Your daily dose of Whatever!!!

SHOWBIZ HIGHLIGHTS - 1 of 5

 

 

1.  Everybody's talking about KIM KARDASHIAN's butt, but now we've finally heard from an EXPERT.  SIR MIX-A-LOT wrote "Baby Got Back" . . . and he says he's been enjoying Kim's backside, but he prefers JENNIFER LOPEZ's.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

2.  The ladies of "The View" took on KIM KARDASHIAN's nude photos yesterday, and ROSIE O'DONNELL was completely supportive.  She said, quote, "If I looked like Kim Kardashian, I would be naked in the frozen food section."  But ROSIE PEREZ didn't agree.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

3.  KIM KARDASHIAN supposedly wanted to "break the internet" with her recent butt photos.  But according to the "Wall Street Journal", more people Tweeted about that spacecraft landing on a COMET.  Although they only measured one day, from 11:00 A.M. Wednesday to 11:00 A.M. Thursday.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

4.  (NC-17)  Somebody put KIM KARDASHIAN's butt photo over a coffee dispenser so it looks like the coffee is her diarrhea.  It's crass, but probably one of the best memes of them all.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

 

 

 

SHOWBIZ HIGHLIGHTS - 2 of 5

 

 

6.  KATY PERRY's boyfriend DIPLO recently dissed TAYLOR SWIFT's booty.  So Taylor's buddy LORDE defended her by Tweeting at Diplo saying, quote, "Should we do something about your tiny penis while we're at it?"  (Full Story)

 

 

 

7.  QUEEN LATIFAH still hasn't come out of the closet, and never admitted that she was in a longtime, committed relationship with Jeanette Jenkins.  But now, the rarely-reliable MediaTakeOut.com claims that Jeanette has found religion, and she's not a lesbian anymore.  She even supposedly moved in with a guy.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

 

 

 

9.  "Cake Boss" star BUDDY VALASTRO was arrested for drunk driving at around 1:00 A.M. Thursday morning.  And he actually told the cops, quote, "You can't arrest me, I'm the Cake Boss!"  He also told them he's a good guy, and they should just put him in a cab instead of arresting him.  (???)  (Full Story)

 

 

 

10.  When JENNIFER LAWRENCE was signing autographs for fans after doing "Letterman" on Wednesday, the fans pushed forward and knocked the barricade over, causing Jennifer to FLEE to her car.  She's fine, of course.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

SHOWBIZ HIGHLIGHTS - 3 of 5

 

 

11.  IDINA MENZEL is HAPPY that JOHN TRAVOLTA called her "Adele Dazeem" at the Oscars last year.  Ironically, having her name mispronounced did wonders for getting her REAL name out there.  She says, quote, "It's the best mistake that's ever happened to me."  (Full Story)

 

 

 

12.  BROOKE SHIELDS did a guest spot on "Friends" where she had to lick Matt LeBlanc's hand, and her then-husband ANDRE AGASSI freaked.  Brooke says, quote, "He said I made him look like a fool . . . and he got in his car and drove all the way to Vegas.  Once there, he smashed all of his tennis trophies, destroying them in a rage."  (Full Story)

 

 

 

13.  JOSE CANSECO was so inspired by this week's comet landing, he went on a Twitter rant about how we could use comets as intergalactic taxi cabs, and that such a thing would be, quote, "the key to our survival."  (???)  (Full Story)

 

 

 

14.  LEBRON JAMES has a three-week-old daughter, and just like a normal parent, he's waking up a lot in the middle of the night.  So he live-Tweeted his daughter's latest sleepless night, which involved him carrying her around, while they listened to old-school jams like George McCrae's "Rock Your Baby".  (Full Story)

 

 

 

15.  "Dumb and Dumber To" is up against an R&B romance called called "Beyond the Lights" this weekend.  But your limited release options look a lot more interesting.  They include Jon Stewart's directorial debut "Rosewater", the Steve Carell Olympic murder thriller "Foxcatcher", and a western that's directed by and stars Tommy Lee Jones.  (New Releases)  (Sneak Peek)

 

 

 

SHOWBIZ HIGHLIGHTS - 4 of 5

 

 

16.  BILL MURRAY has a cameo in "Dumb and Dumber To", as a meth cook named Ice Pick.  You won't recognize Bill, because Ice Pick never shows his face, but there's a clip of him in character online.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

17.  KEVIN JAMES will be back in the sequel, "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2".  The movie doesn't hit theaters until next April, but the first trailer is out . . . and it's pretty much what you'd expect.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

 

 

 

19.  BONO was flying from Dublin to Berlin in his private jet yesterday, when one of the plane's DOORS flew off, mid-flight.  Luckily it was outside the pressurized area of the plane, so everyone was fine, and the plane landed safely.  But his LUGGAGE was sucked out.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

20.  CULTURE CLUB was going to launch their first tour in 14 years tomorrow . . . but now the whole thing has been scrapped, after a polyp was discovered in BOY GEORGE's throat.  They hope to reschedule the shows for sometime next year.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

SHOWBIZ HIGHLIGHTS - 5 of 5

 

 

21.  Nothing is going on with CREED right now.  Creed is dead.  Guitarist MARK TREMONTI says, quote, "We haven't spoken with [singer] SCOTT STAPP since the last tour in 2012.  [We're] just content with doing ALTER BRIDGE, and [I'm] busy as hell doing the TREMONTI stuff."  (Full Story)

 

 

 

22.  In a new interview, JON BON JOVI was asked about RICHIE SAMBORA . . . again . . . and he said, quote, "He quit.  He's gone.  No hard feelings.  Being in a band isn't a life sentence."  (Full Story)

 

 

 

23.  Urban Quick HitsBeyoncé, Jay Z, Azealia Banks, and 2 Chainz

 

 

 

24.  There are some great photos on the "Buck Commander" Facebook page of JASON ALDEAN, LUKE BRYAN and the rest of crew posing with some unlucky deer.  The pics include Jason displaying his "big ole 8 point" . . . and Luke with his first whitetail of the year.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SHOWBIZ SEXY - 1 of 5

 

 

Sir Mix-A-Lot Prefers J-Lo's Butt 

 

 

Everybody's talking about KIM KARDASHIAN's butt, but yesterday we finally heard from an EXPERT.

 

 

SIR MIX-A-LOT wrote "Baby Go Back", and thus much of NICKI MINAJ's "Anaconda".  And he says he's been enjoying Kim's backside, but he prefers JENNIFER LOPEZ's.

 

 

In fact, he told TMZ that J-Lo INSPIRED "Baby Got Back".  He wrote the song after seeing her dance as a Fly Girl on "In Living Color" in the early '90s.

 

 

 

 

 

Rosie O'Donnell Is Okay With Kim Kardashian's Nudity . . . Rosie Perez Is Not 

 

 

The ladies of "The View" took on KIM KARDASHIAN's nude photos yesterday, and ROSIE O'DONNELL was completely supportive.  She said, quote, "If I looked like Kim Kardashian, I would be naked in the frozen food section."

 

 

But ROSIE PEREZ didn't agree.  Quote, "I think that it's an issue of taste and class . . . You look at somebody like Julianne Moore, one of my favorite actresses, you know she always gets crap for being nude in her movies, but that's high art to me.

 

 

"This, I don't know . . . It's a beautiful picture from a wonderful photographer.  It's a beautiful, beautiful picture, but . . ."  (Here's video.)

 

 


SHOWBIZ SEXY - 2 of 5

 

 

Kim Kardashian's Butt Didn't Break the Internet . . . It Didn't Even Beat the Comet Landing 

 

 

HIGHLIGHTS:  KIM KARDASHIAN supposedly wanted to "break the internet" with her recent butt photos.  But according to the "Wall Street Journal", more people Tweeted about that spacecraft landing on a COMET.  Although they only measured one day, from 11:00 A.M. Wednesday to 11:00 A.M. Thursday.

 

 

FULL STORY:  KIM KARDASHIAN supposedly wanted to "break the internet" with her recent butt photos.  So . . . did it work?  According to the "Wall Street Journal" . . . nope.

 

 

It turns out more people Tweeted about that spacecraft landing on a COMET than Kim's butt.  They only looked at Tweets from one day though, from 11:00 A.M. Wednesday to 11:00 A.M. Thursday.

 

 

They compared the hashtags "BreakTheInternet" . . . which was used on the Kim photo . . . and "CometLanding".  They also included Tweets with the words "comet" and "Kardashian".

 

 

And over that 24 hour period, 479,000 people Tweeted about the comet . . . while only about 308,000 Tweeted about Kim.  But again, Kim was trying to break the internet . . . not Twitter.

 

 

Still, that should make SOME people happy:  One of the biggest complaints on social media yesterday was that everyone was talking about Kim Kardashian, when they SHOULD have been talking about how scientists had just done something amazing.

 

 

They also found that Tweets about the comet were mostly POSITIVE, while Tweets about Kim's ass were mostly NEGATIVE.  (Wall Street Journal)

 

 

SHOWBIZ SEXY - 3 of 5

 

 

(NC-17)  The Best Use of the Kim Kardashian Butt Pic So Far:  Coffee Dispenser 

 

 

You've probably seen a hundred KIM KARDASHIAN memes by now.  But I can almost guarantee you none of them were better than this:

 

 

Somebody put Kim's butt photo over a coffee dispenser so it looks like the coffee is her diarrhea.  (Check it out here.  WARNING!!!  It's gross, but HILARIOUS.)

 

 

(Bonus Meme:  Someone replaced the chin of chubby New York Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon with Kim's butt.)

 

 

 

 

 

Kim Kardashian Randoms: 

 

 

1.  In light of all this KIM KARDASHIAN nudity, a lot of people have been posting the passage TINA FEY wrote about Kim in her 2011 book "Bossypants".

 

 

2.  Here's a clip of Kim in 2010, freaking out and crying because "W" magazine showed her buttcrack and nipples.  Obviously she got over it, because she's been naked, like, 75 times since.

 

 

3.  Thanks to a bakery in Leeds, England, Kim's butt is now a CAKE POP.

 

 

4.  ALYSSA MILANO thinks Kim has an "unbelievable ass", but she's a little mad that people seem fine with that photo, while they freak out about her breastfeeding selfies.

 

 

 

SHOWBIZ SEXY - 4 of 5

 

 

After Diplo Made Fun of Taylor Swift, Lorde Questioned the Size of His Manhood 

 

 

KATY PERRY's boyfriend DIPLO recently jumped into her alleged feud with TAYLOR SWIFT by Tweeting, quote, "Someone should make a Kickstarter to get Taylor Swift a booty."

 

 

Well, Taylor's buddy LORDE wasn't going to let this lie.  She Tweeted back to Diplo saying, quote, "Should we do something about your tiny penis while we're at it?"

 

 

(Side Note:  Someone actually started a crowdfunding effort to get Taylor some booty on the site Fundly.com.  And as of last night, he'd raised 95 bucks for the cause.)

 

 

 

 

 

Did the Lord Steal Queen Latifah's Girlfriend Away By Making Her Straight? 

 

 

QUEEN LATIFAH still hasn't come out of the closet.  And even though everybody kind of knows it, she never admitted that she was in a longtime, committed relationship with fitness trainer Jeanette Jenkins.  And now, sadly, it appears to be too late.

 

 

The rarely-reliable MediaTakeOut.com claims that Jeanette has found religion, and she's not a lesbian anymore.  She reportedly did some kind of "Christian conversion", and now she's shacking up with a 22-year-old man.  Jeanette is 40, and Latifah is 44.

 

 

(I wonder if Jeanette went to the same church as this guy.  Seems legit.  Anyway, here are the ladies in happier times.)

 

 

 

SHOWBIZ SEXY - 5 of 5

 

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  These pictures do not even remotely prove that JENNIFER ANISTON is pregnant.  But that headline's no fun.

 

 

 

2.  I know STACY KEIBLER says she had a baby in August, but I see no evidence of that here.

 

 

 

3.  MARC ANTHONY's new wife Shannon de Lima can work a bikini(WARNING!!!  The seventh pic in the series isn't necessarily revealing, but at the very least it's creepily invasive.)

 

 

 

4.  KATY PERRY Tweeted a cleavage-filled selfie.

 

 

 

5.  I'm not entirely sure what ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO is wearing here, but I approve.

 

 

 

NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND - 1 of 3

 

 

Jon Stewart's "Rosewater", Steve Carell's "Foxcatcher", and "Dumb and Dumber"

 

 

1.  "Dumb and Dumber To"  (PG-13)  Trailer

 

 

Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey are back as Harry and Lloyd.  Apparently, Lloyd's been faking a mental illness for the past 20 years and Harry finds out that he had a daughter with Kathleen Turner that he never knew about.

 

 

The two of them take a road trip to find her because Harry needs a kidney.

 

 

Laurie Holden, who played Andrea on "The Walking Dead", is the girl's adoptive mother.  She's also the movie's villain . . . who wants a package the boys are carrying.  The movie also features a hidden cameo from Bill Murray.

 

 

 

 

 

2.  "Beyond the Lights"  (PG-13)  Trailer

 

 

This one almost feels like an updated version of "The Bodyguard".  British actress Gugu Mbatha-Raw plays an R&B singer who falls in love with a cop assigned to her protection detail . . . after he saves her life when she tries to jump off her balcony.

 

 

Minnie Driver plays her manager, an ambitious stage mom who pushed her into over-sexualizing herself for her career, Nate Parker is the cop, and Danny Glover is his dad.

 

 

It might interest you to know that Amar'e Stoudemire is one of the producers, or that Gugu does all her own singing in the movie.  She got her dance skills from the same choreographer used by Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj.

 

 

 

NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND - 2 of 3

 

 

3.  "Foxcatcher"  (R)  Trailer  (Limited)

 

 

Steve Carell plays John du Pont, the guy who murdered Olympic gold medalist David Schultz in the '90s.  David and his brother Mark were wrestlers on the team du Pont was sponsoring.  Channing Tatum plays Mark and Mark Ruffalo is David.

 

 

The movie's told from Mark's perspective.  He and David were both living and training at the Foxcatcher wrestling facility on the du Pont estate at the time of the murder.

 

 

The real Mark Schultz has a cameo as one of the weigh in officials.  And while he was on set, he also helped Channing with his wrestling moves.  Anthony Michael Hall is also in it as du Pont's assistant.

 

 

 

 

4.  "Rosewater"  (R)  Trailer  (Limited)

 

 

Gael Garcia Bernal plays "Newsweek" journalist Maziar Bahari, who was brutally interrogated inIran for 118 days after the 2009 Iranian election protests.  Rosewater was how he recognized his torturer . . . because that was the smell on his hands.

 

 

Jon Stewart directed it.  He also wrote the screenplay, which is based on Bahari's memoir "And Then They Came For Me".

 

 

Jon was very passionate about the project because "The Daily Show" had someone in Iran for the elections and that correspondent, Jason Jones, did a skit where he was posing as an American spy and asked fellow journalist Bahari if he was a terrorist.

 

 

After Bahari was arrested and accused of being a spy, the Iranians were so desperate for evidence that they served up that clip from "The Daily Show" as their so-called proof.

 

 

 

NEW MOVIES THIS WEEKEND - 3 of 3

 

 

5.  "The Homesman"  (R)  Trailer  (Limited)

 

 

Tommy Lee Jones wrote, directed, and stars in this western about a drifter rescued from being hanged by Hilary Swank.  She's a pioneer woman who only frees him so he can help her escort three supposedly insane women on a five-week trip.

 

 

Meryl Streep is a minister's wife who's going to give them shelter . . . Miranda Otto from "Lord of the Rings" and Meryl Streep's daughter Grace Gummer are two of the crazy chicks . . . and the rest of the cast includes John Lithgow and James Spader.

 

 

 

 

MOVIE QUICK HITS

 

 

Check Out Bill Murray's Hidden Cameo in "Dumb and Dumber To"  

 

 

BILL MURRAY has a cameo in "Dumb and Dumber To", as a meth cook.  His name is Ice Pick, and he's the roommate Harry got when Lloyd was in the hospital.  You won't recognize Bill, because Ice Pick never shows his face.

 

 

Director Peter Farrelly says, quote, "Since you never see Ice Pick, we were thinking, 'Hey, we should get someone who's iconic to do it.  And who's more iconic than Bill Murray?'

 

 

"Any time you have Bill on the set, everybody is happy.  So, we wanted to bring Bill in just so we could hang around him.  Like everyone else in the world, I'm nuts about that guy."  (Here's a clip featuring Ice Pick.  The movie opens TONIGHT.)

 

 

 

 

 

The Trailer for "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2" Is Out 

 

 

KEVIN JAMES will be back in the sequel, "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2".  The movie doesn't hit theaters until next April, but the first trailer is out . . . and it's pretty much what you'd expect.

 

 

In this one, Blart goes to some sort of mall cop convention in Las Vegas. . . and gets mixed up in a casino robbery.  It also stars NEAL MCDONOUGH and MOLLY SHANNON(Here's the trailer.)

 

 

 

TV REMINDERS

 

 

Weekend TV Reminders:

 

 

• Friday:  "The Hollywood Film Awards" . . . from 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.  Queen Latifah hosts.

 

 

• Saturday:  "Austin City Limits" . . . from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS.  Country singer Eric Church performs.

 

 

• Saturday:  "The Graham Norton Show" . . . from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. Eastern on BBC America.  Annie Lennox performs.

 

 

"Saturday Night Live" . . . from 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC.  Woody Harrelson hosts and Kendrick Lamar performs.

 

 

"Sunday Night Football" . . . from 5:30 to 8:30 P.M. Eastern on NBC.  The Indianapolis Colts host the New England Patriots.

 

 

• Sunday:  "The Walking Dead" . . . from 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on AMC.

 

 

(You can preview Monday's schedule here.)

 

 

 

TODAY ON TV TALK SHOWS

 

 

Tonight's Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

"The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon" - Liam Hemsworth, Katherine Heigl, and Kool & the Gang!

 

 

"Late Night with Seth Meyers" - Kerry Washington, Michael C. Hall, and Joe Hill.  (Repeat)

 

 

"Letterman" - Kristin Chenoweth, and Chris Young.

 

 

"Jimmy Kimmel" -  Julie Bowen, Kacey Musgraves, and Florida Georgia Line.  (Repeat)

 

 

"Carson Daly" - Lauren Cohen, Dum Dum Girls, and Meatbodies.  (Repeat)

 

 

"Craig Ferguson" - Jeff Daniels, and Paula Poundstone.

 

 

(You can preview Monday's late night schedule here.)

 

 

 

MUSIC QUICK HITS - 1 of 4

 

 

Bono Lost His Luggage When His Plane's Door Flew Off Mid-Flight   

 

 

HIGHLIGHTS:  BONO was flying fromDublin toBerlin in his private jet yesterday, when one of the plane's DOORS flew off, mid-flight.  Luckily it was outside the pressurized area of the plane, so everyone was fine, and the plane landed safely.  But his LUGGAGE was sucked out.

 

 

FULL STORY:  Maybe God is still upset about having U2's album "Songs of Innocence" dumped in his iTunes . . . because it sounds like he sent BONO a message yesterday

 

 

Bono was flying in his private jet fromDublinto an award show inBerlin, when one of the plane's DOORS flew off, mid-flight.  Normally that would be a fairly serious problem . . . but amazingly it wasn't that big a deal.

 

 

The door was OUTSIDE the pressurized area of the plane, so there was no need for oxygen masks, and the plane was never in danger of crashing.  It also happened as they were landing, so Bono didn't even need to be re-routed.

 

 

Not everything was cool though.  Bono's LUGGAGE was sucked out.

 

 

It's not clear how the hatch came off, but German authorities are investigating.  (You can find a news report on the incident, here.)

 

 

 

MUSIC QUICK HITS - 2 of 4

 

 

Boy George Has a Throat Problem, So Culture Club Was Forced to Cancel Their First Tour in 14 Years  

 

 

CULTURE CLUB was supposed to launch their first tour in 14 years tomorrow . . . but now the whole thing has been scrapped, after a polyp was discovered in BOY GEORGE's throat.

 

 

It's unclear how serious it is.  His doctors have ordered him not to sing . . . and there's a chance he may need to have surgery.  It sounds like the same thing that sidelined ADELE a few years ago.

 

 

Culture Club hope to reschedule the shows for sometime next year.

 

 

(CAREFUL)  (In a way, it's ironic.  Boy George was probably looking forward to this tour BECAUSE of all the strange things that would be discovered down his throat.)

 

 

 

MUSIC QUICK HITS - 3 of 4

 

 

Today's Good News in Music:  At the Moment, Creed Is Dead 

 

 

A lot of people had their fill of CREED 15 years ago . . . to the point where they could go without hearing Creed again for the rest of their lives.  For those people, we have good news:  At the moment, Creed is dead.

 

 

Guitarist MARK TREMONTI tells "Classic Rock" magazine, quote, "We haven't spoken with [singer] SCOTT STAPP since the last tour in 2012.  [We're] just content with doing ALTER BRIDGE, and [I'm] busy as hell doing the TREMONTI stuff.

 

 

"I've got a full plate at the moment, and I'm perfectly happy with where I'm at.  There's no plans [for Creed] right now."  (Scott hasn't commented, so for all we know he's off hanging out in his own prison, with his arms wide open.  HI-YO!  Cut me a break, it's Friday.)

 

 

 

 

 

Jon Bon Jovi Says Richie Sambora Quit Bon Jovi . . . And He's Cool with It 

 

 

RICHIE SAMBORA'S mysterious disappearance from BON JOVI may never be fully explained . . . but one thing is clear:  He's not with the band, and both he and JON BON JOVI seem fine going their separate ways.

 

 

In a new interview, Jon says, quote, "He quit.  He's gone.  No hard feelings.  Being in a band isn't a life sentence."  The interviewer noted that Jon seemed "perplexed" when asked about Richie's departure.  (And that makes sense.  Despite a TON of stories on the split, no one seems to have any idea what's going on.)

 

 


MUSIC QUICK HITS - 4 of 4

 

 

Urban Quick Hits:  Beyoncé, Jay Z, Azealia Banks, and 2 Chainz 

 

 

1.  If you haven't seen it, check out this video of an eight-year-old BEYONCÉ singing "Home" from "The Wiz".  She's got potential.

 

 

 

2.  The Internet took BILLY JOEL'S song "The Stranger" and "improved it" . . . by replacing Billy with JAY Z from the song "Threat" off "The Black Album"(Warning:  There's uncensored profanity in the mash-up.  Watch it here.)

 

 

 

3.  AZEALIA BANKS released a new video for "Chasing Time"(Note:  She's wearing some pretty revealing outfits in the video . . . including one with a BOOB TASSEL.)

 

 

 

4.  2 CHAINZ did another one of his "Most Expensivest [Crap]" videos for "GQ".  This time he checks out a $15,000 suit that's BULLETPROOF.  But he says it, quote, "looks like a regular ole church suit."

 

 

(Warning:  There's uncensored profanity in the video.  Check it out here.)

 

STUPID NEWS HIGHLIGHTS - 1 of 3

 

 

1.  Here are a few random facts for you.  WWW is the only three-letter acronym that has three times more syllables than what it stands for . . . WWW is nine syllables, "world wide web" is three.  Americans eat 350 slices of pizza every second.  And there are only 17 countries with more land area than Alaska.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

2.  A few new studies figured out the best days to get good discounts this holiday season . . . and NONE of them say that Black Friday is number one.  The best day overall to do online shopping is Thanksgiving . . . the best day to buy toys and electronics is the Wednesday BEFORE Thanksgiving . . . and the best day to buy clothes is the Monday AFTER Thanksgiving.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

3.  According to a new survey, 23% of men will spend less than an hour on their main Christmas shopping trip this year . . . and 3% will do it in TEN MINUTES.  To compare, only 12% of women said they'll spend less than an hour, and ZERO percent said they could do it in ten minutes or less.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

4.  A new survey found 15% of people have waited more than FIVE hours to get into a store on Black Friday . . . and more than two-thirds of us have waited in at least SOME line to get into a store on Black Friday.  It also found 69% of people will shop ON Thanksgiving this year.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

5.  A new study found the larger a woman's breasts, the more money she spends on shopping.  65% of women with B-cups spend less than average and just 7% spend above average . . . only 13% of women with an E-cup or above spend below average and 33% spend above average.  The best theory is that women with smaller breasts are younger and have less money to spend.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

STUPID NEWS HIGHLIGHTS - 2 of 3

 

 

6.  A new study found the personality traits linked to what kind of PIZZA you like.  People who like vegetable toppings are flirtatious, charming, and gullible . . . people who like pepperoni are extroverts who get bored easily . . . and people who like white pizza are good with money, cynical, and love debates.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

7.  A new study looked at the things we're eating WAY more of than a decade ago, and it's mostly stuff that's fast, easy, and not necessarily healthy.  The top five are yogurt . . . bottled water . . . pizza . . . chicken and turkey sandwiches . . . and Mexican food.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

8.  Your mother-in-law could decide whether your shaky marriage survives.  A new study of divorced people found TWO out of THREE say their mother was the one who helped them make the ultimate decision to pull the plug.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

9.  Apparently some women are now doing something called 'natural insemination' . . . hiring men for sex, just so they can get PREGNANT.  It's cheaper than artificial insemination, and there are guys who offer the service online . . . free of charge of course.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

10.  Scientists have finally figured out the two best ways to swallow pills.  First you put the pill on your tongue.  Then, in one method, you put your lips around the mouth of a water bottle and SUCK the water down to create a vacuum.  In the other method, you tuck your chin and lean forward as you swallow the pill and water.  (Full Story)

 

 


STUPID NEWS HIGHLIGHTS - 3 of 3

 

 

11.  A 22-year-old stripper in South Carolina was working around 2:00 A.M. yesterday when she got into a fight with a 24-year-old bartender at the strip club . . . and started BEATING her with a clear plastic high heel.  She wound up puncturing the bartender's scalp and could be looking at felony aggravated assault charges.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

12.  On Tuesday, a guy in a stolen car picked up a hitchhiker in Georgia . . . then got into a high-speed chase with police in Florida.  When they finally got stopped, the driver was arrested . . . but the HITCHHIKER was arrested TOO.  Turns out he was wanted for missing a court date after robbing someone.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

13.  A 27-year-old Army vet named Joey Johnson was paralyzed in a motorcycle crash in 2012 . . . he used to ride to deal with PTSD after serving in Afghanistan.  And for his wedding in Indiana earlier this year, he and his friends built a harness connected to the ceiling, so he could surprise his wife by DANCING with her at the reception.  (Full Story)

 

 

STUPID CRIMINALS - 1 of 2

 

 

A Stripper Is Arrested For Attacking Another Woman With Her Clear Plastic High Heel

 

 

HIGHLIGHTS:  A 22-year-old stripper inSouth Carolina was working around 2:00 A.M. yesterday when she got into a fight with a 24-year-old bartender at the strip club . . . and started BEATING her with a clear plastic high heel.  She wound up puncturing the bartender's scalp and could be looking at felony aggravated assault charges.

 

 

FULL STORY:  Strippers tend to wear high heels that are GIGANTIC and pointy and look like they could easily turn into weapons.  And sadly . . . sometimes they do.

 

 

22-year-old Carolyn Wright is a stripper at Chez Joey inMyrtle Beach,South Carolina. . . which advertises itself as, quote, "Hot girls and excellent food!"  24-year-old Ashley Michaels-Hoder is a bartender there.

 

 

They were both working around 2:00 A.M. yesterday when they got into a fight.  We're not sure what started it, but Carolyn freaked out . . . took off one of her large, clear plastic high heels . . . and started BEATING Ashley with it.

 

 

She wound up PUNCTURING Ashley's scalp with the heel and left her with a bunch of bruises and scratches.  The puncture needed staples to close.

 

 

Carolyn has not been arrested yet, but she could be facing felony aggravated assault charges.  She's already been arrested two other times this year, for disorderly conduct and assault.  (The Smoking Gun)

 

 

(Here's Carolyn's mugshot and a photo of Ashley.)

 

 

 

STUPID CRIMINALS - 2 of 2

 

 

A Guy Picks Up a Hitchhiker, Then Gets Into a High-Speed Chase

 

 

HIGHLIGHTS:  On Tuesday, a guy in a stolen car picked up a hitchhiker inGeorgia . . . then got into a high-speed chase with police inFlorida.  When they finally got stopped, the driver was arrested . . . but the HITCHHIKER was arrested TOO.  Turns out he was wanted for missing a court date after robbing someone.

 

 

FULL STORY:  Nobody hitchhikes anymore, because you could get picked up by someone CRAZY.  But you also shouldn't pick UP hitchhikers . . . because THEY might be crazy too.  And this proves both.

 

 

On Tuesday, 29-year-old Scott Rogers was driving from Michiganto Florida. . . in a car he STOLE from a friend.  And for some reason, he picked up a 20-year-old hitchhiker in Georgianamed Joseph Stephens . . . who was traveling with his two cats.  (???)

 

 

And when a cop pulled them over nearDaytona Beach, Scott FLOORED IT, which started a hundred-mile-per-hour high-speed chase.

 

 

Eventually police stopped the car and arrested Scott.  And found Joseph in the passenger's seat with his cats, scared out of his mind.

 

 

Scott is facing charges for grand theft, false imprisonment, and fleeing and eluding police.  But the cops arrested JOSEPH too.  Turns out he'd been busted for robbery, didn't show up at his court date, and there was a warrant out.

 

 

He's being held on $12,000 bail . . . a shelter is taking care of his two cats.  (Daytona Beach News-Journal)

 

 

(Check out their mugshots here.  Scott is the one with dark hair.)

 

BIRTHDAYS - 1 of 2

 

 

Vanessa Bayer is 33"Saturday Night Live" minx who impersonates Miley Cyrus.

 

 

Olga Kurylenko is 35.  Bond girl from "Quantum of Solace".

 

 

Travis Barker is 39.  Drummer from Blink-182.  Also famous for ALMOST DYING with DJ AM in that plane crash back in September of '08.  But thanks to being burned all over his body and having multiple skin grafts, he gets a redo on a lot of his old tattoos.  So he's got that going for him.  (???)

 

 

Josh Duhamel is 42"Transformers" stud.  He gives it to Fergie OH-SO-NASTILY.  She bore him a son, whom they named Axl.  It's a guarantee that at least one of the three of them will regret that someday.

 

 

Janine Lindemulder is 46.  The mattress actress who Jesse James was married to before he broke Sandra Bullock's heart.  Janine's adult career included such fine films as "Eager Beaver", "Fire in the Hole" and "Janine's Been Blackmaled".

 

(It's interesting that she shares a birthday with Travis Barker, since she was the cover model for their "Enema of the State" album.)

 

 

Curt Schilling is 48.  Former Boston Red Sox pitcher who was amazing in the 2004 playoffs DESPITE his bloody, busted ankle being on the verge of SNAPPING OFF.

 

 

Patrick Warburton is 50.  Puddy on "Seinfeld" and the voice of Peter's wheelchair-bound neighbor Joe on "Family Guy".  Plus, he WAS "The Tick"!

 

 

Laura San Giacomo is 52.  Petite, top-heavy-minx Maya Gallo on "Just Shoot Me".  She was also Julia Roberts' hooker-friend in "Pretty Woman".

 

 

 

BIRTHDAYS - 2 of 2

CONDOLEEZZA RICE is 60.  Very Sexy Nubian Former Secretary of State.  Also the subject of a LOVE SONG written by the late, great Muammar Gaddafi called "Black Flower in the White House"(TRUE!!!)

 

 

YANNI! is 60.  Dashing Greek musical GOD who used to nail Linda Evans ANY TIME HE WANTED TO!  Not sure if he did her Greek-style . . . "butt" . . . he probably DID!

 

Did you know that Yanni has a Bachelor's degree in Psychology from theUniversityofMinnesota?  AND at the age of 14, he broke the Greek National Swimming Record in the 50-meter freestyle!  It's true!

 

 

James Young is 65.  Guitarist in Styx.  Their biggest albums include 1977's "The Grand Illusion" featuring "Come Sail Away";  1981's "Paradise Theater" with "The Best of Times" and "Too Much Time On My Hands" . . .

 

. . . and most importantly, 1983's "Kilroy Was Here" featuring "Don't Let It End" and the AMAZING juggernaut "Mr. Roboto".

 

 

Prince Charles is 66.

 

Related Comedy:  Prince Charles turns 66 today.  The celebration will give him a welcome break from his busy schedule of waiting for his mother to die.

 

 

Boutros Boutros-Ghali is 92.  Former U.N. Secretary-General with a name so nice you have to say it twice.

 

 

 

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 6 days to the American Smoke Out

• 13 days to Thanksgiving Day

• 41 days to Christmas • 48 days to the New Year

• 92 days to Valentine's Day

• 798 days left of "Hope and Change"

 

 


NOVEMBER 14th - BACK IN THE DAY

 

 

163 years ago . . . In 1851, a little book HERMAN MELVILLE wrote called "Moby Dick" was first published in theU.S.

 

 

28 years ago . . . In 1986, GENE HACKMAN'S classic basketball film "Hoosiers" was released.

 

 

27 years ago . . . In 1987, SONNY & CHER WERE PRODDED BY DAVID LETTERMAN INTO SINGING "I GOT YOU BABE" ON HIS SHOW.

 

 

24 years ago . . . In 1990, THE WHO'S PETE TOWNSHEND confessed his BISEXUALITY to "Newsweek".  Bisexual Pete Townshend said, quote, "I know how it feels to be a woman because I am a woman.  And I won't be classified as just a man."

 

 

21 years ago . . . In 1993, Miami Dolphins coach DON SHULA picked up his 325th win, an NFL record.

 

 

21 years ago . . . In 1993, PUERTO RICO VOTED AGAINST BECOMING THE 51ST U.S. STATE.  Why they hatin'?  (???)

 

 

21 years ago . . . In 1993, H. Shiozawa & T. Urata discovered ASTEROID #7136, while M. Hirasawa & S. Suzuki discovered ASTEROID #6416.

 

 

18 years ago . . . In 1996, MICHAEL JACKSON married DEBBIE ROWE.  They spawned two kids, son Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. and daughter Paris Michael Katherine Jackson, before divorcing in 1999.

 

 

16 years ago . . . In 1998, CARMEN ELECTRA married DENNIS RODMAN.  The nation was SHOCKED when they divorced less than six months later.

 

 

SATURDAY BIRTHDAYS - 1 of 3

 

 

Shailene Woodley is 23.  The next Jennifer Lawrence if she plays her cards right.  Her movies include "Divergent", "The Fault in Our Stars", and "White Bird in a Blizzard".  She was also on ABC Family's "The Secret Life of the American Teenager".

 

 

B.o.B is 26.  Young urban troubadour whose collaborations include "Airplanes" with Hayley Williams from Paramore and "Magic" with Rivers Cuomo from Weezer.

 

 

Sean Murray is 37.  Tim McGee on "NCIS".  He's manned up quite a bit in recent seasons, but I'm with DiNozzo.  I can't see him as anything other than McGeek.

 

(Sean's step-dad is Donald Bellasario, the guy who created "NCIS", "JAG", "Quantum Leap" and "Magnum P.I.".)

 

 

Chad Kroeger is 40.  Nickelback singer, and the current Mr. Avril Lavigne.  Before he came along, Lemmy from Motorhead used to have all those "Ugliest Rock Star" polls pretty much locked up.  He married Avril Lavigne to create the most annoying musical duo since, like, ever.

 

Related Comedy: Chad Kroeger of Nickelback turns 40 today.  He's celebrating by finding out what Eddie Vedder did on his birthday, and then doing a way worse version of it.

 

 

Sydney Tamiia Poitier is 41.  Sidney Poitier's very sexy daughter who was Wanda in Snoop's "Hood of Horror" and "Jungle Julia" in "Death Proof", which was Quentin Tarantino's half of "Grindhouse".

 

 

Jonny Lee Miller is 42.  Sherlock Holmes on "Elementary".  Before that he was most famous for being Angelina Jolie's ex-husband.  They met on the set of the 1995 movie "Hackers".  He was also BRILLIANT as "Eli Stone".

 

 


SATURDAY BIRTHDAYS - 2 of 3

 

 

E-40 is 47.  "Charlie Hustle!  "E-Feezy Forty Fonzarelli"!  How did E-40 get he name, you ask?  Well, his real name is Earl, and he used to drink seven forties a day!  (True.)

 

 

Craig Shoemaker is 52.  The Lovemaster.

 

 

Kevin Eubanks is 57.  Moved with Jay Leno from "The Tonight Show" to the sinking ship known as "The Jay Leno Show".  He followed Jay BACK to "The Tonight Show", but he left to concentrate on making REAL music.

 

 

Beverly D'Angelo is 63.  Best known for her stellar work with Chevy Chase in those fabulous "Vacation" movies.  She played his saucy wife.  Beverly D'Angelo also played Ed Norton's chain-smoking mom in the amazing "American History X".

 

 

Al Pacino nailed her in real life.  She's the mother of his twins, Olivia and Anton.

 

 

 

ABBA singer Anni-Frid "Frida" Lyngstad is 69!  She's the brunette minx.  Meryl Streep's "Mamma Mia" movie got everyone singing their classic jams again, like "Dancing Queen", "Take a Chance on Me", "S.O.S.", "Fernando", "Waterloo", "The Winner Takes It All" and "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!  (A Man After Midnight)".

 

 

(Fantastic Fact:  Their jam "S.O.S." is the ONLY chart hit where both the title AND the artist names are read the same way backwards and forwards . . . or "palindromes", if you will.)

 

 

Sam Waterston is 74.  Assistant D.A. Jack McCoy on "Law & Order".

 

 

Petula Clark is 82.  Biggest hit:  1964's "Downtown".

 

 

 

SATURDAY BIRTHDAYS - 3 of 3

 

 

Ed Asner is 85.  Then:  "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" and "Lou Grant".  Now:  Carl Fredricksen, the old man in "Up".  He was also Santa in Will Ferrell's "Elf".

 

 

Judge Wapner . . . dead or alive?   The Answer:  ALIVE!  He's 95 this weekend.

 

 

Randy "Macho Man" Savage  (1952 - 2011)  One of the all-time legends.  His match with RICKY STEAMBOAT at "Wrestlemania 3" in 1987 is STILL considered one of the greatest matches in history.

 

 

(If you think today's pro rasslers are "hardcore", you know NOTHING.  Back in 1991, during a vicious feud with Jake "The Snake" Roberts, Randy allowed his arm to be gnawed on by a REAL KING COBRA.)

 

 

(Yeah, the snake was de-venomized but still . . . would YOU let someone attach a deadly snake to YOUR arm?)

 

 

(Here's that clip . . . WARNING!!!  If you click on this link, you WILL see a cobra gnaw on a man's arm.)

 

 

Ol' Dirty Bastard would have been 46.  (1968 - 2004)  The Wu Tang Clansman formerly known as Dirt McGirt . . . and Big Baby Jesus.  He collapsed and died just two days before his 36th birthday.

 

 

WHITMAN MAYO!  (1930 - 2001)  Grady on "Sanford & Son" . . . and the wise and wonderful MR. RHYTHM in one of the most underrated motion pictures of all time . . . "D.C. CAB"!

 

 

 


SUNDAY BIRTHDAYS - 1 of 2

 

 

Amar'e Stoudemire is 32.  He spent the first eight years of his career with the Phoenix Suns, but now he's a power forward for the New York Knicks.

 

 

Oksana Baiul is 37.  Sweet drunken Russian skater.  She loves the "wodka", ya know.

 

 

Maggie Gyllenhaal is 37.  Artsy dream girl from "Secretary" and "Donnie Darko".  Went mainstream when she took over for Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes in "The Dark Knight".  She's also Jake Gyllenhaal's sister.  She and husband Peter Sarsgaard share a child AND a love of needlessly doubled vowels.

 

 

Martha Plimpton is 44.  Stef from "The Goonies" and now she's Virginia Chance on "Raising Hope".

 

 

BRYAN ABRAMS! is 45.  He's a hunk-a-butt in COLOR ME BADD . . . with two D's!)  (Biggest album:  1991's "C.M.B.", with their hits "All 4 Love", "I Adore Mi Amor" and the AMAZING "I WANNA SEX YOU UP"!

 

 

Lisa Bonet is 47.  Lenny Kravitz's ex-wife.  She WAS Denise Huxtable on "The Cosby Show".  She was also very delicious in the movie "High Fidelity" . . . and Mickey Rourke got to grind her quite enthusiastically in the 1987 horror flick "Angel Heart".  Lisa is now married to the insanely sexy Jason Momoa.

 

 

Diana Krall is 50.  Mature jazz singing minx who gets to nail Elvis Costello ANYTIME SHE WANTS TO!

 

 

Dwight Gooden is 50.  Former baseball superstar and coke-fiend.

 

 

MARG HELGENBERGER is 56.  Former "CSI" MINX with the fire down below!

 

 

 

SUNDAY BIRTHDAYS - 2 of 2

 

 

Terry Labonte is 58.  NASCAR redneck.

 

 

DAVID LEISURE! is 64.  The amazing super-liar "JOE ISUZU" in a series of outrageous Isuzu commercials!  Superstar David Leisure went on to play Charley Dietz, Richard Mulligan's neighbor on "Empty Nest" . . .

 

. . . AND the District Attorney in "3 Strikes", the brilliant comedy written by D.J. Pooh and starring E-40!

 

 

Burgess Meredith  (1907 - 1997)  The Penguin on "Batman", and Mickey in the "Rocky" movies.  Check out his FILTHY POTTY MOUTH in "Grumpy Old Men"!

 

 

DAWS BUTLER!  (1916 - 1988)  Only the voice of Yogi Bear, SNAGGLEPUSS, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw, Chilly Willy, Elroy Jetson, and his greatest work, HAIR BEAR from "Help!  It's The Hair Bear Bunch"!

 

(For those of you who are a little rusty on your 1971 cartoons, the Hair Bear Bunch were three bears who were always breaking out of the zoo, even though they could turn their normal-looking den into a SWINGING BACHELOR PAD at the flip of a switch!)

 

(The leader of the bunch was Hair Bear himself . . . who was immortalized for his huge AFRO, his pimped-out vest and ASCOT, and the fact that he wore a belt with no pants!)  (????)

 

 

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