The Bartender IS Judging You
Here’s what the bartender thinks about you based on your drink selection!
1. If you order a drink that’s mentioned in a rap song, you’re not a real drinker. After Drake mentioned moscato in “Do It Now”, a bunch of guys started ordering it in bars. And they had no idea it was a sweet white wine.
2. Not surprisingly, girls who order a Long Island iced tea are looking to get WASTED.
3. If you drink Bud Light, there’s a jail cell in your future. The stereotype is that all crimes start with Bud Light. Not Coors, or Miller Lite, or tequila, or whisky or malt liquor. It’s always Bud Light.
4. People who order mojitos are full of themselves. This one’s probably unfair, but apparently bartenders think that way because it’s such a pain in the neck to make a mojito. So if you get one, it’s like you want other people to go out of their way for you.
5. A guy who orders a drink with a sexual name like Slippery Nipple or Sex on the Beach is a D-bag. The dead giveaway is how he always tries to make eye contact with the nearest woman when he orders.
6. If you look young and you order Jack Daniels instead of scotch, you’re getting carded. Most people discover scotch after they’ve lived through their partying days, once they’ve learned how to appreciate good liquor for its own sake.
7. Anyone who orders a great Scotch and drinks it neat is a badass.
8. If you get a Kamikaze, that means you don’t know what to order.
9. If you order a shot of Fernet, you’re from San Francisco. That’s one of those bitter Italian liqueurs that tastes sort of like licorice. For some reason it’s just popular there.
10. People who drink appletinis don’t like the taste of alcohol.
11. If you order Johnny Walker Blue, you have more money than brains, and you’re just trying to show off.
12. If you ask for a White Russian, it means you’re naïve. Milk never gets poured at most bars, so the milk in their refrigerators is probably spoiled. Either that, or you’re a fan of “The Big Lebowski”.
13. If you drink PBR, you don’t tip. Probably because you’re a hipster.
14. If you try to ask for a Gin Rickey, it means you just read “The Great Gatsby” for the first time.