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Miley Cyrus Could Earn $1 Million . . . Directing a Porn Flick 

A smut company called GameLink has offered MILEY CYRUS $1 million to DIRECT an X-rated movie.  That’s right, DIRECT.  She doesn’t have to have sex, take her clothes off or even appear onscreen.  And they’ll give her full creative control. 

Kris Jenner Regrets Divorcing Robert Kardashian 

We keep hearing that KRIS and BRUCE JENNER are still, like, SUPER HAPPY AWESOME FRIENDS, and still TOTALLY LOVE EACH OTHER AND STUFF.

 

 

But listen to what Kris told some magazine called “New You” . . . quote, “The one regret, if I had to do it over, would be divorcing Robert Kardashian.  But then there wouldn’t have been Kendall and Kylie, so that’s the way I look at it.”

 

 

She added, quote, “Everything happens for a reason, and we learn from our mistakes.  I thought I was so smart when I was young;  I was fearless.”

Does Madonna Text During Movies? 

 

 

The “New York Post” says MADONNA got scolded for texting during a movie . . . then attacked the person who called her out.  It happened during a screening of the new movie “12 Years a Slave” at the New York Film Festival Wednesday night.

 

 

As the movie started, Madonna kept her face in her phone . . . until an audience member asked her to put it away.  So she snapped back, quote, “It’s for business . . . enslaver!”  (???)

Craig Robinson Was Busted for Drug Possession in the Bahamas 

 

 

Actor CRAIG ROBINSON was busted for drug possession in the Bahamas Wednesday.  Customs officials found a small amount of pot and Ecstasy on him as he tried to board a plane in Nassau.

 

Did Sheryl Crow Witness Lance Armstrong Doping? 

:  A new book claims SHERYL CROW personally witnessed then-boyfriend LANCE ARMSTRONG doping back in 2004.  The book says, quote, “He explained that it was simply part of the sport . . . that all cyclists were doing the same thing.”

Check Out the $10,000 Grill Amanda Bynes Never Got a Chance to Pick Up 

 

 

Before AMANDA BYNES got locked up, she commissioned a $10,000 grill from celebrity jeweler Ben Baller.  Unfortunately, he’s been unable to get it to her, so now it’s just collecting dust.

 

 

He posted a picture of it on Instagram and asked his followers what he should do with it.  (You can check it out, and give him your ideas, here.)

NBA Star Kendrick Perkins Punched a Woman in the Face 

 

 

KENDRICK PERKINS of the Oklahoma City Thunder was arrested yesterday for allegedly punching a woman in the face outside a Texas nightclub back in July.

 

 

It all started when two women got into a fender-bender outside the Nox nightclub in Harris County.  One of the women was with Perkins, and their two groups ended up brawling.

 

 

The other woman says Perkins punched her in the face.  Police investigated, and finally decided they had enough evidence to arrest him.  He was booked and released on $1,000 bond.

The Tom Hanks Somali Pirates Movie is Up Against “Machete Kills” Today

 

 

1.  Machete Kills  (R)  Theatrical Trailer and the Red Band Trailer

 

 

Danny Trejo IS Machete.  In the sequel, he’s asked by the President to go to Mexico and stop a terrorist from starting a nuclear war.  Mel Gibson plays the main villain, and Charlie Sheen is the president.

2.  Captain Phillips  (PG-13)  Trailer

 

 

Tom Hanks plays Captain Richard Phillips, the guy whose ship was hijacked by Somali pirates in 2009.  It’s based on the true story about the military standoff that ensued as they held him hostage while the crew stayed locked in the engine room.

 

 

The taking of his freighter, the Maersk Alabama, was the first time an American cargo ship had been hijacked in nearly two hundred years.

 

 

 

3.  And now, some limited releases you may or may not care about:

 

Romeo and Juliet stars 16-year-old Hailee Steinfeld from “True Grit” as Juliet and a guy named Douglas Booth as Romeo.  “Homeland’s” Damian Lewis is Juliet’s father.  And Paul Giamatti is the friar Romeo confides in.  (Trailer)

 

CBGB stars Alan Rickman as the owner of the New York club that’s considered the birth of punk . . . helping to launch bands like Blondie, the Ramones, the Police, the Talking Heads, and Iggy Pop.  “Twilight’s” Ashley Greene is also in it.  (Trailer)

 

Sweetwater is a western starring January Jones as a widow out for revenge against the men who killed her husband.  Jason Isaacs is the villain, and country singer Jason Aldean makes his acting debut in it.  (Trailer)

 

The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete is about two kids dodging child protective services and living on their own in the Brooklyn projects.  The adult cast includes Jennifer Hudson, Jordin Sparks, and Anthony Mackie. (Trailer)

 

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane stars Amber Heard as a girl whose friends are being killed off by a stalker during a weekend at a secluded ranch.  (Trailer)

 

Escape From Tomorrow is that low budget horror movie set at Disney World about a Disney trip that goes HORRIBLY WRONG.  It was shot at both parks, without permission, but Disney chose not to stop it from coming out.  (Trailer)

Next Week’s Theatrical Releases, CDs, DVDs, and Games

 

 

CDs for Tuesday, October 15th:

 

“Lightning Bolt”, Pearl Jam

“New”, Paul McCartney

“Magpie and the Dandelion”, The Avett Brothers

“Let’s Be Still”, The Head and the Heart

“Make a Move”, Gavin DeGraw

“New Constellation”, Toad the Wet Sprocket

“20″, TLC

“To All the Girls . . .”, Willie Nelson

“See You Tonight”, Scotty McCreery

 

 

DVDs for Tuesday, October 15th:

 

“The Heat” . . . starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy.

“Pacific Rim” . . . starring Charlie Hunnam and Idris Elba.

“The Colony” . . . starring Laurence Fishburne and Bill Paxton.

 

 

Games for Tuesday, October 15th:

 

“Cabela’s African Adventures” on Xbox360, PS3, and Wii.

“Wipeout: Create & Crash” on Xbox360, and both versions of the Wii.

“Skylanders Swap Force” on Xbox360, PS3, and the both Wii versions.

 

 

Theatrical Releases for Friday, October 18th:

 

“Carrie” . . . starring Chloe Grace Moretz and Julianne Moore.

“Escape Plan” . . . starring Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“The Fifth Estate” . . . starring Benedict Cumberbatch as the founder of WikiLeaks.

Friday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Last Man Standing” . . . 8:00 to 8:30 P.M. on ABC.  Former “Home Improvement” star Jonathan Taylor Thomas guests as Kristin’s boyfriend.

 

 

“The Neighbors” . . . 8:30 to 9:00 P.M. on ABC.  Wendy Williams guest stars.

 

 

“Shark Tank” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on ABC.  A San Diego DJ pitches his idea for a syndicated radio show featuring love song dedications with the help of singer Brian McKnight.

 

 

“Hawaii Five-0″ . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on CBS.  “Lost’s” Jorge Garcia guest stars as a conspiracy theorist helping to solve a double murder case.

 

 

“Made In America” . . . 9:00 to 10:35 P.M. on Showtime.  Jay-Z and director Ron Howard provide this part concert, part behind-the-scenes profile of the musicians and vendors of Philadelphia’s 2012 music festival.

 

 

“Bridezillas” [Series Finale] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on WE.

 

 

“The Rickey Smiley Show” [2nd Season Finale] . . . 9:00 to 9:30 P.M. on TV One.

 

 

“Love That Girl” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . 9:30 to 10:00 P.M. on TV One.

 

 

“20/20″ . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on ABC.  Pakistani teen author Malala Yousafzai (“I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban”).

Saturday TV Reminders:

 

 

“NASCAR Racing: Sprint Cup in Charlotte” . . . 7:30 to 11:30 P.M. ET on ABC.

 

 

“Cedar Cove” [1st Season Finale] . . . 8:00 to 9:00 P.M. on the Hallmark Channel.

 

 

“Austin City Limits” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on PBS.  Phoenix performs.

 

 

“Vanilla Ice Goes Amish” [Series Premiere] . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on DIY.  Vanilla Ice travels to Amish country to learn the lost art of hand-craftsmanship.

 

 

“Pearl Jam Twenty” . . . 10:00 P.M. to Midnight on VH1.  A profile on Pearl Jam, from their formation and their rise to mega-stardom told from rarely and never-before-seen footage spanning the band’s career.

 

 

“Saturday Night Live” . . . 11:30 P.M. to 1:00 A.M. on NBC.  Bruce Willis guest hosts and Katy Perry is the musical guest.

Sunday TV Reminders:

 

 

“Sunday Night Football” . . . 8:30 to 11:30 P.M. Eastern on NBC.  The Dallas Cowboys host the Washington Redskins at AT&T Stadium in Arlington.

 

 

“America’s Funniest Home Videos” [24th Season Premiere] . . . 7:00 to 8:00 P.M. on ABC.

 

 

“The Walking Dead” [4th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on AMC . . . followed by “Talking Dead” [3rd Season Premiere] from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M.

 

 

“Boardwalk Empire” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on HBO.  Patricia Arquette stars as an owner of a speak-easy.

 

 

“Oprah’s Next Chapter” . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on OWN.  Robin Thicke guests.

 

 

“The Mentalist” . . . 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. on CBS.  Xander Berkeley guest stars as Sheriff McAllister, one of the guys Patrick suspects to be Red John.

 

 

“Catfish: The TV Show” [Special Presentation] . . . 10:00 to 10:30 P.M. on MTV.  A preview of the season finale and memorable moments from season two are highlighted.

 

 

“Watch What Happens:  Live” . . . 11:00 to 11:30 P.M. on Bravo.  Sara Rue (“Rules of Engagement”) and Orlando Bloom (Broadway’s “Romeo and Juliet”) are guests.

 

 

“Tattoo Rescue” [1st Season Finale] . . . 11:00 P.M. to Midnight on Spike TV.

 

 

“Comic Book Men” [3rd Season Premiere] . . . Midnight to 12:30 A.M. on AMC.

Early Morning Show Guests:

 

“The Today Show”“Ready for Love’s” Matthew Hussey, ship captain Richard Phillips, and chef Geoffrey Zakarian.

 

“Good Morning America”Benedict Cumberbatch (“The Fifth Estate” and “12 Years a Slave”), Vanilla Ice (“Vanilla Ice Goes Amish”) and Eduardo Garcia, a chef with a bionic hand.

 

“CBS This Morning”Reggie Jackson for his book “Becoming Mr. October” and architect Frank Gehry.

 

 

 

 

Mid-Morning Show Guests:

 

“Live! With Kelly and Michael”Elizabeth Olsen (“Kill Your Darlings”) and Donnie Wahlberg (“Blue Bloods”).

 

“The View”Sandra Bullock (“Gravity”).

 

“Rachael Ray” – Former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton and Kenny Rogers for his book “Luck or Something Like It: A Memoir”.

This Afternoon On TV:

 

“Ellen DeGeneres”Miley Cyrus.

 

“The Talk”Jason Priestley and producer Jerry Weintraub.

 

“Katie Couric”Sandra Oh (“Grey’s Anatomy”).

 

“Steve Harvey”Tips for keeping the peace when a husband wants to watch football, plus Steve helps a struggling career woman looking for love.

 

“Dr. Phil”Cougar Confessions / The Pippi Longstocking Sex Tape Scandal”.  “Pippi Longstocking” star Tami Erin and the stars of OWN’s “Golden Sisters” are guests.

 

“Dr. Oz Show” – Fitness expert Richard Simmons.

 

“Wendy Williams” – HLN’s Jane Velez-Mitchell, relationship expert Siggy Flicker, and CNN’s Don Lemon.

 

“Bethenny”Kim Coles (“The Soul Man”), Debbie Matenopoulos (“Home & Family”), and Bevy Smith (“Fashion Queens”).  Music Guest:  John Legend.

 

“Queen Latifah Show”Jordin Sparks (“The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete”), Emily VanCamp (“Revenge”), and Daymond John (“Shark Tank”).

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Michael Strahan (“Live with Kelly and Michael”) and comedian Simon Amstell.  Music Guest:  Cage the Elephant.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Clark Gregg (“Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”) and Will Arnett (“The Millers”).  Music Guest:  Bonnie Raitt.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Rosie Perez (“The Counselor”), Jack Black and Kyle Gass.  Music Guest:  Tenacious D.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Benedict Cumberbatch (“The Fifth Estate” and “12 Years a Slave”) and Keanu Reeves (“Man of Tai Chi”).  Music Guests:  My Morning Jacket with Brittany Howard and Merrill Garbus.

 

 

“Carson Daly”Amy Schumer (Comedy Central’s “Inside Amy Schumer”) and “Defiance” creator David Peterson.  Music Guest:  Gold Fields.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Arsenio”Cedric the Entertainer, the new host of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”.  Music Guest:  “Vampire Diaries” minx Kat Graham.

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Rashida Jones (“Parks and Recreation”) and comedian Brian McKim.

 

 

“Chelsea Lately” – Argentine polo player Nacho Figueras.  (REPEAT)

 

 

“Bill Maher” – Director Oliver Stone is the interview guest . . . and the panelists are Chris Matthews, Jim Glassman, and business expert Carol Roth.

Nine Things That Were Considered Normal 20 Years Ago . . . But Are Frowned Upon Today

 

Here are a few things that were considered completely normal 20 years ago, but are totally frowned upon today:  Calling someone just to ask a quick question . . . visiting the cockpit during a flight . . . smoking in restaurants . . . writing a check in a store . . . and serving peanut butter in schools.

(Reddit) 

 

The Seven Weirdest Halloween Costumes You Can Buy Online

:  There are some REALLY WEIRD Halloween costumes you can buy online.  There’s a costume for men that makes you look like pregnant Tinkerbell . . . a woman’s bodysuit that makes it look like you’re naked and covered in sushi . . . and a t-shirt that makes it look like a zombie baby is busting out of your stomach.

(Here are photos of all seven costumes.)

Only 12% of People Say They Watch Porn Online . . . Including Just 25% of Men?

According to a brand new survey, only TWELVE PERCENT of people say they watch porn online.  The breakdown is 25% of men and 8% of women.  And even the people behind the survey said they think those numbers are probably underreported.

(Washington Post)

A Man Who’s Had Sex With 1,000 Cars, and One Woman, Says He’s Finally Settling Down . . . With a Car

:  There’s a 62-year-old man in Washington who’s a mechaphile . . . which means he’s attracted to CARS, and has SEX with them.  He says he’s had sex with about 1,000 CARS in the past 45 years . . . and also one woman.  But now he’s settling down . . . with a Volkswagen Beetle.

(Daily Mirror)  (

Seven Little Things to Remember When You’re Getting Ready for a Date

Check out a list of the little things should you NEVER forget when you’re getting ready for a date:  Plan an alternate way home if you’re depending on the other person for a ride . . . brush your teeth . . . have a GOOD, believable excuse ready in case you have to bail . . . and think about the stuff the person actually TOLD you versus the stuff you learned by stalking them on Facebook.

(Reddit)

Coke Is Testing a New Machine That Changes Its Prices Depending on the Temperature Outside

:  In Spain, Coca-Cola is testing a new vending machine that changes its prices depending on the temperature outside.  And while it SOUNDS like that would be a good way to price gouge you when it’s hot and you’re thirsty, for now it’s the opposite.  The machine actually DROPS the price in half when it’s over 86 degrees out.  There’s no word on whether the machines could come to the U.S.

(Consumerist)

A Man Is Seriously Injured When He Flushes His Toilet . . . and It Explodes

 

:  Last week, a 58-year-old man in New York flushed the toilet in his apartment, and a freak plumbing accident made it EXPLODE.  He took CERAMIC SHRAPNEL to his face, arms, and legs, and needed 30 stitches.  He’s planning to sue the building’s management company.

(New York Daily News) 

A Female Janitor Was Fired for Paying Two Fourth Graders 50 Cents Each . . . to Beat Up a Student Who Mouthed Off to Her?

An elementary school janitor in Grand Rapids, Michigan recently got angry at a 9-year-old student who apparently mouthed off to her.  So to get even, she paid two of his fourth grade classmates 50 cents each to BEAT HIM UP.  The woman admitted to it when the principal confronted her, and she was promptly fired.

(WOODTV / AZ Central)

DARYL HALL! – 67  (HALL & OATES SUPER . . . STAR!)

Stephen Moyer – 44  (“True Blood” stud.  Anna Paquin lets him pummel her nether region both on and off screen.  The two of them were married a couple years ago, and Anna gave birth to their TWINS.) 

MICHELLE WIE – 24  (The female Tiger Woods, minus the white women and all the sexting.  We think.)

 

 

Michelle Trachtenberg – 28  (“Ice Princess” minx who has a recurring role as Georgina Sparks on “Gossip Girl”.)

 

 

Matt Bomer – 36  (Neal Caffrey on “White Collar”.)

 

 

Emily Deschanel – 37  (“Bones”.  She’s the older sister of the amazing Zooey Deschanel . . . who herself was the older sister in “Almost Famous”.  I LOVE HER.)

 

 

Claudia Black – 41  (Sexy dark-haired alien Vala on “Stargate SG-1″.)

 

 

Jane Krakowski – 45  (“Ally McBeal” and “30 Rock”.)

Luke Perry – 48  (“Beverly Hills 90210″ HUNK.)

 

 

Sean Patrick Flanery – 48  (“Powder”, “Boondock Saints”, AND “Young Indiana Jones”.)

 

 

Joan Cusack – 51  (Can you imagine a hot/sexy threesome with Joan AND John Cusack?  I CAN!  I’M CUCKOO FOR CUSACK!  CUCKOO FOR CUSACK!)

 

 

Steve Young – 52  (Retired 49ers quarterback, MVP of Super Bowl 29, and Brigham Young’s great-great-great grandson.)

 

 

Eleanor Roosevelt – (1884 – 1962)  (Gorgeous First Lady, Social Reformer, Humanitarian, Minx . . . and FDR’s wife AND COUSIN.)

 

 

H.J. Heinz – (1844 – 1919)  (Ketchup King.  He actually made over 60 varieties of condiments . . . but that just doesn’t sound as catchy as 57 does it, Cletus?)

 

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 2 days to “The Walking Dead”

• 5 days until Boss’s Day

• 20 days until Halloween

• 23 days until Daylight Savings Ends

• 48 days until Thanksgiving

• 1,197 days left of “Hope and Change”

91 years ago . . . in 1922 - The FBI’S FIRST FEMALE “SPECIAL INVESTIGATOR” was appointed.  Her name was Alaska Davidson.

 

 

77 years ago . . . in 1936 – The first CASH AND PRIZES were given away on the radio . . . on a CBS show called “Professor Quiz”.  Contestants asked Professor Quiz questions, and if they were able to stump the professor, they collected a $25 prize.

 

 

38 years ago . . . in 1975 - “Saturday Night Live” debuted on NBC.  GEORGE CARLIN was the host.

 

 

38 years ago . . . in 1975 - BILLY CLINTON and HILLARY RODHAM were married in Fayetteville, Arkansas.  Billy was 29 and Hillary was a 27-year-old intellectual MINX.  Today is their 38th Anniversary.

 

 

35 years ago . . . in 1978 - NANCY SPUNGEN, the girlfriend of SEX PISTOLS bassist SID VICIOUS, was found stabbed to death.  Sid Vicious was arrested for the crime, but he OD’d on The Horse before a trial could begin.  DON’T TAKE DRUGS.  (Sid’s drug habit was so out of control that Nancy had to work as a prostitute to support him.  I don’t know if he ever paid, but rumor has it that she used to nail Henry Winkler.)

 

 

29 years ago . . . in 1984 – Space Shuttle Challenger astronaut DR. KATHY SULLIVAN became the first U.S. woman to walk in space.

 

 

23 years ago . . . in 1990OCTAVIO PAZ became THE FIRST MEXICAN WRITER to win the NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE.  O’LAY!  (Don’t get mad at ME, Cholo.)

 

 

22 years ago . . . in 1991 - REDD FOXX (finally) died of complications from a real heart attack at the age of 68.  He had been faking them for YEARS on “Sanford and Son”.

 

 

10 years ago . . . in 2003 - Former “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” co-stars ALYSON HANNIGAN and ALEXIS DENISOF married.  Now she’s on “How I Met Your Mother”, but to ME she’ll always be the “band camp girl” from the “American Pie” movies.

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