Your daily dose of whatever for 12.20 includes:
- A little Jonas crack
- Danica Patrick as a body builder
- Whatever is the most ANNOYING word…what??
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. JOE JONAS gives good plumber’s crack.
2. SEAN PENN’S daughter DYLAN tells “GQ” the rumors about her and ROBERT PATTINSON dating are B.S. . . . but based on the photoshoot she did for the magazine, Rob definitely missed out.
(Meanwhile, rumor has it that Dylan’s 47-year-old mom ROBIN WRIGHT is engaged to 33-year-old actor BEN FOSTER.)
3. In mid-concert, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE Photobombed a selfie from the stage.
4. I think you can get pregnant just LOOKING at JOE MANGANIELLO on the cover of “Muscle & Fitness”. Even if you’re a guy
5. Someone in India put up a billboard to honor the life of NELSON MANDELA . . . but used MORGAN FREEMAN’S picture instead.
6. Here are more pictures of JAMIE DORNAN and DAKOTA JOHNSON on the set of “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Yes or No? Do You Like Danica Patrick As a Bodybuilder?
How would DANICA PATRICK look as a bulked up bodybuilder? We can actually debate that point in today’s YES OR NO? . . . because she wore a very realistic-looking muscle suit the other day while filming a Go Daddy commercial.
(Check it out here.)
And Now: A Video of Jennifer Lawrence Spilling Some Mints
In case you didn’t get the memo, EVERYTHING JENNIFER LAWRENCE says or does is ADORABLE. And if you don’t agree, you’re wrong. In fact, I believe Congress just signed it into law.
Case in point: This video of Jennifer trying to open a tin of mints and spilling them all over the table during a press conference.
The reactions of her “Hunger Games” co-stars LIAM HEMSWORTH and JOSH HUTCHERSON make it all the more priceless.
Will Khloe Kardashian Get $7 Million in Her Divorce?
“Us Weekly” claims that KHLOE KARDASHIAN will get $7 million in her divorce from LAMAR ODOM.
That includes their $4 million home, her $1 million engagement ring and a $2 million payout . . . $500,000 for each of their four years together.
Lamar shouldn’t miss it. He’s reportedly made $116 million over the course of his NBA career.
JWoww is Giving Snooki a Boob Job for Christmas
What’s the best Christmas gift you’ve ever received from a friend? Something tells me it wasn’t quite as over-the-top as this:
JWOWW is giving SNOOKI the gift of FAKE BOOBS. Snooki says, quote, “The next time you see me I’m going to be out here. She bought me a boob job for Christmas. I didn’t get them yet, clearly.”
(They actually discuss the boob thing at the end of this very ANNOYING present-swap video they made with their boyfriends to hype their stupid MTV show. WARNING!!! It contains questionable language.)
Margot Robbie’s Sex Scene With Leonardo DiCaprio Was Very Unerotic, and Included Liver Being Spread on Leo’s Toes
MARGOT ROBBIE says filming a sex scene with LEONARDO DICAPRIO in “The Wolf of Wall Street” was anything but erotic . . . quote, “We [had to] entice this dog to jump in the bed and bite at Leo’s feet . . . so we had dog trainers at the end of the bed [with] dog treats . . . we’re putting chicken liver on Leo’s toes. We’re in a small room, it’s hot, it’s sweaty, [and] it smells like dog food.”
Courteney Cox Really Is Dating the Guy From Snow Patrol
It’s official: COURTENEY COX really is dating JOHNNY MCDAID from SNOW PATROL . . . because singer ED SHEERAN just revealed that he set them up.
He said, quote, “I introduced [Johnny] to Courteney Cox. They started dating and [are] crazy about each other.”
10 Celebrities Who’d Make Amazing Mall Santas
The Huffington Post Photoshopped actors into Santa suits to come up with a gallery of 10 Celebrities Who’d Make Amazing Mall Santas.
They did up George Clooney, Bryan Cranston, the non-Fox News-approved Samuel L. Jackson, Jack Nicholson, Robin Williams . . .
Jack Black, Gary Oldman, Danny DeVito, Scott Wilson from “The Walking Dead”, and Ben Stiller.
Kanye West Called His Offensive Comment About Jews an “Ignorant Compliment”
KANYE WEST upset some Jewish groups when he made a comment about Jews having “connections”. But he says it was an “ignorant comment”, and adds, quote, “That would be like if somebody complimented black guys and said, ‘All black guys have big penises.’ You don’t want to be the black guy who raises his hand and says like, ‘That’s not true. I have proof!'”
Check Out Some of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Most Outrageous and Out-Of-Touch Quotes
A collection of GWYNETH PALTROW’SMost Outrageous and Out-Of-Touch Quotes includes . . . “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year” . . . and “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a [can].”
“Anchorman 2″ and a 3D Animated Dinosaur Movie Hit Theaters This Weekend
Will Ferrell is back as Ron Burgundy, nine years after the first “Anchorman”. And he has to reassemble his old team to work for a new 24-hour news channel in New York . . . reporting only what people want to hear, regardless if it’s true.
Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, and David Koechner are back as his co-anchors: Brick, Fantana, and Champ. Christina Applegate is back as Ron’s girlfriend, Veronica Corningstone, and James Marsdan plays their smarmy rival.
Kristin Wiig plays Brick’s new girlfriend, and there’s a HUGE supporting cast and a ton of random cameos, including Harrison Ford, Liam Neeson, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kirsten Dunst, Jim Carrey, Greg Kinnear, and Kanye West.
A 3D, animated, family film about a runt dinosaur who loses his family in a fire. Then he has to battle a bunch of rivals, including his own brother, to become pack leader.
Justin Long voices the little dinosaur, and John Leguizamo is the voice of his best friend, a prehistoric bird. Karl Urban is another one of the dinosaurs . . . he’s the guy who plays Bones in the new “Star Trek” movies.
Joaquin Phoenix plays a guy who falls in love with his operating system, even though it’s just a disembodied voice. Seriously. Although Scarlett Johansson does the voice.
It’s set sometime in the not-too distant future, when life is run by hyper-advanced “Siris”.
Rooney Mara stars as Joaquin’s ex-wife, and Amy Adams is his old college friend. It’s directed by Spike Jonze, the guy behind “Being John Malkovich”, “Adaptation”, and “Where the Wild Things Are”.
Movies Opening Christmas Day
Keanu Reeves plays an outcast who becomes the leader of a group of samurai, who want revenge against the overlord who killed their master. There’s 47 of them and they’re called “Ronin”, in case you were wondering about the title.
They have to fight a bunch of supernatural beasts and witches, and it takes place in a mythical landscape that’s filled with CGI sword fights and battles.
Keanu is the only American in the cast . . . the rest are Japanese, but everyone speaks in English. It’s his first major movie since “The Day the Earth Stood Still” in 2008, if you remember that one. (The studio also released a short, animated “prequel“.)
Sylvester Stallone and Robert DeNiro play boxing rivals who had a big-time fight in the 1980s. But now they’re old fogies who need some cash.
So their promoter, Kevin Hart, talks them into getting back in the ring. Some of the scenes flash back to when the guys were in their prime, and apparently they use CGI to make them look younger.
Kim Basinger plays Stallone’s ex-girlfriend, Alan Arkin is his trainer, and Jon Bernthal is DeNiro’s son. You might know him as Shane from “The Walking Dead”.
Obviously both Stallone and DeNiro have played iconic boxers before. Stallone was Rocky, and DeNiro played boxing legend Jake La Motta in “Raging Bull”.
Ben Stiller plays a boring office worker with a crush on his co-worker, Kristen Wiig, and imagines himself impressing her in a bunch of heroic fantasies.
When his boss threatens to downsize their jobs, he gets the chance to go on a REAL adventure, where he scales mountains and fights sharks.
Sean Penn plays as mountain man photographer, and comedian Patton Oswalt works in the office.
A true story with Leonardo DiCaprio as a guy who made TONS of money on Wall Street in the nineties . . . illegally . . . then lost it all and went to jail. When he got out he wrote the book the movie is based on.
He’s known as the “wolf” of Wall Street because he starts a firm that targets super-rich clients for what’s known as a “pump and dump” stock scheme. And then we watch him spend money and PARTY, until the feds take him down.
Jonah Hill and Matthew McConaughey play his fellow stock brokers.
This is based on a major prize-winning play, about one of those families where everyone has dark secrets. Then they have to reunite at the family house after their dad’s suicide.
Meryl Streep plays the mother of three daughters, and Julia Roberts plays her oldest daughter who hasn’t been back in years.
Abigail Breslin plays Julia Robert’s daughter, Ewan McGregor is her cheating husband, Juliette Lewis is another of Meryl’s daughters, and Dermot Mulroney is her sleazy boyfriend.
It’s also got Chris Cooper, Sam Shepard, and Benedict Cumberbatch.
Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:
• “Letterman” – Kristen Wiig (“The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”) and John McEnroe. Music Guest: Darlene Love.
• “Jimmy Kimmel” – Zoe Saldana (“Out of the Furnace”) and comedian Mike Birbiglia. Music Guest: Toro y Moi. (REPEAT)
• “The Tonight Show” – Michael Strahan (“Live with Kelly and Michael”). Music Guest: Leona Lewis.
• “Jimmy Fallon” – Natalie Portman (“Thor: The Dark World”), Taye Diggs (“The Best Man Holiday”), and comedian Nate Bargatze. (REPEAT)
• “Carson Daly” – Adam Richmond and a look at “The Wes Anderson Collection“. Music Guest: St. Lucia. (REPEAT)
• “Arsenio” – “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'” Kim Richards, Kyle Richards and Brandi Glanville. Music Guest: Pentatonix.
• “Craig Ferguson” – Producer Judd Apatow (“Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues”). Music Guest: Lissie.
• “Chelsea Lately” – Lizzy Caplan (“Masters of Sex”).
Friday TV Reminders:
• “I Love Lucy Christmas Special” . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on CBS. Newly colorized versions of the seldom-seen 1956 lost Christmas episode is paired with the classic grape-stomping episode, “Lucy’s Italian Movie”.
• “Christmas In Washington 2013″. . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on TNT. Sheryl Crow, Anna Kendrick, Janelle Monáe, Pat Monahan and the Backstreet Boys perform. Hugh Jackman is your host.
• “Hollywood Christmas Parade” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on the CW. Buzz Aldrin serves as this year’s grand marshal.
• “It’s a Wonderful Life” . . . 8:00 to 11:00 P.M. on NBC.
• “Happiness is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Fox.
• “The Rolling Stones: Sweet Summer Sun – Return to Hyde Park” . . . 9:00 to 10:30 P.M. on Showtime. The Rolling Stones’ 50 And Counting Anniversary is celebrated with their greatest hits and an appearance by former guitarist Mick Taylor.
• “Comedy Bang! Bang!” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on IFC. Zach Galifianakis guests.
“Christmas at Belmont 2013″ . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on PBS. A musical presentation by Belmont University students includes traditional carols, classical pieces and seasonal favorites. Mezzo-soprano Denyce Graves hosts.
Weekend TV Reminders:
• On Saturday . . . “I Want a Dog for Christmas Charlie Brown” from 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC.
• On Saturday . . . “Austin City Limits” from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS. Tom Waits performs. (REPEAT)
• On Saturday . . . “Saturday Night Live” from 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC. Jimmy Fallon guest hosts and Justin Timberlake is the musical guest.
• On Sunday . . . “Sunday Night Football” from 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on NBC. The Philadelphia Eagles host the Chicago Bears.
• On Sunday . . . “The Sound Of Music” from 7:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC. This is the original 1965 version starring Julie Andrews as Maria and Christopher Plummer as Captain Von Trapp.
• On Sunday . . . “James Gandolfini: A Tribute to a Friend” from 8:35 to 9:10 P.M. on HBO. Reflections from more than two dozen friends and colleagues, plus clips of his work and some behind the scenes footage.
• On Sunday . . . “Oprah: Where Are They Now?” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on OWN. “Sharknado” superstar Ian Ziering, Ivana Trump, and “Project Runway” winner Christian Siriano are the guests.
43% of American Adults Believe in Santa . . . Especially Middle-Aged, Liberal Latinas
According to a new poll, 43% of American ADULTS say they believe in Santa. Based on the responses, the person most likely to believe in Santa is a Latino female, age 46 to 65, who’s a very liberal Democrat. Or, in other words, SALMA HAYEK.
People Go to 44% More Parties in December Than Any Other Month
According to a new survey, the average person goes to 44% more parties and social events in December than any other month. 18% of people say they HATE turning down any party this month because they’re afraid of missing out . . . and 43% have at least one day where they juggle at least three events in one night.
What’s the Funniest Christmas Disaster Your Family Ever Had?
: What’s the funniest CHRISTMAS DISASTER your family ever had? Two of our favorite stories are a guy whose dad got new sweatpants, tried them on, passed gas, but accidentally pooped and ruined the new sweatpants . . . and two little kids who found lingerie their dad had bought for their mom and had her model it for them, which she DID to cover up what it really was.
“Whatever” Is the Most Annoying Word or Phrase for the Fifth Year in a Row
According to an annual poll, “WHATEVER” is the most annoying word or phrase for the fifth year in a row. “Like” was number two, followed by “you know,” “just sayin’,” and “obviously.”
1. “Whatever” . . . 38% of us find it annoying, compared to 32% last year.
2. “Like” . . . 22%.
3. “You know” . . . 18%.
4. “Just sayin'” . . . 14%.
5. “Obviously” . . . which annoys 6% of people, and was the only NEW phrase to make the list this year. (Last year, number five was “Twitterverse”.)
There’s an Average of 1.4 Men Trying to Date Every Single Woman . . . and Four Men Trying If She’s Hot
A new study has found every single woman has an average of 1.4 guys trying to date her . . . and that jumps up to FOUR guys if she’s really hot. The study also found 73% of women say the best way to contact them the first time after you meet is with a text . . . and almost nine out of 10 want you to contact them within 48 hours of meeting.
A Teacher Fired For Nude Modeling Photos Is Now in “Hustler”
In April, a 26-year-old high school English teacher in Florida was fired for doing some sexy . . . and occasionally nude . . . modeling on the side. At the time, she said she wasn’t planning to switch to porn and she’d never do “Hustler” . . . now, she’s taken some explicit photos and will be featured in the next issue of “Hustler”. There’s no word if she’ll jump to porn movies next.
If You Lose Your Phone, What Are You Most Worried About Other People Seeing? The Top Answer Isn’t Nude Photos
: In a new survey, the top thing people would worry about other people seeing if they lost their phones is . . . their BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION. Only 8% of people said nude photos of themselves or others . . . but only 10% of people admitted to HAVING those on their phones.
The Secret Cure For Your Horrible Rage Issues Is . . . Aspirin
A new study may’ve found a cure for rage and . . . it’s aspirin. Plain, boring aspirin. A study found that roughly one-third of people who have serious rage issues suffer from a condition called intermittent explosive disorder . . . and it may be tied to inflammation in the body. So if you take aspirin, which works as an anti-inflammatory, it can also de-flame your rage.
The Top Ten Businesses We Swear at Over the Phone
According to a new study, we’re most likely to swear at our TV provider over the phone than any other company. Satellite TV providers came in first with one swear word every 82 calls, followed by contractors, cable companies, mechanics, and tow truck companies.
1. Satellite TV providers . . . with one swear word every 82 calls.
3. Cable companies
5. Tow truck companies
7. Storage unit companies
9. Heating and air conditioning companies
10. House cleaners
And we’re LEAST likely to swear at veterinarians, with one swear word every 2,634 calls. (See the full top 20 at Marchex.com)
The Top Five Things That Instantly Make an Employer Reject You
Here are the top things that instantly make a potential employer reject you: An unprofessional email address on your resume . . . not following application instructions . . . unprofessional stuff on your social media profiles . . . showing up too late or too early for your interview . . . and admitting you don’t have passion for the industry, job, or company.
Here Are America’s 10 Best Cities From 2013
The rest of the top 10 are: Atlanta . . . Seattle . . . San Francisco . . . Washington D.C. . . . Raleigh, North Carolina . . . San Diego . . . Denver . . . Miami . . . and Las Vegas.
They included 50 cities total in their analysis. The 10 WORST cities of the year are: Fresno, California . . . Memphis . . . Detroit . . . El Paso . . . Jacksonville . . . Indianapolis . . . San Antonio . . . Oklahoma City . . . Milwaukee . . . and Nashville.
JoJo – 23 (Singer of that obnoxiously catchy song, “Leave (Get Out)” . . . and star of “Aquamarine”. She was originally offered Miley Cyrus’ role on “Hannah Montana” . . . but she foolishly TURNED IT DOWN.)
Jonah Hill – 30 (Chubby comedic actor who played Seth in “Superbad”, Jonah in “Knocked Up”, Schmidt in “21 Jump Street” and its upcoming sequel, Donnie in “The Wolf of Wall Street”, and Eugene in “Evan Almighty”. He got an Oscar nomination for “Moneyball”, but he didn’t win.)
David Cook – 31 (The seventh “American Idol” winner.)
Chris Robinson – 47 (Black Crowes singer. Used to nail Kate Hudson . . . ANY TIME HE WANTED.)
Iqbal Theba – 50 (Principal Figgins on “Glee”.)
Anita Ward – 57 (Disco Diva. “RING MY BELL”.)
Michael Badalucco – 59 (Chubby Jimmy “The Grunt” Berluti on “The Practice”. He was also Babyface Nelson in “O Brother Where Art Thou?”.)
Jenny Agutter – 61 (Sexy minx in “Logan’s Run” . . . that sci-fi flick where they kill people once they hit the age of 30. Sorry, Jenny. There is no Sanctuary.) (???)
Alan Parsons – 65 (Alan Parsons Project SUPERSTAR!!! Remember “Eye In The Sky”? I DO!)
Uri Geller – 67 (Israeli psychic who uses mental powers to bend spoons and stop watches. He had that show with Criss Angel, “Phenomenon”.)
PETER CRISS! – 68 (The Cat Man! The drummer in KISS . . . who was fired THREE TIMES. Real name: George Peter Criscuola.)
John Spencer – (1946 – 2005) (Leo McGarry [Chief of Staff] on “The West Wing”.)
Countdown to Upcoming Events
• 5 days until Christmas
• 12 days until the New Year
• 44 days until Super Bowl 48
• 49 days to the Winter Olympics
• 56 days to Valentine’s Day
• 1,127 days left of “Hope and Change”
210 years ago . . . in 1803 – THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE was completed (for roughly $15 million . . . about 3 CENTS an acre). Ownership of the territory was formally transferred from Filthy France to the United States during ceremonies in New Orleans.
193 years ago . . . in 1820 – The state of Missouri imposed a $1 BACHELOR TAX on single studs aged 21 to 50.
153 years ago . . . in 1860 – South Carolina became the first state to SECEDE FROM THE UNION. Within two months, rednecks in Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana and Texas followed.
134 years ago . . . in 1879 – THOMAS EDISON privately demonstrated his “Incandescent Light” at Menlo Park, New Jersey. Then he dimmed that “Incandescent Light” and nailed that inventor groupie real good. (???)
93 years ago . . . in 1920 – BOB HOPE (English-birth name: Leslie Downes) became an American citizen.
67 years ago . . . in 1946 – “It’s A Wonderful Life” premiered in New York . . . starring JIMMY STEWART!!! Sometimes they still show it on TV.
61 years ago . . . in 1952 – JIMMY BOYD reached the #1 spot on the record charts with the very naughty “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”.
57 years ago . . . in 1956 – Montgomery, Alabama, REMOVED RACE-BASED SEAT ASSIGNMENTS ON ITS CITY BUSES.
The integration ended the boycott by the area’s black commuters that began more than one year after ROSA PARKS refused to surrender her seat to Whitey.
48 years ago . . . in 1965 – “The Dating Game”, with host JIM LANGE, debuted on ABC.
40 years ago . . . in 1973 – The great BOBBY DARIN died in an L.A. hospital while undergoing a second heart operation. He was only 37.
38 years ago . . . in 1975 – ERIC CARMEN’S “ALL BY MYSELF” AND PAUL SIMON’S “50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER” WERE RELEASED.
38 years ago . . . in 1975 – JOE WALSH joined THE EAGLES, replacing BERNIE LEADON who’d left for a superstar solo career. (???)
33 years ago . . . in 1980 – MOTORHEAD drummer, “FILTHY” PHIL TAYLOR broke his neck after a gig in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Apparently, he was messing around with a large Irish fan when he accidentally “bounced on his head.”
33 years ago . . . in 1980 – NBC broadcast a meaningless DOLPHINS – JETS game . . . with NO ANNOUNCERS. The only sounds were those heard in the stands and down on the field.
27 years ago . . . in 1986 – “Walk Like An Egyptian”, by THE BANGLES, hit #1 on the pop singles chart.
20 years ago . . . in 1993 – DONALD TRUMP and MARLA MAPLES were married at the Plaza Hotel in New York. Donald dumped her a few years later and is now hitting Melania Trump . . . hard.
17 years ago . . . in 1996 – The classic film that is “Beavis & Butt-Head Do America” was released.
17 years ago . . . in 1996 – “Scream” was released . . . starring Neve Campbell, Rose McGowan, Drew Barrymore and both Courteney Cox AND her future ex-husband, clown David Arquette. (For the record, they stole the “your mom’s a slut” murder motive from the ’80s slasher classic “Happy Birthday To Me“.)
17 years ago . . . in 1996 – For some reason, a judge gave O.J. SIMPSON full custody of his young children.
14 years ago . . . in 1999 – The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that HOMOSEXUAL COUPLES were entitled to the same benefits and protections as less promiscuous wedded couples of the opposite sex.
6 years ago in . . . 2007 – Queen Elizabeth II surpassed Queen Victoria as the oldest British monarch ever at the age of 82 years and 8 months.