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10 Weird Items You COULD Give As Christmas Gifts – But Shouldn’t

‘Tis the season! Time to get all of your Christmas shopping done as there are very few days remaining until Christmas. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been slacking and haven’t bought a single thing. Well, I’ve been doing some digging around, trying to find unique gifts for everyone on my list and have had little success. What I HAVE come across, however, are ten things you are able to give as gifts this year, but most definitely shouldn’t.


“I Have To Poop” Car Decals



It may be the truth, but you don’t need to share that information with the world. There are SEVERAL different versions of this message including this suction cup sign, bumper stickers, AND a license plate cover. If this is a constant issue for you, you should probably get your colon checked out.


Beer Holster



If you drink beer often enough in enough places without tables that you need a holster, you probably need a 12 step program instead. Seriously, though, where are you drinking that doesn’t have suitable places for you to set your beer down?


Money Soap



Having a hard time getting your kids to take a bath and really get clean with your normal, $2 bar of soap? How about bribing them with this bar of soap that costs $11, but has $1 inside of it.

I get that you want your kids to be clean, but this is ridiculous. Also, money isn’t very clean.


Crayon Perfume



There are a lot of smells that I enjoy that are a little bit weird. For instance, I totally dig the smell of old books. I do not, however, want to smell like old books, or gasoline, or any of the other smells I like. But, I guess some people do.

You can now buy perfume that smells like Crayons, dirt, bonfire, or even tomato. Bonfire? Seriously? I don’t even want to smell like a bonfire after I’ve actually been standing next to one.


Pharoah Leggings



There are a couple of reasons you shouldn’t give these as a gift. A) They’re leggings. B) They’re shiny, gold leggings. C) They’re shiny, gold leggings with pictures of pharoahs on them.

What’s their motto? “Slip your legs into our shiny, gold, stretchy sarcophagus”?!?


The Rollie Eggmaster



Okay, seriously? Eggs are about the easiest things in the world to make. Even *I* can make eggs.

With The Rollie Eggmaster, you basically crack an egg, pour it in, stick a stick in there, and then pull out what can only be described as an “egg lollipop” but looks a lot like a “present” your puppy would leave on your living room rug.


An Empty iPhone Box



This doesn’t really need an explanation. It’s legitimately just an empty iPhone box. It’s available for iPhone 4 or iPhone 5, and contains no actual phone. Or accessories. It’s just a box.

I don’t know, either.


Peephole Viewer



This thing will set you back $75, and will make you into the ultimate creeper. It’s a peephole viewer, and it basically allows the owner to look in through your peephole and see things as they are actually happening.

This means a couple of things. A) the police have the ability to look in through your peephole (it is the “universal law enforcement version”). And b) so does any stranger with an extra $75 sitting around. Comforting.


A Pillow With Nicholas Cage’s Face On It



Why? Why?!?!?!?!

And don’t worry, there’s not just one of these terrible pillows with Nicholas Cage’s Face on them. There are several. Five of them in fact. Sorry I ruined your lives with this one.


The Goateesaver



The Goateesaver: for when you want to spend $20 to look like that guy from the latest Batman movie while you shave!

I’m sorry, but if you need this thing, I’m going to seriously question whether or not you should even be allowed to use a razor in the first place.


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