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CBS Asks Grammy Nominees To Keep Their ‘Puffy’ Lady Parts Covered

I think LL’s just pumped that he can still show side boob. (Michael Kovac/Getty Images)

CBS has officially made the Grammys no fun at all. Looks like they’re so worried about musicians appearing on the show on Sunday (Feb. 10) angering the FCC that they’ve sent out a written warning to everyone who will be attending. Things that aren’t allowed?: boobs, side boobs, and ‘puffy’ genitals? Basically, the Grammys will not tolerate any sort of genital related shenanigans. Which is really too bad, because generally that’s my favorite part.

The letter is pretty clear (and almost a little too lawyer-sounding) as to what will not be tolerated at the event, saying things like:

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered.

AND

Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy [sic] under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack.

The good news is that only female breasts need to be covered. So guys, I expect to see a lot of man-boob action on Sunday night!

But, it doesn’t stop there! Of course it doesn’t. The Grammys are also banning one of men’s favorite things: side boob.

Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.

Again, man boobs are totally fine, but we ladies better keep our “female breast nipples” (wtf?) covered.

I don’t know who wrote this letter, but I feel like it might be the same person who taught my 5th grade Sex Ed. class. Who refers to genitals in the following way?:

Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure.

I don’t even know what that means. I don’t think that’s a real thing. When Rihanna read it, she made this face:

I just wanted another reason to use this photo. (Victor Decolongon/Getty Images)

But wait, there’s more. The Grammys also do not want attendees to be walking billboards, or possibly offend people in a foreign language:

Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera.

Nice use of caps lock, bro. WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!?

CBS is officially the fun police. No fun for you, Grammys attendees. Good to know that it isn’t acceptable to accidentally slip a nip, but the worst person on the planet, Chris Brown, can wrack up a bunch of awards and nominations (not to mention be all over the show last year).

Side boob = bad. Celebrating people who beat women = completely fine. Well, at least that’s clear.

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