Your daily dose of WHATEVER!!
Nelson Mandela Passed Away Yesterday
FormerSouth African President NELSON MANDELA passed away yesterday. He was 95. Current South African President Jacob Zuma announced his death in a statement . . . adding, quote, “He passed on peacefully in the company of his family . . . He’s now resting. He’s now at peace. Our nation has lost its greatest son.”
Nelson Mandela (1918-2013): The Tributes
As you’d expect, a lot of people have commented on NELSON MANDELA’S death. President Obama said Mandela “achieved more than could be expected of any man” . . . and Larry King called him, quote, “the greatest figure of the 20th century.”
Has Kristen Stewart Switched Over to Team Jacob?
This seems too perfect to be true, which is why it’s probably just something a tabloid made up. But it’s out there, so we might as well address it . . .
Sources say KRISTEN STEWART has switched from Team Edward to Team Jacob in real life. In other words, she’s now dating the other member of her “Twilight” love triangle, TAYLOR LAUTNER.
Witnesses supposedly saw Taylor sneaking out of Kristen’s house early Wednesday morning. Obviously that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But on the Internet, it means EVERYTHING.
Are Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Fighting Over a Prenup?
ASHTON KUTCHER finally got out of his marriage to DEMI MOORE, so you can forgive him if he’s being a little careful about his future. Unless you’re MILA KUNIS, that is.
The not-always-reliable “National Enquirer” says they’re fighting over wedding plans because he wants a prenup . . . and she’s PISSED.
A source says, quote, “She’s royally insulted because she stood patiently by his side throughout his fight with Demi. They’re both so bullheaded, and neither is budging. This money battle is threatening to wreck their romance.”
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. If you missed the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on Wednesday, then you also missed the baring of MARIAH CAREY’S cleavage.
2. ALICIA KEYS doesn’t have the biggest boobs, but that doesn’t mean her cleavage is any less fun to look at.
3. BUSY PHILIPPS got hit in the eye with a snowball while filming “Cougar Town” . . . and posted a picture of the damage.
4. COURTENEY COX reunited with MATTHEW PERRY when he showed up to film a guest appearance on “Cougar Town”.
(In related news, there’s a rumor that Courteney is trying to sink her COUGAR CLAWS into singer ED SHEERAN. She’s 49 . . . he’s 22.)
5. Former President GEORGE H.W. BUSH showed up to receive an honor from the Lyndon B. Johnson Foundation . . . wearing socks with his own face on them. (This almost looks Photoshopped, but we checked as many pictures from the event as we could, and it seems legit.)
6. LINDSAY LOHAN showed off some serious buttcheek in a one-piece bathing suit in Miami . . . and also hung out at a club with KIM KARDASHIAN. (Scroll down for the shots of Lindsay and Kim.)
More Garbage From Kanye’s Pie Hole
KANYE WEST said a bunch of stupid things again this week, such as: “Famous and frustrated is the most irritating [effing] thing . . . like I am frustrated ’cause I made a film and nobody liked it”, and “If I apply myself and get the right tools I will make the best version of [anything] that you’ve ever seen of anything.”
“Famous and frustrated is the most irritating [effing] thing . . . like I am frustrated ’cause I made a film and nobody liked it.”
“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not in touch with my femininity.”
“Watches are dated . . . all you who has a watch is checking the time on your iPhones.”
“I found my own language in the noise, from which we all want to scream out.”
“When I was in art school I would paint music because I could see it.”
“I think the world could be saved by design . . . Made more ergonomic to our current state.”
Meanwhile, in a radio interview this week, Kanye reiterated that he IS a creative genius . . . quote, “I have a perspective and if I apply myself and get the right tools I will make the best version of [anything] that you’ve ever seen of anything.”
Conversation Starter: Is It Cool for Universal to Be Advertising That They’re Donating Proceeds from “Fast & Furious 6″ to Paul Walker’s Charity?
Ever since announcing that it would donate a portion of the proceeds from the DVD and Blu-ray release of “Fast & Furious 6″ to PAUL WALKER’S charity, Universal has been running a commercial advertising that fact. The question is, are they doing it to help Paul’s charity, or to line their own pockets?
Christian Bale’s “Out of the Furnace, an Animated Zebra Movie, and Liev Schreiber’s “The Last Days on Mars”
Christian Bale takes the law into his own hands after the police fail to solve the mysterious disappearance of his brother, who’s played by Casey Affleck.
Affleck is one of the fighters in Woody Harrelson’s underground fight club . . . who messes up by refusing to take a dive during a fight. Willem Dafoe is his bookie, Zoe Saldana plays Bale’s girlfriend, and Forest Whitaker is the town sheriff.
This 3D, animated movie stars Jake T. Austin from Disney’s “Wizards of Waverly Place” as a zebra born with stripes on his face, but none on his butt.
When his superstitious tribe thinks he’s to blame for a mysterious drought, he goes on a quest to find a “magic water hole” where the first zebras got their stripes.
But first he’ll have to get past Liam Neeson, a half-blind leopard who believes that eating the half-striped zebra will make him whole again.
AnnaSophia Robb, Laurence Fishburne and Anika Noni Rose are also in it as other zebras . . . and Steve Buscemi does the voice of a wild dog.
—“The Last Days on Mars“ . . . Liev Schreiber leads a space crew that discovers life on Mars right before they’re about to return to Earth. It turns out to be a bacterial strain that turns all the crew members into zombies. (Trailer)
(It looks like it might get pretty intense. Check out an extended scene here.)
—“Swerve“ . . . David Lyons from ABC’s “Revolution” finds a briefcase full of money at the scene of a car accident. Jason Clarke from “Zero Dark Thirty” is the cop he trusts with it . . . until he’s seduced by that guy’s wife. (Trailer)
—“Expecting“ stars Radha Mitchell as a woman who’s given up hope of ever having a baby . . . until her best friend gets knocked up by a one night stand. Michelle Monaghan plays the neurotic pregnant chick. (Trailer)
—“Twice Born“ . . . Penelope Cruz takes her teenage son back to Sarajevo to teach him about the American father he never knew and the war that led to his birth. The boy’s dad is played by “Speed Racer’s” Emile Hirsch.
Careful: She exposes a breast to the baby at the 1:33 mark in the trailer. So if the thought of a mother nursing her child somehow offends you, don’t watch this clip.
—“Inside Llewyn Davis“ . . . A guy named Oscar Isaac plays a young folk singer struggling through the winter in Greenwich Village in 1961. Carey Mulligan and John Goodman are also in it. (Trailer) It gets a wider release on December 20th.
Upcoming Netflix, CD, DVD, and Theatrical Releases
Theatrical Releases for NEXT Friday, December 13th:
• “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” . . . Martin Freeman returns as Bilbo Baggins.
• “A Madea Christmas” . . . starring Tyler Perry and Larry the Cable Guy.
• “Saving Mr. Banks” . . . starring Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson. (Limited)
New or Coming Soon to Netflix Instant Streaming:
• “Lovelace” stars Amanda Seyfried as “Deep Throat” star Linda Lovelace.
• “C.O.G.” stars “Glee’s” Jonathan Groff as a guy stuck on an apple farm. (Monday)
• “Blackfish” is a documentary about the killer whale that killed its trainers. (Thursday)
• “The Short Game” is a documentary about the best 7-year-old golfers. (Thursday)
DVDs for Tuesday, December 10th:
• “Fast & Furious 6″ . . . starring Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, and The Rock.
• “Despicable Me 2″ . . . starring the voices of Steve Carell and Kristen Wiig.
• “Battle of the Year” . . . starring Josh Holloway, Josh Peck, and Chris Brown.
• “Adore” . . . Naomi Watts and Robin Wright start nailing each other’s sons.
• “Touchy Feely” . . . Rosemarie DeWitt plays a massage therapist who hates touching.
CDs for Tuesday, December 10th:
• “Black Panties”, R. Kelly
• “Thanks”, Shelby Lynne
• The soundtrack to the second season of “Nashville”.
• The musical score to “The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug”.
• “Live at the Cellar Door”, Neil Young
• “Because the Internet”, Childish Gambino
• Volumes 3, 4 and 5 of “Welcome to the Block Brochure”, E-40
Friday TV Reminders:
• “Frosty the Snowman” . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on CBS.
• “Yes Virginia” . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Neil Patrick Harris star in this holiday cartoon based on a classic 1897 editorial about a little girl who searches for Santa Claus.
• “The Grammy Nominations Concert – Countdown to Music’s Biggest Night”. . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS. Drake, Ludacris, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Robin Thicke and Keith Urban perform live and LL Cool J hosts the nominations.
• “Chris D’Elia: White Male. Black Comic.” . . . Midnight to 1:00 A.M. on Comedy Central. Comedian Chris D’Elia performs a stand-up routine.
Saturday TV Reminders:
• “Elf” . . . 6:00 to 8:00 P.M. on Canada’s YTV. Will Ferrell plays a human who crawled into Santa’s toy bag as a baby and was raised as an elf at the North Pole.
(YTV has got a full schedule of holiday programming for the rest of the month, with something new each day at 6:00 p.m. Check out their full schedule here.)
• “Austin City Limits” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. Widespread Panic performs.
• “Saturday Night Live” . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. Paul Rudd guest hosts and One Direction is the musical guest.
Sunday TV Reminders:
• “Sunday Night Football” . . . 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on NBC. The New Orleans Saints host the Carolina Panthers.
• “Amazing Race” [23rd Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.
• “Bonnie & Clyde” [Part 1 of 2] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on A&E, History Channel and Lifetime. Holliday Grainger and Emile Hirsch play history’s most dangerous couple Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. The second part airs on Monday.
• “Oprah’s Next Chapter” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on OWN. Idris Elba (“Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom”), Chiwetel Ejiofor (“12 Years a Slave”) and Michael B Jordan (“Fruitvale Station”) are guests.
• “Oprah: Where Are They Now?” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on OWN. Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and “Charles in Charge” superstar Willie Aames are the guests.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “Letterman” – Johnny Galecki (“The Big Bang Theory”) and Bono for One.org. Music Guest: Kings of Leon. (REPEAT)
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Josh Gad (“Frozen”) and Barbara Walters. Music Guest: Fall Out Boy. (REPEAT)
• “The Tonight Show” – Former President George W. Bush and his wife. Music Guests: Ben Harper and Charlie Musselwhite. (REPEAT)
• “Jimmy Fallon” – Judd Apatow (“Anchorman 2″) and Edward Norton (“Saturday Night Live”). Music Guest: Pearl Jam. (REPEAT)
• “Carson Daly” – “Top Chef’s” Ilan Hall and “Medora” director Davy Rothbart. Music Guest: White Denim. (REPEAT)
• “Arsenio” – “The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s” Porsha Stewart, Cynthia Bailey and Phaedra Parks.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Zoe Saldana (“Out of the Furnace”) and author Mitch Albom (“The First Phone Call from Heaven: A Novel”).
• “Chelsea Lately” – Jena Malone (“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”). (REPEAT)
31% of People Have Had Sex With a Coworker After a Company Christmas Party?
It’s a shame that people are toning down their behavior at company Christmas parties these days . . . because they used to be WILDER than we realized. In a new survey, 60% of people say they kissed a coworker at a company holiday party, 50% got too drunk, 25% hit on their boss, 13% stripped off one item of clothing too many, and 31% had SEX with a coworker after the party.
More Than 15,000 People Went to the ER For Decorating Injuries Last Year
According to a new report, more than 15,000 people went to the emergency room last year from Christmas decorating injuries. One out of three were from FALLS . . . 11% were from cuts . . . and 10% were from people throwing out their backs.
Christmas Gift Quick Hits: New Stats on Christmas Bonuses, the Best and Worst Gifts, and Last-Minute Shopping
Here are some new random stats about Christmas gifts. 45% of employers will be giving bonuses this year and 35% will give gifts. A new survey found the BEST Christmas gifts are money and iPads . . . and the worst gifts are socks and sweaters. And finally, 56% of people will put off some of their shopping until the last minute.
1. A CareerBuilder.com survey has found 45% of employers plan on giving their employees holiday bonuses this year. 35% will give their employees gifts. And 21% of people will buy a gift for their boss. (CareerBuilder)
2. A massive new survey has found the consensus BEST Christmas gifts are: Money, iPads, clothing, a trip, a car, and a watch. The consensus WORST gifts are: Socks and sweaters. (Tada)
3. Don’t feel bad if you haven’t bought ANY gifts yet. 56% of people say they put off at least some of their Christmas shopping until the last minute. One out of five men don’t start shopping until the 23rd. (Nottingham Post)
A Quick Guide to Holiday Tipping
Here’s a quick guide for holiday tipping. Mailmen can accept gifts worth up to $20, but not cash . . . for garbage collectors, $20 . . . doormen should get at least $20 . . . and if you have a super, $50. For babysitters, between one day and one week’s worth of pay, and for people like hairstylists, housekeepers, and gardeners, give whatever you’d pay for one visit.
The Employees Who Make the Most in Tips Are . . . Strippers and Blackjack Dealers
There’s a LOT of money in taking care of people’s VICES. According to a new study, the people making the MOST money in tips are . . . strippers, gambling dealers, and people bringing you booze. The service industry workers making the least in tips include dog groomers, baristas, housekeepers, and fast food workers.
The Five Dumbest Ways People Have Been Fired Just Hours After Starting a Job
Here are some of the STUPIDEST ways people have been fired just hours after starting a job. One guy tried to buy METH from the boss . . . . an Arby’s cashier stole $100 from the register after ringing up a few customers . . . and an IT guy plugged in his personal hard drive and started stealing company files.
Victoria’s Secret Employees Are Trained to Take Advantage of Male Customers
When guys walk into Victoria’s Secret to buy something for their wife or girlfriend, they’re uncomfortable . . . and Victoria’s Secret KNOWS it. According to an ex-employee, they’re actually trained to EXPLOIT it. They’re not supposed to tell men about sales, and instead, sell them full-priced, expensive stuff . . . because they know guys will buy it without asking questions just to get out of there.
Your Kids Won’t Appreciate You Until They Turn 27
Bad news: According to a new survey, your kids won’t appreciate you until they turn . . . 27. THAT’S when people finally realize just how much their parents sacrificed for them when they were kids . . . and how much they still rely on their parents today.
At Least Three People Named Their Kids Cheese, Hurricane, Rocket, Panda, Creedence, and Kiwi This Year
Here are some of the STRANGEST things that at least THREE babies in the U.S. were named this year. For girls: Blue, Creedence, Fairy, Feline, Green, Kiwi, and Wrigley. For boys: Ab, Cheese, Egypt, Hurricane, Panda, and Rocket.
What Was a Great Idea . . . Until You Actually Did It?
What sounds like a GREAT IDEA . . . until you actually do it? Some of the best ones we’ve heard are super gluing bouncy balls to the bottoms of your shoes . . . having a one-night stand with a toll booth attendant, then seeing them every day on your commute for the next two years . . . and bobbing for apples in a tub of vodka, not realizing how much it’ll sting your eyes.
The Two Happiest Cities in the U.S. Are in Missouri . . . and the Least Happy Is the Home of Disneyland
A new study has ranked U.S. cities by HAPPINESS, based on how much the average person SMILED in photos posted on social media. The two happiest cities are both in Missouri . . . St. Louis and Kansas City. And the least happy is Anaheim, California . . . the home of Disneyland.
A Guy Tries to Film a Woman in a Changing Room . . . And She Starts Chasing Him Through the Store Topless
: A woman in Lenexa, Kansas was trying on clothes in a Kohl’s dressing room on Tuesday, when she saw a guy’s HAND poke under the door and start filming her with a cell phone. But instead of covering up, she burst out of the dressing room and chased the guy out of the store . . . TOPLESS. Police found him three blocks away, and he’s facing up to a year in jail.
Johnny “Football” Manziel – 21 (Heisman winning Texas A&M quarterback.)
Ashley Madekwe – 32 (Ashley Davenport on “Revenge”.)
Stephenie LaGrossa – 34 (“Survivor” minx. She’s the only “Survivor” EVER to stand alone as the last remaining member of a tribe. She was such a DOMINANT player, but on such a WEAK tribe, that they brought her back the following season, where she made it all the way to the FINAL TWO. She still lost, though.)
Colleen Haskell – 37 (Adorable “Survivor” cutie who later starred in Rob Schneider’s fine piece of cinema, “The Animal”.)
Brittany O’Connell – 41 (Mattress actress with . . . “the fire down below” . . . who has starred in 320 fine films, including . . . “Thighs and Dolls”, “Bringing Up the Rear”, and “BATTLESTAR ORGASMICA”!)
Ulf “Buddha” Ekberg – 43 (Nordic stud in ACE OF BASE! Their biggest album is obviously1993’s INCOMPARABLE “The Sign” featuring the smashes “All That She Wants”, “Don’t Turn Around”, “Living in Danger” AND “The Sign”.) (Remember the ’90s? Ulf Ekberg does!)
Judd Apatow – 46 (Right now, he IS comedy. Genius writer/director of “The 40-Year-Old Virgin”, “Knocked Up” and its semi-sequel, “This Is 40″.)
David Lovering – 52 (The drummer for The Pixies.)
Debbie Rowe – 55 (She was Michael Jackson’s hired uterus.)
Peter Buck – 57 (Air-raging R.E.M. guitarist. That’s him in the corner.)
Rick Buckler – 58 (The drummer for The Jam.)
Steven Wright – 58 (Melancholy comedian with clown-hair.)
Tom Hulce – 60 (The amazing title character in “Amadeus” . . . and Pinto in “Animal House”!)
JOBETH WILLIAMS! – 65 (Middle-aged star of “The Big Chill”, “Poltergeist”, “The Client”, “Wyatt Earp” and “My Middle-Aged Woman Fantasies”!) (???)
Ryan White – (1971 – 1990) (Young hemophiliac AIDS hero.)
Randy Rhoads – (1956 – 1982) (Quiet Riot and Ozzy Osbourne guitar genius.)
Agnes Moorehead – (1900 – 1974) (Samantha’s mom, Endora, on “Bewitched”.)
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 7 days to “The Hobbit: Part 2″
• 19 days until Christmas
• 58 days until Super Bowl 48
• 63 days to the Winter Olympics
• 70 days to Valentine’s Day
• 1,141 days left of “Hope and Change”
1,668 years ago . . . in 345 AD – The real ST. NICHOLAS died. He secretly gave gifts to poor brides-to-be. He’s now the patron saint of bankers and PAWN BROKERS.
164 years ago . . . in 1849 – HARRIET TUBMAN escaped from slavery in Maryland.
148 years ago . . . in 1865 – The 13TH AMENDMENT, which ABOLISHED SLAVERY, was ratified.
72 years ago . . . in 1941 – PRESIDENT FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT appealed for peace to Emperor Hirohito of Japan. PEARL HARBOR was bombed the next day.
53 years ago . . . in 1960 – GENE AUTRY became the owner of Major League Baseball’s Los Angeles Angels.
49 years ago . . . in 1964 – “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” first aired on NBC.
44 years ago . . . in 1969 – 300,000 fans attended “Woodstock West”, a festival featuring Santana, Jefferson Airplane, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young and the ROLLING STONES, at ALTAMONT SPEEDWAY in Livermore, California.
(By the time the Stones came on, a full-on riot had begun. Mick Jagger pleaded with the crowd to stop, and Keith Richards even threatened to put down his heroin and jump in himself!)
(FOUR PEOPLE DIED . . . including a black man who was stabbed by one of the HELL’S ANGELS who were there to provide security. The 1970 concert flick “Gimme Shelter” includes actual footage of the chaos.)
44 years ago . . . in 1969 – “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye”, by Steam, hit #1 on the singles chart!
38 years ago . . . in 1975 – Viagra-fiend BOB DOLE married the incredibly saucy minx ELIZABETH HANFORD. Today is their 38th anniversary. They’ll most likely celebrate by Bob Dole poppin’ two things: a little blue pill AND a massive chubby!
34 years ago . . . in 1979 – The first “STAR TREK” movie was released. (It was boring as hell, but they more than made up with it in 1982, with the BRILLIANT “Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan”! Which they stripped of all its meaning and emotional heft by bringing Spock back to life in the next flick.)
28 years ago . . . in 1985 – “SPIES LIKE US” hit theaters . . . starring the now-defunct CHEVY CHASE and “I USED TO BE” DAN AYKROYD.
25 years ago . . . in 1988 – The great ROY ORBISON died of a heart attack at age 52.
13 years ago . . . in 2000 – WERNER KLEMPERER (Colonel Klink on “Hogan’s Heroes”) died in New York at age 80.
10 years ago . . . in 2003 – ELVIS COSTELLO married DIANA KRALL. Today’s their 10th anniversary.
10 years ago . . . in 2003 – “Bachelorette” minx TRISTA REHN married RYAN SUTTER, becoming the first and only couple from either “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” to actually stay together.
10 years ago . . . in 2003 – The IRS held a “seized possessions” auction of R&B star PEABO BRYSON’S belongings to pay off his $1.2 MILLION tax debt. Those belongings included two GRAMMY AWARDS . . . for “Beauty and the Beast” and “A Whole New World” (the “Aladdin” theme song) . . . and the keys to the city of Miami.
10 years ago . . . in 2003 – Funk godfather GEORGE CLINTON was arrested in Tallahassee, Florida . . . after he told an inquisitive police officer that he had, quote, “a little cocaine” in his pocket . . . and the officer spotted a CRACK PIPE on the seat of his car.