"So... when are you guys gonna finally tie the knot?" is a question that I've been asked roughly eighteen thousand times over the last few years. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, I get it. But, why is it any of your business if we're going to get married or not? Don't you realize that it's a) none of your damn business, and b) kind of rude to ask in the first place? 

I often refer to myself as a "perpetual monogomist". My adult life has been a series of long-term relationships, and by "a series" I mean four. I've been in four long-term relationships over the last sixteen years. I didn't marry any of the past guys, what makes people think that I would treat this relationship any differently. I was engaged to one of them, that didn't work out (thank God), I was single for a while, and then I got into another long term relationship.

The relationship that I'm in right now is amazing. We rarely fight, we fit, we click, and sometimes it's a little scary that it's that easy. In the past I'd find out my boyfriend cheated on me with his friend's fat girlfriend, or was gay, or he became abusive, or whatever and it would all come crashing down. So in a way, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but in this case I don't think it will.

I have friends and family and all of the other things that I feel like I need to make my life complete and a sheet of paper and a change in my last name isn't going to change any of that.

So, why are people so interested in my marital status? Why do they continually ask when I'm going to get married?

Because they're rude. Seriously. This is not the 1930's, I'm not a spinster, and there's nothing out there that says that getting married will be the only thing that could ever possibly complete my life. Except other people. They say that. They say it without knowing it and without actually saying it. Again, because they're rude.

I get that they want me to be happy. I want me to be happy. But, I AM happy.

With certain members of my family, it's somewhat understandable: my grandparents have been married for over sixty years. My parents got married after only knowing each other for nine months and have been happily married for thirty-six years. In fact, most of my family members have been happily married for a long time. And I get that. I think it's wonderful, but that doesn't mean that I'm in a hurry to do it myself.

So stop asking me. What if marriage isn't even in my line of sight right now because I'm happy with how my current relationship is going and my job is crazy and I'm always working and I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAN A WEDDING?!? *deep breath*

I don't mean any disrespect to those of you who married young. Good for you. I'm happy for you. And I think it's wonderful. It just didn't work for me. If I had married the first man who ever asked me to marry him, I'd probably be dead right now and I'm not even joking about that. It was a horrible, toxic relationship and one that I'm glad to be out of. The years following haven't always been easy and it's only been within the last few years that I feel like I've finally figured myself out. And now you want me to hurry up and get married because I'm over 30 and "OMG! Don't you want to have kids?!?" (The answer to that, by the way, is no I do not.)

I know it seems like I've contradicted myself a billion times in this blog so let me clarify: I don't think marriage is horrible, I just wish people would quit making it sound like since I'm not getting married right now, my life's horrible. Because it isn't. It's amazing. I have a wonderful boyfriend and a dog and a house and a career that I love. I have friends and family and all of the other things that I feel like I need to make my life complete and a sheet of paper and a change in my last name isn't going to change any of that. Does this mean that I'll never get married? No. It just means that I'm in no hurry, and other people shouldn't be in a hurry for me.

And to answer the question in a more succinct way: I don't know. We haven't talked about it. And if it's meant to happen it will. Eventually. When the time is right for both of us.

Stop. Asking.

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