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New Made Up Thing To Be Self Conscious About: Cleavage Wrinkles

(flickr, Whistling In The Dark)

There is a new addition to the laundry list of fake body parts that society wants us to be self conscious about: Cleavage wrinkles.

According to the New York Times: “Cleavage wrinkles are deep, vertical creases caused by hours spent sleeping on one’s side, where gravity forces the top breast to bend farther past the body’s midline than it should. The lines can also be caused by sports and push-up bras, which smush the breasts together and are often worn for hours.”

First of all: Seriously, New York Times? Aren’t there far more pressing issues in the world that you could be writing about?

Next thought: Sleeping on your side is awesome. I do it every night, with my face smushed into my pillow. Also, I’m not light on top and I wear a sports bra on occasion.  I’m pretty sure if cleavage wrinkles were a thing, I’d have them.

But I don’t, because they are not a thing. But the inventors of  products like the ChestSavers bra ($56 to $78) and the Kush Support ($19.99), both designed to be worn between your breasts while you sleep to prevent the dreaded boob-squishing, want you to think that they are.

Because you know what’s sexier than cleavage wrinkles? Sleeping in a weird-shaped bra with a weird chunk of polyester between your girls. The ChestSavers bra inventor describes her creation as “kinky”. Seriously? It’s basically the metal head gear equivalent of something for your boobs.

If you want to complain about this newly invented breast malady known as cleavage wrinkles — and I certainly do — complain to the product manufacturers who created this problem. But let’s not waste time judging other women. We all need to work together to let these go — before we get something new to worry about.

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