can buy one for around $80.
Five Random Facts For Wednesday
1. There’s a total of 177,147 different ways to tie a necktie. That’s based on about 85 known styles you can use to tie a tie . . . and the different winding moves, tucks, and tying variations you can use on them.
2. The first fast food burger chain in the U.S. was . . . White Castle. It was established in 1921 and was the first chain to have every store make its food in one standard way so it would look and taste the same everywhere.
3. Remember KOKO THE GORILLA . . . the smartest gorilla ever who can use more than 1,000 different sign language signs and understands 2,000 English words? She’s STILL ALIVE, at age 42.
4. Even if you don’t win a medal at the Olympics, there’s a consolation prize for the athletes who finish fourth through eighth. They all get a certificate called an OLYMPIC DIPLOMA. That almost sounds WORSE than going home with nothing.
5. Have you ever learned about something new, like a word or a name . . . then suddenly found it keeps coming up in your life? That’s called the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon.
Does Your Boss Hate You?
According to a new survey, 39% of people in the U.S. think their boss hates them. That’s two out of five people! How screwed up is EVERY SINGLE workplace here?
The survey also found 39% of people believe their boss loves them.
But that’s boring . . . and HATE is way more interesting. So let’s get back to more findings from the HORRIBLE BOSS front . . .
20% of people say their boss has publicly criticized them.
12% say a boss has HIT ON THEM.
6% have been cursed out by a boss.
And finally, 3% have been PHYSICALLY ATTACKED by a boss. (Virtual Press Office)
What’s the Manliest Thing You’ve Ever Done?
What’s the MANLIEST thing you’ve ever done? Some of our favorites are a guy who ripped off a car door to save a woman inside . . . a guy who played rugby on concrete . . . and a guy who stayed awake during surgery because he wanted to watch.
Americans Are Less Skeptical of Astrology Now Than Any Point in the Past 30 Years
According to a new study, only 55% of Americans say astrology is, quote, “not at all scientific.” The last time Americans were so accepting of astrology was 1983. In the 31 years since, we’ve always been more skeptical of astrology, with skepticism peaking in 2004.
Stupid Photo of the Day: The Tiny Fake Gun from a “Toy Story” Woody Doll Was Confiscated by Airport Security
You remember ‘Woody’ from “Toy Story” . . . the cowboy voiced by Tom Hanks. Well, security at Heathrow Airport in London recently stopped a guy carrying a toy Woody doll, because it came with a tiny TOY GUN about an inch-and-a-half long. And they gave the doll back but CONFISCATED the gun.
Robert Griffin III is 24. Heisman trophy winner who’s supposed to be the savior of Washington Redskins football if he can manage to stay healthy . . . and if the Redskins can stay the Redskins.
Jesse Spencer is 35. Dr. Robert Chase, the longest-serving member of House’s staff, on “House”. Now he’s Matthew Casey on “Chicago Fire”.
SYLVIA SAINT! is 38. Czechoslovakian MATTRESS ACTRESS who’s starred in 309 fine films, including (CAREFUL!) . . . “Butt Row Swallowed”, “Sgt. Peckers Lonely Hearts Club Gang Bang”, “Pornocide”, AND “Uranus Experiment 1, 2, & 3″.
AJAY NAIDU! is 42. SAMIR NAGHEENANAJAR IN “OFFICE SPACE”!
Darren Aronofsky is 45. Director of “Black Swan”, “The Wrestler” and the upcoming Russell Crowe Biblical epic “Noah”.
Josh Brolin is 46. “Labor Day”, “Gangster Squad” and “Men In Black 3″. He also played George Bush in Oliver Stone’s “W”. And he was in “The Goonies”, “Planet Terror” and the “True Grit” remake. He used to nail Minnie Driver.
He used to nail Diane Lane, but lost her because his FIRST love is BOOZE.
Chynna Phillips is 46. Wilson Phillips’ not-so-chubby minx. Billy Baldwin nails her.
ARSENIO HALL! is 58. THE star of “Coming to America”. He also played a pimp named Tasty Freeze in the BRILLIANT comedy “Black Dynamite”. Now he’s back on the late-night talk show tip.
Joanna Kerns is 61. “Growing Pains” COUGAR. She also starred in a 1976 “King Kong” rip-off called “Ape”, which is entertainingly, GLORIOUSLY bad. Check out some clips set to the “Growing Pains” theme here.
MICHAEL MCDONALD! is 62. “YA MO BE THERE”! You youngins probably had NO IDEA who he was until “The 40 Year Old Virgin” came out and Paul Rudd spoke this classic line . . . “If I have to hear ‘Ya Mo Be There’ one more time, I’m going to ‘Ya Mo’ burn this place to the GROUND.”
Michael Ironside is 64. Character actor: “The Perfect Storm”, “Starship Troopers”, “Total Recall”, “Top Gun”, “Scanners”, “Free Willy” AND “The Next Karate Kid”.
Maud Adams is 69. She IS Octopussy in “Octopussy”! She is also the only Bond Girl to star in two 007 movies: 1974’s “The Man with the Golden Gun”, where she played Andrea Anders, and then 1983’s “Octopussy” as Octopussy.
Moe Bandy is 70. Country singer. “She’s Not Really Cheatin’ (She’s Just Gettin’ Even)”.
Ray Manzarek is 75. The Doors’ keyboardist.
Judy Blume is 76. Author of the classic kids books “Superfudge” and “Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing”. SCREW J.K. ROWLING!
Bill Russell is 80. Boston Celtics legend who is virtually impossible to tell apart from Morgan Freeman.
JOE GARAGIOLA! is 88. Baseball and Westminster Dog Show announcer! Joe Garagiola made it into the big leagues, but he wasn’t even the best player on his block as a kid . . . he lived across the street from Yogi Berra.
LORNE GREENE (1915 – 1987) Ben Cartwright on “Bonanza” and Commander Adama on the original “Battlestar Galactica”.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN (1809 – 1865) The 16th president of the United States. He’s the guy with the beard who yells “Party on, dudes!” in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”. And he’s on the fiver.
Related Comedy: Today is Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. Lincoln believed that blacks deserved all the same rights and opportunities as whites. Thank God he didn’t live to see Tyler Perry.
Charles Darwin (1809 – 1882) Didn’t believe Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church.
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 2 days to Valentine’s Day
• 5 days to Fallon’s “Tonight Show”
• 12 days until “The Voice” returns
• 18 days to the Oscars
• 25 days to Daylight Savings
• 1,073 days left of “Hope and Change”
142 years ago . . . in 1872 – Silas Noble and James P. Cooley of Granville, Massachusetts, patented the machine that makes TOOTHPICKS! FYI: 7.5 million toothpicks can be made from one cord of wood. And Rain Man can count them all in SECONDS. (???)
105 years ago . . . in 1909 – The NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) was founded.
55 years ago . . . in 1959 – BARBIE went on sale for the very first time! The first Barbie dolls cost three dollars. Did you know that Barbie actually has a FULL name? It’s Barbara Millicent Roberts. And Ken’s full name is Ken Carson. (True!)
47 years ago . . . in 1967 – Fifteen police officers raided KEITH RICHARDS’ home in England. They found “various substances of a suspicious nature”, including heroin, hashish, pills and MICK JAGGER’S naked girlfriend, MARIANNE FAITHFULL.
46 years ago . . . in 1968 – JIMI HENDRIX returned home to Seattle and played for the students of Garfield High School, where he’d dropped out at the age of 14. Jimi also received an honorary high school diploma, as well as the key to the city.
42 years ago . . . in 1972 – AL GREEN’S “Let’s Stay Together” hit #1 on the singles chart, knocking out “American Pie” by DON MCLEAN.
The Reverend would only be on top for one week, though . . . because HARRY NILSSON would take over with his smash, “Without You”!
39 years ago . . . in 1975 – “The Stepford Wives” . . . about a community where the men replace all the real women with compliant domestic sex robots . . . was released. A lame remake, starring NICOLE KIDMAN and FAITH HILL, came out in 2004.
29 years ago . . . in 1985 – NICHOLAS COLASANTO, the comic genius who WAS Coach on “Cheers”, died at age 61. He was replaced on the show by WOODY HARRLESON.
15 years ago . . . in 1999 – The Senate acquitted HORNY PRESIDENT CLINTON of impeachment charges.
14 years ago . . . in 2000 – “Peanuts” creator CHARLES M. SCHULZ died at age 77. Schulz is STILL on the list of the Top-Earning Dead Celebrities every year. Last year, he earned $37 MILLION.
14 years ago . . . in 2000 – CHRISTIAN SLATER married his hot, yet DANGEROUS wife, RYAN HADDON. They got divorced in November of 2006.
(Ryan opened a large gash in her husband’s head back in 2003, when she threw a glass at him during a fight in Las Vegas.)