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Whatever 1.14

Your daily dose of whatever includes:

  • Does Conan have a love child?!?
  • Kanye punches a guy for Kim…and for the first time it might be valid.
  • Could it exist: The man with no butt crack?

Is This Conan O’Brien’s Love Child? 

A man who looks A LOT like CONAN O’BRIEN posted a YouTube video claiming to be Conan’s LOVE CHILD.  Yes, it’s most likely a gag.  But it’s pretty funny.  The guy tells Conan, quote, “We need each other.  You need the warm embrace of your son, and I need an easier financial path through college.  So I love you, Dad.” 

(Here’s the video.  I say there’s no way Conan doesn’t put this guy on his show.)

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  OPRAH WINFREY can fix a broken toilet, and Gayle King posted a picture to prove it.

2.  And now, for all you butt fanatics, KIM KARDASHIAN in tight jeans.

 

 

 

3.  KATY PERRY did a split at the Great Wall of China.

 

 

 

4.  This might be a long-lost photo of ELVIS PRESLEY in 1948, when he was 13.

 

 

 

5.  JENNIFER LAWRENCE’S photobomb of TAYLOR SWIFT at the “Golden Globes” is now a meme.

 

 

 

6.  GISELE BUNDCHEN rode a four-wheeler in Costa Rica while holding her baby daughter in one arm.  But it’s okay because then they hit the beach and Gisele looks great in a bikini.

 

7.  How about some shirtless JARED LETO this morning?

 

 

 

8.  The guy who played Chewbacca in the “Star Wars” movies released some behind-the-scenes photos.  Apparently, he was seriously obsessed with CARRIE FISHER.

 

 

 

9.  At the “Golden Globes” on Sunday, “Big Bang Theory” minxes KALEY CUOCO and MELISSA RAUCH grabbed their OWN golden globes.

 

 

 

10.  MILEY CYRUS was photographed smoking what looked like a joint . . . at a house party that her MOM was also at.

 

 

 

11.  (NC-17)  CARA DELEVINGNE went from making out with Michelle Rodriguez to posing topless.  (WARNING!!!  Nudity ahead.)

 

 

 

12.  The new photo trend is RICCING, which is fitting your body into tiny spaces like 5-foot actress CHRISTINA RICCI.  She sort of started it with a few “I can fit in that” Tweets.  Check out pictures of Christina in a dryer and a fridge, and then try your own.  (Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan are already doing it.)

Did Kanye West Punch a Guy Who Called Kim Kardashian an “[N-Word] Lover”? 

:  KANYE WEST allegedly punched an 18-year-old man who called KIM KARDASHIAN an “[N-word] lover” at an office building in Beverly Hills yesterday.  Sources say Kanye punched the guy in a chiropractor’s waiting room before someone separated them.  The man reportedly wants to press assault charges.

Not surprisingly, Kim did NOT appreciate this.  She told him that wasn’t cool, and he turned on her.

 

 

He screamed, quote, “[Eff] you [witch].  Just trying to help you.  Shut up [N-word] lover, stupid slut.”

 

 

They both went inside the building, where the guy CONTINUED to berate Kim.  Then Kanye happened to call Kim, because he was elsewhere in the building waiting for her.  They had an appointment about furniture for their new house.

 

 

When the guy realized it was Kanye, he yelled, quote, “[Eff] you, [N-word]!”  So Kanye came running down to confront him.  The man ran into a chiropractor’s office, so Kanye followed him.

 

 

Sources say the racist was verbally attacking both Kanye and Kim.  So Kanye SLUGGED him.  At least one source says Kanye BARELY hit him.  Before much more could happen, a third party broke things up.

Sylvester Stallone Admits He Was a Jerk After “Rocky” Came Out 

SYLVESTER STALLONE says that after “Rocky” became a hit, he became a JERK . . . quote, “[I was] insufferable [and I thought I was] an authority on everything.  I abused power badly.”  But he was brought back down to Earth when a showing of his next movie, “Paradise Alley”, attracted only TWO viewers.

Gabourey Sidibe Responds to People Who Criticized Her Weight 

 

 

A lot of people criticized GABOUREY SIDIBE for her weight at the “Golden Globes” . . . or at least how poorly her dress complimented her CANDY-COATED physique.  (Check out a picture here.)

 

 

Well, Gabourey responded yesterday on Twitter.  She said, quote, “To people making mean comments about my GG pics, I mos def cried about it on that private jet on my way to my dream job last night.  #JK”

The Octomom Has Been Charged With Welfare Fraud 

 

 

“Octomom” NADYA SULEMAN has been charged with three counts of WELFARE FRAUD.

 

 

Officials in Los Angeles County say Nadya failed to report $30,000 in income she received from public appearances and video residuals while also collecting public assistance.

 

 

She could get up to six years in prison if convicted on all counts.  She’s due in court Friday, and prosecutors are recommending bail be set at $25,000.

Shia LaBeouf Fires Back at Jim Carrey . . . Then Apologizes 

SHIA LABEOUF recently Tweeted that he was retiring from public life.  But then JIM CARREY burned him at the “Golden Globes”.  So he came OUT of retirement so he could diss Jim on Twitter.  He basically called him a bad dad, but then deleted it, apologized and Tweeted, “I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE.” 

So Shia decided to respond by Tweeting, “If you explain @Jim Carrey, you’ve killed him.  No one knows if it’s for real or not.  That way he’s immortal.”  (???)

 

 

Apparently, that diss was too tame.  So Shia went after Jim AS A DAD.  He linked to a music video by Jim’s adult daughter, Jane.  Then he Tweeted, “At least I don’t get arrested for indecency on major LA highways!  Or abandon love child’s.”

 

 

But then he DELETED that one, and Tweeted an apology . . . saying, quote, “Jim Carrey states that he is deeply involved in his daughter’s life . . . I accept that, regret tweet on the matter.  Apologies to both parents.” 

 

 

Then he RE-RETIRED from public life.  In all caps, he Tweeted, quote, “I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE.”

Will Justin Bieber Be in the Fourth “Expendables”? 

“Expendables”cast member TERRY CREWS claims that JUSTIN BIEBER is going to be in the fourth movie.  But it sounds like he might be joking, because he added, quote, “We are going to shoot him all at the same time.  It will be wonderful.”

Michael Douglas Will Play an Older Ant Man 

MICHAEL DOUGLAS has joined the cast of Marvel’s “Ant Man” movie.  He’ll play Hank Pym, the ORIGINAL Ant Man.  PAUL RUDD is playing a younger guy who takes over as Ant Man from Pym.

Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander Reunited at the Old Hangout from “Seinfeld” . . . Possibly to Shoot a Super Bowl Commercial 

JERRY SEINFELD and JASON ALEXANDER were spotted together at Tom’s Restaurant, a.k.a. Monk’s Café . . . their old, fictional hangout from “Seinfeld”.  LARRY DAVID was there too, along with a camera crew.  It’s unclear what they were doing, but they might have been filming a Super Bowl ad.

(You can find some pictures and a video at Gothamist.com.  And TMZ has video of Jerry telling the paparazzi that the whole thing is “top secret.”)

Tuesday TV Reminders:

 

 

“The Biggest Loser” . . . 8:00 to 10:00 P.M. on NBC.  The contestants go to Olympic Park in Utah to be trained by Olympic athletes like Apolo Ohno and Lolo Jones.  They’ll also compete in curling and bobsled challenges.

 

 

“Friday Night Tykes” [Series Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 11:00 P.M. on the Esquire network.  A youth football reality show about 8 and 9-year-olds getting pushed and drilled to perform like professionals.  It premieres with back-to-back episodes.

 

 

“Face Off” [6th Season Premiere] . . . 9:00 to 10:00 P.M. on Syfy.  The season starts with a “Beauty and the Beast”-themed challenge as 15 makeup artists each create their own version of a beast.

 

 

“Kroll Show” [2nd Season Premiere] . . . 10:30 to 11:00 P.M. on Comedy Central.  Nick Kroll’s second season kicks off with Zach Galifianakis throwing cake at people from a moving train.

Tonight’s Late Night Talk Shows:

 

 

“Letterman”Michael Strahan (“Live with Kelly and Michael”).  Music Guest:  Jennifer Nettles.

 

 

“Jimmy Kimmel”Matt LeBlanc (“Episodes”) and Lupita Nyong’o (“12 Years a Slave”).  Music Guest:  The Fray.

 

 

“The Tonight Show”Matt Damon and comedian Larry the Cable Guy.

 

 

“Jimmy Fallon”Bruce Springsteen.  Music Guest:  The E Street Band.

 

 

“Carson Daly”Kellan Lutz (“The Legend of Hercules”) and music group Run River North.  Music Guest:  STR.

 

 

“Arsenio”Yvonne Strahovski (“I, Frankenstein”), the women from “Braxton Family Values”, and comedian Neal Brennan.

 

 

“Conan”Lauren Ash (“Super Fun Night”) and Joel McHale (“Community”).

 

 

“Craig Ferguson”Aaron Eckhart (“I, Frankenstein”) and Rhea Perlman (“Kirstie”).

 

 

“Chelsea Lately”John Leguizamo (“Ride Along”).

 

 

“Jon Stewart”Tim Gunn for his book “Tim Gunn’s Fashion Bible: The Fascinating History of Everything in Your Closet”.

 

 

“The Colbert Report” – Author Deborah Soloman (“American Mirror: The Life and Art of Norman Rockwell”).

“The Butler” and “Carrie Are Out on DVD This Week

 

 

Here’s what’s new on DVD today:

 

“The Butler” . . . starring Forest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey.

 

“Carrie” . . . starring Chloe Grace Moretz as Carrie.

 

“Riddick” . . . the third Chronicles of Riddick movie starring Vin Diesel.

 

“Enough Said” . . . starring James Gandolfini and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

 

“Fruitvale Station” . . . Michael B. Jordan plays a guy killed at a Bay Area station.

 

 

 

Here’s what’s new in the past week to Netflix Instant Streaming:

 

“Stuck in Love” stars Jennifer Connelly, Greg Kinnear, and Lily Collins as a family struggling with romance issues.  “Percy Jackson’s” Logan Lerman is also in it.

 

“Touchy Feely” stars Rosemarie Dewitt as a massage therapist who develops a sudden repulsion to touching any of her clients.  Ellen Page plays her niece.

 

 

 

And here’s what’s new in video games:

 

“Assassin’s Creed Liberation HD” is an “Assassin’s Creed III” spin-off set during the Revolutionary War, which features the first playable female assassin.

 

It was previously released only on the handheld PS Vita.  But it’s going to be available as a digital download for the Xbox360 and PS3 consoles tomorrow, January 15th.

New CDs from Bruce Springsteen, Switchfoot, and Jennifer Nettles

 

 

“High Hopes”, Bruce Springsteen.  A set of covers, outtakes and new versions of old material . . . featuring Rage guitarist Tom Morello and the E Street Band

 

“Fading West”, the ninth album by the alternative rock band Switchfoot

 

“That Girl”, a solo album by Jennifer Nettles from the band Sugarland, which includes a cover of Bob Seger’s “Like a Rock”

 

“The River and the Thread”, Rosanne Cash

 

“Songs from the Movie”, Mary Chapin Carpenter . . . She brought in a full orchestra to re-record 10 of her biggest hits.

 

“The Crystal Method”, the fifth album from the electronic duo The Crystal Method

 

“Give the People What They Want”, Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings

 

“Write You a Song”, the debut album of country singer Jon Pardi

 

“Hog Heaven”, the debut album from country singer Charlie Farley.  It includes rapper Bubba Sparxxx and fellow country singer Colt Ford on a remix of the song “Jacked Up”.

 

“Kidz Bop 25″, Kidz Bop Kids . . . This one has kids “singing” One Direction’s “Best Song Ever”, Katy Perry’s “Roar”, Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball”, Lorde’s “Royals”, Lady Gaga’s “Applause”, and that “What Does the Fox Say?” song.

Scientists Created the Ultimate Workout Playlist . . . Including Katy Perry, Daft Punk, and Pitbull

Scientists have come up with the ULTIMATE WORKOUT PLAYLIST.  It’s based on beats per minute, and how they match up with what you’re doing.  You’re supposed to listen to pop music like KATY PERRY when you’re warming up, cooling down, or doing aerobic stuff . . . rap like PITBULL for jogging . . . dance music for lifting weights . . . and NO rock, because it messes up your rhythm.

1.  To get mentally prepared and psyched up . . . listen to “Roar” by Katy Perry.  It has 92 beats per minute.

 

2.  While you’re stretching, “Talk Dirty” by Jason Derulo. 100 beats per minute.

 

3.  For an aerobic warm-up, “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk.  116 beats per minute.

 

4.  For a moderate cardio workout, “Timber” by Pitbull and Ke$ha.  130 beats per minute.

 

5.  For a more intense cardio workout, “Applause” by Lady Gaga.  140 beats per minute.

 

6.  For REALLY intense cardio, “Can’t Hold Us” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.  147 beats per minute.

 

7.  For weight lifting, “The Monster” by Eminem and Rihanna.  110 beats per minute.  Which isn’t really ‘dance’ music, but the other examples they gave were British.

 

8.  And to cool down, “Burn” by Ellie Goulding.  86 beats per minute.

 

 

When it’s a REALLY tough workout, you’re also supposed to choose songs that remind you of your YOUTH, because they subconsciously help motivate you to power through when you’re tired.  (Daily Mail) 

Five Random Facts For Tuesday

1.  A female yak is called a nak.

2.  Last year was the safest year in the history of flying.  There were 265 deaths in 31 million flights worldwide . . . down from the 10-year average of 720 deaths.

3.  The seven castaways on “Gilligan’s Island” were modeled after the seven deadly sins by the show creator, Sherwood Schwartz.

Gilligan was sloth, the Skipper was anger, Thurston Howell the Third was greed, Mrs. Howell was gluttony, Ginger was lust, the Professor was pride, and Mary Ann was envy.

4.  Disney hasn’t added a new country to Epcot’s World Showcase in 25 years, when they added Norway.  But they have room for six more.  Originally, Israel, equatorial Africa, and Spain were supposed to be included . . . but were cut.

5.  It would actually take five minutes for a rag soaked in chloroform to knock someone unconscious . . . not the two seconds it takes in movies.

(Healthy Yak / Atlantic Wire / Creative Minority Report / Yesterland / Wikipedia)

There’s a Man Out There With No Butt Crack . . . and We’ve Got the Photo

Believe it or not, there’s a man out there with NO BUTT CRACK.  He got severe cysts on his crack, and a plastic surgeon had to close it up so he’d stop getting them.  He can still go to the bathroom out of a small opening . . . and yes, he posted a photo of his crackless butt online.

(You can see the photo here.  WARNING:  CRACKLESS BUTT.  It’s a little disorienting, because it almost looks like the guy’s FRONT . . . and the hole is his belly button.  It’s also not clear how much cheek he’s showing.)

One in Four People Who Name Their Car Pick a Name That Starts With “B”?

We can’t really explain this . . . but a new survey found that one out of every four people who NAME their car give it a name that starts with the letter “B.”  The five most common car names all start with “B”:  Baby, Betsy, Bessie, Black Beauty, and Betty.

(PR Newswire)

Couples Without Kids Have Happier Marriages

 

A massive new British study found that married couples WITHOUT kids have HAPPIER MARRIAGES.  But, outside of just focusing on marriage, mothers were the happiest overall of anyone.  Unfortunately, fathers weren’t . . . they’re slightly less happy than both men and women in childless marriages.

(The Telegraph)

There’s a New App That Quits Your Job For You, With a Text Message

There’s a new iPhone app called Quit Your Job that helps you craft an “I quit” text message . . . then sends it to your boss for you.  The company behind it says the app, quote, “uses technology to ease the pain” of quitting.  It’s available for free in the App Store.

(Reuters)

A Company in China Rewards Its Top Employee By Offering a Night With a Porn Star

Now THIS is a bonus.  A company in Shanghai, China just gave its top employee for the year a fully paid NIGHT WITH A PORN STAR.  The company’s name wasn’t released.

(AsiaOne)

What’s a “Disgusting” Smell You Actually Kind of Love?

What’s a smell that people think is DISGUSTING . . . but you actually kind of LOVE?  Some of the ones we’ve heard are gas stations and exhaust fumes . . . dogs . . . your significant other’s body odor . . . a musty basement . . . and horse and cow manure.

1.  Gas stations or exhaust fumes.

 

2.  Dry Erase markers and rubber cement.

 

3.  Dogs, and their gross but comforting smell.

 

4.  Your significant other’s body odor.

 

5.  A musty basement.

 

6.  The intense chlorinated smell of a swimming pool.

 

7.  The “after sex” mix of every nasty lower body odor joining together as one.

 

8.  Horse and cow manure . . . if you grew up in a rural area or went to summer camp in one.

 

9.  Cigarette smoke . . . especially if your grandparents or parents smoked.

 

10.  Indian food.  (Reddit)

Three People Jumped Into the Freezing Chicago River Because of a Cell Phone . . . And Two of Them Died

Early yesterday morning, a 26-year-old in Chicago dropped his cell phone into the Chicago River and jumped in after it.  But he got trapped under the ice in the freezing river . . . so two of his friends jumped in after him.  And they both got trapped too.  Unfortunately the 26-year-old is dead, one of the friends is in stable condition, and divers couldn’t find the other friend.

 

 

(ABC 7 – Chicago)

 

A Train Runs a Guy Over and Gets Delayed for Three Hours . . . Then Makes It 50 Miles Before Hitting Another Guy

On Sunday, an Amtrak train in North Carolina hit and killed a man.  Then after a three-hour delay, it continued on its way . . . and made it about 50 miles before hitting ANOTHER man, who ALSO died.  It’s not clear if the conductor was at fault, but apparently both victims were walking on the tracks when it happened.

(New Observer / WSOCTV / WRAL)

Grant Gustin – 24  (He was Kurt’s fling on “Glee” for a few episodes.  He’s also the guy chosen to play the Flash in the CW’s “Arrow” spin-off later this year.)

 

 

Pitbull – 33  (En fuego Latino hip-hop superstar.)

 

 

Dave Grohl – 45  (Soon-to-be Rock and Roll Hall of Famer from Nirvana and Foo Fighters.  Foo discs include:  1997′s “The Colour and the Shape” with “Everlong” and “My Hero”;  1999′s “There is Nothing Left to Lose” with “Learn to Fly” and “Next Year”;  and 2005′s “In Your Honor” with “Best of You”.)

Jason Bateman – 45  (“Arrested Development” and “Teen Wolf TOO” SUPERSTAR.  Paul Anka’s daughter, Amanda Anka, gets to nail him ANYTIME SHE WANTS TO!)

LL COOL J – 46  (MY HERO.  He once nailed a chubby Nubian groupie on a backstage amplifier just before his encore.)  (True!  Ladies LOVE cool James!)

Zakk Wylde – 47  (Ozzy’s former guitarist.  He’s also the leader of the band Black Label Society.)

 

 

Dan Schneider – 48  (The very chubby Dennis Blunden in “Head of the Class”, and the very chubby and very EVIL Ricky Smith in the underrated ’80s teen classic, “Better Off Dead”!!!) 

Slick Rick – 49  (Eye patch-wearing rap pioneer who narrowly avoided being deported by the INS after spending 18 months rotting in prison.  He is Snoop Dogg’s all-time favorite MC.)

 

 

Mark Addy – 50  (The late Robert Baratheon on “Game of Thrones”.)

 

 

Steven Soderbergh – 51  (Director of “The Informant!”, “Che”, “Traffic”, “Erin Brockovich”, “Ocean’s 11, 12 & 13″, “The Good German”, and “Behind the Candelabra”.)

T-Bone Burnett – 66  (Counting Crows producer who researched and assembled much of the fine music you heard in “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”.  He also won an Oscar for Best Original Song for co-writing the theme song to “Crazy Heart”.  He also did the new Coen Brothers movie “Inside Llewyn Davis”.)

 

 

CARL WEATHERS – 66  (He’s Apollo Creed in “Rocky” AND he IS “Action Jackson”!  He also played golf legend Chubbs Peterson in TWO movies . . . “Happy Gilmore” and “Little Nicky” . . . and he played himself on “Arrested Development”.)

 

 

Faye Dunaway – 73  (Old actress I’d like to nail.)

 

 

Julian Bond – 74  (NAACP chairman I’d like to nail.)

 

 

Jack Jones – 76  (Mantastic singer who did the theme to “The Love Boat”!)

 

 

Andy Rooney – Would have been 95 – (1919 – 2011)

 

 

Guy Williams – (1924 – 1989)  (TV legend.  “Lost in Space” and Disney’s “Zorro”.)

Countdown to Upcoming Events

• 6 days to Martin Luther King Day

• 17 days to the Year of the Horse

• 19 days until Super Bowl 48

• 24 days to the Winter Olympics

• 31 days to Valentine’s Day

• 1,102 days left of “Hope and Change”

62 years ago . . . in 1952 - NBC’s “Today” show premiered.  It was created by SIGOURNEY WEAVER’S dad.

 

 

60 years ago . . . in 1954 – MARILYN MONROE married her second husband, baseball legend JOE DIMAGGIO.  He nailed her REAL good . . . until they divorced in October.

 

 

Marilyn Monroe went on to marry Arthur Miller, playwright of “Death Of A Salesman”, and died in 1962 from a drug overdose.  DiMaggio STILL had roses sent to her grave three times a week for 20 years.

 

 

46 years ago . . . in 1968 – The Green Bay Packers won SUPER BOWL 2 . . . beating the Oakland Raiders 33-14.  Green Bay’s quarterback, BART STARR, was the game’s MVP.  TICKETS COST $12.

 

 

44 years ago . . . in 1970 – DIANA ROSS & THE SUPREMES played their final show together, at the Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas.

 

 

42 years ago . . . in 1972 – “Sanford & Son” premiered on NBC, you big dummy.

 

 

41 years ago . . . in 1973 – The MIAMI DOLPHINS beat the Washington Redskins 14-7 at SUPER BOWL 7 . . . becoming the first and only team to end the season with a PERFECT RECORD.

38 years ago . . . in 1976 – The original “Bionic Woman” premiered on ABC, starring LINDSAY WAGNER.

 

 

28 years ago . . . in 1986DONNA REED died at the age of 64.  Even if you don’t know her from anything else, you know her as the chick JIMMY STEWARTfalls for in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. She won an Oscar for “From Here to Eternity”.

 

 

24 years ago . . . in 1990 – “America’s Funniest Home Videos” premiered on ABC.

 

 

24 years ago . . . in 1990 – “The Simpsons” officially kicked off its first season on Fox.

 

 

21 years ago . . . in 1993 – DAVID LETTERMAN announced that he was leaving NBC for CBS.

 

 

20 years ago . . . in 1994 - “Death Wish 5:  The Face Of Death” was released . . . straight to video . . . starring a 73-year-old CHARLES BRONSON!

 

 

14 years ago . . . in 2000 – “Girl Interrupted” was released . . . starring “sticky fingers” WINONA RYDER and “smelly fingers” ANGELINA JOLIE.  You KNOW it stanks.

 

 

10 years ago . . . in 2004 - RON O’NEAL, THE star of “Super Fly”, died of pancreatic cancer at 66.  It’s the CLASSIC blaxploitation flick about a cocaine dealer going for one last big score so he can retire.  The soundtrack by CURTIS MAYFIELD is INTENSE.

 

 

Eight years ago . . . in 2006 – EMINEM remarried his ex-wife, Kim Mathers . . . with D12 member PROOF as his best man.  They divorced again by the end of the year.

 

 

Eight years ago . . . in 2006 – Succulent old-school chubby SHELLY WINTERS died of heart failure at the age of 85 . . . just 10 hours after getting married.

 

 

Five years ago . . . in 2009 -“Fantasy Island” superstar RICARDO MONTALBAN died at the age of 88.  Your kids know him as the “Spy Kids” grandfather, but to ME he’ll always be the scene-stealing villain from “Star Trek 2:  The Wrath of Khan”.

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